


Catalysis

by nadiacreek



Series: Catalysis [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death - Finn Hudson, Divorce, Future Fic, Infidelity, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death, Open Marriage, Parenthood, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmates, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:24:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 113,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1619132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nadiacreek/pseuds/nadiacreek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel chose his soulmate too early. Blaine Anderson thought he’d never have a chance to choose one at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on early drafts — klaineandbiscuits, innypocket, luckyjak, the-multicorn.
> 
> I have tagged only the ships that are a big deal in the fic, but there are a few others mentioned briefly. A little bit more information about the pairings and warnings for this fic can be found at my blog: http://nadiacreek.tumblr.com/post/85736368115/catalysis-coming-soon
> 
> This fic will update weekly on Tuesdays.
> 
> The amazing cover art for this fic was drawn by Tumblr user hopelesslydevotedgleek. Thank you so much!

**Cover Art by[hopelesslydevotedgleek](http://hopelesslydevotedgleek.tumblr.com)**

_Spring-Summer 2013_

Blaine Anderson wanted to settle down young, get married, and start a family. So did his soulmates, apparently. Every single one of their names faded from his forearm before he turned nineteen years old. One by one, Blaine’s happily ever afters vanished from the horizon.

He’d spent three years fantasizing about that list of five names. Wondering what they would be like, which one he would meet first, and whether he would marry the first one he met or decide to wait and see. He had daydreamed endlessly about what his life might be like with each of them.

The name written in Japanese was the most intriguing. He’d asked a friend to read it for him so he would know how it was pronounced: Takahashi Yamato. He often wondered whether Yamato lived in Japan or the United States or somewhere else, or whether he’d been born in Japan but now lived in the United States, or whether, most romantically, he would one day travel to the United States to look for his soulmate. But the kanji faded to white on Blaine’s arm when he was seventeen years old. Yamato had gotten married, wherever he was. Blaine still traced the patterns with his finger sometimes, where they were faintly visible on his arm, saying goodbye to the soulmate he would almost certainly never meet.

If the name in Japanese was the most intriguing, the girl’s name was the most surprising. Blaine had known since his early teens that he was gay, so it was a shock when the name Tina Cohen-Chang showed up on his arm in bold black script. They might be friends first, he imagined, slowly transforming their emotional closeness into physical intimacy. He wondered if that was something he was capable of. Women’s bodies were beautiful, but they’d never brought him to arousal the way the sight of men’s bodies did. Was that something that could change if he felt strongly about a particular woman? Or was it possible that Tina was transgender? Perhaps she had a male body. Or perhaps she had a female body but was a man. Would that be attractive to him? He wasn’t sure. Thinking about it always made him confused. When Tina’s name faded just months after it first appeared, Blaine was rather relieved that he wouldn’t have to answer any of these questions. He hoped she was happy with the soulmate she’d found.

The other three names seemed like more realistic possibilities to him, though he knew nothing about the men they represented: Andrew Delancey, Stephen Garmond, and Kurt Hummel.

Stephen’s name faded away the day after Blaine’s eighteenth birthday. Kurt Hummel’s disappeared just weeks before Blaine graduated from high school. Andrew Delancey, Blaine’s last hope for a lifetime of happiness, faded away that June.

Blaine cried for days. His parents tried to comfort him. Perhaps he would find someone to love and be happy with even though they weren’t soulmates. Perhaps he would realize that he was happier alone, so he could focus on his career. Didn’t he want to be a star, a performer? That kind of life would be easier if he were single, wouldn’t it?

Maybe one of your soulmates’ spouses will die young, Cooper suggested, the opposite of helpfully.

Blaine wept some more at that thought. He wanted them to be happy. He wanted all of them to have lifetimes full of joy and connection and love. They were his soulmates, after all. They were his partners who could have been. He wouldn’t wish that kind of misery on any of them.

He was bitter, nonetheless. And so, a week after Andrew’s name disappeared, Blaine went over to Sebastian’s house, unannounced, and threw away his virginity. He fucked Sebastian as hard as he could, channeling all his anger and disappointment and rage into what he’d always hoped would be an act of love.

He regretted it later, of course. He could have found a way to have sex within a caring relationship, or at least within a functional friendship. But what was done, was done. He moved to New York for college, Sebastian moved to Chicago, and Blaine went on with his life.

Darkness set in around the edges of his vision, and it did not leave him for many years.

\-------------------------------

Kurt Hummel was neither surprised nor upset when Rachel Berry chose Finn over him. When one of your soulmates is at the bottom of the high school food chain and another is the quarterback of the football team, choosing the popular guy is the logical thing to do.

No matter that he had much more in common with Rachel than Finn did. Their shared interest in Broadway was legendary. Their matching desires to do whatever it would take to become a star would be put to much better use as a pair than as rivals. Even Rachel’s fashion sense was beginning to come along under Kurt’s patient instruction and frequent makeovers. They would have a fabulous time, if they chose to stick together.

Sometimes Kurt wondered what she and Finn even talked about. Football? Boobs? Pizza toppings?

Kurt was a little jealous, he could admit it. But he didn’t let it take over his life. He wouldn’t want to say this to her face, but honestly, he wasn’t at all attracted to Rachel. He was gay, and he’d been out for a year before the lists of soulmates had appeared on their arms at age sixteen.

Rachel had squealed with excitement when her list appeared. A few weeks later, when his list showed up, Rachel held her arm up beside Kurt’s and compared their names there. She’d always known that they were soulmates, she said, even though they were obviously not the optimal choice for each other. She assured him that they’d be the best of friends forever, then walked off down the hall hand in hand with her new boyfriend and soulmate, Finn Hudson.

Finn Hudson, dreamboat and a hundred percent straight, who later became Kurt’s stepbrother. And then Rachel’s fiancé. And then died in a car accident at age nineteen.

Somewhere, somehow, in comforting each other, Rachel and Kurt kissed. It felt so safe to be that close, to be wrapped up in the arms of your soulmate.

A few weeks after the funeral, hand in hand, they were married. Hold close the ones you love, Kurt’s father had once told him, and he certainly did love Rachel. She was his soulmate, she was supposed to have been his sister-in-law, and now she was his wife.

Kurt took to wearing long sleeves all the time, but the four other names etched in bold black script on his arm still haunted his dreams: John Winters, Griffin Green, Alexei Nikolaev, and Blaine Anderson.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 requires me to call this Chapter 2, but I really think of it as Chapter 1. It's the beginning of the real story, after the prologue that I posted last week. Most of the chapters will be about this length, 4,000-5,000 words.
> 
> A huge thank you to Tumblr user thisdoesnotsuck, whose art I have long admired, for letting me use a piece of her artwork in this chapter. She didn't draw it for my story, nor was my story inspired by it, but her art showed up on my dash while my writing was underway and I realized immediately that it was a perfect fit. You can find her original artwork post here: http://thisdoesnotsuck.tumblr.com/post/31552112216/editorial-spread-drawing-post-a-drawing-friday
> 
> Throughout this fic, there are lots of references to Montessori education and the materials and methods used in Montessori classrooms. The specifics aren't important to the plot, but in case you're interested in what anything is, I'm including links to websites that explain and sometimes demonstrate things. Feel free to ask questions about this, or anything else, if it's confusing!
> 
> One more thing: Blink and you miss it on the dates, but there is a 10-year time jump between the prologue and this chapter.

_April 13, 2023_

Kurt awoke to a fairly ordinary Thursday morning. His alarm went off at six thirty and he shut it off as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to wake Rachel, who had been out at her show until well after midnight. She shifted under the covers as he rolled out of bed, but thankfully remained asleep. He took a shower, dressed himself in something fabulous but machine-washable, and then gently opened the door to Reuben’s bedroom.

Sunlight filtered in through the baby blue curtains, and Kurt smiled for the first time that morning. His four-year-old son was sprawled sideways across the bed in his firetruck pajamas. The boy’s sleep-tousled hair was exactly the same color as Kurt’s, but his skin was a smooth tan, not pale or freckled. His eyes, currently hidden by a sweep of long lashes, were the same chocolate brown as his mother’s. His limbs stretched long and lanky, a hint that he might be tall like Kurt one day.

Kurt padded quietly into the room, squatted down beside the bed, and whispered, “Time to wake up, Roo.”

The little boy blinked his eyes open and yawned. “Is it soccer day?”

“No, sweetie. Soccer is on Saturdays. Today is a school day.”

“Yesterday was a school day,” Roo pointed out. He stretched his hands over his head and spread his fingers wide.

“Yup. Five school days in a row, and then soccer day.”

“Is today the one day or the two day or the three day or the four day or the five day?” he counted on his fingers as he said the numbers out loud, very pleased with himself.

“It’s the four day. Thursday. Now come on, let’s get you to the bathroom and then we can have breakfast.”

Roo hopped out of bed and shuffled his feet against the carpet. “I want applesauce and string cheese and crackers and hamburger and peaches and an apple and string cheese and a cookie.”

Kurt pressed his lips together to prevent a laugh from slipping out. “We can have some of those things,” he said diplomatically.

The two of them had mornings down to a routine. Bathroom first, then breakfast together at the kitchen table, then getting Roo dressed for school. Changing the order was virtually a guarantee that one of the steps would have to be repeated. Kurt picked out a polo shirt, red with a sailboat print, for Roo to wear. He grimaced at the elastic-waistband shorts that the school said were ‘strongly recommended to avoid potty accidents,’ but he handed them to his son anyway. “Do you think you might want to work on the [button frame](http://www.infomontessori.com/practical-life/care-of-the-person-dressing-frame-button.htm) today at school?”

Roo pouted at him. “That work is boring.”

“Once you learn to button really well, you can wear your nice jeans to school,” Kurt said, trying to sweeten the pot.

“I like these shorts,” Roo said. He pulled them on and struck some of the modeling poses his dad had taught him, which looked completely ridiculous while he was wearing mesh track suit shorts from Target.

Kurt giggled. “You look _fantastic_ ,” he lied enthusiastically. He knew Roo would come home completely covered in sand from the playground anyway. Kid fashion was much better in theory than in practice.

“Can I kiss Mom goodbye before we go?”

“Let’s go check,” Kurt said. The two of them walked across the hall and he opened the door to the master bedroom cautiously. “Rach?” he whispered. “Can Reuben come in and give you a kiss goodbye?”

Rachel let out a small groan and pushed her sleep mask up to her forehead. “Yeah, sure,” she said, stifling a yawn.

“Okay, Roo, you can go on in,” Kurt told him. He watched the boy rush eagerly into the room. Rachel was so disconnected from him, more so with each passing year. Kurt had always known that the bulk of the day-to-day parenting responsibility would fall to him. That had been part of the deal, when he was the one who desperately wanted to keep the baby that Rachel was unsure about. He didn’t resent it. His mornings and evenings with Roo were lovely, inevitable tantrums notwithstanding, and the long stretches of time the two of them spent traipsing around parks and museums and playgrounds on the weekends were all kinds of fun. He just wished that the three of them could spend more time together as a whole family. He wished that Roo’s moments with Rachel weren’t so rare and fleeting. He wished that having a child hadn’t meant that he and Rachel spent less and less time together.

“Mommy said to have a great day, so I will try to,” Roo announced to Kurt when he came back out into the hallway.

Kurt’s heart broke a little bit. He waved goodbye to his wife and shut the bedroom door. “That’s great, Roo. Come on, we don’t want to be late for school.”

\--------------------------------------

Kurt was guest-starring in a sitcom episode that was filming this week, so he kissed Roo goodbye at the door of his posh Manhattan Montessori school and hopped back on the subway to get to the set before his 8:45 call time. It was a good job, with a bunch of great actors that he’d never met before, so he was enjoying himself. He had a few things lined up for the next couple of weeks here and there, but beyond that he wasn’t sure what he’d be doing. He was a working actor, and doing fairly well, but it was a very uncertain lifestyle and didn’t bring in the big money that people always assumed actors had.

It was Rachel, Broadway star extraordinaire, who paid the bills and then some. She’d made a name for herself in the title role of the Funny Girl revival, dropping out of NYADA after her freshman year to take the part. From there, it was one hit show after another for her. She was playing Evita now, eight shows a week, with most of her hours late at night and on weekends. She was happy, and it was fantastic that she could so easily provide for their family that they never had to worry about money. But it was a wonder that Kurt and Roo ever got to see her at all, the way their schedules lined up.

Upon arriving on set, Kurt was informed that two of his scenes had been cut and he’d be done for the day at noon. He shrugged at the news. Schedule disruptions were a way of life in TV production, and he could use the extra time this afternoon to play around with some fashion designs he was doing for fun.

\--------------------------------------

Rachel was having sex when he got home. Kurt could hear the noises loud and clear as soon as he opened the front door. He paused in the doorway, stunned far more by the fact that she was doing this in their apartment than that it was happening at all. He was about to back away, close the door as quietly as he could, and head out to distract himself with something for a couple of hours. Except that before he could move an inch, he heard Rachel cry out, breathless but audible. His blood ran cold at her words: “Soulmate, my soulmate, my soulmate…” A man’s voice answered. “God yes, Rachel, my soulmate.”

Kurt opted to close the door with himself inside the apartment instead of outside it. He felt oddly distant, as if he were observing everything around him without being part of it. He went to the kitchen, methodically poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge, and then brought it with him to his favorite armchair in the living room. The sounds of Rachel and her partner continued in the bedroom, and Kurt noted them with a detached interest even while being fully aware that the situation should be striking him much harder.

They had set the rules for an open marriage after a year of furtively cheating on each other, when neither of them could deal with the guilt anymore. Sex on the side was allowed, with four conditions. Always use condoms, never bring other partners into their house, not with their other soulmates if they ever happened to meet those people, and neither of them wanted to hear about the other’s activities. Rachel was breaking at least two of those rules right now.

Kurt had stuck to the rules. He’d fucked other actors in the trailers at work between takes, and strangers he met at bars while out with his friends. Every once in a while he’d have a semi-regular relationship with a guy he really liked, meeting him every week or so at a hotel room or the other guy’s apartment, but they never lasted long. The sex was enough to satisfy him. He didn’t need to fall in love. He had Rachel at home for that.

He had never sought out his other soulmates. Alexei Nikolaev and Griffin Green’s names had faded to almost invisible lines sometime over the years, but the other two, John Winters and Blaine Anderson, were still there on his arm alongside Rachel’s name. Sometimes Kurt wondered what his life would have been like if he’d met and married one of them instead of Rachel. Okay, to be honest, he thought about it a lot. What it would have been like to be married to someone he found sexually attractive. Someone who wasn’t a Broadway star—or who might have become a star with his support, but couldn’t manage to without him. He wondered if he would have changed and grown differently with one of his other soulmates. He wondered whether he would have had a kid, and if so, whether that kid would have been half as amazing as Roo.

Getting involved with another soulmate, though, would have been a fundamental betrayal of his life with Rachel. He loved her. They got along so well, when they managed to find time to be alone together. Her energy, her drive, her competitiveness brought out everything he needed to succeed. At least, it had done so before they’d had a kid. Reuben had changed everything.

The loud gasps of Rachel’s orgasm ripped Kurt from his thoughts. He took a sip of water. It wasn’t quite that he felt emotionless about all this, he mused. No, it was more like his emotions were happening to someone else right in front of him. He calmly watched what felt like a hole being punched out of his heart. Clinically observed as the ten years of hard work he’d put into his marriage crumbled away into wasted effort. Saw his love flowing out of him, not into another person’s heart, but down a drain into the floor. He waited, motionless, in the chair.

Rachel and the other man didn’t notice him when they walked out of the bedroom fifteen minutes later, hand in hand. Kurt watched his rival with an appraising eye. The man was shorter than him but still a good several inches taller than Rachel. He was thin but not muscular, dressed in boring khaki pants and a forest green button-down shirt. His hair was dark brown, almost black, and a bit longer than Kurt approved of for his face shape. He wore glasses in a fashionable hipster style that contrasted with the boringness of the rest of his outfit.

“Which one is this?” Kurt asked.

Rachel and the other man both jumped, turning to face him and letting go of each other’s hands. Kurt set his glass down on the coffee table with a clink and stood up. They were silent.

“Which one is this?” he repeated. “I see the two other names in black on your arm every day, Rachel. Is it Clint Broderick or Aaron Schwartz? Or is he one of the married ones? Is he doing to his wife what you’re doing to me?”

“Kurt, I …” Rachel took a step toward him and stopped. She looked back at the other man.

“Aaron Schwartz,” the man said nervously. “I’m Aaron. I’m … sorry.”

“Kurt, we …”

“You have to be at work in half an hour,” Kurt said, cutting her off. “Just go. Think about what you want to say before you say it. We can talk about it tonight.”

“Kurt … are you mad?”

He’d been calm and detached up to that point, but Rachel’s question snapped his emotions from an abstraction into a reality. “What the fuck, Rachel?” he yelled. “Of course I’m mad! Ten years and you go and cheat on me with one of your _soulmates_? What have we been doing all this time? What have we been working for?”

Rachel seemed to fold in on herself. Aaron reached for her arm, but she waved off his hand. “Yes, okay, of course you’re mad. I understand that, and you’re perfectly justified. I just want to explain …”

“Explain it tonight.” Kurt took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down again. “I don’t want to do this when we’re rushed. We need time to think and … clear our heads.”

She nodded. A tear escaped from her eye and she wiped it away with one finger. “Okay. I’ll … okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said to Kurt again as he walked out the door with Rachel.

Kurt sat back down in the same armchair. He picked up the glass of water and took another sip. And finally, for the first time in ten years, he let himself consider whether this life was what he really wanted.

\--------------------------------------

The door to the apartment swung open a few minutes after midnight, which meant Rachel must have hurried out right after the closing curtain. Kurt wondered if that was a good sign or a bad sign. Then he realized he wasn’t quite sure what he defined as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in this situation. He’d thought about it all afternoon and all evening, and he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen.

Rachel regarded him sadly, but didn’t say anything as she hung up her jacket. She’d changed at the theater, and was now wearing jeans and a casual three-quarter-sleeve blue sweater. She looked softer than usual, but Kurt couldn’t tell how much of that came from her clothes and how much came from the regretful look on her face. She walked over to the living room and sat down at the opposite end of the couch from where Kurt had been planted for the past several hours since Reuben’s bedtime. “So,” she said, but nothing followed it.

“So,” Kurt repeated.

She looked down at her lap, wringing her hands nervously, and then looked up at him again. “I want you to know that I didn’t go looking for him. He found me. He’s a director, out in Los Angeles, and I didn’t even know he was my … I didn’t recognize his name when we first talked, because he uses a different last name professionally. Aaron Stanning.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “That was Aaron Stanning? He was nominated for an Oscar last year, how did I not recognize him?” It occurred to him, vaguely, that this starstruck reaction was probably not normal when your soulmate had cheated on you.

“Yes, and he wants to cast me in his next film. He saw me in Evita and he thinks I’d be perfect. He was hesitant to approach me because of the soulmate thing, but he thought he could keep his real name secret and I wouldn’t know.”

“But that didn’t work.” Kurt stated the obvious.

Rachel shook her head. “It was clear the second we looked in each other’s eyes. I was so confused because the name on my arm is Aaron Schwartz, but it didn’t take long for the truth to come out. One thing led to another and … I’m sorry, Kurt. It felt unstoppable, but I know I could have stopped it. Or I could have told you sooner. I was just so … carried away, and scared at the same time. It took me a while to figure things out in my head. I should have realized it was going to be different than all the other …” She looked down again, blushing.

“It’s not a secret, Rachel. Even though we never talk about it, the open marriage agreement stands.”

Rachel looked up at him again. “Kurt … this marriage isn’t working out for either of us.”

Kurt nodded slowly. “You want a divorce.”

“Don’t you?” she asked. “Wouldn’t you be happier without me? Wouldn’t you be happier if you could go look for one of the other people whose names are on your arm? Honestly, Kurt, wouldn’t you be happier with a man?”

“I still love you,” Kurt said, even though that didn’t answer any of Rachel’s questions. He was afraid to admit what he already knew—that the answer to every single one of those questions was yes.

They were seated far apart on the couch, but she leaned forward and stretched out her arm to touch his knee. “I love you too. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we can be happy together.”

Kurt sighed. “I think you’re right. But it’s so confusing to me. We’re soulmates. Our names are written on each other’s arms. That means it’s supposed to work out. We’re supposed to be happy together for our whole lives. We were happy once. Why aren’t we anymore?”

Rachel scooted across the couch until she was sitting right beside him. She put her arm around his shoulders. Kurt smiled at her, though there was pain in his heart. The touch still felt comforting and right, even in the middle of talking about splitting up for good.

“I think …” Rachel started, but then she stopped. She stood up, giving Kurt a comforting little pat on his shoulder. He watched curiously as she walked across the room and lifted a [framed piece of artwork](http://thisdoesnotsuck.tumblr.com/post/31552112216/editorial-spread-drawing-post-a-drawing-friday) down from the wall. It was magazine article that had been written about the two of them long ago, back when they were first starting to make their way in their careers, illustrated with a full page photo of the two of them together.

Rachel took her seat next to Kurt again and set the framed photo down across their laps. “I think being soulmates means that there’s a set of life choices that would make two people compatible forever. But that doesn’t guarantee that both people  _will_ make those choices. Remember who we used to be?”

Kurt tilted the frame up with one hand to see it better. Kurt smiled fondly at the headline. _Big City, Bigger Dreams_. It was a great photo of the two of them in their first ‘real’ apartment, the nice one they’d been able to afford with Rachel’s salary from Funny Girl. StarSoul Magazine had called them one of New York’s up-and-coming power couples. Broadway star Rachel Berry and promising young actor Kurt Hummel, both of them destined for great things. Their eyes stared beyond the camera, into the distance, envisioning their futures. The perfect couple, stylish and young and in love, ready to take on the world together.

“You haven’t changed much,” Kurt said.

Rachel smiled sadly. “We were fabulous fledgling stars together. We dressed up and walked the red carpets together, went to all the glitzy parties, went to the theater, ate at the most trendy restaurants, took amazing vacations. It was fantastic. I adored it. And you did too. That could have gone on for a long time, maybe forever. It might have.”

Kurt nodded. Their first few years of marriage had been wonderful. Even the lack of sex hadn’t seemed like a problem. They’d cuddled together all the time and held each other as they slept. The open marriage agreement worked out perfectly, allowing them to fulfill their physical needs separately while their emotional needs were filled by each other.

He looked at the photo again. Rachel’s face was an approximation of a smile, but his own mouth was pulled tight and turned the slightest bit down at the corners, his jaw clenched. Rachel’s eyes had a tinge of sadness in them, when he looked closely. Not too surprising; she still had moments of sharp grief for Finn even ten years later, and back then it had still been a daily struggle. But it was his own eyes in the photo that made a lump appear in his throat—they looked cold and almost angry. He didn’t remember feeling that. How had he never noticed it in the photo before? How much of their past had he rewritten in his own head, or refused to let himself see clearly? How much was reality and how much was a fantasy spun for his own self-preservation?

“But now we don’t do any of those things we used to do together,” Kurt said. His voice sounded dull and flat. “Because of Roo.”

Rachel set the photo on the ground, leaning it up against the side of the couch. “I love him, I really do, but you know I never wanted a child.”

Burt Hummel passed away six years after Kurt and Rachel were married, when they were twenty-five. Somewhere during the grieving process, they’d found comfort in bed with each other, and they’d neglected to use a condom. Kurt was overjoyed at the accidental pregnancy, though he’d never given much thought to having children before. In the wake of his father’s death, a baby felt like a blessing. It was miraculous to create a new life when he felt so alone. Finn’s death had brought him together with his soulmate. Now his father’s death would bring him a child.

Rachel saw it quite differently. She’d never wanted to be a mother. She wanted a glamorous career that required tons of hard work and long hours. She wanted spontaneous vacations at the drop of a hat whenever she found the free time to take them. She wanted independence and fame, not family.

Kurt told her that he’d support her choice no matter what, of course, but he pleaded with her not to get an abortion. There had been so much death already. He had so little family in the world. A baby felt like a glimmer of hope shining through his grief.

Rachel loved Kurt. She couldn’t bear to break his heart. So she gave him a son.

Reuben was Kurt’s joy. He couldn’t imagine his life without the little boy anymore. He consciously chose to leave the fast track to stardom, turning to jobs that would let him spend more time at home, more Saturdays at the park, more mornings without the day care rush. But along the way, he lost everything that he’d had in common with Rachel.

They could have hired a live-in nanny and continued more or less with their pre-child lifestyle. Rachel had suggested it, and they certainly had the money to do so. But it wasn’t what Kurt wanted. Once Roo was in front of him, he couldn’t go back to the way things were. He was a father, and he wanted to be a big part of his son’s childhood the way Burt had been a big part of his.

Rachel didn’t change her lifestyle the way Kurt did. She enjoyed the time she spent with Roo, but being a hands-on mother was not on her list of priorities at all. Kurt believed her when she said she loved her son, but what she wanted out of parenthood was not at all what Kurt wanted. And so their paths had parted.

Rachel’s voice startled Kurt out of his reverie. “You can have primary custody. I won’t fight you on it.”

“Thank you.” It was the only thing he could think of to say. Even the briefest thought of losing Roo brought him to the brink of tears. Strange that the thought of losing Rachel didn’t do the same, when once it would have.

“I’m going to move to Los Angeles and try screen acting, at least for a while. This movie will hopefully be the first of many. Maybe Roo can spend some holidays with me? I’ll visit New York whenever I can, maybe some long weekends or between films, I don’t know … we can work out the details, right?”

“Sure, that sounds … fine.” Kurt wondered, his heart aching, how he would explain this to Roo. He knew, without a doubt, that he would be the one to end up explaining it, over and over again, once Rachel was gone.

Rachel hugged him and then withdrew, no longer touching him. “I’m so glad we can work this out amicably, like mature adults.”

“It will be a scandal,” Kurt said absently. “Celebrity divorce … all the tabloids.”

Rachel shook her head. “Ignore them. They leap on anything out of the ordinary, but you and I know there’s no scandal. Just two people agreeing to go their separate ways.”

Kurt nodded. Divorce was unusual enough that, amicable or not, it would look like a scandal. Anyone who couldn’t make a soulmate marriage work was always viewed suspiciously. With Rachel being so well known, their divorce would more than likely be the occasion of another round of public hand-wringing about how celebrities never take marriage seriously enough. Kurt would have to do his best not to look at any of the lies and speculation that would be printed about them. He had enough to worry about without adding idiotic tabloid articles to the mix.

“Are you staying here tonight, or…”

“I think it’s best if I just go, don’t you? Can we keep Roo home from school on Monday, and I’ll spend the day with him before … before I move away.” She looked sad, at least. Kurt knew it must be hard for her to leave her son behind, even if it wasn’t life-shattering the way it would be for him.

“Yeah, okay,” Kurt agreed.

Rachel stood up to leave.

“Rachel, I … let’s still be friends, okay?” He swallowed through the lump in his throat.

“We’re soulmates, Kurt. I always want to be your friend.”

“Rach? I’m … I’m happy for you.” He was, surprisingly. Through his own misery, he found that the thought of Rachel happy with another one of her soulmates was comforting. At least she wouldn’t be alone. He just wished he didn’t have to be alone, abandoned, to make it happen.

They hugged again, and he stood there while she put her shoes and jacket back on. Everything felt unfinished, but Kurt didn’t know what to say to bring closure. Rachel took a deep breath and walked out into the hall. She peeked back in through the doorway with a small, sad smile and a wave before shutting the door on the life they’d shared for so many years.

Kurt crept to the door of his son’s room and opened it as quietly as possible. Roo was sprawled out on his back, arms and legs spread wide, the covers shoved down to the end of the bed. He smiled and walked in, pulled the comforter up over the sleeping boy, and tucked it in gently. He bent down and kissed him on the forehead. “Everything was worth it, for you,” he whispered. “I love you.”

Now that Kurt thought about it, he realized he wasn’t so alone after all.


	3. Chapter 3

_June 2, 2023_

Blaine paused with his hand on the light switch and looked around his classroom one last time before the summer break. It seemed so empty now. All of the little chairs were stacked in a corner. Books, art supplies, and the Montessori materials were put away in boxes. The names and photos of the children had been taken down from the coat hooks and cubbies. Even the rugs were rolled up and placed at the edge of the room for the floor cleaning that would be done throughout the whole building while everyone was away.

He let out a bittersweet sigh, shut the lights off, and closed the door.

“Sad to leave?” A voice asked from behind him.

Blaine turned around to face Cathy, the school director. He smiled sadly at her. “I’ll miss them,” he admitted. “Especially the ones who are leaving for first grade. It happens every single year, but it never gets easier. It seems harder this year, actually. I’m not sure why.”

“Well, it was your first year as head teacher in the classroom,” Cathy mused. “You have more sense of responsibility and accomplishment. But you’ll see most of them again. That’s one of the joys of a mixed-age classroom. You get to spend three full years with the children.”

“And _that_ is what makes it harder when they leave, in the end,” Blaine said. “I spent two years as an assistant in this class, and then this year in charge, and now the little three-year-olds I started with are headed off to first grade and I’ll never see them again.”

Cathy wrapped her arms around him in a motherly hug. “Aww, poor Mr. Blaine. Maybe they’ll come back and visit you, though.”

“They’d better!”

“I’m sure they will. They all love you. You’re the best Montessori teacher in all of New Jersey, they say.” She patted him on the shoulder. “But don’t let the other teachers know I said that!”

Blaine laughed. “I’m glad to be going to London for the summer. It will be a good distraction.”

“I’m so excited for you! Meeting the boyfriend’s parents, I hope?”

“Well …” Blaine hedged. “Yes, we will see them while we’re there, but it’s not like that. You know it’s not serious with me and Adam.”

“You’ve been together for almost two years. How is that not serious?”

“Because one day, one of his soulmates will come along, and everything between us will end in an instant. It is what it is, Cathy. It works, but it’s not forever.”

“Maybe they won’t. Maybe it will last between you two.”

Cathy was sympathetic, and she meant well, but Blaine knew she could never understand what he felt. She’d met two of her soulmates on her first day of college and had married one of them within a year. They’d been together more than half their lives now. She had no idea what it was like to be alone the way Blaine was.

Blaine gave her a tight-lipped smile. “I’d better get going. Early flight tomorrow, across the Atlantic.”

“Take lots of pictures for the kids,” Cathy reminded him, waving goodbye as Blaine walked off down the hall.

Had it really been almost two years with Adam? Blaine shook his head in disbelief as he walked toward his car. Their anniversary was at the end of September, just a few months away. He’d never expected that it would last so long between them, but he was glad that it had. His relationship with Adam was the most functional and stable one he had ever been in.

It was kind of crazy, when he thought about it. Adam was spontaneous and easy-going, not the type to settle down at all. That was probably how he’d managed to reach the age of thirty-three with all five of his soulmates’ names still in black on his arm but without meeting a single one of them. He was in no hurry, he said. There was no point in seeking out his soulmates. When the time was right, fate would bring them to each other. Adam had said this with a completely straight face on one of their first dates. Blaine had barely managed to stifle his bitter laugh.

But things had turned out much better than Blaine anticipated. Adam was never going to want to settle down and start a family with Blaine. But then, who would? Everyone his age was either with one of their soulmates already, or desperate to find one of them. An early white-out of all the names, like had happened to Blaine, was almost unheard of. Even if he were to find someone in the same situation as himself, marriages between non-soulmates were inherently less stable because of the incompatibilities that would inevitably crop up. Blaine’s dreams of permanence were pinned on finding a long-term partner one day, when he was much older, to share his middle and old age with. Hoping for something more while still in his twenties or thirties was nothing more than wishful thinking. Two years with Adam was more than he’d ever expected, but he was still quite aware that it could end at any moment, whenever Adam happened to meet one of his soulmates.

No, Blaine had given up on having children and a family of his own. He’d channeled his paternal energy into becoming a teacher instead. He took great joy in watching the children learn and grow under his care. He’d bonded with Cathy and the other teachers at the school, and made some close friends. It wasn’t the same as having a family of his own, but it went a long way toward filling his need to work with children and be a nurturer. He was still lonely, but it wasn’t unbearable the way it had been during college.

With a start, Blaine suddenly realized that he was happy. It had been years since he’d felt this way. The initial depression after the last of his soulmates’ names disappeared had been replaced by a soft melancholy by the end of college. From there, things had slowly improved. He’d found a wonderful and fulfilling career in Montessori education, and then Adam to bring him companionship and fun. And now they were serious enough that Adam had invited Blaine to accompany him for the entire summer in London, where Adam had been cast in a summer musical.

Blaine breathed deeply. For the first time he could remember, he felt joyful.

\--------------------------------

Blaine’s summer subletter had moved in the day before, and since Adam’s wasn’t coming until tomorrow, Blaine was spending the night with him. Adam greeted him at the front door with a kiss on the cheek.

“Happy end of the school year to my favorite boyfriend,” Adam said playfully. “I baked a chocolate cake.”

“You baked a whole cake? We’re leaving the country tomorrow!”

“Oh, but I have it all figured out,” Adam said, his eyes shining with excitement. “We’ll have cake for dinner tonight, and then cake for dessert, and then more cake for breakfast tomorrow. If there’s any left after that, we’ll bring it for a snack on the plane.”

Blaine couldn’t help giggling. “You’re insane. I am not going on a trans-Atlantic flight on a massive sugar high.”

“There are a few eggs left over. You can have cake and eggs for breakfast. You Americans think anything is breakfast if it has eggs on it.”

“Right. No offense, but I’m going to order some Chinese food. And then I will be happy to have a slice of cake for dessert.”

“Spoilsport,” Adam said jovially. “And what am I going to do with the rest of this cake?”

\--------------------------------

The cake was divine. So was the sex that came after, slow and sensual and warm under the covers of Adam’s bed. Blaine lay on his back after they finished, his breaths deepening and beginning to even out. Adam’s head rested on his chest, his soft exhalations tickling against Blaine’s skin. It was lovely, all of it.

Blaine stretched languidly, letting his legs and back lengthen against the mattress. He reached upward with his arms and then dropped them onto the pillow, one hand cradled in the other over the top of his head. Adam shifted, lifting his head up and rewarding Blaine with a loving smile, and Blaine smiled back. Then, all of a sudden amidst the calm, Adam’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

“Blaine,” he said in an awed whisper. “Your arm.”

Blaine lifted his arms again, alarmed. He held them in front of his face, forearms turned in.

There, on his left arm, a name that had long been written in white had turned black.

_Kurt Hummel_

\--------------------------------

“Sweetheart. Sweetheart, calm down.” Adam’s voice barely registered in Blaine’s head. He had to go. He had to find Kurt. He pulled on his jeans and fastened them up, his eyes frantically searching the floor to find where his shirt had gone.

Adam’s hands clasped Blaine’s biceps. “Sweetheart. Wait. Listen to me.”

“I can’t wait,” Blaine said. He found the shirt sticking out from under Adam’s on the floor, and pulled himself away from Adam to grab it. “He needs me. My soulmate, he … he needs me, I have to go to him.”

“You don’t know where he is. You don’t know _who_ he is. You don’t know what’s happened to him.”

“I know that he’s out there, somewhere, and he needs me.” Blaine shoved his arm through the sleeve of the shirt, discovered it was the wrong sleeve, and pulled his arm out again in frustration.

“You don’t know that, honey. You don’t know.”

“His husband died or … or left him or … he’s all alone, he doesn’t have anyone and _he needs me_.”

Adam caught him again, holding him tight this time. “Blaine. You cannot help him right this minute. What are you going to do, run out that door and start shouting his name into thin air? That won’t solve anything. Please, sit down and let’s think about this for just a minute.”

Adam was right. He had to figure out how to find Kurt before he could do anything. He sat down hard on the bed, involuntarily bouncing a little bit with the spring of the mattress.

“He could be anywhere, Blaine. And he doesn’t need you right this minute. I am _sure_ he has friends and family who can help him with whatever is happening to him right now. And Blaine … you don’t want to be his rebound anyway. He may need some time. Some space. You need to let this happen in its own time.”

“But … but … what if there’s more than one name on his arm? What if one of his other soulmates finds him first?”

Adam sat next to him. His voice was as gentle as could be while shattering Blaine’s preconceptions. “What if they already have? What if … Blaine, what if Kurt was the one to do the leaving? That name could disappear again very soon, if he left one of his soulmates for another one.”

Blaine sat there slack-jawed. That possibility hadn’t occurred to him. He could be getting his hopes up for absolutely nothing.

“I’m not saying I think that’s what happened. I just think you need to manage your expectations. I think …”

Blaine finished the sentence for him. He’d heard Adam’s philosophy enough times, they’d discussed it ad nauseum. “You think that if we’re fated to be together, fate will bring us together.”

Adam nodded.

“And I think fate screwed me over when I was eighteen years old, and this is my opportunity to take it into my own hands.”

“But where will you look?” Adam asked patiently. “He could be anywhere.”

Blaine shook his head. “I don’t know. But I have to look. I can’t go to London with you, I’m sorry. I have to stay and look for him.”

“Blaine, honey, what if he’s in London? Maybe this is fate bringing you to him. He’s just as likely to be there as anywhere else.”

“I … I hadn’t thought of that.” Blaine blinked a few times. Kurt really could be anywhere at all. New Jersey, or London, or back in Ohio where Blaine had grown up, or in Germany like the heritage of his name, or someplace completely random like China or the Bahamas. The idea of searching for him suddenly seemed overwhelming.

“There’s no reason to change our plans,” Adam said. He sounded so sensible and calm. “Come with me to London, and I’ll help you look for him. We’ll go to every gay bar in the city and meet as many men as possible. And if we don’t find him in the next three months, you can come back here and search New York for him. If it’s meant to be …”

“It’s meant to be.” Blaine didn’t know whether he was agreeing with Adam’s conditional or stating it as fact. But Adam was right. They could search London together, and it would be as good a use of time as anything else. It meant keeping this relationship with Adam going a little bit longer, too.

“This changes everything between us,” Blaine pointed out. “Are you sure you still want …”

Adam shook his head. “It changes nothing. You make me happy. I make you happy. And so it remains, until something better comes along.”

“How can you be so calm about this?” Blaine asked, half-exasperated.

“It’s just the way I am,” Adam said. “Which, I think, is why you and I are not soulmates.”

Blaine smiled at him. “I like you, even though you’re not my soulmate.”

“Lovely to hear it,” Adam said, grinning back. “Now come back to bed, all right?”

Blaine took a deep breath and agreed. But he lay awake for many hours that night, thinking of Kurt Hummel, where he might be, and what might have happened between him and his first soulmate. He would find Kurt. No matter how long it took, they would one day be together. It had to be. Blaine wouldn’t rest until they found each other.

\--------------------------------

_August 23, 2023_

It _was_ different with Adam, despite his reassurance that nothing between them would change. The shift didn’t come from Adam’s side. He was as sweet and supportive and fun-loving as ever. It was Blaine who was no longer content with their relationship.

Before, the companionship and happiness of his relationship with Adam had been enough for Blaine. But now, with his constant awareness of Kurt Hummel’s name in dark lettering on his arm, it seemed temporary in a much more concrete way than before. With Adam helping him get the name of every guy in every club several nights a week, each of them flirting with many others along the way, their relationship seemed a lot less solid.

They still shared a bed every night, at first. Until the night when Adam suggested that Blaine take home the sexy blond man he’d been dancing with for hours. Blaine recoiled at the idea, but he and Adam talked it over that night, and after that they started going home with other men from time to time. Blaine simply didn’t need him the way he had before, and Adam quietly gave Blaine the space he unconsciously asked for.

Their relationship trailed off little by little, but when the end arrived, it was without warning. Three days before their flight back to the United States, Blaine winked at a posh, dark-haired man with an impish grin. “I’m Blaine Anderson,” he said over the noise of the club, holding out his hand to shake.

“Henry Miner.” The man’s handshake was firm and gentle, and his eyes twinkled with the excitement of meeting someone new.

Blaine sighed, but he felt more joy than sadness. He knew that name quite well. “Wait right here for me,” he said, then turned and made his way through the crowd. He returned a minute later to find a bemused Henry exactly where he’d left them.

“Henry Miner,” Blaine said, patting his boyfriend on the shoulder, “meet Adam Crawford.”

The two soulmates stared at one another, shocked. Blaine started to back away, but Adam turned to him.

“Blaine, I …”

“It’s okay, hon. You deserve this. I’ll find mine one day.”

“You … I …” Adam stammered.

“It’s okay.” Blaine blinked back his tears. “I’m happy for you. Really.”

Adam wrapped him in a tight hug. “You’re the best, Blaine. Let’s be friends always, I mean it. And Blaine … I know you’ll find him. You will. One day.”

“Take care, hon. All the best. We’ll keep in touch.”

Blaine flew back to Newark with an empty seat beside him and an empty void in his heart.

\--------------------------------

_August 28, 2023_

“Don’t hate me,” Cathy said as Blaine walked into the office on his first day back. “I added an extra student to your class. I know it was full, and I know it’s tough, but his dad had such a sad story, I couldn’t say no to him.”

Blaine relentlessly held onto the smile he’d pasted onto his face. “It’s fine, Cathy. One kid is not going to make a big difference.”

“And I know the usual policy is to only start three-year-olds, but this boy is almost five. He’s a transfer from another Montessori school, though, up in Manhattan, so he knows the drill and hopefully it will be an easy transition. His parents got divorced over the summer, and he moved down to Jersey with his dad because they couldn’t afford the cost of living up there without the wife’s income.”

“Aww, poor little guy. New apartment, new school, his mom leaving, all at once.”

“Exactly, and you know the waiting lists at all the Montessori schools are years long. I wanted him to have this one thing stable in his life. At least he won’t be going into a completely different type of preschool environment on top of everything else.”

Blaine nodded. “We’ll take good care of him. What’s his name?”

Cathy handed him the class list. “Reuben Hummel.”

Blaine stared at her, speechless.

“Blaine? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just … yeah.” Blaine swallowed hard. “I’ve got lots of work to do, re-setting the classroom. Are Tracy and Lenore here yet?” He turned and wandered down the hall to his classroom without waiting for an answer.

_Reuben Hummel_.

_Reuben Hummel and his newly-divorced father_.

Maybe Adam was right about that whole fate thing.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_August 21, 2023_

_Rachel to Kurt: Just landed LA! Thanks so much for the backpack full of entertainment for Reuben, not sure how we would have survived the flight without it. You’re an angel!_

_Kurt to Rachel: Glad it worked. Let me know if you need anything. Skype later with Roo?_

_Rachel to Kurt: Sure, I’ll let you know when we’re settled in at home._

_Kurt to Rachel: Okay. Maybe at his bedtime? I could read him a story._

_Kurt to Rachel: I’ll be up, don’t worry about it being too late._

_Kurt to Rachel: Remember what I told you about adjusting bedtime to a new time zone._

_Kurt to Rachel: If you have any questions, just call._

_Kurt to Rachel: His stuffed animals are in the suitcase, I didn’t want to risk them getting lost in-flight._

_Rachel to Kurt: We’re fine, Kurt. You don’t need to worry. Talk later!_

Kurt sighed. He was worried. He couldn’t help it. He’d never been away from Roo for more than forty eight hours at a time since he was born, nothing more than a quick business trip or a weekend getaway. This would be a ten day separation. Ten days with Rachel in Los Angeles. Ten days of Kurt all alone. He hardly knew what to do with himself.

He was busy, at least. It was just a week ago that he and Roo had packed up all their belongings and moved to a new apartment in New Jersey. It was within commuting distance of the city, but in a much cheaper and more suburban location. Kurt had spent months researching neighborhoods and apartments and schools before deciding that there was no way they could afford to stay within the New York City limits. Not even with the generous child support payments Rachel was sending. Those would go mostly to Roo’s preschool tuition. The rest of their lifestyle would definitely feel the loss of income—everything from their apartment to their food choices to their wardrobes. They weren’t anywhere near poverty, but sliding down from rich to solidly middle class was a shock to the system. Kurt was going to take this week to sort out the adjustments.

It had been six hours since he’d dropped off Roo at the airport with Rachel, who had flown in to escort the boy back to Los Angeles. In that time, Kurt had gone through both of their entire wardrobes, choosing items to sell. Kurt’s closet had been stripped of the trendier pieces that were unlikely to be reusable in the new season. Roo’s drawers had been emptied of outgrown items. Kurt would take them down to the thrift store tomorrow to see how much he could sell them for. Later he would think about what he’d be able to replace them with for the fast-approaching fall season. The bargain hunting skills he’d relied on in high school were rusty after so many years of being inessential, but at least he knew where to begin.

The thing about bargain hunting, though, is that it takes time. Time to peruse the sales and the thrift stores. Time to comparison shop on different discount websites. Time to track the auctions and put in the smartest bid at the best time. Kurt didn’t have that kind of time anymore.

He’d thought he was busy in high school, between classes and show choir and the constant teenage drama of his group of friends. He’d thought he was busy in college, running from class to audition to party to class, fueled mainly by caffeine and bagels. But now that he was a single father, all of that seemed easy by comparison. There was always something that needed to get done. Even the basics of the morning and evening routines took twice as long to accomplish, because he had to care for two people. There were lunches to pack and dinners to goad his kid into eating. His weekends were occupied with enriching trips to museums, kid birthday parties, and, in the rare moments of downtime, whining from Roo that he needed someone to play with him. And that was just the start. Work and domestic chores, trips to the pediatrician, running out of milk, car maintenance, decorating his home, paying the bills—adulthood was one thing after another, and parenthood was even more on top of that.

It was a grind. Even when he was rich, living in Manhattan, and able to hire a babysitter whenever he wanted a few hours of free time, it was a grind. With his income slashed by significantly more than half, a much longer commute, and limited free cash, it was going to be that much harder.

Well, Kurt reminded himself, he had the time right now. Ten full days of quiet, wide-open, child-free time. Somehow, as he opened a browser window on his laptop and opened up RueLaLa.com, that thought did not make him feel better at all.

\----------------

“Daddy!” The image on the video call took a few seconds to resolve into a coherent image. When it did, Kurt saw Roo sitting in Rachel’s lap, his face lit up with excitement. “I’m in Los Angeles at Mommy and Aaron’s’s house! It’s so huge, it’s like a castle, except there are no knights or soldiers or dragons or anything, but there are lots and lots of rooms and it’s so pretty, and you know what, Dad? They have a _swimming pool_. At their own house. It’s instead of a back yard. Mommy says we can go swimming tomorrow. Did you pack my swimsuit, Dad? She says if you didn’t I can go swimming naked, isn’t that a funny joke? Haha, naked.”

“Hi, sweetheart. I miss you.” Kurt said. He grinned at Roo’s nonstop chatter, but the part about the swimming pool disturbed him. “Rach? Is the swimming pool secured? Is there a fence around it and a lock? Is there a pool alarm in case he gets through that? I’m a little worried about—”

“We’ll keep the backdoor locked, it’s fine.”

“He knows how to unlock a door. Don’t you think there should be some more—”

“Calm down, Kurt, it’s not like he’s going to be wandering around alone. One of us will always be with him.”

“Yes, but what if he—”

“Kurt. He knows how to swim.”

“Barely.” Roo had been in swimming lessons all summer and could dog-paddle across the short length of the pool, but he was still terrified of putting his head underwater. If he fell into the pool, he could easily panic and not be able to find his way out.

Roo slid off Rachel’s lap and bounced up and down as he spoke. “Daddy, I went in an airplane all the way up in the sky! It wasn’t even touching the ground at all, and it was way up high, above all the buildings in all of New York and then there were clouds and we couldn’t even see the ground. I drew a picture of a cloud, but it’s white so you can’t see it.”

“That’s great, Roo.”

“Mommy says we can go to the beach and to Disneyland and also, you know what? She said I can go see where Officer JoJo happens like on TV! Maybe we can even meet him! Can you believe that? Maybe I can be on TV too, while I’m there.”

Kurt furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to speak, but Rachel beat him to it.

“Honey, no, you aren’t going to be on TV,” Rachel said.

Roo turned to face her, so Kurt only saw the back of his head on screen. “But that’s where the TV is, so if I’m there, I might be on it by accident.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“You said it is,” Roo insisted.

“No, they only make the show sometimes, and other times they don’t.”

“I want to go there when I can be on TV.”

Rachel looked like she didn’t know what to say, so Kurt jumped in with a distraction. “You’re going to the beach?”

Roo turned around to look at his father again, wearing an expression so serious it was difficult for Kurt not to burst out laughing. “Yes, but you have to make sure you don’t get eaten by a shark,” he said solemnly.

“That’s a good plan,” Kurt agreed, stifling his giggles.

“You know what? I get to sleep in a _grown-up bed_. It is so big. It’s even ten times bigger than me.”

“Wow!” Kurt said, feigning excitement. “I’m glad your trip has been fun so far.”

“Yup! And it’s going to get even more funner!”

They chatted for a few more minutes before Roo started hopping from one foot to the other. He had a pretty decent attention span, but he was still a four-year-old. Sitting still and having a conversation was something he could only do for so long.

Kurt was glad to hear that he was having a good time so far. He’d had so many worries about this trip—that Roo would have separation anxiety about being away from him, that Rachel wouldn’t have a clue how to take care of him for an extended period of time, that Roo would be suspicious or scared of Aaron. Kurt was relieved to see that none of those were coming true.

But the conversation had brought up new worries, and not just about the swimming pool. The long agenda of exciting activities Rachel had planned was niggling something in Kurt’s brain. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but it was bothering him for some reason.

“I’ll talk to you again tomorrow, okay?” Kurt said. “Have fun! And Roo, make sure you don’t go outside to the pool without a grown-up. Not even just to look at the water. You always have to have a grown-up with you before you go near the pool.”

“Okay, Dad,” he said. Kurt didn’t miss Rachel rolling her eyes in the background.

“Rachel, can you call me later tonight, after Roo goes to bed? I want to talk about a couple of things.”

“It’ll be close to midnight there,” she pointed out.

“I’ll be up, don’t worry. I have lots of work to do tonight. But I think there are some things we should discuss.”

“Fine,” Rachel said. “I’ll call you at around 8:30 or 9 my time.”

“Great, thank you. Talk to you soon. Bye, Roo!”

“Bye-bye, Daddy!” Roo waved at the camera, and then there was a click and the image cut off.

\----------------

_I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother_  
 _I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed_  
 _I’m your hell—_

Kurt hit the ‘answer call’ button before any more of his personalized ringtone for Rachel could play.

“I really think you’re overreacting about the swimming pool,” Rachel said without any greeting or preface.

“It’s the second most common cause of accidental death in young children, after car accidents.” This wasn’t even what Kurt had wanted to talk about, but his hackles were immediately raised when Rachel started the conversation that way. “Kids are ten times more likely to die from drowning than from gun accidents, did you know that? You don’t have a gun in your home, do you? Does Aaron have a gun?”

“No, of course Aaron doesn’t have a gun,” Rachel huffed. “This is Los Angeles, not Kentucky. And he’s not some kind of homicidal maniac. I don’t care how much you hate him, he’s a good person, Kurt.”

“I don’t hate him. I barely know him. And this is not what we’re talking about.” Kurt’s voice was much louder than he wanted it to be.

“Apparently it is,” Rachel shot back.

Kurt took a deep breath. He had important things to say, and he didn’t want his point obscured by a meaningless fight with Rachel. “Can we start this conversation over? I admit that I’m concerned about the swimming pool, but that is really not at all why I wanted to talk tonight.”

“Fine,” Rachel said, more calmly but still with an injured tone to her voice. “What did you want to talk about?”

Kurt hesitated. He’d been thinking about this all afternoon, but he still wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted to say. His mind was a turmoil of emotions and logic and rationalization, to the point where he wasn’t even sure whether he was in the right or not. And all his practice scripts for how to bring up the things that were troubling him had been blown out of the water by the hostile beginning of their conversation.

“It sounds like you have an action-packed agenda for Roo,” he finally said.

“I spent a long time planning it,” Rachel said. Kurt could hear how excited and proud she was, even through her annoyance. “There are so many fun things to do around Los Angeles. For tourists in general, but with the access Aaron has, all his friends in the business and everything, we can do even more exciting things. One of his college roommates is the producer of Officer JoJo, can you believe that? And Disneyland, of course, everyone wants to go there … gosh, even I want to go there. I haven’t been since I was a kid. It should be a great time.”

Kurt felt a pang of jealousy. He’d spent years daydreaming about the first time he would take Roo to one of the Disney parks. He wanted to watch the little boy’s face light up with excitement at seeing the characters. Hold his hand on the rides. Indulge him with way too many toys from the overpriced stores. It was supposed to be an experience that they shared as a family, all three of them together—though Rachel would surely have excused herself midday, once a few hours of kid time had overwhelmed her. Kurt would have been the one to push through the tantrums and the messy foods and the bathroom runs, and would have been rewarded with the glorious moments of parent-child bonding that somehow became the only things that mattered in retrospect.

Now all of that would be Rachel’s. He could take Roo to Disneyworld another time, but his magical first time meeting Mickey Mouse would never happen again.

“I wonder if he might be a little too young for Disneyland,” Kurt ventured. “He’s not tall enough for most of the rides. And he watches so little TV and movies, he might not even recognize a lot of the costumed characters.”

“It’s not like I’m planning to take him on Space Mountain,” Rachel said. “Aaron says his niece and nephew have been going since they were babies, and they always have a great time. I’m sure Roo will love it. He knows at least some of the characters, and we can introduce him to the others later. It’ll be fun.”

 “It’s kind of an overwhelming place, though. Especially for a little kid. He’ll get overtired for sure. He might have a tantrum or … run off or something, I don’t know.”

“I can deal with a little tantrum, Kurt,” Rachel said. Maybe she thought that was true, but Kurt knew it wasn’t. He’d seen it firsthand, over and over again. Roo pounding his fists on the floor and screaming with Rachel hovering over him, trying to calm him but becoming increasingly agitated herself. Usually she started by trying to hug him, but was driven away by his flailing arms. Then she’d try to reason with him, but it always ended up as a shouting match. Finally she would give up and walk away in frustration, leaving Kurt to handle the situation instead. With a smirk, Kurt wondered how she would manage when he wasn’t there to step in and fix things.

“I’m sure you can,” Kurt lied. “But my point is, it’s not just Disneyland. It’s all this stuff you have lined up, day after day. It’s a lot. He’s going to need time to rest and recuperate from all that excitement. You can’t just pile on one thing after another like that. The swimming pool. Disneyland. The beach. Officer JoJo. Whatever else you have planned. He needs some down time in there.”

“We’ve only got ten days together. I want to do as much fun stuff as possible.”

“I understand that, I really do. But it’s not a vacation.”

Kurt surprised himself with his own words. They were exactly right and exactly wrong all at the same time. He wanted to explain and qualify and couch his statement, fearing that Rachel would take it the wrong way. But he was paralyzed with self-realization and self-doubt, and he couldn’t find the words he wanted to say.

There was so much pettiness and jealousy in what he was feeling right now. He could admit it to himself, and he was ashamed. He’d deny it to his death, though, if Rachel thought she saw any of it. Because there was plenty of justified concern mixed in there, too. He wanted the best for his son. As fun as trips to Disneyland and behind-the-scenes tours of TV studios were, they were no substitute for the experiences he truly needed to have with his mother, and they were likely to cause problems when Roo returned home, as well.

The pause in the conversation grew in length and awkwardness. Kurt opened his mouth, then closed it again, then opened it again and took a breath, and then closed it again in frustration at the lack of suitable words to explain.

“Um … yes it is,” Rachel finally said. “I planned my schedule so that I wouldn’t have work or any meetings. He’s here for ten days. We’re going to spend the time having fun together. It’s a vacation for both of us.”

“It’s a vacation, yes, but it’s not a _vacation_. It’s supposed to be a time for you and Roo to connect and really experience being mother and son on a day to day basis. It’s not supposed to be Christmas every day. That’s not what parenting is about. It’s the ordinary stuff, like reading a book together and pushing him on a swing at the playground. Disneyland is glitz and glamor and fun, but he’s going to get so caught up in being _there_ that he’s not going to remember being _with you_.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kurt. My trip to Disneyworld with my dads when I was seven was one of the best experiences of my life.”

“Yes, but you also had the everyday experiences and that whole undercurrent of knowing that they were there for you all the time.”

Rachel’s voice rose in anger. “I don’t get to be there all the time, Kurt. How do you think I feel? I’m not going to be there for bedtimes and playdates and weekends, because I live in a different state from him. And yes, I do realize that was my choice, and I still think that me moving out to LA was for the best for all of us. But it’s still fucking hard for me, Kurt, and I cry when I think about everything I’m missing with my son. So if you would stop trying to make me feel like I’m a bad mother for trying to make up for sometiny little part of that in the ten days that I have, I would really appreciate it.”

Kurt put his hand up to his forehead. This had gone all wrong. He should have known that there was no way he could make her understand. It wasn’t like she had ever really been there for the bedtimes and the playdates and the weekends that she claimed to miss so much. How could he expect her to understand their value?

“Rach, that’s not what I meant at all.”

“Forget it. Are we done here? I’ll set up another video chat for you and Roo tomorrow afternoon.”

“Rach …”

“Goodnight, Kurt.” The line went dead before he had time to say another word.

\----------------

_August 23, 2023_

_I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child—_

Kurt grabbed his phone of the bedside table and tried to hit the snooze button, only to realize belatedly that it was not his alarm at all, but a phone call from Rachel instead. “Oh god, what time is it?” he mumbled into the phone. The room was still pitch black. It was well before sunrise, and he’d been up past two putting his new Etsy site together.

“One twenty-seven,” Rachel answered. “So, around four thirty your time, I’m so sorry, Kurt, but I can’t get him to go back to sleep. He keeps asking to talk to you.”

A little more alert now, Kurt realized that the background wailing noise was not a siren outside his window. It was Roo crying in the room with Rachel.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Is he hurt?” Kurt sat up in bed, suddenly panicking.

“No, nothing like that. He woke up crying. I guess he had a nightmare, but he won’t talk to me. He just keeps saying ‘Daddy, Daddy, Daddy’ and it’s been twenty minutes now and I’m at my wit’s end. Can you just talk to him for a minute? Please?”

Kurt let himself lie back down, now that it was clear Roo wasn’t in any serious danger. “Yeah, sure, of course,” he said.

“Thank you, you’re an angel,” Rachel said, relief in her voice. “Daddy’s on the phone, Roo. Can you hold it? No? Okay, I’ll hold it to your ear like this, and Daddy will talk to you, okay?”

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” Roo wailed.

The poor kid must be so exhausted and scared. Waking up all alone, in the dark, in an unfamiliar room, and without his dad there when he started to cry. Kurt wanted to wrap him up in a tight hug and rock him back to sleep, but of course that was impossible right now.

“I’m here, RooRoo,” Kurt said in the most calming voice possible. “It was just a dream. Just imaginary. You’re okay, and Mommy is right there. You’re all safe.”

Roo’s cries slowly quieted alongside the sound of Kurt’s soothing voice. He whimpered, then sniffled. “There were sharks, Daddy,” he finally said.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay. The sharks won’t get you. They live very very deep in the ocean, not near the beach where kids play.”

“No, Daddy, they were in _the swimming pool_.”

“It was just a dream, baby. Sharks don’t live in swimming pools.”

“ _But what if they do?_ ”

“They only live in oceans. The chlorine in a swimming pool is bad for them. I promise, there are no sharks in any swimming pool ever.”

Kurt heard Rachel’s voice, muffled, away from the phone. “It’s true, baby. No sharks in swimming pools.”

“Okay,” Roo said, but he still sounded suspicious. “Can you sing me a song so I feel better?”

“Mom can sing you a song, she’s right there.”

“I WANT DADDY TO DO IT.”

“Okay, fine,” Kurt said. He closed his eyes and tried to think of a song that didn’t have sharks in it. He opted for one from a toddler music class Roo had taken a few years ago, which he often sung at times like this.

_If you wake up in the middle of the night_   
_And open up your eyes so bright_   
_If you wake up in the middle of the night,_   
_This is what you do._

Rachel’s voice joined in the song, surprising Kurt. He hadn’t realized she knew the words at all. They hadn’t sung together for years, aside from staged performances at swanky fundraisers, and Kurt was surprised to find that he’d missed doing this. Her voice was muffled and soft to his ear, since the phone wasn’t near her mouth, but he could tell that she was adding a harmony to his melody. He wondered what it would sound like in person. He wondered what it sounded like from Roo’s vantage point, one ear to the phone for Kurt’s voice and the other ear hearing Rachel beside him.

_Just roll over and close your eyes_  
 _Know that soon the sun will rise,_  
 _Just roll over and close your eyes_  
 _Dream of me and you._

“Do you think you can go back to sleep now?” Kurt asked. “Mommy will cuddle you for a little while longer.”

“Okay, Daddy. Can you come visit tomorrow?”

“Aww, baby, I wish I could. I’ll see you next week when you come back home.”

“Okay. Night-night.”

“Night-night, my baby boy.”

“Thanks so much, Kurt,” Rachel said into the phone. She was obviously relieved and sounded honestly grateful. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I am so, so sorry I had to wake you up this early in the morning.

“It’s fine,” Kurt said. “Anytime Roo needs anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

Kurt rolled over to his side and set the phone back on the nightstand. He could sleep a few more hours before he needed to get up and go to work.

_Poor Roo_ was close to his last thought before falling asleep. And then … _poor Rachel_.

\----------------

_August 31, 2023_

Kurt flew to LAX to pick up Roo. This bi-coastal parenting thing would be a lot easier when he was old enough to fly as an unaccompanied minor. Kurt wondered what the minimum age was for that. He hadn’t bothered to check because Roo was clearly not capable of taking care of himself for a five-hour flight. He was barely capable of sitting still in an airplane seat for that long. On his own, he would have been wandering the aisles and begging food off random grandmotherly women. The thought made Kurt smile, but it was definitely not a realistic option.

He stretched his legs on a brisk walk through the airport after getting off his flight. He had two hours before he’d be back on a plane in the opposite direction. There was half an hour before he was supposed to meet Rachel and pick up Roo from her, so he stopped and had a sit-down meal at one of the restaurants in the terminal. It felt odd to be in an airport without any luggage. It felt odd to be in Los Angeles without experiencing any of the city whatsoever. It was bizarre to spend the entire day traveling, only to end up exactly where he began.

He exited the secured area, sighing at the necessity of going out and back in again. But it couldn’t be avoided. Rachel wouldn’t be allowed through without a boarding pass, and Roo certainly couldn’t go through alone. He spied the two of them standing near the check-in counter and made his way through the crowd to meet them.

“Daddy!” Roo leapt into a hug, and Kurt picked him up and spun him around.

“I missed you so much!” Kurt said. Spending more than a week without his son had been exactly as hard as he’d expected. Even putting aside all the worries and annoyances of Rachel and Aaron taking care of him, the separation itself was tremendously difficult. “Oh my goodness, you’re so tan! How much time did you spend on the beach?”

“I looked for sharks, but I did not see any. Not even one.” Roo’s voice was somewhere between disappointed and relieved.

“That’s too bad,” Kurt said, amused.

He turned to Rachel. She had a smile plastered on to her face, but her makeup couldn’t disguise the bags under her eyes. Nothing could mask the exhausted slump of her shoulders, either. He felt a hint of smugness at how difficult the visit had been for her, but he pushed that emotion down because it was not a mature thing to feel. He was an adult, dammit, and he was better than this.

“Everyone had a good time, I trust?” he asked Rachel.

“Oh, definitely,” she said in a much too perky voice. She looked down at Roo. He was walking around in crazy circles with his arms out to his sides, making chomping noises like a shark and paying no attention to them. She turned back to Kurt, and said quietly, “Honestly, I don’t know how you do this day after day.  I loved spending the time with him, but it is surprisingly hard to be in charge of him every minute of every day.”

The smugness Kurt had been harboring evaporated in the face of her unexpected honesty. He was glad she appreciated all the hard work he put in, and suddenly it seemed like they could share a bond again, if just for a moment. “It gets easier as you get used to it,” he said. “Anyway, there’s day care and everything, so … you probably had it harder than I usually do.”

“Still, Kurt. You’re so good with him. It’s … I’m glad he has a parent like you in his life.”

“Thanks, Rachel. I appreciate that. And I’m glad he got to spend some time with you, too.”

They smiled at each other silently for a minute, and then Kurt turned to Roo. “It’s time to go, kiddo! Ready for the airplane ride?”

Roo stopped his playing and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I want to stay here.”

Kurt started to worry that a tantrum was coming, but he tried not to let the alarm show on his face. Children, like wild predators, could sense fear. He didn’t want to create a scene in the middle of a crowded airport, especially not right after Rachel had complimented his parenting skills. His pride was at stake here.

Kurt spoke gently but firmly. “I know you had a fun time with Mom, but it’s time for us to go back to New York. School starts on Tuesday, and Mom has to go back to work, too. The airplane will be fun! I brought some new books that we can read together, and some toy cars, and some things to color, and—”

“I. WANT. TO. STAY. HERE.” It wasn’t quite shouting yet, but it was much too loud.

Rachel gave Roo a fake smile, terror in her eyes. “Sorry, Sweetie, our vacation is over. You have to go home now.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. That was obviously going to make the situation worse.

“NO! I! WILL! NOT! GO! HOME!” Roo shouted. A few nearby business travelers turned to stare, probably hoping this kid wouldn’t be on their flight. Kurt tried not to meet their eyes.

Kurt knelt down to be at Roo’s eye level. “You’re feeling angry because you want to stay in Los Angeles and do more fun things. I know it’s sad. I feel sad and angry when I can’t do fun things, too.”

Roo eyed him suspiciously.

“There are other fun things we can do in New York. This weekend we can go to a museum or something. You can choose, whatever fun New York thing you want to do. I haven’t seen you in a long time, and I think it would be nice for you and me to spend some time together. Do you think so?”

Roo pouted and rocked his body in a twisting motion a little bit, but he was quiet.

“Do you want to give Mom a big hug goodbye before we go?”

Roo nodded, looking at his feet.

Rachel stepped in and gave him a hug. After a moment, Roo hugged back. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. Crisis averted.

“Mommy, can you come back and live in New York with us again?”

“I’m sorry, baby Roo. I wish I could, but I can’t. You can come visit me again soon.”

Kurt took his son’s hand. With one final wave to Rachel, they headed toward the security gate and the long trip home.

\-------------------------------

_September 5, 2023_

“Daddy, why can’t I go to Miss Indira’s class anymore?” Roo asked plaintively. He was sitting on the kitchen floor, all dressed and ready to go except for his shoes. Which he was stubbornly refusing to put on.

Kurt sat down on the floor beside him. They’d had this conversation at least a dozen times since Roo had returned from Los Angeles, and quite a few times before his trip as well. Change could be hard for preschool-age kids, and the only thing to do was to explain it over and over again. And over again. And over again one more time.

“Your old school is too far away from our new apartment, little Roo,” Kurt explained patiently. “We live in New Jersey now, all the way across the river from Manhattan. If we had to go into the city every morning, we could never make it to school on time.”

“Why do we have to live in New Jersey?” Roo asked in a petulant tone.

“Without Mom, we needed a smaller apartment.”

“It’s not even smaller!” Roo insisted. “It has the same rooms as our old apartment. Kitchen and dining room and living room and bathroom and another bathroom and Roo’s room and Mommy and Daddy’s room except now it’s just for Daddy all by himself.”

Kurt winced at the reminder of his single status, but he knew Roo didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, so he let the comment pass. “That’s true, but it’s much cheaper.”

“What’s ‘cheaper’?”

“Less expensive.”

“What’s ‘expensive’?”

“It doesn’t cost as much money.”

“I have a nickel from the sidewalk that I found, remember?”

“Yes, honey, I remember. Now can you put your shoes on so we can get to your new school on time?”

Roo picked up one of his shoes, but he didn’t put it on. “What if I don’t like my new school?”

“I’m sure you will love it. It’s a Montessori school just like Miss Indira’s class, and there will be all kinds of new kids to make friends with.”

“Is the teachers nice?”

“I’m sure they are.”

Roo shook his shoe in Kurt’s direction. “But you said you didn’t even know them! How do you know they are nice?”

“All Montessori teachers are nice. It’s like a requirement or something.”

“What’s ‘er-quire-ment’?”

“Put your shoes on, Roo.” Kurt stood up.

Roo pouted, but he put on his shoes, then stood up and grabbed his lunchbox from the counter where Kurt had put it.

“All ready?” Kurt asked in a cheerful tone.

Roo nodded. “Daddy? What’s ‘in-qui-ro-ment’?”

Kurt took his son’s hand and walked out the door. “I’ll explain it on the way.”

\-----------------------------------

Roo looked at the building hesitantly, gripping Kurt’s hand tightly. “You’re sure she’ll be nice?”

“Teachers are always nice,” Kurt reassured him again.

They stepped forward and opened the door, and were immediately greeted by a bubbly, motherly, middle-aged woman. “Good morning! You must be Reuben! I’m Ms. Cathy, I’m the principal.”

Roo stared at his feet.

“Are you feeling a little shy?” Cathy asked. “That’s okay. Sometimes I’m shy when I meet new people, too.”

Kurt doubted that, but he was wise enough not to say anything. “I’m sure he’ll be fine once he gets in the class and meets some of the other kids.”

Cathy smiled. “Of course. Things are always better when there are other kids around. Reuben, you’ll be in Mr. Blaine’s class. It’s the third door on the right. Your dad can walk you to the door, but parents aren’t allowed inside the classrooms. It’s a special place just for kids, you know.” She made it sound exciting and mysterious, and Roo glanced up just for a second, intrigued.

“Thank you, Ms. Cathy,” Kurt said, since Roo was still silent.

The teachers were each waiting outside their classroom doors to greet students on the first day. Kurt spotted Mr. Blaine right away. He was easy to recognize, even without counting the doors, because all the other teachers were women. He was dressed in bright red jeans with a white button-down shirt and light gray sweater vest with red edging. His careful, tailored outfit was quite a contrast to the other teachers in their peasant skirts or jeans with patterned t-shirts.

Kurt studied the man’s face as they approached. He looked familiar, somehow, but he couldn’t place him. Perhaps they’d taken a class together in college? Maybe he used to act, and had been on a show with Kurt at some point? Kurt couldn’t get the pieces to click together. He realized he was staring, and made himself look away.

Blaine smiled at Kurt, then squatted down to bring himself to eye-level with Reuben. “Hi there! I’m Mr. Blaine, and I’m going to be your teacher.”

“Boys can’t be teachers,” Roo said bluntly.

Kurt was about to reprimand his son for the comment, but Blaine spoke up first. “Hmm, well that’s interesting, because I’m a boy, and I’m a teacher.”

Roo looked at him suspiciously. “How did you get to be a teacher?”

“I went to teacher school, just like all the other teachers here.”

“Can I go to teacher school when I’m a grown-up?”

“If you want to,” Blaine said.

“No thank you, I’m going to be a fireman.”

“That sounds great. Boys and girls can grow up to be firefighters, or teachers, or doctors, or anything they want to be.”

Kurt smiled. The man was a natural, and he had Roo talking right away. This was going to go well.

“You’re Reuben, aren’t you?”

Reuben nodded. “Everyone calls me Roo.”

“What a delightful nickname! Okay, Roo, why don’t you go on in? Miss Tracy and Miss Lenore are my assistant teachers, and they’ll show you where you can put your lunchbox and then help you get started on an activity. Does that sound good?”

“Okay,” Roo said. He waved goodbye to Kurt, then opened the door and went in the classroom without hesitation. Kurt was proud of him for being brave enough to go on his own. Still, it was bittersweet that he didn’t need a hug goodbye from his dad before facing the day in a brand new environment full of people he’d never met before.

Blaine stood up. “What a great kid. I’m sure he’ll fit right in.”

Once Kurt looked back at Blaine, he couldn’t stop staring. He was quite attractive, with dark hair, gorgeous eyes, and broad shoulders that tapered down to a slim waist. But Kurt was an actor, and he was used to being around beautiful people all the time. No, there was something else about Blaine that was drawing his attention. A strong feeling that they already knew each other, or that there was something between them.

“I’m sorry, but you seem so familiar,” Kurt said. “Have we met before?”

Blaine smiled. “Not exactly. I’m Blaine Anderson.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to klaineandbiscuits, who has been beta-reading and offering super-helpful suggestions on every chapter before I post. This story wouldn't be half as good without her!

There was no air in the room. It had all swooshed out the window at the end of the long corridor, leaving Kurt gasping for breath in the vacuum of empty space. _Blaine Anderson._ He knew that name. He’d been looking at it for nearly half his life, written in black script on his left forearm. One of the two names that had never turned white. One of the people he’d steadfastly prevented himself from looking for while he was married. One of the names that had felt like a cautious ‘what if’ ever since his divorce.

He stumbled backward, tripping over a little girl walking up the hallway with her parents. “I’m sorry,” he managed to say despite the complete lack of oxygen in the universe, before he turned and fled. He staggered to a halt in the middle of the parking lot, filling his lungs with sweet, glorious air that was uncontaminated by the presence of his soulmate.

His _soulmate_ , who he had never expected to find in his son’s classroom at school, of all places.

The thought hit him like a load of bricks. Roo was still in there with _that_ _man_. Kurt spun around to face the door again, ready to march in and pull his son away from that … that …

He stopped in his tracks. Blaine was his soulmate. Who could possibly take better care of his son than a person who was supposed to be a perfect complement to Kurt’s heart? And in any case, there were two assistants in the classroom, and he had full confidence in the principal who had hired all the teachers, and the school had stellar ratings from parents. There was absolutely nothing to be worried about, at least not for Roo’s sake. Still, it just felt _weird_.

Kurt peered through the window, watching the trickle of parents dropping off their kids at their classrooms for the first day of school. The mother of one toddler seemed very uncertain, but the little boy walked boldly into his classroom and grabbed an apple slice from the snack table immediately. Blaine squatted down to greet a little girl, perhaps a year younger than Roo. Cathy smiled and waved at parents she had clearly known for years. Everything was peaceful and happy. Roo was going to be fine.

Blaine looked fine, too. He chatted with the little girl for a moment, then stood up and smiled at her parents and exchanged a few words with them. His eyes flitted to the front door, and Kurt stepped away quickly to make sure he was out of view.

How could Blaine be standing there like that, placidly going about his job? How could he be welcoming children and calming nervous parents? Why was he not running after Kurt, who had practically had a panic attack at the mere mention of his name?

Blaine had known, Kurt realized. His rational faculties were beginning to return to him. He took a few deep breaths. Of course Blaine had known. He would have seen Roo’s full name on the class list at the very least, and could have guessed from that. Maybe he’d even seen the enrollment forms, with Kurt’s name listed as the primary parent and emergency contact. Blaine must have known for days, maybe weeks, that Kurt was going to show up at school today.

Blaine had set up an ambush. He must have planned for it to go this way. But why? He could have warned Kurt in advance. Called him, or had Cathy call, or something, _anything_ rather than blindsiding Kurt in front of his son. Or, well, almost in front of his son. Then he wouldn’t have had to leave Roo in Blaine’s care immediately after finding out, with no polite way to pull him out of that situation. Blaine could have eased him into it more gently. Given him the option to say no and take his kid somewhere else instead. To another school, maybe, or at least to another classroom in the same school.

Kurt wondered whether he would have done any of those things. Whether he would have backed out, refused to meet Blaine, taken Roo elsewhere. He wasn’t sure. In any case, it didn’t matter. He should have been given the opportunity to make that choice for himself, not ambushed in a school hallway right before he needed to go to work.

_Work_. He checked his watch. He wasn’t running late yet, but he would be if he didn’t get moving right away. He had a big photoshoot today, modeling a formalwear line for a catalog, and he had to get into the city along with the rest of the great mass of humanity that was New York rush hour.

One last glance at the door, one more deep breath, and he walked back to his car to drive to the train that would take him across the river and into the city. Part of him wanted to rush back into that building, but whether to steal Roo away or to demand answers from this mystery soulmate, he wasn’t sure. But Roo was fine, and Blaine could wait. Kurt reminded himself that he was a responsible adult, a single parent with a job, and he would go to work like he was supposed to. No matter how hard it was.

\-----------------------------------

“How did you like your new school, Roo?” Kurt asked on the way home that evening. The assistant teachers had been supervising the children on the playground at pickup time, so he hadn’t seen Blaine again.

“The language cards are on a green shelf. In Miss Indira’s class they were on a yellow shelf.”

Kurt nodded sagely, keeping his eyes on the road. “That does seem like a very important difference,” he deadpanned.

“The playground has more swings. That’s a good thing.”

“Was that the only good thing, or were there more?”

Roo pondered the question. “We got to play soccer ball. I’m one of the fastestest runners in the whole class!”

“I’m glad you had a good time, then.” Kurt glanced in the rearview mirror, where he could see half of Roo’s face in the backseat. “Do you like Mr. Blaine?”

“He’s not from India.”

“Um … okay …”

“Miss Indira is from India and she had lots of India things in her classroom that were _actually from India_.”

“I remember that. That was a really nice thing for your classroom.”

“Mr. Blaine is not from India.”

“No, it seems like he’s not,” Kurt agreed. He should know better than to try to get useful information out of a four year old. “Where is he from? Did he tell you?”

“Ohio.”

“That’s where _I’m_ from, Roo.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Is he really from Ohio, or are you just saying that because it’s a place you know?”

“Oh HIGH oh! It has the letter O in it, like a circle!”

“Right, okay, fine. How do you feel about mac and cheese for dinner?”

Roo thought that was as excellent of an idea as Kurt did.

It wasn’t until late that night, when Roo was in bed and Kurt was washing the dishes, that he found the note tucked inside the lunchbox.

_I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Can we talk? – Blaine Anderson_

Kurt stared at the note for a minute. Then he set it down on the counter and pointedly ignored it while he finished everything he needed to do. He washed out the empty tupperware containers from the lunchbox and set them on the dishrack to dry. He rinsed the sink and dried his hands off on a dish towel. He opened the fridge and put together Roo’s lunch for the next day, stacking the containers carefully back in the fridge for easy transfer to the lunchbox in the morning. Only then, with everything prepared and nothing to occupy his attention, did he let himself look back at the note.

He picked it up, now slightly damp at one edge where it had been splashed with a bit of stray water from the sink. Blaine’s words were so brief, giving hardly a glimpse into his thinking. There was an outright apology, not qualified with excuses or explanations, and a request to talk. Which they basically had to do anyway, since Roo was in his class. They would either have to be on good terms for comfortable conversation or else move Roo to another class. Both of those would require some amount of talking.

Kurt sighed and flopped down on the couch, still holding the note. He’d never expected to meet one of his two remaining soulmates so soon. It had been less than five months since he’d found out about Rachel and Aaron. Barely three months since the divorce had been finalized and he and Rachel had spoken the breaking words. He’d spent that time adjusting to life as a single parent, not thinking about whether to search for another soulmate. He’d had to figure out his finances, move into a new home, explain everything to Roo, find a new school for him, juggle work and childcare. And there had been the echoing loneliness of those ten days when Roo had been in Los Angeles without him. All in all, it had been perhaps the busiest and most stressful five months of his life. He was exhausted. He was holding it together, but adding another complication into the mix was the last thing he wanted right now. He wasn’t ready to deal with another soulmate.

The timing was an insane coincidence. He’d been married to Rachel for nearly ten years, and in all that time he’d never run into any of his other soulmates. Now, as soon as he was single again, one of them popped into his life, as if by magic. Not only that, but it was precisely his divorce from Rachel that had brought Blaine into his life. The fact that he had to move from Manhattan to New Jersey, and that he needed to find a new school for Roo, was entirely because of the divorce. Without that, he and Blaine would still be complete strangers in entirely different orbits.

Kurt didn’t believe in fate. Some people believed that life would bring you to the right soulmate at the right time, but that made no sense to Kurt. Life had brought him to Rachel, which had clearly, in retrospect, been wrong. And life had brought Rachel to Aaron while she was already married, ruining everything that she and Kurt had built together. No, his meeting with Blaine wasn’t fate. It was only a coincidence, nothing more. He didn’t want a new relationship anyway. Certainly not right now. Maybe not ever.

None of that, though, answered the question of what he should say to Blaine.

\-------------------------

_September 6, 2023_

Blaine tried not to sound too eager. He was not going to get Roo caught up in whatever drama was going on between him and Kurt. “Did your dad send me a note today?”

Roo shook his head.

“Okay, well, if you find a note in your lunchbox or something later today, you let me know, okay?”

“Okay. Can I have a lesson on that?” Roo pointed at the [spindle boxes](http://www.infomontessori.com/mathematics/numbers-through-ten-spindle-boxes.htm) on the math shelf.

Blaine considered this. He wasn’t sure of Roo’s math abilities yet, so he decided it would be best to watch him do an easier activity for a while to check his progress. “Do you know how to use the [number rods and cards](http://www.infomontessori.com/mathematics/numbers-through-ten-number-rods-and-cards.htm)?” he asked the child. “Can you show me that one? Once you have it set up, I’ll come over and work with you on it.”

Roo happily trotted off to roll out two small rugs and then transfer the rods off the shelf one by one. Blaine smiled, watching for a moment as he did the work with painstaking care, and then walked across the room to give a younger child a lesson on sorting colored beads until Roo had gotten everything ready.

\----------------------------------------

Blaine managed to hold himself together during the school day. Just like yesterday, it was only after the children had gone off to the playground with the assistants at the end of the day, leaving him alone in the classroom, that he allowed himself to worry. He was terrified that he’d ruined his chances with Kurt. He’d been desperate for a soulmate since he was sixteen years old, and now one wrong move, one miscalculation, may have ruined the only opportunity he’d ever have.

He walked around the classroom, making sure all the materials were in their places. He straightened an item on a shelf here, replaced a piece that had fallen to the floor there. He unlocked the supply closet and brought out a second set of phonics books for one of the five-year-old girls who was a more advanced reader than he’d anticipated, and some more construction paper for the art table. Then he pulled out the notebook he kept in an upper cabinet, out of reach of any of the children, to write down notes on what he’d observed in the classroom that day. It was crucial to keeping track of the progress of so many children at different ages and stages of development.

He needed to write quickly today. With the impending sense of panic over Kurt threatening to wipe all other thoughts out of his head, he needed to remember as much of the day as possible, as quickly as possible. His pen raced across the paper, noting Zoe’s improved fine motor skills and Corbin’s success with the [pink tower](http://www.infomontessori.com/sensorial/visual-sense-pink-tower.htm), Thomas’s repeated outbursts of anger and Ruby’s separation anxiety throughout the day.

He was so deep in concentration that he missed the sound of the door opening and footsteps walking across the room. It was only when he heard the sound of someone clearing his throat right beside him that Blaine looked up from his work.

It was Kurt.

Blaine leapt up from the tiny, preschool-sized chair where he’d planted himself. “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting … I … um, hello.”

Kurt’s face was unperturbed and unreadable, save for what might be a twitch of slight amusement at the corner of his mouth. Blaine figured he had a right to be amused at how the tables had now turned, with Kurt in control of the situation and Blaine the one surprised and thrown off by the appearance of his soulmate.

“Hello,” Kurt said. “You wanted to talk. Cathy said I could find you in here.”

“I … yes. Here I am. I wanted to talk. Yes.” Well, this was definitely not the way to make a good impression. Blaine decided not to speak again until he could figure out what to say. He searched for a sentence, any sentence, that would start a real conversation but still have zero chance of angering or scaring Kurt. The seconds ticked by, each one making the silence more awkward, but Blaine couldn’t force himself to take the risk of an unplanned sentence.

Kurt shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. “You could have warned me.”

He still didn’t understand why his surprise introduction had been the wrong thing to do for Kurt, but it was unmistakeable that it had been. The only thing to do was admit it straightforwardly, so he did. “You’re right, I could have. I thought about it. I made the wrong decision.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Blaine struggled to put his thought process into words. “It’s supposed to be this amazing romantic moment. Two soulmates find each other, and neither of them are expecting it. They meet, they say their names, they shake hands, and bam, it’s like this electric spark, their hearts open all at once and it’s love at first sight.” His voice was becoming more and more animated as he spoke. “It couldn’t happen for me, because I knew you’d show up on the first day of school. I knew it a week in advance, when Cathy gave me the class list. But I thought I could give that to you. That romantic moment, the realization, the excitement. But obviously it didn’t work out that way. It wasn’t what you wanted, and for that, I’m sorry. I hope it wasn’t too … upsetting.”

“Blaine …” Kurt’s mouth twisted into something like a smile, but it was a sarcastic, jaded one. “That only ever happens in the movies. Real life isn’t like that.”

“No, it is!” Blaine insisted before he could stop himself. “I saw it happen. Just a few weeks ago, my boyfriend … ex-boyfriend … we were out at a club and he met his soulmate there, and it was just like that. It was … god, it was … it was …”

“Oh wow, that sucks.”

Blaine blinked, confused. “No, it was so romantic for them.”

“I mean, it must have sucked for _you_ , to watch that happen to your boyfriend and be left all alone.”

“I … yeah, it kind of did,” Blaine admitted. “But I’m sure it wasn’t as hard as … Cathy told me you just got divorced? And since your name reappeared on my arm, I guess it must have been from your soulmate.”

“It seems like both of us have been through a lot recently,” Kurt said.

Blaine nodded. “And now what?”

“Now nothing. I don’t want a relationship with anyone right now. Maybe not ever. Honestly, when it comes right down to it, I don’t think I believe in soulmates anymore.”

Blaine blinked in confusion. “How can you not believe in soulmates? It’s written right there on your arm, the people you’re perfectly compatible with, waiting for you to find them.”

Kurt made a dismissive half-snort, half-laughing noise. “I was with one of my soulmates, and let me tell you, it was not all sunshine and happiness. We weren’t very compatible at all. And it didn’t last forever. So tell me, what is the point?”

Blaine didn’t know what he’d expected Kurt would be like, but he certainly hadn’t expected anything like this. The man was closed-off, bitter, and actively hostile to the idea of trying out a relationship. His attitude toward soulmates was so diametrically opposed to Blaine’s own that it seemed impossible to imagine the two of them in a relationship. Part of him wanted to drop the whole idea, give up and walk away, perhaps even suggest that Roo switch to Elizabeth’s or Nadine’s classroom so the two of them wouldn’t have to talk to each other anymore.

But he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Kurt was his one chance to be with a soulmate. More than likely the only chance in Blaine’s entire life. He wouldn’t give that up without a fight. Even if he couldn’t yet see how the two of them could be compatible, Kurt’s name was written on his arm, and that meant they must be.

Anyway, Kurt’s extreme cynicism had to be a front. Nobody said things like that about soulmates unless they were hurting. Of course Kurt would be hurting, just a few short months after splitting up with his other soulmate. There must be more underneath there. If Blaine could get through those shields and find out who the real Kurt was, he was sure everything would become a lot more clear.

Blaine looked into Kurt’s eyes. They were gorgeous, sparkling blue and green and other colors that Blaine couldn’t begin to name. He didn’t see anger in them. He saw sadness and … perhaps a little bit of fear.

“The point is finding someone who understands you, deep down and all the way through. The point is being with a person who is your other half, matching you in some ways and complementing you with their differences in others. The point is being exactly what your soulmate needs, and having them be exactly what you need, too. I’ve always wanted that. I’ve longed for it my whole life and never found it. And now here you are and I … you … I’m not sure what you need from me, not yet, but I would give anything for the chance to find out if I can be that for you.”

Kurt looked at him appraisingly. Blaine’s breath caught in his throat, finding himself under the gaze of this surprisingly imposing man. “What makes you think I need anything from you or anyone else?” Kurt challenged.

“Everyone needs someone,” Blaine answered simply. “We’re not meant to go through life alone.”

Kurt didn’t smile. He didn’t take his hands out of his pockets. Only his eyes softened the slightest bit. He tilted his head to one side, as if considering something, before he looked back at Blaine. “The way you introduced yourself … the way you planned it and wanted to make it a romantic moment for me … I would have loved that back when I was a teenager.”

“I wish I’d known you then.” Blaine wondered what a teenaged Kurt would have been like. Lanky and awkward, not yet grown into himself? Or had he always moved with the confident self-assurance in his own body the way he did now? Had he always had a cynical side, or had he once been open and trusting, before life had brought him so much pain? And the most infuriating and impossible question: if Kurt had met Blaine before he’d met his ex-wife, would they have ended up together?

“Are you so different now from who you were back then?” Blaine asked.

“Are you?” Kurt asked. There was a hint of a smile on his lips, half-amused, half-mocking.

Blaine had never really thought about this question before. “I’ve grown up, I suppose.”

“You’ve grown up alone. I grew up with one of my soulmates. And that has made each of us very different people than we would have been otherwise.”

Blaine nodded slowly, coming to an understanding of Kurt’s view. “You think we might not be compatible anymore, after the way we’ve each grown and changed.”

“That’s only the tip of the iceberg of problems.”

Blaine clasped his hands behind his back nervously, but he spoke with confidence and assertiveness. “You seem to have a million and one reasons why things wouldn’t work out between us. But you don’t know me at all. I think, before you dismiss the possibility out of hand, you should at least figure out who I am.”

Kurt sighed. He took one hand out of his pocket and ran it through his hair. “Look, Blaine, my life is really complicated right now. We just moved, and Roo’s all mixed up because of the divorce, and I’ve got a lot of job stuff going on, and this single parenting thing is even harder than I thought it would be. The last thing I need is to throw another variable into the mix.”

“I’m not a variable, Kurt. I’m a constant.”

The corner of Kurt’s mouth quirked upward. “Now you’re using math jokes as pickup lines?”

“Okay, it was cheesy as hell, but I mean it. I’m not going anywhere. Maybe you don’t believe in soulmates, but I do. Whatever you need, I’m here for you. Including if you need me to not be around at all right now. I’ll still be here, waiting for you when you decide to come back.” Blaine’s heart pounded. He meant every word he said, and he knew that if Kurt needed space, there was nothing he could do to change his mind. Still, offering the option, naming it, was terrifying. Because Kurt might run away, and Blaine might never see him again.

Kurt considered him for a long moment that stretched into an eternity in Blaine’s mind. When he opened his mouth, Blaine feared the worst. But the words that he spoke were welcoming in a way that nothing in their prior conversation had been. “Are you done here for the day? I’m going to take Roo to the park near our apartment. Do you want to come with us? We could talk some more.”

“Yes! Absolutely! Yes!” Blaine felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Kurt was opening the door. Just a crack for now, but it was an opportunity. Kurt wanted to spend time with him. Kurt wanted to keep on talking. He still had a chance at happiness. And he was going to give it everything he had.

\----------------------------------------

Roo made a beeline for the two-story-tall curvy tube slide, and Kurt and Blaine sat on a bench that gave them a good view of the playground. Kurt carefully avoided touching Blaine, and Blaine was content to give him the space he needed while they talked things out.

“You mentioned your ex-boyfriend finding his soulmate, but I’m confused. Why were you dating someone who wasn’t your soulmate in the first place?” Kurt asked. “Could you not find any of them? Names too common for one of the search services? Or do you not believe in searching?”

“My soulmates all got married before I met them. When I was eighteen.” Blaine had told the story hundreds of times. Saying the words hardly hurt at all anymore. He could say them without thinking about what they meant. Thinking about it was what hurt, like a gaping wound in his soul. He tried to never let himself think about it.

Kurt stared at him wide-eyed. “Oh god, that’s _terrible_. How did you …”

“I didn’t do very well. It’s so uncommon, almost nobody could relate, and they were all so … You know how sometimes people can be well-meaning but they accidentally say all kinds of hurtful things anyway?”

Kurt nodded. “Been there,” he said without explanation. Blaine wondered about the story behind it. Perhaps he was talking about his divorce, but something about Kurt’s expression made it seem like the wound was much older than that. Kurt was still so closed-off and cautious that Blaine decided it was best not to pry.

“There was a lot of that,” Blaine continued. “It was even worse for me than for most people who have this happen, I think. Because I always knew I wanted to get married and have kids. It was like the entire plan of my life, the entire goal, just vanished, you know?”

Kurt turned away and looked out to the playground. Roo was starting up the ladder again. They’d missed his first trip down the slide.

“I’d always wanted to be an actor or a singer,” Blaine said. Kurt stared resolutely at the playground, but Blaine was watching his face and saw him bite his lip. Clearly this information had some meaning to him, but he didn’t understand what it was. “I started out as a performing arts major, but I gave up that dream somewhere in the middle of college. It was too hard to motivate myself. Too hard to live that kind of life without a partner’s support. All the auditions, all the rejections, all the uncertainty. I couldn’t do it. So I became a teacher instead. If I couldn’t have my own kids, I could at least work with kids.”

“You could have adopted kids,” Kurt said, still looking at Roo.

“I’ve thought about it. I might still, one day. I’m only twenty-nine.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Which part?” Blaine asked.

“Giving up Broadway. Becoming a teacher.”

Blaine thought about it for a moment. “No,” he finally said. “I love teaching. I wouldn’t give it up, I don’t think. But I do wonder, sometimes, whether I would have made it big as a performer, if I’d been able to keep at it.”

Kurt nodded. He was still staring straight ahead, not looking at Blaine.

“I’m gay,” Kurt said.

It was the first personal information Kurt had offered, and it came out of nowhere. It also didn’t fit with what Blaine knew of him already. He wrinkled his forehead in confusion. “Weren’t you married to a woman?”

“For ten years,” Kurt said. It was a straightforward statement, with no expression to it. His face was controlled and unreadable. Blaine had no way to guess at Kurt’s emotions about his failed marriage.

“Were you in the closet?” Blaine asked.

“Nope. Not a bit. Totally out about being attracted to men. I guess most people assume that I’m bi, but I’m not.”

“Then why …?”

Kurt turned to Blaine, finally, and gave him an amused smirk. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Blaine cocked his head to one side. “You’re not giving me much to go on here.”

Kurt sighed. “I was with one of my soulmates. It didn’t work out. And I’m not sure I want to do that again.”

Blaine swallowed hard past the lump that had materialized in his throat. “Okay,” he said, half a whisper.

“Okay? I don’t think you mean okay.” Kurt was sharp, eyes searching and perceptive. Blaine felt like he was being examined under a microscope.

“You said you’re not sure,” Blaine said. “You don’t have to be sure. I’ll make you sure, sooner or later.” It was more confident than he felt, by miles.

Kurt smiled and shook his head slowly, a flash-change from sharp to amused that startled Blaine and made him wonder how a face so controlled could suddenly become so expressive. “You’re so—” Kurt began.

“Daddy!” Roo screamed, and Kurt’s head snapped around sharply. The boy was gripping the top of a fireman’s pole, six feet up in the air, swinging freely from the horizontal attachment instead of wrapping his arms and legs around the vertical pole.

“Jesus!” Kurt leapt up and ran to him, and Blaine followed closely behind. Kurt grabbed his son around the waist. “Let go, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Roo released his grip on the pole and let his father slowly lower him to the ground. “Can we go home now? I don’t want to play anymore.”

“Sure. It’s almost dinner time anyway.” Kurt turned to Blaine. “Would you like to do this again tomorrow?”

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes. I would.”

Kurt had the most beautiful smile Blaine had ever seen, like sunlight suddenly peeking out from behind a cloud. “Great. I’ll see you then.”

Roo pulled on Kurt’s arm, dragging him toward the car. “Come _on_ , Daddy, why are you still talking?”

Blaine watched them go, talking and laughing together as Kurt helped Roo strap into his car seat. His heart felt light. He would make this work. It might be slower than he would like, but he would get there, no matter what it took.


	6. Chapter 6

“Roo!” Rachel’s smile on the screen of Kurt’s laptop looked genuine. “How is your new school? Do you like it there?”

“Yes, but you know what, Mommy? My teacher is a _boy_.”

“Wow! Is he a good teacher? Do you like him?”

“Yes. He gave me a lesson on the spindle boxes today.”

“That sounds interesting. What are the spindle boxes?”

“They go up to nine. Not ten, because there’s a zero. When you start with a zero you only go to nine, did you know that? You can go to ten if you start with one. And you put all the numbers in so there are the same number. Also I traced a picture of a horse.” Roo’s explanation didn’t give Kurt any kind of clear picture of what the activity was, but he knew that you couldn’t expect a four-year-old to accurately describe something well enough for another person to understand. Rachel seemed to appreciate that as well.

“That sounds like fun,” she said with a bright smile. “Can I see your horse picture?”

Roo rolled his eyes as if this were the stupidest question he’d ever heard. “It’s in my cubby at school. We don’t bring our work home until Fridays.”

“Oh, well, when you bring it home, we can Skype again and then you can show me, okay?”

They talked for a few minutes more, until Roo got distracted and ran off to play with his toy fire truck.

“How are you doing, Kurt?” Rachel asked. “You seem quiet.”

“I’m quiet because I was letting you talk to Roo.”

“Don’t give me that. I can tell when you’re upset. I’m your soulmate.”

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“Roo has picked up that eye rolling from you, you know,” Rachel admonished.

“Oh, give me a break, Rachel.”

“You’re lonely. That’s it, isn’t it? It must be hard not to have another adult around. But don’t worry, I’m on the lookout for your soulmates. I meet a lot of people out here in LA, and I’m always asking if anyone know either of them. With both of us looking, we’ll get you fixed up in no time.”

Kurt looked up in alarm. The last thing he wanted was for Rachel to start meddling in his personal life. He didn’t want her searching for his soulmates, but he also didn’t want to tell her that he’d already found one. It would only lead to more questions, more meddling, and a whole deluge of unwanted advice. “Rachel, there’s no need to do that. I’m fine.”

“Nonsense, it’s no trouble. Anyway, you’re clearly not fine. I realize that it may take some time to get over someone like me, but what better way than to find someone who is just as perfect as I am? Perfect for you, I mean.”

“Rachel, please, just … don’t.”

“I want you to be happy, Kurt,” Rachel said. “I still love you, and I always will.”

Kurt took a deep breath and let it out. “I am happy, Rachel.”

“He said sadly,” she added.

Kurt smiled a little bit at her perceptive comment. “I’ll get there,” he said. It was an admission that Rachel was right. He wasn’t happy now. He was managing, but he wasn’t happy. “And I don’t need a soulmate to do that. I’m going to be fine, all by myself.”

“That’s what you _think_ , but—”

“Rachel. I don’t want to hear it.”

“But—”

“No.”

She sighed heavily. “Fine. But if I should _happen_ to _accidentally_ run into one of your soulmates, I will consider it to be fate and I will make sure the two of you meet.”

“Goodnight, Rachel.”

\----------------------------------------

_September 7, 2023_

Kurt wasn’t exactly sure why he’d invited Blaine to come to the park with them for a second day. He was telling the truth when he said he wasn’t interested in getting tangled up with another soulmate. He didn’t have the emotional resources to invest in that kind of thing right now. It wasn’t that the relationship would necessarily be doomed to failure. He figured it probably had a relatively decent chance of working out. But it felt like such an exhausting thing to do, and with so little payoff in the end. Being with a soulmate was definitely not everything it was cracked up to be.

There was something about Blaine’s earnest confidence though, that wormed its way into Kurt’s affections and lightened his heart almost against his will. It was like watching a sappy Christmas movie. Santa Claus doesn’t really exist, but those stories of Christmas miracles lift your spirits just the same. He glanced at Blaine, who was sitting beside him on the park bench watching Roo struggle to get a swing going without a push from a grown-up. He wondered if it was unfair to spend time with Blaine when he knew he didn’t want a relationship, since Blaine was clearly hoping for much more.

“So, what are spindle boxes?” Kurt asked.

Blaine turned to look at him. “Is this a parent-teacher conference now?”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. It’s just that Roo was trying to explain it to his mother on Skype last night, and his description was less than clear.”

“It’s a counting exercise, and also for recognizing the numbers up to nine. There’s a box divided into sections, each labeled with a number from zero to nine. Then there are a set of spindles—basically thin wooden sticks—and you put one of them in the one section, two in the two section, and so on.” Blaine bit his lip and frowned, but said nothing more. His eyes flicked back to Roo on the swings, and then to Kurt again.

“What are you not saying right now?” Kurt asked.

“Roo asked me for a lesson, so I showed him, and he got it right on the very first try.”

Kurt cocked his head to one side. “That’s good right? I mean, it sounds like something he could definitely do, based on what I’ve seen at home.”

“Well, it’s good that he knows how to do it, but it makes me wonder why he asked for a lesson on it. If the teachers didn’t show it to him at his old school, why not? Was he hiding his counting abilities? Or if they did show him, which I think is more likely, then why did he pretend he’d never done it before?”

“That’s a good point,” Kurt said. “I don’t remember him talking about spindle boxes before, but I can hardly ever get him to talk about what he does at school.”

“That’s very common,” Blaine said. “They don’t quite have the words to explain these things before they’re five or so, and besides, a lot of times they want to keep the school things just for themselves and not tell their parents about them.”

Kurt’s mind went immediately to the divorce. He’d seen very few clear effects of it in Roo’s behavior. He talked about it a lot, but it didn’t seem attached to any emotion other than missing Rachel. There hadn’t been excessive tantrums or acting out. No recurring nightmares, no clinginess, none of the things that Kurt had feared and half-expected from the advice in the parenting books.

This, though … if Roo was asking for lessons on things that he already knew how to do perfectly well, it could be that he wanted more attention. Or it might be a fear of failure, trying to stick to easier activities instead of seeking out more difficult ones. A reluctance to try new things, maybe. It could be any number of things, really.

Kurt sighed, and looked out onto the playground. Roo had gotten the swing going, but it was angled slightly so that he swung at a diagonal instead of straight from front to back. He was grinning, though, clearly pleased with his accomplishment. The older boy on the swing beside him shouted encouragement, and Roo let out a squeal of laughter. It certainly didn’t seem like he needed any adult attention or was reluctant to try things right this moment, anyway.

Blaine probably had some insight on this. He’d been working with kids this age for years, and must have studied child development in school, which would give him more than just a layman-parent’s understanding. But Kurt didn’t feel comfortable sharing his worries about this with … a perfect stranger? Roo’s teacher? His soulmate? He wasn’t sure which of those roles was the one giving him pause.

“So, since this isn’t supposed to be a parent-teacher conference, what do you do for fun?” Kurt asked.

Blaine blinked at the change of subject. “Well … I’m in a band,” he said, blushing slightly.

The answer surprised Kurt. “Really?”

“Is it such a shock? I know I dress like Preppy Mr. Rogers, but underneath this buttoned-down facade there are untold depths of musical genres.”

Kurt ventured a smile. Blaine’s dorkiness had a real sweetness to it, and despite his misgivings about getting involved, Kurt wanted to see and hear more of it. “What kind of band?” he asked.

“Rock, pop … you know how it is. We do some covers, and some original music.”

“Oh yeah? You write music?”

“I do. I don’t know if it’s any good, but it’s a fun hobby. Occupies my time.”

“I’d love to hear it sometime,” Kurt said. He was intrigued, he couldn’t help it.

“Oh, we don’t perform. Sorry. It’s just for fun, just the guys hanging out in someone’s garage.”

“Oh.” Kurt was more disappointed than he would have guessed. He was curious about what kind of songs Blaine wrote, and what he sounded like when he was singing. He wondered if Blaine played an instrument or only sang in the band.

“What about you?” Blaine asked before Kurt could get to any of his follow-up questions. “Any interesting hobbies? Or … actually, I don’t even know what you do for a living.”

Kurt groaned. “Those are basically the same question, these days. I’m an actor, mainly. I also do modeling, voiceovers, stuff like that. I get work pretty often, but it’s always a scramble to pay the bills. Since the divorce, I’ve tried to find ways to monetize all my different hobbies. So I’m giving piano and voice lessons out of my home, and I started an Etsy shop to sell my clothing designs. I make up a lot of stories for Roo, too, so I’m thinking about trying to write a children’s book, but there’s not enough time in the day, really …”

“All that and you still find time to take your kid to the park every day? I’m impressed.”

“Well … every day might be a stretch,” Kurt admitted. He looked up and watched Roo hop off his swing and chase the other boy back toward the climbing equipment.

“So, what do you do that’s just for fun?”

“On the weekends I take Roo to museums or—”

“No, I mean for yourself.”

“I …” Kurt found no answer. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done something just because he felt like it or thought it would be fun. Certainly not since the divorce. He’d gone out with Rachel pretty regularly before that, but it was always to some event or show she wanted to attend. Kurt tried to think about what he’d do if he had an evening or afternoon free all to himself. He couldn’t come up with anything other than all the work he needed to get done.

Blaine stood up. He cocked his head toward the swings. “Come on. I bet I can swing higher than you.”

Kurt side-eyed him. “Are you challenging me to a swinging competition?”

“Yes.”

“We are grown-ups.”

“I don’t see your point.” Blaine walked over to the swingset and sat down on the middle swing. He rocked gently forward and back, his feet planted solidly on the ground. “Are you coming?”

“These pants are Marc Jacobs!” Kurt objected, but he couldn’t help breaking into a smile.

“What, are you chicken? Don’t think you can out-swing me?”

“Oh, I could totally out-swing you.” Kurt swore under his breath. He could never resist a competition.

“I sincerely doubt that,” Blaine said. He pushed off with his feet, swinging back in a long arc and then thrusting his feet out at the apex to lengthen his forward swing.

Kurt huffed and took a seat on the swing to his right. He pushed off and pumped his legs, urging the swing higher with every arc. The rhythmic movement energized him and he pumped harder, stretching his body out on the forward swings to launch himself into the sky. The wind swept through his hair, ruffling it despite the hold of his hairspray. He turned his head to the side and watched Blaine cross his line of vision, flashing past in the opposite direction from Kurt two, three, four times before their arcs became more in sync with each other. Blaine grinned at him, and Kurt laughed with the sheer joy of the childhood game.

“I’m winning!” Blaine shouted.

“You are not!” Kurt pumped his legs harder, whizzing through the air until it seemed like he could practically touch the tops of the trees. He’d forgotten how exhilarating this could be. In all the years he’d been taking Roo to the park and pushing him on swings, how could it have never occurred to him to hop on the swing beside him and experience it for himself?

Roo dashed over to the swingset. “Daddy!” he shouted happily. “Why come you are swinging so high?”

“It’s fun, Roo,” Kurt said. He let himself gradually slow down. There was a dragging sound from his other side, and he turned his head to see Blaine’s feet kicking up wood chips as he slowed himself. “Are you done playing?”

“No! Five more minutes!” Roo ran back to the climbing equipment.

Kurt set his feet on the ground and rocked the swing to a halt. He looked at Blaine, a smile on his face. They stood up and walked to the edge of the playground together, silent for a few moments. Blaine’s hair was so heavily gelled that not a strand was out of place, but he was breathing heavily from the exertion and his cheeks were rosy. It was adorable. It was intoxicating.

Kurt glanced at Blaine’s lips and wondered what it would be like to kiss him. It would be completely inappropriate right now, of course, on a playground full of children, even if Kurt wanted to. Which he didn’t. It was safe to wonder about, privately, just in his own imagination, since he knew he wouldn’t do it. Would Blaine’s lips be soft and pliant against his, or would he kiss back insistently? Would the kiss incite lust, or would it be that magical spark of love between soulmates that Kurt had always heard of but never experienced?

No, he told himself. That kind of thing didn’t happen. It was a fairy tale that would never be real, and he wouldn’t let himself believe in it and be heartbroken again. He definitely did not want to kiss Blaine and start that whole mess again. He needed to stop daydreaming and face the cold, hard reality that fairy-tale happiness didn’t exist.

Still, Blaine made him smile. He was sweet and lovely and so honest about his feelings, and the more Kurt got to know him, the more he wanted to know about him.

“Kurt…” Blaine’s voice broke him out of his reverie. “I really like you. I know you don’t want everything that I want, and that’s okay. It’s hard, but it’s … I can live with it.”

“Blaine…” Kurt began, but Blaine held up his hand.

“No, please, let me finish, I want to say all of it.”

Kurt nodded. “Okay.”

“I want to get to know you,” Blaine said. He looked straight into Kurt’s eyes, and his eyes were so soulful that Kurt felt his heart skip. “I want to be your friend, because I think … I guess I think that knowing you would help me understand myself.”

“What are you asking me?” Kurt held his breath. He knew he wasn’t the answer to Blaine’s problems. He couldn’t give Blaine what he was looking for, no matter how much it hurt to tell Blaine no. He didn’t want to have to say no. He hoped that Blaine wouldn’t ask for more than he could give.

“Just to be my friend,” Blaine said. “Can we just … do this? Talking together, taking Roo to the playground or getting coffee or whatever … telling each other about our lives. That’s all I’m asking for.”

Kurt found himself smiling. He truly did not want to get entangled in another soulmate relationship, but Blaine was taking all the pressure off by allowing it to be nothing more than a friendship. When it came right down to it, Kurt hadn’t had this much fun in years, not with anyone. Their friendship might be precarious, because Blaine’s desire for more could turn into pressure or dissatisfaction, or because Blaine’s confounded attractiveness could delude Kurt into thinking he wanted more, or because cultivating a friendship could take away time Kurt needed for parenting or his many career pursuits. But for now, he found himself already looking forward to spending another afternoon with Blaine.

“Same time again tomorrow, then?” Kurt asked.

Blaine’s eyes lit up and he practically bounced with excitement, as if he couldn’t believe he’d been granted his wish so easily. “Yes! Absolutely! Oh wait, no, I have playground duty for the extended-day kids tomorrow. I get off at 6:30, is that okay?”

Kurt felt oddly disappointed. “Oh, hmm, Roo and I usually have dinner by then, and it’ll be almost dark out by the time we’re done. And then we have plans for most of the weekend. Could we do Monday instead?”

“Sure,” Blaine said. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Kurt smiled back. “Great. Me too.”

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_September 8, 2023_

Blaine finished giving a lesson on the [sandpaper numbers](http://www.infomontessori.com/mathematics/numbers-through-ten-sandpaper-numbers.htm) to one of the children. He instructed her to put away the materials, then stood up and took a few steps back to get a good look at the classroom. The class was fairly well under control for this early in the school year. Most of the children were quietly working on materials they’d chosen. A few of the younger ones were gathered around the fish tank with Miss Lenore, taking turns feeding them a few flakes each. Three girls were sitting at the snack table, eating apples while giggling and pointing at each other’s shoes, but he decided to let that pass, as long as they remained quiet.

Jonah, the youngest boy in the class, was wandering aimlessly, watching the other children at their work. Blaine decided he would offer him a lesson on the [pink tower](http://www.infomontessori.com/sensorial/visual-sense-pink-tower.htm), and started walking towards him across the room.

“I did _too_ ,” he heard a boy say in a voice too loud for the quiet classroom environment. Blaine turned his head to look. It was Roo, standing beside a table where another boy his age, Zach, was working on tracing the [metal insets](http://www.infomontessori.com/language/written-language-metal-insets.htm).

“You did _not_ meet him. Officer JoJo is not real. You can’t meet someone who’s not real.”

“He is _too_ real!”

“SlowSlow the Turtle is a drawing, so it’s not real.”

“SlowSlow is a drawing, but Officer JoJo is real and he just talks to the drawing.”

Zach’s pencil slipped and he dropped it to the table in frustration. “You can’t talk to a drawing of a turtle.”

“Yes you can, if you’re on TV,” Roo insisted.

Blaine walked quickly over to their table. “We do not discuss television shows in the classroom,” he told them firmly but calmly. “Zach, I see you are using the metal insets. Roo, what is your work?”

“I don’t know,” Roo grumbled.

“Can you choose some work, please?”

“I want to do the metal insets.”

“Zach is using them right now. You need to choose something else, and then you can work on these after he is done.”

Roo stomped off angrily towards the fish tank. Blaine let him go, but glanced at the clock quickly. If he hadn’t chosen something to do within five minutes, he’d remind him again. He turned back to find Jonah for that lesson on the pink tower.

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_“Is Mr. Blaine coming to the park with us again today?”_

_“No, sweetheart. He has to stay here and take care of all the kids until their parents come pick them up.” A smile and a wave at Blaine, who returned the gesture._

_“But I want him to come with us.”_

_“We’ll see him again on Monday. Come on, should we go to the park anyway?”_

Blaine’s apartment felt even emptier than usual when he let himself in that evening. He’d been spending time with Kurt and Roo after school for only a couple of days, but it was already something he looked forward to.

He hung up his jacket in the front closet and toed his shoes off, shoving them into the closet as well. He hadn’t thought far enough in advance to plan for dinner, so he set a pot of water boiling for pasta and pulled a single-serving container of his homemade meat and tomato sauce out of the freezer. It would do. The mail was all junk, so he dumped it in the trash can except for a Brooks Brothers catalog that he might as well flip through while he ate.

He wondered what dinnertime was like at Kurt’s house. Did Kurt cook, or did he rely on pre-packaged meals and takeout? Would Roo complain about the food, or was he a good eater? Did they sit at the table and talk to each other, or take their dinners in front of the TV? Maybe one day, if he was lucky, he would find out. He felt hopeful, but Kurt was so withdrawn and cautious. Blaine wanted to throw himself wholeheartedly into creating a relationship with Kurt, but he knew that doing that could easily lead to heartbreak.

Blaine desperately wished he had someone to talk to. He checked his watch. It was ten after seven. He couldn’t call Sam; he knew better than to interrupt the family during dinnertime. Cooper would most likely make light of the whole situation. He didn’t have any other friends he chatted with on a regular basis, so that a random call wouldn’t seem weird. Blaine sighed and dumped some rotini from the box into the now-boiling water.

He took out his phone and thumbed through the contacts. The silence of his apartment gnawed at his nerves as he scrolled down the screen. Work colleagues would be inappropriate. Friends from college were too far removed from his life now. Friends from high school … he’d be surprised if those were even the right phone numbers anymore. It was useless. There was nobody. He rapidly scrolled the screen all the way back up to the top.

_Adam Crawford_

Now there was an idea. It was after midnight in London. He probably wouldn’t even get the message until morning. Which made it much easier to hit the send button.

To Adam: _I found him._

Blaine’s phone rang approximately ten seconds later.

“Oh my god, Blaine! I’m so happy for you! Tell me all about him! Was it love at first sight? Was it the most romantic thing ever? Is he cute? Tell me he’s cute.”

“I can’t believe you called me all the way from England to talk about this,” Blaine said, laughing a little bit at Adam’s exuberance.

“Are you kidding me? This is absolutely worth whatever outrageous price my mobile company is charging me. Tell me everything.”

“He’s … not exactly what I expected.”

“Oh no. Has he gotten fat and ugly?”

“Hah, no, nothing like that. He’s gorgeous.”

“Then what, pray tell, is the problem? Why are you not married to him yet?”

“Come on, Adam, I only met him three days ago. And he has … baggage, I guess. His previous marriage ... there were some issues. And he has a kid.”

“Oh … a kid. Wow, that’s … how do you feel about that?”

Blaine sat down on the couch. “It’s actually kind of amazing. We’ve … most of the time when we talk, we take his son to the park and … it’s really sweet. He’s … oh, I should mention, he’s in my class. The little boy. That’s how I met Kurt.”

“What did I tell you, Blaine? It’s fate.”

“I don’t think he believes in fate.”

“Nor do you, as I recall. A match made in heaven.” Blaine could hear the good humored teasing in Adam’s voice.

“He seems so perfect. How can someone be so perfect?”

“That’s what soulmates are about, love.”

The timer went off in the kitchen. Blaine walked back into the room and, with the phone tucked between his shoulder and his ear, poured the contents of the pot into a colander in the sink. “He’s scared, Adam. He doesn’t want a relationship because he’s terrified of … I don’t know what, exactly. I guess he thinks that it won’t work out, like with his ex-wife. And I don’t know how to make him stop being scared.”

“Get him into your bed. He’ll be powerless to resist.”

“Cut it out, I’m being serious.” He stuck the frozen sauce into the microwave and set it to defrost.

Adam sighed. “I’m sorry, I know, but I don’t really know how to be serious. And I’ve never had this problem. I’m not sure what advice to give you. I wish I could do better, I really do.”

“Yeah, I get it. Thanks for listening, anyway. It was good to just kind of talk about it.”

“It will work out, Blaine. It’s fate, whether or not you guys believe in it. You’re soulmates. The more time you spend together, the more it will be clear that you’re meant for each other. Just keep at it, okay? Don’t give up.”

“I’m not planning on giving up anytime soon.”

“Good, then. I should get going, it’s quite late here. But call anytime, if you need to talk. I’m serious about that. Anytime, really.”

“Thanks, Adam.”

Blaine hung up the phone and assembled his dinner on a plate. Pasta, the sauce dumped over it, a bit of grated Parmesan from the fridge. He sat down at the table, alone, with his Brooks Brothers catalog. It felt like a sad, empty existence, now more than ever before. No, he wasn’t going to give up. This was not going to be his whole life. His life, one day and then forever after, would be with Kurt. He had to believe it. There was no way to face this without believing it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you're warned, Finn is discussed in this chapter.

_September 11, 2023_

_I’m a bitch, I’m a lover,  
I’m a child, I’m a mother_

Kurt was already in a bad mood when he answered the phone. It was nine-thirty at night and Roo had been fast asleep for an hour. Rachel had said she’d call around dinner time to talk to him, but the phone had stayed frustratingly silent. Before that, she was supposed to call over the weekend, but surprise, surprise, she hadn’t.

She started the conversation with a hurried rush of apologies. “I didn’t have a break the entire afternoon, I’m so sorry. I just got off the set for the first time since noon, if you can believe that. Is Roo still awake?”

“No, Rachel, he is not still awake. It’s a school night and his bedtime was over an hour ago.”

“Is he mad at me?”

“What do you think, Rachel? You promised you’d call, and then you didn’t.”

She sighed. “Tomorrow should be better. I’ll try.”

“I’m not holding my breath.”

“Kurt, you know how film production is. It’s so unpredictable, really long days, you never know when you’re going to be available.”

“Try telling that to a four-year-old,” Kurt said, even though he knew it was unfair.

“Kurt, I am doing my best. You don’t have to make me out to be the bad guy.” Her annoyance was crystal clear.

“I’ll tell him you called.” Kurt could not wait to get off the phone.

“Wait,” Rachel said, her voice more gentle now. “Maybe you and I could talk for a while. I never get to talk with you directly when Roo is on the phone, so it’s a good opportunity. How’s he doing? Is he settling in well at the new school?”

“And what makes you care, all of a sudden?”

“I always cared!”

Kurt snorted with derision. “Could have fooled me. I don’t remember you ever asking about how Roo was doing at school before.”

“I didn’t need to ask! You talked my ear off about it all the time. It was practically the only thing you ever talked to me about. And now you don’t. Because we never talk to each other, because I’m not living there.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Kurt, you’re being unreasonable.”

She was right. He was being uncharitable and picking a fight over everything she said. He could do better than this. He needed to do better, for Roo’s sake as well as his own mental health. It was never a good thing to hold a grudge, but it was hard to let things go when he felt so angry. He took a deep breath and counted to ten.

“Fine,” he said, still annoyed but controlling it better now. “He’s doing fine at school.”

“What’s his teacher like? All I got out of Roo in our last conversation is that his teacher is a guy.”

Kurt hesitated. There was no way he was going to tell Rachel that Roo’s teacher was his soulmate. He wasn’t sure what he could say without accidentally giving away too much.

“He seems nice,” Kurt finally said. “We haven’t had a parent-teacher meeting yet or anything. All the kids looked happy when I peeked through the window before I picked Roo up the other day.” All of it was technically true. He’d skipped right over the fact that they’d been hanging out almost every afternoon and were starting to become friends, but that was none of Rachel’s business anyway.

“And Roo is fitting in well?”

“As far as I know. I haven’t heard any complaints.”

“Does he miss me?”

“I’m sure he does.”

“He hasn’t talked about it?”

Kurt thought about it, trying to remember when he’d last heard Roo say something about Rachel. “Not in a few days. He talked about you all the time when he first came back from visiting you, but I think starting the new school has taken a lot of his attention.”

Rachel sighed. “Well, at least he’s not pining.”

Kurt bit back a cruel comment about how Rachel was not the center of everyone’s universe, not even her own son’s. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to talk to you tomorrow,” he said instead.

“Tell him I love him, okay?”

“I will. Goodnight, Rachel.” Kurt hit the end call button and set the phone down.

Talking to Rachel wasn’t getting any easier. Sometimes he wished he didn’t have to. It would be so much easier to just put that whole era of his life behind him and never speak to her again. He missed her, but to prevent the wounds from reopening he had to throw up these walls around himself every time they talked. It was exhausting but necessary. Yet another way in which having a kid made things harder.

He knew he shouldn’t feel sorry for himself, though. After all, it must be a thousand times harder for Roo to be apart from his mother than it was for Kurt to facilitate that relationship. He would do what he needed to make things the best they could be for Roo, no matter how hard it was on himself. That was the job he’d signed up for when he decided to become a parent.

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_September 12, 2023_

Blaine leaned back against the playground fence, Kurt by his side. He watched Roo run to join a group of kids who were competing to see who could hang from the monkey bars the longest. He smiled, watching the boy play. He seemed equally at ease here as on the school playground with the new friends he saw every day.

“So how is—” Blaine’s question was cut off by a song coming from the vicinity of Kurt’s pocket.

_I’m a bitch, I’m a lover_   
_I’m a child, I’m a mother_   
_I’m a sinner, I’m a saint_

“Sorry, it’s my phone.” Kurt looked sheepish as he pulled it out of his pocket, perhaps embarrassed at the ringtone. “It’s Rachel,” he said apologetically, as if that was supposed to be an explanation. Blaine had no idea who Rachel might be.

“Hi Rach. Now’s not a good time … We’re at the playground … Well, I’m sorry, but there’s no wifi here and I don’t have my laptop, so we can’t Skype right now … I know you said you would, but I didn’t think you’d actually call … Look, I’m sorry, what do you want me to do about it? How long is your break? If we head home now, we could … oh.”

Blaine watched Kurt’s posture become more and more defensive as he talked. His shoulders dropped, and he crossed his arms across his chest, holding the cell phone awkwardly to his ear. “We can try tomorrow … yes … yes, fine, I _promise_ I will take him right home after school tomorrow … okay … okay, bye.”

He slid the phone back into his pocket. “I’m the asshole today,” he told Blaine.

“I’m confused,” Blaine said. “You’re not supposed to be at the playground?”

“Rachel said she wanted to Skype today, but I figured she wouldn’t call, just like the last three days in a row, so …” Kurt must have noticed Blaine’s confused expression, because he backtracked with an explanation. “She’s Roo’s mom. My ex-wife. She wanted to talk to him, but I fucked it up. Her break isn’t long enough for us to get home, and now Roo doesn’t get to talk to her for yet another day.”

“He can’t talk to her on the regular phone?” Blaine asked.

Kurt shook his head. “He won’t have a conversation that way. He just says ‘hi’ and then loses interest right away.”

“Hmm. Well, that’s too bad.”

Kurt sighed. “I didn’t want to tell Roo we couldn’t go to the playground today. He likes coming here so much. And so do I.” Kurt blushed slightly and qualified his statement. “I mean, bedtime is a lot easier if he’s had a chance to run around and get all his energy out. Anyway, I was so sure Rachel would flake out again. She’s flaked out three days in a row already.”

“It’s not your fault,” Blaine said, trying to be comforting.

“It kind of is.”

“Well, to the extent that it’s your fault, everyone makes mistakes.”

Kurt laughed bitterly. “As long as she makes more mistakes than me. Which she does.”

Blaine stayed silent, uncomfortable with this turn of the conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said. “Did I mention that I’m bitter and jaded?”

“You may have said something about that at one point.” Blaine gave him a tentative smile, and Kurt smiled back.

“So I guess no playground get-together for us tomorrow,” Blaine said sadly.

Kurt seemed to be considering something for a moment. “Why don’t you come over to our place? I’ll make dinner and we can hang out there. Rachel probably won’t call anyway.”

Blaine’s breath caught. Kurt was inviting him into his home, and offering dinner, which also meant spending more than their usual half hour at the park together. It wasn’t a huge step, but it definitely felt like taking their friendship to the next level. Blaine felt a resurgence of hope. “That sounds great,” he answered. His voice sounded breathy in his ears, more excited than the situation called for.

He saw the laughter in Kurt’s eyes, and hoped Kurt was laughing with him.

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_September 14, 2023_

Roo was literally bouncing with excitement. “Mr. Blaine is coming to our house!” he shouted to nobody in particular, hopping up and down just inside the door to their apartment.

“Yes, he’s going to be here in just a few minutes. Can you take off your shoes, please, before you track dirt all over the place?”

“Okay!” Roo leaped in the air again, bending his legs at the waist so he landed on his bottom. “Ow!” he said good-naturedly, clearly uninjured. Kurt was fairly sure the boy was made of rubber.

He surveyed the apartment quickly, making sure it was clean enough for company. He kept the place fairly clean, as much as he could with a preschooler, but he could never be sure that Roo hadn’t left something embarrassing lying around. He would never forget the time he and Rachel had invited friends over for a cocktail party only to have one of them find a trove of Rachel’s lingerie that Roo had stolen from the laundry basket and stuffed under one of the couch cushions. For right now, at least, the kitchen and living room areas seemed well under control.

“I’m going to start getting dinner ready. Can you play by yourself until Mr. Blaine gets here?”

“Yes!” Roo leapt into the air again. He stripped off his jacket, tossed it on the floor, and ran into the living room.

“Jacket!” Kurt called after him.

“Oh yeah!” Roo pivoted on one foot and returned to hang his jacket on the child-height hook beside the door. Kurt wished he had half as much energy as his son. It would make everything a lot easier.

Kurt was halfway through cutting up vegetables when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” Roo said, racing back to the door.

“Ask who it is,” Kurt reminded him, walking up to the door behind him.

“Who is it?” Roo shouted through the door.

“Blaine Anderson,” came the reply.

Roo looked at his father, and Kurt nodded his head for permission to open the door. Roo stood on his tiptoes to reach the chain lock, then turned the deadbolt and flung the door open.

“Hi, Roo! Hi, Kurt.” Blaine had come straight from school, just a few minutes behind them. He had a small Tupperware container in his hands, which he offered to Kurt. “Cookies. I baked them myself, my grandmother’s recipe. Oatmeal chocolate chip, I hope you like them.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said, smiling. He felt something tug on the leg of his pants. He looked down and saw that Roo was hiding behind him, suddenly shy. “Can you say thank you, Roo? Blaine brought cookies.”

Roo shook his head, mouth clamped tightly shut.

“Why are you shy all of a sudden?” Kurt asked him. “You see Mr. Blaine every day at school, and you were so excited that he was going to come over and have dinner with us.”

Roo shook his head again and buried his face against Kurt’s legs, uncomfortably close to his butt.

“Okay, come on, let’s go into the living room. There’s no space here in the hallway. Roo … Roo, I need you to move so I can take a step back. Roo … come on, back up please.”

Roo grudgingly moved out of the way, still hovering close by Kurt’s side.

Kurt didn’t know what had gotten into Roo. It was embarrassing, having him act this way in front of Blaine all of a sudden. It was hard enough trying to be a good ‘Montessori parent’ without having his kid act all weird when they invited his teacher to their home. “I’m sorry,” he said apologetically to Blaine. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“It’s always a little weird to see someone you know in a new situation,” Blaine said. He seemed unperturbed by Roo’s behavior, which was a relief to Kurt. He glanced toward the living room. “Were you building with Legos before I got here, Roo? Can I build something with them, too?”

Roo’s eyes widened. “You know how to do Legos?”

“Are you kidding me? I _love_ Legos!”

“I’m making a pirate ship,” Roo ventured.

“That sounds exciting. Can you show me?” Blaine turned to Kurt. “Is that okay? Do you need any help in the kitchen or anything?”

Kurt waved him off. “No, I’m fine, just making a chicken stir fry, nothing complicated.”

There was something about Blaine’s smile that put Kurt right at ease. It seemed to work almost as well on Roo, when Blaine turned back to him. Roo was slightly hesitant as the two of them walked together into the living room and sat down on the floor, but as soon as he started explaining the plan for the pirate ship to Blaine, all the shyness melted away. Snippets of conversation floated in as Kurt cut the food into bite-sized pieces for cooking.

_“… because this is where the cannons shoot out”_

_“… right here?” “no, on the other side, silly”_

_“flag is black because it’s pirates. And then the dragon …”_

Kurt hoped Blaine was having a good time. At the playground, he and Blaine usually talked together while Roo played alone or with the other kids. He hadn’t meant to exile Blaine into childcare tonight. He wondered if he should go in there with some excuse for Blaine to make an exit back to the kitchen and some grown-up conversation. He managed to catch Blaine’s eye over the kitchen counter, but Blaine’s easy smile made Kurt’s worries vanish. He looked like he was having a great time. Kurt supposed that someone who chose to work with children all day long must enjoy them quite a bit.

He turned on the stove burner and coated a frying pan with a bit of oil, but just as he was about to put the chicken into the pan, his phone rang. Kurt swore under his breath and turned off the burner again. It was Rachel’s ringtone.

“Are you guys ready to Skype? I’m exactly on time today, you’d better be at home.”

“We are, but …”

“But what?” Rachel said. Kurt knew her well enough to know that she’d throw a fit if he called it off again.

“I’m in the middle of cooking dinner…” he said hesitantly.

“Well, that’s perfect then. Set up the computer for Roo, and I’ll talk to him while you cook.”

It meant interrupting Roo’s playtime and making some excuse to Blaine. He couldn’t have Rachel know that Blaine was there. It was too much to explain, and a lot of things that were none of her business. It would be nothing but an annoyance to Kurt if Rachel found out that he was making friends with Roo’s teacher. She’d immediately jump to the idea that they were dating, and if she discovered they were soulmates, Kurt would never hear the end of her meddling.

“Fine, I’ll get the computer set up and we’ll be on in a couple of minutes.”

He hung up the phone and grabbed his laptop, then walked into the living room and set it down on the coffee table. “Hey, Roo, Mom wants to Skype with you right now. You can show her the pirate ship you’re making, okay?”

“Okay!” Roo scooted over to the coffee table on his knees. “Can I push the button?”

“Yes, just a minute while I pull up the right window.” Kurt turned to Blaine while the laptop started up. “I’m really sorry about this, I was sure she wouldn’t call today even though she said she would. I hate to ask this, but can we just pretend you’re not here? I’m not trying to hide it or anything, it’s just that it would lead to so many questions and it’s really none of her business, so …”

“I get it, no problem,” Blaine said, but Kurt didn’t miss the hint of hurt in his eyes. “I can leave, it would be weird to be here while—”

“No, no! Absolutely not! Just come in the kitchen with me, it’ll be fine. I promised you dinner, and I’m not going back on that.”

Blaine bit his lip.

“Please?” Kurt asked. He really didn’t want to hurt Blaine’s feelings. “Besides, if you don’t stay I’m going to feel really guilty about those cookies you brought.”

“All right,” Blaine said. “I’ll try and make myself useful in the kitchen.”

“I’ll be right there,” Kurt said. “Okay, Roo, you can click the call button now. But remember, let’s not say anything about Mr. Blaine being here today. It’s a secret, shhh.”

Roo nodded and clicked the button.

“Hi there, Roo!” Rachel was wearing a ton of makeup. She must be on a break from filming, Kurt thought. “How are you doing?”

Roo was practically vibrating with excitement. “There’s someone here, but it’s a secret and I can’t tell you!”

Kurt let his head fall forward and bang against the coffee table.

“Oh _really_?” Rachel said, intrigued. “Is one of your friends over for a playdate?”

“No, it’s my _teacher_! But don’t tell Daddy, it’s a secret!”

“Good fucking grief,” Kurt murmured.

“Kurt! Language! Roo can hear you.”

“I’m going back to the kitchen to finish cooking now.”

“Wait wait, not before I interrogate you. Since when do you invite Roo’s teachers over for dinner?”

“Rachel, he can hear you. I’m not going to talk about this right now.”

“Is he cute?”

“Rachel, go away.” Kurt glanced over the counter into the kitchen, where Blaine was studying the kid artwork on the fridge with significantly more intensity than it merited.

“Fine, we’ll talk later. Go cook. Me and Roo will have a little chat.”

The potential misinformation resulting from that might be worse than if Kurt stayed to answer all of Rachel’s questions, but there was no way he was going to do that where Blaine would overhear. So he got up and walked back into the kitchen. “I am so sorry about this,” he told Blaine.

“No, it’s fine. Really. Can I do something? Are there any more vegetables I can take out my aggression on?”

“Um … why don’t you make the sauce?” Kurt suggested. He nudged the recipe book over on the counter so Blaine could reach it. “I’ll get out all the ingredients, since you don’t know where anything is, and then you can mix it up while I cook everything.”

_“… playground together because he can swing even higher than Daddy”_

Kurt wished the ground would open and swallow him up. He squeezed past Blaine in the narrow kitchen to get the soy sauce out of the cabinet.

_“… not every day, but a lot of the days”_

Kurt groaned. “I am so sorry. I’ll straighten everything out later.”

“It’s fine,” Blaine said. “I don’t care if people know that we’ve been hanging out together. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it. This is a little bit awkward, I admit, but you don’t have to apologize on my account.”

“She’s just kind of nosy. I don’t need her prying in every part of my life.”

“It sounds like she cares about you.”

“Not enough to stay married to me,” Kurt snarked back. He sighed. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”

Blaine looked up from where he was stirring the sauce together. “It must be hard,” he said quietly.

He could wave it off. He could say it didn’t matter, it wasn’t a big deal, he was better off without her. But when he looked into Blaine’s eyes, he wanted to tell the truth.

“It is hard. It’s … lonely. Even with Roo. I’ve never been lonely like this before.”

Blaine held his gaze. He opened his mouth to speak.

_“… said Officer JoJo is not real but I said he is and he got mad and said he won’t be my friend anymore.”_

Kurt turned to look at Roo. He seemed upset. He looked back at Blaine questioningly.

“I overheard him and another kid talking about it one day,” Blaine said, his voice just above a whisper so Roo wouldn’t hear. “They were off task in the classroom, so I broke up the conversation and told Roo to find something else to do. I don’t think it’s a serious problem. I haven’t seen any signs of bullying.”

Kurt nodded. “He’s probably exaggerating. A lot of times he says he won’t be someone’s friend anymore and then the next day they’re playing together like nothing ever happened.”

“I’ll keep an eye on it just in case,” Blaine assured him.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“Of course,” Blaine said.

Kurt stirred the vegetables around the frying pan, trying to hear the rest of Roo’s conversation with Rachel over the sound of the sizzling food. He was glad to have Roo’s teacher as a personal friend. It made things a lot easier, because he could casually get more information about these little snippets of Roo’s day instead of having to worry over whether things were were serious enough to schedule a meeting to discuss.

To be honest, though, he enjoyed hanging out with Blaine for himself, not for Roo’s sake. The companionship of someone who was quickly becoming a close friend was a relief. Even as he and Rachel had grown apart over the years, they’d always known they could count on each other. After she left, Kurt was shocked by the level of loneliness he felt. He’d known her half his life and been married to her for ten years. They both agreed that they were better off apart at this point, but he still missed having someone fill that role in his life. Blaine could never replace her, Kurt knew. He was a different person, and interacted differently with Kurt, but they understood each other in a way that was surprising for two people who were just barely getting to know each other. Kurt didn’t want to give himself over to another soulmate, not so soon after his first soulmate relationship had imploded, and maybe not ever. But having that type of friendship in his life, even just a little bit, made him feel better than he had in months.

Blaine handed over the finished sauce, and Kurt poured it into the frying pan. It sizzled and popped as it coated the pieces of meat and vegetables. Blaine opened cabinets until he found the plates, and brought out three for Kurt to serve the rice and stir fry onto, then brought them to the little table in the space between the kitchen and the living room. Kurt poured some drinks, set out forks and napkins, and then walked over to where Roo was happily talking about his classmates with Rachel.

“Dinner’s ready,” Kurt said apologetically.

“I have to be back on set in ten minutes anyway,” Rachel said. “It was great talking to you, Roo! I love you! See you next time!”

“I love you too, Mommy!” Roo hugged the laptop screen. “I gived you a hug on the computer!”

“Aww, that’s so sweet, thank you! Kurt, I’ll call you later, okay? I want to hear all about this ‘Mr. Blaine’ guy.”

Kurt felt his cheeks heat up. “Rachel …”

“Can I see him? Get him to walk over here to the computer!”

“Absolutely not,” Kurt said. He turned to look at Blaine, who was stifling a laugh with one fist up against his mouth. “Goodbye, Rachel.”

“B—” The laptop clicked shut before she could say another word.

“Daddy, this is all wrong. There are no spoons or knives.” Roo frowned at the table.

“We don’t need spoons or knives for stir fry. Just forks.”

“But it’s important to have a spoon and a fork and a knife when you set the table. [That is how we do it at school.](http://www.montessorialbum.com/montessori/index.php?title=Setting_a_Table) Right, Mr. Blaine?”

“It’s okay to do things differently at home from how we do them at school,” Blaine said diplomatically.

Roo looked skeptical, but he climbed up on his chair anyway. “Even if you don’t need a spoon or a knife for your lunch at school, it’s important to have all the silverware.”

Kurt refrained from rolling his eyes. The way Montessori schools insisted that everything be done _just so_ sometimes got on his nerves. “If you’d like to, you can go get some spoons and butter knives from the kitchen and set them on the table for us.”

Roo looked at Blaine, as if Kurt’s permission wasn’t enough.

“I think it’s fine the way it is,” Blaine said. “This food looks delicious.”

“Yes, it looks very delicious!” Roo agreed. He’d turned up his nose at the exact same meal two weeks ago, but apparently Blaine’s approval was enough to change his mind. He speared a piece of chicken on his fork and popped it in his mouth. “Yum!”

“I’m so glad you approve,” Kurt told him. Roo didn’t notice the hint of dry sarcasm in his voice, but Blaine laughed.

“It really is very good,” Blaine said.

Sitting at the table across from Blaine, Kurt found himself at a loss for words. He searched for something in the sweet spot between small talk and awkward, and came up with nothing.

“I drew a picture of a volcano today!” Roo announced. “It’s like a big mountain, except lava comes out of it! You should not touch the lava. It’s okay to touch it on the picture, because it’s only made of crayon, but you should not touch it in real life because it is very hot. But the picture is not hot.”

Thank god for children and their never-ending supply of random conversational topics, Kurt thought. “I saw a volcano one time, in Italy. We went there on vacation once, before you were born.”

“I know Italy! It is on the map of Europe. Mr. Blaine, did you go to Italy too?”

“No, I’ve never been to Italy, but I saw a volcano in Washington State and one in Hawaii.”

“But those are in the United States. There aren’t volcanos in the United States!”

“Yes there are,” Blaine said.

Roo looked worried.

“They hardly ever erupt,” Blaine added hastily, casting a concerned glance at Kurt. “And they’re very far away from New York.”

_\----------------------------------------------------_

Blaine tried to excuse himself when Kurt started warning Roo that it would be bedtime soon, because he didn’t want to intrude. But for some reason, Roo insisted that he wanted Blaine to read him his bedtime story tonight. He wasn’t sure whether Kurt had agreed to that because he wanted Blaine to stick around longer or just to avoid a tantrum. Whichever it was, Kurt had smiled indulgently when Roo produced a book about volcanos off the shelf in his room, and perched on the edge of the bed beside Blaine while he read the story to the sleepy-eyed little boy.

“Coffee?” Kurt suggested as they walked back into the living room together. The invitation surprised Blaine. He’d been here for hours already, and thought Kurt must be getting sick of his company by now. He was more than happy to accept, though. He would always be willing to spend more time with Kurt. He leaned against the kitchen doorway, watching Kurt fill the coffee maker and take two mugs down from a cabinet.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Kurt asked.

Blaine startled out of the reverie he’d fallen into. “I was just thinking how nice this is. I live alone, and it’s always so quiet in the evenings. It’s great to have someone to talk to over dinner … and the whole routine of putting Roo to bed, it’s … quaint and adorable.”

Kurt laughed out loud, throwing his head back. “I suppose it’s quaint and adorable when it goes well,” he said when he recovered. “Half the time I am counting down the minutes while reading Green Eggs and Ham over and over again, and then dealing with a complete kid meltdown at the end of it. But you’re right, it’s nice when he cooperates. You were a big help with that tonight. He likes you, and I think having company put him on his best behavior. Or at least kept him too entertained to complain about anything.”

Blaine accepted the mug of coffee Kurt handed him. They walked back into the living room and settled on the couch. Kurt ran back to grab the container of cookies Blaine had brought, and they each took one.

“Delicious,” Kurt said. He cupped his hand under his mouth, catching some crumbs that threatened to fall to the floor. “I should start baking again. I used to, but Rachel always complained that having sweets around the house was too tempting, so I got out of the habit.”

“Kurt, can I ask … why did you marry her?”

“It seemed—”

“Yes, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Blaine finished the sentence for him. “That’s what you said before. But _why_ did it seem like a good idea?”

Kurt set down his cookie on a napkin.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, I can talk about it. That’s my pat answer whenever someone asks, because people are rude and they ask way too often. But you … I can tell you.”

Kurt looked up at Blaine, but his eyes seemed very far away, clouded with layers of emotion that Blaine couldn’t even begin to pull apart. Blaine waited, hoping it hadn’t been a bad idea to ask, hoping he hadn’t overstepped his bounds.

“When the names of Rachel’s soulmates appeared on her arm in high school, she already knew two of them. One was me. The other one was my stepbrother, Finn Hudson.”

“Wow…” The word escaped Blaine’s lips involuntarily. Kurt hardly seemed to notice.

“Finn was the one for her. I was a bit jealous at first, but to be honest, it was clear that she matched with him much better than with me. They understood each other in a way that was sometimes hard for other people to grasp, but they were always so happy when they were together. They got engaged fairly quickly, and were planning to get married a few years after graduating, once they both found jobs or schools in New York City. Rachel and I were still good friends, it didn’t create that much tension between us. And Finn … well, he and I had a rocky start, but our family was strong and we grew closer, not farther apart, because of the connection we both had to Rachel.”

“It sounds perfect,” Blaine said. “What happened? Why didn’t she marry him?”

In the flash of an instant, Kurt seemed somehow smaller, paler, thinner than he had before. “He died. In a car accident. When we were nineteen.”

“Oh god.” Blaine felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“We were both so lost,” Kurt’s voice was thick, as if he might cry. Blaine saw the cascade of emotions on his face. Kurt was in that moment, though it was ten years ago, experiencing the loss and the grief and the pain all over again. As much as Blaine had wanted to hear this story, he regretted asking about it now that he saw the effect that telling it had on Kurt. “Rachel especially. She’d thought the rest of her life was going to be with Finn, and then … it was over forever. His name turned white on her arm. She’ll never escape it. He’s her soulmate, branded on her body, and every time she looks at her arm, even now, it’s a reminder of what she’s lost. But for me, too … he was my brother. The same age as me. One of the people closest to me in the world. And then just … gone.”

Kurt took a deep breath before he continued. “We thought we’d be stronger together. We could support each other, live together, love each other without forgetting Finn.”

“I am so sorry,” Blaine said softly. It didn’t convey anywhere near the depth of what he wanted to say, but it was the best he could do.

Kurt seemed to return to the present. His eyes flickered brighter again, his skin became pink instead of ghostly white. “It’s okay … it was a long time ago.”

“Did it … was it …” Blaine stopped himself. The question was rude any way he thought about phrasing it.

“Did it work?” Kurt asked for him.

Blaine nodded glumly, wishing he hadn’t opened his mouth in the first place.

“It did. A bit. For a while. It helped in the transition, I guess. The grief became less sharp over time, as grief does. Rachel and I eventually figured out how to make our relationship work well, and we were fairly happy together. It wasn’t a replacement for Finn, not for either of us. We worked together differently than she and Finn worked together, if that makes sense.”

“It does,” Blaine said. That was the thing that intrigued him the most about soulmates. The idea that each of them fit with you in a slightly different way. Each of them could complete you, but the completed you would be different depending on which one you were with.

“But then we stopped working together.”

“Which is confusing.”

Kurt’s mouth twisted into a wry, sad smile. “Soulmates are completely overrated.”

Blaine didn’t believe that for a second. Things hadn’t worked out all that well for Kurt and Rachel, but surely that was because they’d gotten married with unrealistic expectations. They were trying to fill a void that the two of them couldn’t fill. They must have never been satisfied with what they were together, because Rachel was expecting Finn, and Kurt was expecting … well, Blaine didn’t know what, but something else.

“Would you rather have never met any of your soulmates at all?” Blaine asked.

Kurt stared into his coffee cup.

His profile was lovely. The slope of his forehead down to the lashes shading his eyes with his head bent forward. His prominent nose, and the soft curve of his mouth. The line of his jaw, curving at the base into his delicate long neck. He lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip. Steam wafted up, evaporating into nothingness beside his cheek. Blaine had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He was breathtaking. He was perfect.

Kurt lowered the cup and put his other hand around to cradle it, perhaps for warmth, perhaps just in contemplation. He turned his face toward Blaine, his expression still a mystery to Blaine’s eye.

“No. I wouldn’t rather.”

Their eyes locked. If Blaine wanted to push, now was the moment. Maybe Kurt was only talking about Rachel, that he was glad to have her in his life despite the pain. But maybe he was talking about Blaine, too, and the new connection they were starting to form. Blaine wanted to reach for him, to take his hand or even kiss him. He was dying to know what those lips would feel like against his. And more than anything, he wanted to offer comfort to this strong but wounded man who had been brave enough to bare his soul tonight.

The risk, though, was too much. He didn’t want to hurt Kurt worse than he already was. He didn’t want to be kicked out of Kurt’s life. He couldn’t lose Kurt. He’d waited his whole life to meet his soulmate, and now that he was here, he couldn’t let himself go too far or move too quickly. Losing Kurt so soon after meeting him would break Blaine completely. He wouldn’t let himself push for anything beyond friendship until he was certain that Kurt wanted the same thing.

Blaine lowered his eyes. “Good,” he said. The rest would remain unspoken, no matter how much he wanted to say it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Klaineandbiscuits, who continues to be the most excellent beta reader!

_September 15, 2023_

“So does this _Mr. Blaine’s_ last name happen to be Anderson?”

“Why the fuck did I answer my phone?” Kurt groaned.

“You said that out loud,” Rachel said in a slightly hurt tone.

“It’s after midnight, why are you calling me?”

“Because I figured that Mr. Blaine has probably gone home by now, unless he’s staying the night. Is he staying the night, Kurt? Please tell me he is.”

“No, Rachel, he went home around nine. And it’s none of your business, and I’m trying to go to sleep.”

“Too bad,” she said, and her tone of voice seemed sincere. Kurt blinked at the ceiling, trying to figure out what was going on. “But come on, I have to know. Is Roo’s teacher the mysterious Blaine Anderson whose name has been written on your arm all these years?”

“What part of _none of your business_ don’t you understand?”

“But it _is_ my business, Kurt! Because I’m your soulmate and I want you to be happy.”

“Goodnight, Rachel.”

“No, please don’t hang up on—” Kurt jammed his finger into the End Call button as hard as he could.

_I’m a bitch, I’m a lover_  
 _I’m a child, I’m a mother_  
 _I’m a sinner, I’m a saint_  
 _I do not feel ashamed_  
 _I’m your—_

“Jesus Christ, Rachel, what is wrong with you?”

“I love you, and I care about you, and—”

“And you left me.”

“And you keep escalating everything into arguments when they don’t have to be. You agreed that we would be better off apart, remember? But I wasn’t lying when I said I still love you. I will always love you, Kurt. You’re one of my soulmates, even if you’re not the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but can you please say it nicely instead of being completely unreasonable all the time?”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Kurt said, as calmly as he could.

“Excellent, thank you. Now. Is Roo’s teacher _the_ Blaine Anderson, or not?”

“You are the single most exasperating person I’ve ever met.” Kurt’s voice was overly loud again, on the verge of shouting. He wondered why he hadn’t hung up again yet. Why had he even answered her second call? For that matter, why had he answered her first call?

“That’s because I know everything about you. And what I know is that you wouldn’t have randomly invited Roo’s teacher over for dinner just to be polite. There has to be some reason. And given that his name is Blaine and you’re not denying that he’s your soulmate, I think he’s your soulmate.”

“I don’t believe in soulmates.”

“Again with the non-denial,” Rachel said triumphantly.

Kurt let out his breath in a huff. “Fine, Rachel. Yes, it’s Blaine Anderson, and he has my name written on his arm. At least, he claims to. I haven’t seen it personally. But it doesn’t matter, because I don’t believe in soulmates, and also _it’s_ _none of your business_.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“ _I’m_ being ridiculous?”

“Happiness is right there waiting for you, and you’re stubbornly refusing to walk through the door.”

“Yes, why on earth would I not want to be with my soulmate?” Kurt said sarcastically. “It worked out so well the first time, why not jump right into it again?”

“God, Kurt, don’t you think I feel guilty enough about marrying you already without you rubbing it in?”

Kurt was momentarily shocked into silence. He expected Rachel to feel guilty about cheating on him or about leaving him, but not about marrying him in the first place.

“Don’t let me ruin your whole life,” she said softly, almost pleading. “I was selfish enough to talk you into marrying me when we were practically children, even though I knew that I could never satisfy you. I never should have let you throw your chance for happiness away like that, no matter how much it hurt for me to be alone. I am so sorry, Kurt.”

“That … that’s not what happened,” Kurt stammered. “We both agreed … it was for both of us …”

“Kurt, sweetheart, you don’t have to pretend anymore. I know you would have been happier if you hadn’t married me. Now you have a chance to start over, and get it right. Don’t let it slip through your fingers. If Blaine can make you happy, if he wants to love you, you should let him. And you should let yourself. I want that for you.”

It felt like an earthquake. Ground that he’d thought was solid was suddenly shifting under his feet, the past ten years of history being rewritten in his mind. He had never thought to blame Rachel for their marriage, not even once, and it shattered him to his core to realize that she’d been harboring guilt for it all these years. Her version of events had some shreds of truth in it, but Kurt knew she was being much too hard on herself.

“It’s not your fault, Rachel. I never blamed you.” It was the most gentle thing he’d said to her in months.

“I ...” she paused. “It’s … nice to hear you say that. But Kurt, please, give him a chance. I don’t think you’ll regret it.”

“Thank you, Rachel. I should go now. It’s late.” He had way too much to think about, would have been a more accurate explanation.

They said goodnight and ended the call, but Kurt didn’t put the phone down. He held it in his hand, tapping it gently against his chest as he lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling and revisiting everything he’d thought he’d known.

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_September 16, 2023_

The last chord of the song was massively out of tune, but Blaine smiled encouragingly anyway. He made a point of staying completely positive during band practice, just like he did with the children in his classroom. Nothing productive ever comes of negativity, he reminded himself. “Great job, guys. Great rehearsal today.”

“I was off on the second verse again, sorry about that,” Vlad said sheepishly, pulling the guitar strap over his head.

“You’ll get it one of these days.” Blaine gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “Just keep on practicing.” Sam shot Vlad a smile as well, but Blaine thought it seemed halfhearted.

Vlad and Archer packed up their instruments and headed home within a few minutes. Blaine stayed around, as he usually did. He followed Sam from the garage into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. He let himself fully relax around Sam in a way that he did with hardly anyone else. After being friends for so many years—and roommates at one point also—there were no pretenses left between them.

Sam’s wife Michelle came in from the kitchen carrying three bottles of beer. She handed one to each of them, then sat down on a chair across from the couch and took a sip of her own. “Tough rehearsal?” she asked.

“No, it was great,” Blaine said.

“I can hear that racket you make in the garage, even over Anakin and Leia belting out ‘Let It Go’ in the playroom. ‘Great’ is not how I would describe it.”

There was never putting anything past Michelle. She called it like she saw it, and she saw pretty much everything.

“We need to get rid of Vlad and Archer, Blaine,” Sam said. “They’re not good musicians. I don’t understand why you let them into our band in the first place.”

“The band is just for fun, Sam. We agreed up front that we’re not planning to perform, so anyone can participate. And they’re nice guys. They’re our friends. Anyway, it’s as much their band as ours.”

“It’s not fun if we suck,” Sam complained.

“We don’t suck, we just … need improvement.”

“You’ve been saying that for more than a year!”

Blaine sighed. “I know, but … it’s not a big deal. Really, I don’t mind.”

Sam eyed him suspiciously. “Well, what’s bothering you if it’s not the band? Because something is up with you today. You’re distracted and you seem like … what’s the word? Not sad, just like … out of it and …”

“Moody,” Michelle supplied.

Sam snapped his fingers and pointed to her in agreement. “That’s it. Moody.”

Blaine wanted to talk about this with them, but even though they were two of his closest friends, it was still scary to tell someone else what was going on. He tipped his beer bottle back and took a long gulp before answering. “All right … you guys have to promise not to tell this to _anyone_ , though.”

“Cross my heart,” Sam said, tracing an X over his chest with one finger.

“Promise,” Michelle said, leaning forward to hear the gossip.

“I met my soulmate,” Blaine confessed.

“Dude. Walk away.” Sam looked serious, and Blaine was stunned to hear this advice from someone who was happily married to his soulmate. “All your soulmates are married, and you do _not_ want to mess around with that shit. Either you’ll break up a marriage and have that on your conscience for the rest of your life, or you won’t, and it’ll be worse for you than never getting to know him in the first place. So just walk away. As fast as you can.”

“No, no, Sam, it’s not like that. He’s divorced.”

“Wait.” Sam set down his beer on the coffee table. “You’re telling me that one of your soulmates’ names came back on your arm, and you didn’t even tell me about it? I thought we were bros. How long have you been keeping this from me?”

“I would have told you, except it happened the day before I left for London, and then I didn’t see you for ages. It didn’t seem exactly relevant, either, since I had no idea who he was. But then I met him. So I’m telling you now.”

“Congratulations, Blaine!” Michelle held up her beer to toast him, and to rescue him from Sam’s barrage of misplaced anger.

Blaine blushed slightly. “Thank you. But I don’t think congratulations are exactly in order. See, he doesn’t want to date me.”

“How could he not want to date you?” Sam looked genuinely shocked. “You’re awesome. I would totally date you, if I were, you know, into guys and not married and you were my soulmate and all that.”

Michelle smirked.

“I need more beer before I tell this story,” Blaine said. He got up and grabbed himself one out of the fridge. Sam was the only person he’d been friends with long enough that he felt comfortable helping himself to food and drinks out of the fridge without being invited. It was a nice feeling. Almost like being family.

He tried to relate the story as objectively as possible. Kurt’s objections to dating were quite reasonable, Blaine knew, and his views on soulmates were cynical but not unheard of. Still, he couldn’t help whining a bit about how when he’d finally found his soulmate, it was someone who didn’t believe in soulmates. The irony was too sharp, and the pain too fresh, to ignore entirely.

“So basically, you’re going to let him string you along indefinitely?” Michelle asked.

“I wouldn’t quite put it that way,” Blaine said. “I want to get to know him. If he doesn’t want to date, we can just be friends.”

Sam looked unconvinced. “And we’re supposed to believe that you’re cool with that?”

“I want him to be comfortable. I don’t want to scare him away. If we’re meant to be together, then it’s fate, and we will be. And if it’s not, then there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Dude. Listen to me carefully.” Sam leaned across the couch and put his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. “Fate only opens the door. _You_ have to make it happen.” He leaned back again, as if what he’d said was supposed to be perfectly self-explanatory.

“He’s right,” Michelle said. “You can take it slowly if you think that’s what he needs, but if you want him to fall in love, you need to show him that’s the way things should be.”

“But how do I do that?”

Sam grinned. “By being your charming self, of course.”

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_September 18, 2023_

Kurt collapsed onto the park bench with a sigh of relief. He rubbed his eyes with one hand. “God, I’m so exhausted. Pulled an all-nighter last night, and then a full day working today, and there’s still more to do when I get home.”

“Why so busy?” Blaine asked. He took a seat beside Kurt. He was tired too, after a full day of supervising more than two dozen preschoolers, but Kurt looked beyond weary.

“My Etsy shop is really taking off. A lot of people liked the new fall shirt designs I posted, and then some people started asking if I would sell finished products instead just the patterns, and I figured why not. But it means long nights sewing instead of just e-mailing the PDF of the pattern like I normally do. It’s bringing in a lot of money, though. It will be good to have that extra cash for Christmas presents for Roo.”

Blaine was starting to worry about Kurt. He talked so much about working all the time, and it seemed to bring him only exhaustion, not personal fulfillment. He worried about bringing up the subject, though. Their friendship was still tentative, and Blaine didn’t want to sound critical. So he responded in the most supportive way he could. “It’s great that people like your designs,” Blaine said, trying to sound diplomatic.

“Well, that sounded enthusiastic,” Kurt said sarcastically.

Blaine laughed a little bit, embarrassed. “You noticed that, huh? I really am glad that people like your designs, though.”

Kurt arched an eyebrow, waiting for more.

“You work so hard all the time. When was the last time you did something fun?” Blaine asked.

Kurt thought for a moment. “I took Roo to the zoo last Sunday.”

“And while I’m sure that was entertaining for him, I’m betting that it’s not exactly fun or relaxing for you to drag a four-year-old around to look at smelly animals all afternoon. Do you ever take time to do something that’s just for you?”

“I’m too busy. I have work, and my side projects, and it’s so important to spend time with Roo when I have the time to spend, so …”

“You’re going to burn out, Kurt. It’s admirable that you want to do all these things and be a good father and everything, but if you never take time for yourself, to relax and have fun for _you_ , you’re not going to have the emotional resources to be there for him anymore, either.”

A flash of something like anger appeared on Kurt’s face, but it softened quickly. Kurt rubbed his eyes again. “I know you don’t mean to criticize, but …”

“I don’t mean it as criticism,” Blaine said quickly. “You’re amazing with Roo, you really are. But nobody can do that forever without a break, and I want to make sure you keep on being as amazing as you are.”

“Nice save,” Kurt said. Blaine couldn’t tell how much of it was friendly teasing and how much of it was sharp-edged anger.

“Let me take you out to dinner,” Blaine offered. “This Saturday night. A fancy restaurant that doesn’t even have a kids’ menu, followed by a movie rated _at least_ PG-13.”

Kurt smirked and his eyes glittered with amusement. “Living on the wild side,” he said.

“I’ll even buy you a box of candy at the movie theater,” Blaine said, playing along. “Or, if you want, we can have dessert _before dinner_.”

Kurt laughed out loud, that melodic and gorgeous laugh that sent waves of happiness reverberating through Blaine’s body. “That sounds fantastic,” he admitted. “But I don’t know…”

“Come on, it will be just what you need. If you can’t find a babysitter for Saturday, we can do it another night.”

“I’ll have to make up the work time…”

“ _Saturday night_ , Kurt.”

“Alright, alright, fine,” Kurt said. His smile took on a hint of shyness, and Blaine marveled once again at how expressive his face could be. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t even remember what it’s like to relax.”

“Trust me. We’re going to have a great time.”

_\----------------------------------------------------_

_September 23, 2023_

“The pizza should get here in about fifteen minutes. I left money for it on the counter. We usually read two books at bedtime, but he can have a third one if you’re up for it. Oh, and make sure he brushes his teeth really well, he always tries to suck all the toothpaste off and claim he’s done.”

Valerie nodded seriously at Kurt, then turned and winked at Roo. “We’re going to be fine, don’t you worry.”

“Any other questions before I go?” Kurt asked nervously.

Valerie shook her head. “I have your phone number in case anything comes up.”

“Right.” Kurt patted his jacket pocket to make sure his phone was there. He picked up his wallet from the counter and slid it into the same pocket, then grabbed his keys. He was still hesitant to leave. “Okay, Roo, give me a hug before I go.”

“I want to come with you.”

“I know, hon, but it’s just for grown-ups.”

“But I _like_ Mr. Blaine.”

“We’ll see him again on Monday. Now you and Valerie can play Legos or something, okay?”

Roo pouted, but at least he didn’t cry as Kurt slipped out the door. There was no reason to be nervous. Valerie had babysat for them before, and even picked up Roo from school on a few days when Kurt had late hours and couldn’t get home before dinner.

Blaine wanted the restaurant to be a surprise, but Kurt pointed out that Blaine showing up at their door and leaving Roo behind would be nearly certain to create a tantrum for the babysitter to deal with, so the compromise was that Kurt would drive to Blaine’s apartment and then they would go together in Blaine’s car from there.

Kurt could hardly remember how easy the logistics of going out had been before he had a kid. Even when Roo wasn’t coming with him, he had to be taken into account – babysitter found, the babysitter’s curfew respected if she was a teenager, comings and goings carefully planned to avoid upsetting Roo or waking him up. It was just one of the many ways his life was different now from when he was younger. One of the many tradeoffs of having children.

He pulled into the parking lot of Blaine’s apartment building. It wasn’t far from his own, but he hadn’t been in this particular neighborhood before. The doorman greeted him, then called up to Blaine’s apartment. “He’s heading down to meet you,” the doorman said politely.

“Thanks,” Kurt said. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around at the pleasant but boring decor of the lobby. To be honest, only half of his nervousness was about leaving Roo with a babysitter. The other half was about spending the evening alone with Blaine, on something that seemed, when he really started to think about it, kind of like a date.

A ding sounded from the elevator and the doors slid open. Blaine stepped out, dressed in gray slacks, a crisp white shirt with a green sweater vest and striped bow tie, and a navy blue blazer. It was a slightly more dressed-up version of what he wore every day to work, but he looked fabulously dapper. Kurt smiled at him from across the lobby.

“Hi,” Blaine said. “Are you ready to go?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Kurt said. “You still won’t tell me where?”

“Nope, it’s a surprise!” Blaine wiggled his eyebrows.

“You’re such a dork,” Kurt said with a grin.

“Me? You’re the one wearing suspenders.”

“Suspenders are in fashion right now.”

“And fortunately, you can make anything look good.”

“Are you questioning my fashion choices, Blaine Anderson?”

“What? Me? No!”

“You are!”

“Absolutely not. You look cute.”

“Cute? I wasn’t going for cute.”

“What were you going for?”

_Irresistible._ “Um … I don’t know … classic but trendy …”

Blaine’s eyes roamed over Kurt’s body, head to toe and back up again. “You look classic, trendy, and cute.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe a word you say.”

“It’s all true.”

Kurt looked at him, a witty comeback on the tip of his tongue, but when their eyes met, his urge to meet the situation with sarcasm completely vanished.

Kurt was used to being looked at with desire. He knew he was attractive, and he dressed in ways that played up his strengths. As a result, he met plenty of men—not to mention women—who drooled over his body. He could easily recognize the signs of lust in someone’s gaze.

Blaine didn’t look at him like that. Blaine, who had made a big show of appraising Kurt’s body just a moment ago, and who was most definitely flirting with him, wasn’t looking at him with lust. Kurt couldn’t name the emotion in his eyes. It was something he’d never seen directed at him before. The closest he could come to describing it was admiration. It was close to accurate. There was definitely some admiration in there. But even if Kurt couldn’t put his finger on what was missing from that description, he knew that it didn’t capture the whole of it.

Whatever it was, it was intoxicating. Kurt wouldn’t mind being looked at like that for … well, for a very long time.

“Thank you,” he managed to say in answer to Blaine’s compliment.

Blaine smiled in response. “Come on, my car is this way.”

It was a short drive to the restaurant. Kurt looked out the window as they pulled into the parking lot. He recognized it as one of the fanciest French restaurants in their area of town. “Blaine, this is too much,” he protested.

“It’s a special occasion. I know it’s expensive, but I don’t go out often. Everyone needs a really nice treat once in a while. And it’s on me, so you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Blaine …” Kurt hesitated, but Blaine was right. He’d agreed to relax and enjoy himself tonight, so he would. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Blaine said.

\---------

Kurt set his fork down on his plate. They’d been flirting through the entire meal, and he couldn’t let it go unspoken anymore. “Blaine, I have to ask. Is this a date?”

Blaine looked at him in that same impossible way. “Only if you want it to be.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said. If you want it to be a date, it can be a date. And if you don’t, then we’re just two friends having a pleasant evening out together.”

“And either of those is fine with you?”

“Kurt … I haven’t made a secret about how I feel. All of that is still true. I would be over the moon if you wanted us to try a relationship. But what I want most is just to continue being around you, and if that means being nothing more than friends, that’s fine. I want you to be happy. I want to help make you happy, in whatever way I can.”

“I think … maybe you could.” Kurt looked down at his plate.

“Could … what?” Blaine asked.

Kurt looked up at him. Blaine’s eyes were so full of hope that Kurt felt an ache in his heart. Openness came so easily to Blaine, but Kurt also saw the intense vulnerability there. Blaine could get hurt, and deeply, in a thousand different ways if Kurt opened that door, and he didn’t want to be responsible for that. Still, he couldn’t deny what he was feeling for this man.

“I like you,” Kurt said. “I like you a lot. I love spending time with you and I’m starting to think I want … more.”

Blaine’s eyes were wide, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“But Blaine, you have to know that I can’t give you everything you’re looking for. I don’t believe in soulmates, and I’m not going to jump into a relationship thinking it’s going to last forever. I feel the same way about you that I would feel about dating someone whose name isn’t written on my arm. Taking it day by day … seeing how things work out. I _want_ it to work out, but I’m not counting on it.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying,” Blaine said slowly.

“I guess I’m saying that I want to take things really slow.” Kurt’s heart pounded in his chest. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. “And you need to understand that if we start dating, it might not last. We might break up. I don’t believe that it’s fated to work out just because we’re soulmates. I’m worried that you’ll get all invested and then we’ll break up and you’ll be devastated because you expected it to be forever. I don’t believe in forever.”

“You want to start dating now and then break up later?” Blaine asked, his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“Yes. No.” Kurt sighed. “No. My point is, it’s not magical, and it’s not fate. There’s no guarantee any relationship between us will be a good one. I hope it will be, and I think it could be, but if things do end up going badly, I’m not going to be blinded by the fact that your name is written on my arm.”

“But you do want to try?” Blaine couldn’t hide his eagerness.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Better to have loved and lost—”

“That is the biggest lie ever told.”

“You will never make me jaded,” Blaine said, smiling more broadly than Kurt had ever seen.

“And you will never make me back into a romantic,” Kurt shot back, teasing.

“Fine, as long as you don’t try to stop me from saying the most ridiculously romantic things to you whenever I want to.”

Kurt bit his lip to keep from laughing. “It’s a deal.”

“It’s …” Blaine’s smile disappeared and he looked at Kurt with a serious intensity. “It’s a deal.”

Kurt’s breath caught. He felt naked under Blaine’s gaze. He looked down at his plate in an attempt to provide himself a little bit of cover. He picked up his fork and lamely prodded at a haricot vert.

“Hey,” Blaine said softly, and Kurt looked up. His eyes were softer now, full of empathy and certainty. “It’s going to be okay.”

Kurt nodded, but he looked down again. Looking into Blaine’s eyes was too much. He was so emotional, and Kurt knew without a doubt that Blaine was going to get hurt in one way or another out of this whole thing. He felt guilty in advance, knowing that he was laying the groundwork for that pain, even if Blaine walked into the situation not just willingly but enthusiastically.

Blaine reached across the table and covered Kurt’s left hand with his right. It was their first skin-to-skin contact; Kurt had been very careful to avoid it before now. He stared at their hands on the table, Blaine’s tanned skin contrasting with his own pale tone. He was hyper-aware of the sensation of the touch, the warmth infusing his hand from Blaine’s, the way his pulse pounded. It was sweet and lovely and exciting, but it wasn’t the magical spark that people described having when they first touched their soulmate. It felt good. It felt like what he wanted. But it did nothing to assuage his guilt or his nervousness.

_\----------------------------------------------------_

They agreed on a lighthearted romantic comedy and sat in the back of the movie theater. A few minutes after the opening credits, Kurt shifted in his seat to rest his head on Blaine’s shoulder. Afraid of breaking the tentative intimacy between them, Blaine moved slowly, shyly, to drape his arm around Kurt’s shoulder. He let himself briefly bury his nose in Kurt’s hair, then kissed the top of his head lightly. But his fears were unfounded, because Kurt snuggled closer at the touch, curling in toward Blaine’s body like a kitten, his head heavier on Blaine’s shoulder instead of tentative the way it had been at first.

Smiling down at him though Kurt couldn’t see, Blaine tugged a little bit tighter with the arm that was around Kurt, bringing them even another tiny bit closer. He brought his other hand in front to tangle their fingers together, resting their intertwined hands softly against his stomach. They didn’t whisper a single word to each other, but they sat that way through the whole movie.

Blaine could hardly believe he wasn’t dreaming the whole thing. He hadn’t allowed himself to believe that Kurt would ever want to date him, and he was giddy with excitement now that it had happened. He understood Kurt’s concern about jumping in too fast and getting hurt, but he ran heedless past all the emotional barriers anyway. He didn’t care about the possibility of future pain. He had the only man he wanted right here, right now, in his arms, and he would not waste a moment of this brilliant joy on worries about tomorrow.

But Kurt turned quiet and moody on the trip back to Blaine’s apartment building where he’d left his car. He answered Blaine’s questions and smiled wistfully, but the easy rapport they’d had at the beginning of the night had vanished. By the time they were in the parking lot, walking from Blaine’s parking spot to Kurt’s car in the guest lot, some fears were beginning to creep into Blaine’s mind. Perhaps Kurt regretted it already. Perhaps this relationship wouldn’t last longer than a single date.

“Are you sure this is what you want, Kurt?” Blaine held his breath, waiting for an answer.

“Yes.” Kurt didn’t hesitate.

Blaine let out a long breath, relieved. “You’ve been so quiet tonight.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m just … thinking about a lot of stuff.”

“I wish you would share it with me,” Blaine said gently. He didn’t want to pressure Kurt, but he desperately wanted to know what was on his mind, and do his part to ease Kurt’s fears.

“I will. But not tonight.”

“Okay,” Blaine said. “In your own time.”

“Thank you, Blaine. It was a wonderful evening. The best I’ve had in a very long time.”

“I’m so glad.”

Kurt stood there looking at him. Everything was silent, save for the crickets and cicadas chirping their nighttime music. Blaine let him look for as long as he wanted to. He tried to be at peace in his mind.

“Can I kiss you goodnight?” Kurt asked.

“Oh god, _yes_.”

Kurt stepped in closer, reaching one hand up to cup Blaine’s cheek. He tilted his head slightly down and paused, blue eyes bright with hope and pain and desire. Closer, closer, until their lips finally touched and Blaine’s eyes fluttered closed, the sensations of the moment almost too much to bear.

Blaine let his heart open wide. He let Kurt flow inside, infusing him, becoming part of him. He brought his hands up without conscious thought, one to rest on Kurt’s back and the other tangling in his hair, pulling deeper into the kiss that had become his whole world. This was his soulmate. This was his other half. This was how his life was meant to be.

_I love you_ , he didn’t say, but he felt it with his whole heart and soul. He’d been in love with Kurt at first sight, and he’d been willing to dive into this in that very first moment. With Kurt’s initial coldness, he’d pulled back, told himself it might not ever be a reality. Now he let himself believe in it again, let it become his life and inhabit every part of his being. Kurt’s warnings were words cast to the wind, making no impression deeper than the hearing of them.

Kurt was his soulmate. Kurt was his life. Kurt was forever.

“I need to get home,” Kurt said. “The babysitter can’t stay too late.”

“Okay,” Blaine breathed. He was reluctant to pull away, but he let his arms drop as Kurt stepped back. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Monday at the park, like usual?”

Blaine smiled, feeling the joy through his whole body. He loved that they had a ‘usual.’ He loved that he saw Kurt nearly every day of the week. He loved what his life was on the brink of becoming. “Of course,” he answered.

“Goodnight, Blaine.” Kurt pulled out his keys and pressed the button to unlock his car. The headlights flashed, a beacon in the dark night.

Blaine waited until Kurt was in the car, then waved again before he walked back up to the building. The smile on his face seemed permanent, and he wouldn’t soon forget the feel of Kurt’s lips against his. Everything in the world seemed beautiful and amazing, and for the first time in many years, he found himself looking forward to the future.


	9. Interlude -- Sam's Soulmate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's chapter is something different from usual. It's a flashback to the time when Sam met and married his soulmate, about six years before the events of the main story. There's no Klaine in this chapter, since it's before they met, but Blaine appears as a supporting character. I hope this helps to fill out the world of this universe a little bit, and provides some context for how soulmates work and the different ways of finding and interacting with them. We'll be back to our usual Klaining next week. Thanks for sticking with me! :D

_June 10, 2017_

Michelle adjusted the cardigan around her shoulders and took a deep breath. She’d planned everything down to the last detail, but now that she was here, standing at his door, nervousness was threatening to take over anyway. She felt awkward in the sundress she was wearing, white with a spray of blue flowers decorating the skirt. It was so different from the normal jeans and mathematical joke t-shirts she usually wore, and besides, it exposed her spindly legs. Maybe she shouldn’t have dressed up. Maybe she should have presented her everyday self instead of trying to make this meeting special or different.

Enough of this. Nervousness made her talk too much, and talking too much made her say too much, so it was imperative that she calm herself down. She silently counted the powers of two to 1,048,576, finding her focus again in the mathematical beauty of doubling and doubling and doubling again. She was here to collect data. That was all. There was nothing whatsoever to be nervous about. With a determined set of her jaw, she lifted her hand and knocked sharply on the door in front of her.

She heard a muffled groan, followed by a man’s voice shouting “Just a minute!” Had she woken him up? She pulled her phone out of her bag to check the time. 10:37 AM. Who would sleep that late on a Saturday morning? It made no sense.

After a rather long wait, which gave her plenty of time to become nervous again, the door swung open. The man standing there was surprisingly cute—short and thin but also muscular, with a mess of dark curls on his head. He was dressed in skinny jeans and a green polo shirt buttoned up to his throat. Michelle smiled at him. Yes, this was a good start. “Samuel Evans?” she asked.

“No, I’m his roommate,” the man said, to her disappointment. “Sam’s getting dressed, he’ll be out in a minute. Are you a friend of his?”

Michelle felt her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Of course her soulmate wouldn’t be this good-looking. That was too much to hope for. Besides, she reminded herself, looks were a minor factor in this calculation, compared to the more important things like personality, compatible life goals, earning potential, and health. She shouldn’t let herself be disappointed by surface trivialities. But she’d been asked a question, hadn’t she? What was it? “Oh … um, no, we haven’t met yet, but I have something important to discuss with him.”

“I’m Blaine,” the man said, holding out his hand. She shook it and entered the room at his invitation.

A tall, blond man—perhaps another of Sam’s roommates—stepped tentatively in from another room. She’d thought Blaine was cute, but this guy was hot enough to be a model, all muscle and tousled hair and sheepish smile. He held his hands up in a gesture that might be apology. “Look, if this is about the life-sized cardboard cutout of Nathan Fillion, I had absolutely nothing to do with that.”

“No …”

“Oh. Well, good, then. So what’s going on?”

“Wait … are you Samuel Evans?” A guy like this couldn’t possibly be the man she was looking for, could he?

“That’s me,” he said with a smile.

“I … I’m Michelle Newton,” she stammered. “I’m one of your soulmates.”

\----------------

Nothing could have prepared Sam for this moment. He’d always expected to meet at least one of his soulmates at some point. Sometimes he daydreamed about how it would happen—maybe in a bar or a club one night, maybe at school or work, maybe through a friend who would see a name on his arm and recognize it. Never had he imagined, though, that his soulmate would come marching up to his door at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning to find him. He felt lightheaded and overwhelmed. His jaw dropped open and he was unable to find a way to close it.

“I’m going to put on some coffee,” Blaine said, interrupting the awkward silence. “Michelle, would you like some? And maybe I’ll make some scrambled eggs while I’m at it. Neither of us has had breakfast yet, and … Sam, it seems like you could use some nutrition this morning, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, eggs would be great,” Sam said absently. “I’m gonna go … sit down … on the couch.”

Michelle followed him and sat in a chair facing him, across the coffee table. She set down her messenger bag, which hit the ground with a heavy thunk. “You’re the first one I’ve met! It’s pretty exciting. Though I have to admit, you’re not quite what I was expecting.”

“How did you find me?” Sam asked.

“Oh! Yes, well, I suppose I should start from the beginning. Two months ago, one of my soulmates’ names went white on my arm. I’d never even met him, and I’ve already lost him. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I want to have the maximum choice available, not just sit around and wait to see who I happen to come across. I hired Soul Searchers to locate all four of my remaining soulmates. Then I designed this questionnaire … hang on a minute …” Michelle reached into her bag and pulled out a large manila folder. She opened it and handed the thick sheaf of papers to Sam. “It’s a seventy-page survey about all aspects of your life. Education and employment, family medical history, hobbies and interests, pet peeves, personality traits, all kinds of relevant information. I’ve already filled out the same information about myself, and I’ll give it to you when you return this one. I didn’t want either of us changing our answers based on what the other one says, of course.”

Sam scanned the first page, which was full of basic demographic questions such as name, date of birth, hometown, number of siblings, and so forth. Meanwhile, Michelle continued talking nonstop. “I’m going to have each of my four remaining soulmates fill out the questionnaire, and then I can analyze all the data and decide which one is the most compatible and appealing as my lifelong partner. And then, assuming he agrees, we can get married.”

Blaine walked in with a tray of coffee, eggs, and toast and set it down on the coffee table. “I’m going to go eat in the kitchen so you two can have some privacy…”

Sam looked up at him, silently begging him to stay, but Blaine backed away and left the room.

Michelle was nothing like what he’d expected his soulmates to be. She was so … organized.

“Do you have any questions? If not, I’ll just go, and I’ll come back tomorrow morning to pick up your completed questionnaire and drop off mine. You’re the only one of my soulmates who lives here in New York, so I’m taking a month off work to fly around and spend a week with each one, getting to know them a little bit. Make sure the data matches up to the real world picture, you know?”

“You live in New York?” Sam asked.

“Yes, I got a degree in mathematics from NYU and now I work at a financial firm doing statistical—” she slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oops, I’m not supposed to tell you anything about myself before you fill out the survey! Forget I said anything.”

“You want me to fill this out by tomorrow, then?” Sam hefted the stack of paper in his hand. Even just the weight of it was intimidating, not to mention the idea of trying to answer so many questions about himself. He didn’t even want to think about Michelle combing through the answers and comparing him to three other guys. Her other soulmates would probably be just as smart and accomplished as she was. There was no way he could stand up to them, not when he was reduced to a bunch of survey answers on a stack of paper. That wouldn’t be _him_.

“Yes, please,” she said. “I’ll come by at, say, eight in the morning to pick it up and give you mine? That way we can each spend the day reading through the answers on our own.”

“That sounds … great,” Sam answered. If there was anything worse than filling out a seventy-page questionnaire about himself and handing it over to a stranger, it would be trying to get a sense of who someone was by reading seventy pages of trivial details about them. There had to be a better way. They needed to get to know each other in person first, not as a bunch of data without any context.

“Would you like to … I don’t know, get brunch together after that?” Sam asked. “Hang out and talk and get to know each other?”

Michelle’s forehead wrinkled in the cutest way. “Wouldn’t that be more productive after we’ve read each other’s survey answers? Otherwise we’ll be wasting time talking about the same information we’ve written down.”

“But it’s more fun to talk for real. You get to hear how someone gets all excited about things, and see their reaction to what you say, and stuff like that. Besides … you’re pretty, and your voice makes me smile, so I think it would be nice to spend some time with you.”

Michelle smiled at the compliment, but she tried to hide it by looking down at her hands. “You … you really think I’m pretty?”

Sam blinked. He wasn’t used to girls not realizing how beautiful they were. The girls he dated were usually models—always very confident with their appearance, and with showing off their bodies on the dance floor at clubs. “Wow, yes, of course! You’re gorgeous! That hair and … those eyes … and your legs are like whoa, and your waist is like tiny and ... okay, I should probably stop there.”

She blushed, but looked up at him with a pleased expression on her face. “Everyone always talks about how I’m so smart. Nobody’s ever told me I’m pretty before.”

“Those people are wrong. I mean, not about you being smart, I guess you’re probably really smart even though I haven’t talked to you much and I don’t know for sure. But you’re definitely pretty and wow, I cannot believe you’re my soulmate, because _wow_ , like, everything.”

Her laugh was like the sound of windchimes in a breeze. “You’re not at all what I expected, Sam Evans.”

“You’re not exactly what I expected, either.”

She cocked her head to one side. “Maybe we can discuss that at brunch tomorrow,” she said playfully.

“Great! Then it’s a date!”

“It’s a date. And now I’d better go, before I accidentally reveal anything else that might influence your survey answers.” She stood up to leave. “It was great to meet you, Sam.”

Blaine came out of the kitchen when the door shut behind her. “Sam!” he squealed.

“I don’t know man, she’s kind of …”

“Gorgeous? Smart as fuck? Perfect for you?”

“Overly enthusiastic?” Sam thumbed through the packet, stopping at random on a page titled ‘Children and Pets.’ It was packed with tables in fine print. He read aloud from the first group of questions on the page. “What is the minimum and maximum number of children you’d like to have? If you want multiple children, how far apart in age should they be? Do you own any pets now? List type, number, and age of each pet. Do you someday want a dog? Cat? Ferret? Bird? Turtle? Salamander? Fish? Hamster/gerbil/rat/mouse? Jesus, Blaine, what kind of person does this?”

“A person who wants to be really prepared and know what she’s getting into, I guess.”

“Exactly. And does that sound like me at all?”

“Sam, your soulmate is not necessarily supposed to be the same as you. They’re supposed to complement you, so that the two of you together are stronger than either one apart.”

“She’s a mathematician, Blaine. She’s super smart and has a great job and she’s got it all together. There’s no way she’ll want to be with someone like me.”

“You made her smile. You saw her in ways that nobody has seen her before. You talked her into having brunch with you. I’d say you have a lot to offer her.”

What Blaine said was true. Maybe Sam did have a chance after all. He clapped Blaine on the shoulder. “Thanks, bro. I needed that pep talk. Now I’d better start filling this thing out. It looks like a lot of work.”

Blaine grabbed a pen off his desk. “Get to it. You’re going to knock her socks off.”

\----------------

_July 9, 2017_

Michelle stared out the airplane window at the endless blue sea below her. It was exactly the color of Niall Rearden’s eyes. His appearance was the only thing she had learned about Niall. He was dating another of his soulmates and headed toward marriage, and had refused to meet with her. She sighed with regret and frustration, thinking about it. This was exactly the sort of thing she’d been trying to avoid. It made her wish that she’d done her search a year ago, when she would have had more choices. But no matter. There were still excellent options.

She didn’t understand why she felt so confused. Alain Richard was clearly the optimal choice. A French citizen fluent in four languages, he was working in Hong Kong as a liaison for European businesses investing there. He had a sharp mind and was earning enough money to have houses in Hong Kong, Paris, and New Zealand. He was moderately attractive, they’d hit it off well, and they both had the same plan of not having children until they were much older. What was more, he was willing to help her find a job in Hong Kong so they could try living in the same place without hurting her career. She’d always been excited by the idea of traveling and working overseas, so this was her perfect chance to live that dream.

Alain was certainly better than Wyatt Higgins. The Texas cowboy was polite and charming, smart and curious, but uneducated. His dream was to grow his cattle ranch to be one of the biggest in the state, and while running that business with him seemed like it would be a quiet, pleasant life, it was definitely not the life Michelle wanted to choose for herself.

But her mind kept coming back to Sam Evans, despite his complete mess of a life. He was trying to make it as a model, but his only major success was appearing in his underwear on the side of a bus three years ago. He seemed to be living off his friend Blaine’s charity, chipping in for part of the rent and food only rarely, when he managed to land a gig. He was undeniably the hottest guy Michelle had ever seen, but she tried to ignore that. She wouldn’t be seduced by a pretty face and throw the rest of her life away in exchange for good sex. She wasn’t looking for a boy toy to support, she was looking for a life partner.

He was more than just a pretty face, though, she had to admit. He wasn’t very smart, but he was always kind. He made her laugh more frequently than she’d ever laughed before, and she felt deeply happy whenever she was around him. He was creative, artistic, and endlessly enthusiastic about his passions. When he started to talk about Star Wars or macaroni portraits or his brother and sister, his eyes lit up with an excitement that was infectious. There was this spark about him, this devotion mixed with spontaneity … Michelle didn’t know how to calculate that in the equation. There was no line for it in the survey, no space for it in the spreadsheet.

Alain was clearly the superior choice. She should call him as soon as she got home, to get started on working out the details of moving to Hong Kong. They wouldn’t have to marry right away. Of course not. That would be rash and foolish. They’d give it some time, make sure everything between them was as compatible as it appeared on paper. In the meantime, she’d have a great adventure in a new country and get in some excellent work experience. Yes, that’s what she would do.

\----------------

Michelle was astonished to find Sam waiting for her when she got through customs, holding a single red rose. She stepped toward him cautiously, her heart beating much faster than she wanted it to.

“This is for you,” he said, holding out the rose to her.

She took it carefully from him and held it up to her nose to hide the smile on her face. “It’s beautiful. But … why are you here? How did you even know what flight I was on?”

“I didn’t know, actually. I’ve been standing here all day.”

“You … what?”

“I missed you. So much. It was like … everything was the same, but just empty, like when Frodo came back to the Shire but he couldn’t bear to live there anymore after everything he’d seen, except instead of the horrors of war, I’ve seen … you, and you’re amazing, and all I want is to be with you all the time.”

These bubbles of joy in her heart were silly, they were superficial and unimportant, they should be ignored. Alain … Alain was the one she was supposed to choose …

“I know that you’ve been all around the world and you’ve met all your other soulmates who are probably way cooler and smarter than me, but Michelle, I’ve met you, and you’re perfect, and I don’t want anyone else but you. Will you marry me?”

 _Say no. Say no. Say …_ “Yes. Yes, Sam, I want to be your soulmate.”

“You do? Really?” Sam looked completely astonished.

Michelle was crying tears of relief and happiness. “It’s crazy, but yes. Yes, I do.”

He threw his arms around her and she felt her feet lifting off the floor. She was swept away, safe in his arms and embarking on the most incredible journey of her life. She had no idea where this road would take her. She had no idea who she would become in this life, or how Sam would change as they spent time and grew together. All she knew was that this unknown was exactly the adventure she had always been looking for.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopelesslydevotedgleek has drawn some gorgeous cover art for this fic! You can see it at the beginning of Chapter 1 or on Tumblr here: http://nadiacreek.tumblr.com/post/91497220180/hopelesslydevotedgleek-created-this-cover-from

_September 30, 2023_

Saturday night was date night, if two instances could make a tradition. Kurt hoped they could, because right now, lying flat on his back on Blaine’s couch with Blaine heavy and intense on top of him, he could not possibly think of a better way to spend his Saturday nights. Blaine broke their kiss and teasingly moved away, and Kurt reached up to pull his head back down into another open-mouthed kiss. He was desperate for this. It had been far too long since he’d gotten laid. The needy gasps coming out of his mouth were surely making that perfectly clear to Blaine.

Not that they would have sex tonight, of course. They were both responsible enough to realize that the time wasn’t right. Kurt wondered, though, which of them would be the one to back off and insist on waiting. He hoped it wouldn’t have to be him. It would be nice to get to be the irresponsible one for a change.

No need to worry about that yet, though. They were still fully clothed, for god’s sake. Kurt slid his hands down from Blaine’s shoulders to his waist, and pulled the hem of his shirt out of his pants. He reveled in the smooth skin of Blaine’s back, his hands inching higher as the fabric crumpled. Blaine moaned into his mouth, and Kurt arched his neck up to deepen their kiss.

Skin. He needed more skin. He found space between their bodies and started unbuttoning Blaine’s shirt. Blaine shrugged it off his shoulders and let it fall haphazardly to the floor. Kurt had three buttons of his own shirt undone by the time Blaine started helping him with it. He gave up the effort then, letting Blaine work his way down his chest and stomach, placing a hungry kiss on every new inch of skin revealed. He closed his eyes to revel in the sensations, wriggling his body to help Blaine get the shirt off his arms and out from under his back, and then settled back down, expecting Blaine’s mouth on his right away. But it didn’t come. Blaine was motionless above him, for some reason.

He opened his eyes to find Blaine gazing down at him, his face a picture of awe and wonder. He was about to crack a joke about how he wasn’t _that_ attractive, until he realized where Blaine was looking. His eyes were fixed on Kurt’s forearm, right at the spot where Blaine’s name was written. He refrained from sighing in annoyance. Apparently this was going to be a “moment.”

Blaine reached out his hand and carefully traced the script with his index finger. “Blaine Anderson,” he whispered.

“You knew your name was there,” Kurt said.

Blaine’s voice was reverent and far away. “But it’s another thing to see it. I’ve never seen my name on someone’s arm before. It’s … magical.”

“It’s not magical, Blaine. It’s the most ordinary, everyday thing. Everyone’s name is written on five other people’s arms. It’s not like this is some kind of special miracle just for us.”

“Babies are born every day, but creating an entirely new person is still miraculous.”

The memory of Roo’s birth flashed into Kurt’s mind. The first moment of holding his son in his arms, wrapped in a striped pink and blue blanket, his face still wet with birth fluids. It had been the most miraculous thing he had ever seen. But that was completely different. That was a human being entering the world for the first time. This was just two names that matched. Kurt glanced reflexively at Blaine’s left arm, but he was leaning his weight on it and Kurt couldn’t see his own name there from this angle.

Blaine leaned down and kissed Kurt’s arm where his name was written. “It’s so amazing that you and I were made for each other.”

“We weren’t made for each other. Even if you do believe in soulmates, there are four other people who would have been just as good for you as I supposedly am, and four other people who should have been just as good for me. After how things turned out with Rachel, though … well, she and I definitely were not made for each other. So what’s left of that idea? It means nothing.”

Blaine was having none of Kurt’s jaded attitude. “Okay, maybe ‘made for each other’ is the wrong way of putting it. But the fact is that you and I have something truly special together. We’re more than just the sum of our parts. You and me together … it’s something different than either of us alone.”

“So, like, when we touch dicks, we turn into Power Rangers or something?” Kurt joked.

Blaine’s eyes sparkled. “Let’s try it and find out!”

“Oh my god, that is the worst pick-up line I have ever heard.” Kurt couldn’t help it, a wide grin spread across his face.

“I’d hardly call it a pick-up line when you’re already half-naked underneath me on my couch.”

“Fine then, a propositioning, whatever you want to call it.”

“It was your idea,” Blaine pointed out.

“It was not!”

“Was too!”

“Was not!”

“Admit it, Kurt, it totally was. You said we should touch dicks and turn into Power Rangers.”

“No, I only said that’s what _would_ happen, and it was your idea to actually do it!”

“So you’re saying you don’t want to?” Blaine waggled his eyebrows teasingly.

“No, I do! It’s just …” _Crap._ Now he was going to have to be the one to say no. He’d been kind of looking forward to playing the immature and irresponsible role for once.

The playfulness fell away from Blaine’s face and was replaced with a more serious look. He sat up and pulled Kurt to a sitting position beside him.

“Kurt … have you never been with a man before?”

Blaine was so gentle and solicitous and concerned. Kurt tried to keep a straight face. He really, really tried, but he couldn’t do it. A bubble of laughter escaped his lips, causing Blaine’s cheeks to flush red with embarrassment in response. Kurt felt horrible about it, and Blaine looked so terribly confused, but the idea was just so completely absurd. He bit his lip to keep from giggling again, and tried to be as kind as possible when he spoke. His reasons for delaying really were out of kindness for Blaine rather than anything else, when it came right down to it.

“I’m sorry, Blaine, I shouldn’t have laughed, but no, I’ve definitely been with men before.”

“I thought maybe … you got married so young, to Rachel, and you’ve only been divorced for a few months, you might not have had the opportunity …”

“Rachel and I had an open marriage,” Kurt explained.

Blaine’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “I … oh.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes. He hadn’t expected Blaine to be prudish about sex. He’d been single for years, he must have had plenty of sexual partners. At least, Kurt assumed he had. They hadn’t really talked about it. “Does that bother you?” he asked.

“I … no … yes …” Blaine babbled.

“You were hoping you could be my first?”

“No! I mean, I don’t care who you’ve been with before, aside from being safe and all of those things that we should talk about. It’s … I don’t want … that … um … us …”

Kurt’s heart melted as he realized what Blaine was getting at. “Oh, sweetheart, of course not. That’s not what I want for us, either. The open marriage arrangement was because of the specific situation, where Rachel and I weren’t … um … sexually satisfied with each other. Our marriage was good in other ways, at least for a while, and so we mutually decided to look for … that … with other people. And that’s not … um … let’s just say that’s not going to be a problem with you and me.”

“So you don’t want to date other people?” Blaine asked.

“No, honey, no. I only want to be with you.” Kurt was rather surprised to realize how deeply he felt this.

Blaine’s shoulders relaxed. “So we’re … exclusive now?”

“Yes, baby. We’re boyfriends and we’re exclusive.” It sounded so right in Kurt’s ears. It was a relief to be so sure of what he wanted for once. He leaned in and kissed Blaine on the lips, softly at first, but Blaine’s arms wrapped around him tightly and pulled him in until he found himself sitting in his boyfriend’s lap, their mouths moving together in a kiss that felt like it might never end.

“Why, then?” Blaine asked when they finally came up for air. “Why don’t you want to have sex tonight?”

“I wish we could. But there’s a babysitter waiting at my house, and she has a midnight curfew, and that means I have to leave here in a couple of hours. The first time we have sex, I don’t want to leave right afterwards. I want to be able to stay with you all night.”

Blaine smiled up at him. “That’s very romantic, especially coming from someone as cynical as you.”

Kurt kissed his forehead. “You’ve never been with a soulmate before. It can be very … powerful. Overwhelming. Especially at first. I don’t want you to have to be alone after something like that.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in soulmates,” Blaine teased.

“But you do.”

Another kiss, and then another, and Kurt was about to guide Blaine back to lying down on the couch when Blaine spoke up again.

“Wait a second. We decided on a rule of no clothing removal while we’re at your place, in case Roo wakes up. And every time you’re here, he’s going to be with a babysitter. So … when are we ever going to find a time for sex?”

Kurt bit his lip. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“Well, we can think it over.” Blaine was more cheerful than Kurt felt. “Maybe an opportunity will present itself. A romantic weekend getaway or something.”

“Thank you for being so understanding about this. I know it’s not easy.”

Blaine smiled. “You’re my soulmate. It’s worth working through any little difficulties. Now kiss me again, okay?”

Kurt was more than happy to oblige.

\-------------------

_October 2, 2023_

_Kurt to Blaine: Come over right after school today? I’m too busy for playground. :(_

_Blaine to Kurt: Sure! I’ll keep you company while you work._

\-------------------

“We can read _one_ book, and then I have to work, okay?”

Roo nodded eagerly and ran over to his bookshelf.

“Shoes!” Kurt called after him, exasperated.

Roo ran back to the door, sat on the floor, and pulled off his shoes before heading back to the bookshelf. He picked out a picture book about tigers and hopped onto the couch. Kurt was about to join him when his phone blared out Rachel’s ringtone.

“Sorry, Roo, just a sec. Hi Rachel, what’s up?”

“I have news!” Rachel said excitedly.

“Oh?”

“I’m calling to invite you to my wedding!”

Kurt slumped against the wall. “Wow, Rachel, that’s … wow.”

“I know! We’re so excited and I _absolutely_ want you and Roo to be there. We’re not sending out formal invitations because we want to keep it hush-hush to avoid the paparazzi. It’ll be very small, family and close friends only. There will be an announcement to the media afterwards, of course, but for now, top secret! Get a pen and paper out, I’ll tell you all the details so you can plan your travel. It’s short notice, the end of this month, so you’ll have to get moving on plane tickets very soon and—”

“Rachel. Rachel, slow down. I’m not … I can’t come. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean you can’t come? I haven’t even told you the exact date yet, how do you know you’re busy?”

“It’s not that I’m busy, it’s that I–”

“Dad-eeeeeee,” Roo whined. “I want to read my tigers book.”

“Sorry, Roo, Daddy’s busy right now. How about you watch a movie instead, we can read the book later.”

Roo pouted, but he picked up the remote and started pushing buttons like a pro.

“Sorry, Rachel. I … it’s not that I’m busy. It’s that I just … I can’t be there. It would be too … difficult. Watching you get married, it would be so weird and awkward and … I don’t know, I just …”

“Kurt …” Rachel sounded disappointed, of course, and Kurt felt guilty about it but he simply could not stomach the thought of being at her wedding. “It would mean so much for me to have you there. You’re my closest friend, and we have so much history … I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“I _am_ happy for you, Rachel. I’d just rather be happy from afar, if you know what I mean.”

She sighed. “I don’t want to push you if you feel uncomfortable. But could you at least think about it? And Kurt … especially for Roo. I want my son to be there at my wedding. I don’t want him to feel like I’m abandoning him. I want him to know that I’m still his mom no matter what.”

Intentionally or not, she’d twisted the knife in his heart twelve different ways. “I’ll think about it,” he reluctantly agreed. He knew there was no way he could bring himself to go, but he wrote down the time and date information anyway.

\-------------------

When the door swung open, Blaine was surprised to see a scowl on Kurt’s face. “We’re ordering pizza,” Kurt said angrily, then stalked over to the table, which was covered in piles of sheet music.

Blaine shut the door behind him and hung up his jacket on one of the hooks by the door. “What’s the matter? You seemed like you were in a good mood when you picked Roo up twenty minutes ago.”

“A lot has happened since then.” Kurt picked up a handful of papers from the largest stack and started thumbing through them.

Blaine glanced around the apartment. Roo was planted in front of the TV, watching an old episode of Officer JoJo, and hadn’t paid any attention to Blaine’s arrival. There was no sign of what might have gone wrong. He walked to the table and sat down in the chair beside Kurt’s.

“What’s all this?” he asked, gesturing at the sheet music. “I thought you were working on those Etsy orders you were talking about yesterday.”

Kurt groaned. “I’m supposed to be, but I couldn’t concentrate on fine detail work after I talked to … I mean, when I’m in such a bad mood. I figured I’d try to do something else useful, so I’m trying to pick out some new music for my piano students to work on, but this is hard and miserable and I hate it.”

“It sounds like fun, actually. I love looking through new music!” Blaine sat down in the chair beside Kurt’s. He started shuffling through the papers, which were an apparently random collection of classical pieces, showtunes, and piano arrangements of pop songs from the past several decades. He wrinkled his forehead, trying to discern any pattern in the selections Kurt had pulled out.

“I have no idea what to choose. I know what I like, but what will appeal to these middle-school kids? And I’m terrible at judging what they can handle at different skill levels. I’m just … not good at this at all. Singing and playing is one thing, but teaching it is something else entirely.”

Blaine set the papers down. “Then why are you doing it?” he asked.

“Pays the bills,” Kurt said with a wry smile.

“Does it?” Blaine asked. “You have what, half a dozen students? That can’t pay very much. It eats up your Saturday afternoons, which I know you resent, you mention it often enough. If you use that time on one of your other projects instead, wouldn’t you make just as much money doing something else?”

Kurt looked surprised. “But …” he began, and then stopped.

“But what?”

“I guess I think if it’s something I _can_ do, then it’s something I _should_ do. Can’t let my talents go to waste, right?”

The statement was so ridiculous it made Blaine laugh out loud. Kurt gave him a bewildered look. Blaine wondered how it could be that Kurt didn’t understand something so simple, but he explained anyway. “There are thousands of things you _can_ do, Kurt. You have so many talents, and many more things that you could do a fine job of if you put the effort in. You can’t do all of them, though. There are only so many hours in the day, which means that life is full of trade-offs. It’s about what you _want_ to do, and what’s the _best_ thing for you to do. You need to know what your priorities are, and then act on them. It seems pretty obvious that giving piano lessons isn’t really on that list.”

Kurt stared at him thoughtfully. “Rachel would never have said anything like that.”

The comparison stung a little bit, even though he knew Kurt hadn’t meant it badly. “Well, I’m not Rachel.”

“No, you’re not.” Kurt chewed on his bottom lip, staring into the distance. Then his eyes shifted. He met Blaine’s eyes again and smiled. “I’m glad you’re not.”

“The piano lessons thing isn’t what put you in a bad mood, though, is it?”

Kurt shook his head, but he gestured to Roo sitting in front of the TV across the room. “Later,” he told Blaine.

\-------------------

Four hours, three slices of pizza, two bedtime stories, and one make-out session later, Kurt’s spirits were much improved. He was draped over Blaine on the couch, both of them still fully clothed but pleasantly rumpled. He sighed happily and rested his head on Blaine’s chest, luxuriating in the warmth of their bodies together. Blaine’s hand stroked his hair lightly, sending small tingles of pleasure through Kurt’s body.

Their chests rose and fell together as they lay there, cooling down after their kisses had gotten too fervent for their carefully established boundaries. Kurt was worn out from the day anyway, so it wasn’t too frustrating that they couldn’t do more right now. Instead, he relaxed in Blaine’s arms and let his mind start to process the day’s events, Blaine still petting his hair soothingly. Maybe he would take Blaine’s advice, he thought, and stop teaching piano lessons. Maybe he was right that it wasn’t worth the effort. His students would be able to find new teachers easily, so he wouldn’t be letting anyone down in a serious way, and it would be one less thing for him to stress about. Which would be nice, considering all the confusing feelings he was having right now.

He stared at the shelf of DVDs that happened to be in his line of sight, not really looking at anything. “Rachel’s getting married,” he said flatly.

Blaine’s hand stilled on his hair. “Oh.”

“She wants me to come to the wedding.” Kurt kept staring at the shelf. It was easier to talk about these things when you didn’t have to look at someone.

“Do you want to go?” Blaine asked.

“No.”

Kurt waited for Blaine to say something, but he didn’t. “Does that make me a terrible person?” he asked.

“Of course not!” Blaine pressed Kurt tighter against his body. “I think most people wouldn’t want to be at their ex-wife’s wedding. It sounds like a horribly awkward situation, no matter how good of terms you’re still on.”

Kurt nodded, his cheek rubbing against Blaine’s chest as he moved. “Everyone would be looking at me the whole time, analyzing every little facial expression. Not that I could let myself show how I really feel anyway, not with Roo there.”

“And how do you really feel?” Blaine asked.

Kurt sighed and dragged himself up to a sitting position. “I’m happy for her.”

Blaine leveraged himself up, adjusting to sit on the couch with his legs crossed, like a kindergartener sitting on the floor. He looked at Kurt skeptically.

“I really am!” Kurt insisted.

“Okay,” Blaine said. “How else do you feel.”

Kurt’s shoulders slumped. Of course there was more to it. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that your ex-wife’s second marriage might create some complicated feelings. The problem was, he couldn’t articulate in his mind exactly what he was feeling.

“Jealous?” Kurt let his inflection do the work of showing he was unsure.

Blaine nodded. “It’s hard to see her with someone else?”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t want her back. I’m not jealous of Aaron.” Kurt thought for a moment. “I think I’m jealous of Rachel. Because she found someone, and I haven’t.”

There was a flicker of hurt in Blaine’s eyes, and Kurt was so caught up in thinking about himself that it took him a few seconds to figure out why Blaine would be upset by what he’d said. When he worked it out, he felt like the world’s biggest asshole. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Crap, that’s not what I meant,” he said. “I didn’t mean that I haven’t found someone. I mean, I found you and you’re great and I like you a lot and … shit, this is still coming out all wrong, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine said, his expression far more calm and patient than Kurt ever could have been if their situations had been reversed. “Why don’t you take a deep breath, then start over and say what you really mean?”

Kurt nodded and breathed in. Saying what he meant sounded easier than it was. The problem was that he wasn’t sure what he really meant. What was it about Rachel’s situation that created this jealousy and sadness in the pit of his stomach? What did she have that he wanted? He let the breath out, slowly, feeling himself relax and center a little bit more.

He started slowly, with what he was sure of. “It’s one thing to find someone and be happy with that person. Because I am. Happy with you. Right now, dating you, being with you all the time, that’s really making me happy.”

Blaine smiled encouragingly, so Kurt kept talking. “It’s something else to know with absolute certainty that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person—or with any person, honestly. To have that faith that a relationship can last forever. Especially after you’ve had one fall apart around you before. I guess I’m jealous that Rachel has that faith. Because I don’t. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find it again.”

Blaine reached out and took his hand. “You’ll find it again. Just give it time.”

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand. It seemed crazy that he could be so supportive, while Kurt had been thoughtless and moody all evening. Blaine was so special, and Kurt surely didn’t deserve him. “It’s nothing about you or about our relationship,” Kurt reassured him, even though he didn’t seem to need reassurance. “It’s something wrong with me. What kind of person finds their soulmate, and everything works out so nicely, but still can’t believe that it’s going to last?”

“It’s okay, Kurt. I know you want to take things slow, and that’s fine. I have faith enough for both of us.”

Blaine’s hazel eyes shone with what could only be love. They hadn’t said that word out loud to each other, and Kurt was miles away from even figuring out whether what he felt for Blaine was love or not. But there it was, clear as day in Blaine’s eyes, utter devotion and love for Kurt. It was startling, especially when Kurt realized that nobody else had ever looked at him that way. He and Rachel loved each other, of course, but Rachel had never once looked at him with the certainty and contentment that he saw in Blaine’s eyes.

A shiver ran down his spine. It made him nervous to realize how hard Blaine had fallen for him. Blaine made him happier than he’d ever been, but Kurt still didn’t know whether he would be able to love him back. And yet, despite his worries, that tingling shiver came more from excitement than nerves. Blaine was so lovely, so impossibly sweet, and he made Kurt feel wanted and appreciated in a way that he hadn’t felt in a desperately long time. Kurt’s heart pounded with excitement and he felt a flush rising on his face.

“Are you all right?” Blaine asked. He reached up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind Kurt’s ear, his fingers lingering in a soft caress.

Kurt scooted close to him, cuddling in so that Blaine’s arm was around his shoulders. “Yes, actually. I am feeling very all right.”

Blaine laughed and then kissed his cheek softly. “I want you to be happy, Kurt. I want it more than anything else in the world.”

Kurt smiled. He still hadn’t figured out what to do about Rachel’s wedding, or made a final decision about the piano lessons, or resolved his worries about whether he and Blaine could have a future together. But none of that seemed to have any weight in his mind right now. He felt joy bubbling up from deep within him, and he let himself relax against Blaine’s body. “I am happy,” he said. “Whenever I’m with you, I’m happy.”


	11. Chapter 11

_October 3, 2023_

“Kurt Hummel, you moved to New Jersey, not Alaska. Why have I not seen you in months?” Tina’s playful mock anger was a force to be reckoned with, even over the phone.

“I know, I know,” Kurt said. “I’ve been ridiculously busy. We should get together though! Sometime soon!”

“Lunch. Today. Are you free?”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts. I’ll see you at Mario’s at 12:30 sharp.”

“I had pizza for dinner last night,” Kurt complained, even though he loved the Italian place that had been their standard hangout for many years.

“So order lasagna instead,” Tina said with a laugh. “I’ll see you there.”

“Fine, fine,” Kurt grumbled good-naturedly. He checked the time on his phone after he hung up. He had two hours before he had to be in the city to meet her. He picked up his pencil and went back to the new jacket design he’d been sketching out.

\-------------------

Tina was waiting just inside the door of the restaurant when Kurt arrived. He hugged her warmly. It really had been too long since they’d seen each other. In the few months since he’d moved to New Jersey, most of his city friends had drifted off his radar. He was glad Tina had made the effort to stay in touch, and had finally forced him into this lunch meeting today. As disruptive as it was to his schedule, he knew he needed to make the time for this kind of thing. He and Tina had been friends for too long to let things fall apart now.

“Kurt! You look fabulous as usual.” A bright smile lit up her face.

“You too,” he said. It was true. At twenty-eight years old, she hardly looked a day older than she had in high school. Her life as a professional dancer kept her in excellent shape, and it was impossible to know from looking at her that she’d given birth to two children.

The waiter led them to a table and handed them menus, and they settled into their seats.

“So, I heard from Rachel yesterday,” Tina began.

“Oh, is _that_ what prompted this lunch date,” Kurt groaned.

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” she said. Her voice was gentle, but her sharp eyes wouldn’t miss the slightest twitch in Kurt’s reaction.

He stifled a sigh. Annoying as it was to have concerned friends hovering over him, it was at least nice that she cared enough to check up on him. He did his best to be polite. “I’m fine, Tina. Thank you for asking, but I really am okay with Rachel getting married again.”

“She said you sounded upset,” Tina pressed.

Kurt rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. “I don’t want to go to the wedding, that’s all. I don’t know why she expects me to be there. I’m not upset that she’s getting remarried, I just don’t want to personally be there when it happens.”

“Well, that’s understandable,” Tina said. “And it’s pretty much what I was expecting. Mike and I talked it over, and if you’d like, we could take Roo to the wedding with us so you don’t have to go.”

Kurt looked up from his menu. “You’d really do that?”

“Absolutely! Gavin and Henry would be thrilled to have a playmate for the trip. Roo gets so excited whenever he’s with them, I bet he’d hardly notice you were gone.”

“Well, I doubt that, but … it’s actually a great solution. I’ll talk to Roo and make sure he’s not too scared of taking a trip without me there, before we finalize things. I think you’re right, though, the boys will have an amazing time and … Thank you, Tina. This is incredibly nice of you and Mike to offer.”

“What are friends for?” she said, waving off his thanks. “But wait, before you say yes, I have to tell you something.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows. “That sounds ominous.”

Tina fidgeted nervously with the wide ribbon on her arm. She’d been wearing one ever since the day her soulmates’ names first appeared, when she was sixteen years old. Today the ribbon was a dark rose color to match the trim on her black dress, wrapped expertly in a decorative criss-cross pattern across her arm to hide the names of all her soulmates except for Mike Chang, prominently displayed in the middle of her forearm. It was an old-fashioned tradition for married people to hide the names of their other soulmates, but many people still liked to do it as a statement of devotion or simply for the aesthetic of it.

“Not ominous, just weird,” she said. “It’s something I probably should have told you years ago, but I figured it didn’t matter at the time, so I didn’t say anything. But it matters now. You’re bound to find out sooner or later, and I thought you should hear it from me instead of …”

Kurt was getting nervous now, with her edging around the subject. He didn’t have a clue what it could be. “What is it, Tina?” he asked.

“Rachel tells me you’re dating someone. One of your soulmates. Which, by the way, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me yourself.”

Kurt blushed slightly. “It’s new. We’re still … figuring things out.”

Tina looked up at Kurt, her eyes strangely intense. “Is it going well? Are there any problems? Is he doing okay?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes. It seemed odd that Tina was so frantically interested in this, and even more odd that she would ask whether _Blaine_ was okay, rather than whether _Kurt_ was okay. “He’s fine. It’s fine. Just … one day at a time, you know? But what were you going to tell me?”

Tina was silent for a moment, and then she untucked the end of the ribbon from her arm and began to unwind it.

“Tina? What are you doing?” Kurt asked, his eyes wide.

The ribbon slid off quickly after she loosened it. She held her arm out across the table. There, right above Mike Chang’s name, was _Blaine Anderson_ written in black script, precisely as it appeared on Kurt’s arm. He gaped at it, hardly able to comprehend what he was seeing.

Tina began to explain. “You wore your arms bare in high school, so I knew your soulmates’ names long before mine showed up. I saw how upset you were about sharing a soulmate with Finn, even though you tried to never make a big deal about it. I was already dating Mike, and I knew I would marry him, so Blaine didn’t matter to me at all. I didn’t want to make things harder for you than they already were, so I covered my arm from the first day the names appeared. And then it just became a thing that I did, even though you were married to Rachel and none of it mattered anymore. I stopped thinking about it so much, and I never said anything because I didn’t think it would ever be important. Except now it is. I hope you’re not mad.”

“I’m not mad,” Kurt stammered. “I’m kind of stunned, but not mad.”

Tina let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, I was so worried. If you’re seriously dating him, I’m sure I’ll meet him at some point, and I didn’t want it to be … well, of course it will be awkward no matter what, but at least it won’t be a shock.”

“Oh god, I hadn’t even thought of that yet,” Kurt said. “I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned you in front of him. I guess if I had, he would have said something. So he doesn’t know we’re friends and … wow, this is going to be awkward, you’re right.”

Tina smoothed out the ribbon and started to wind it around her arm again. “I’m glad you found him, honestly. He’s the only one of my soulmates who isn’t married. I always worry about him when I think about it.”

Kurt nodded. “He’s very lonely. But he seems like a strong person, from what I’ve seen so far. Very steady. He knows what he wants, that’s for sure.”

“And cute?” Tina asked.

Kurt laughed out loud. “Cutting right to the important things, I see,” he teased her.

She grinned wickedly. “Don’t worry, I won’t try to steal him from you.”

“I don’t think you’re his type,” Kurt said with a wink.

“Like Rachel wasn’t your type?”

Kurt’s face fell.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Tina said.

“No, you’re right,” Kurt said. He let his eyes unfocus slightly as he pondered this. “I wonder what it is that makes you and Blaine soulmates. It’s hard for me to figure out. I know you so well, but mostly I know you-with-Mike. You two have been together for so long. I’m only just starting to learn who Blaine is. I don’t understand how the two of you would fit together as a couple.”

Tina shrugged. “We’ll never know.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Not really. I’m happy with Mike. I don’t need to waste my time wondering about alternate universes that might have been.”

“Interesting,” Kurt said. He suspected that Blaine wouldn’t have the same blasé attitude when he learned about Tina.

“So are we cool? No hard feelings?”

“Absolutely none,” Kurt said. “And it doesn’t change anything about the plans for you to take Roo to California. I’m still completely on board.”

“I’m so glad to hear that,” Tina said. She looked relieved. “I was a little concerned that it would make our friendship all weird.”

“You and me, weird?” Kurt grinned, quirking an eyebrow.

“Oh, shut up,” she said, batting his shoulder playfully.

\-------------------

Three-year-old Charlotte watched intently as Blaine demonstrated how to trace along the inside of the outer [metal inset](http://www.infomontessori.com/language/written-language-metal-insets.htm) piece, then along the outside of the inner piece. Blaine’s attention was less admirably focused. He kept stealing glances to where Roo, a few tables away, had set up all four of the [knobbed cylinder blocks](http://www.infomontessori.com/sensorial/visual-sense-cylinder-blocks.htm) and removed [every single one of the pieces](http://www.montessorialbum.com/montessori/index.php?title=Knobbed_Cylinders).

This would all be well and good, though somewhat under his skill level, except that Roo was making no attempt to put the pieces back in. Instead, he had knocked them over on their sides one by one and was now watching them roll around the clear space in the center of the table, all the while glancing at the teachers in that blatantly obvious way a preschooler looks when he’s trying to be sneaky.

Blaine was careful not to let Roo catch his eye. Instead, he quietly got his assistant Tracy’s attention when she turned away from the snack table, then gestured toward Roo. She nodded and walked over to Roo’s table, bringing a chair to sit beside the boy. Blaine turned back to Charlotte, pleased with the way he and his assistants were able to silently communicate with each other to avoid disrupting the children during class time. He watched Charlotte haltingly trace the inside of the outer circle with a pink colored pencil.

“No!” Roo’s voice rang out across the quiet classroom.

Blaine turned to look. Tracy continued to speak to him calmly and quietly, demonstrating how to put the cylinders back into the block. He looked away again. Best not to interfere if he didn’t have to. Charlotte traced the outside of the inner circle in green.

Roo stomped away from the table. Tracy got up, took him by the hand, and gently but firmly led him back to put away the materials. Roo crossed his arms and stomped his feet.

Blaine watched Charlotte draw widely-spaced lines up and down inside the circle with a yellow pencil.

“I want Mr. Blaine to show me how!” Roo shouted.

“Beautiful work,” Blaine said to Charlotte, who looked very proud of herself. “Would you like to do it again?” She nodded, so Blaine handed her a new piece of paper, smiled encouragingly, and then crossed the room to Roo’s table.

“Roo, I like showing you things very much, but there are thirty-one children in this classroom and I need to work with all of them. I know you have done this work many times before, and if you need a little help this time, Miss Tracy is right here to help you.”

Roo pouted, but said nothing.

“If you put this work away and do another activity calmly for a little while, maybe we will have time for a lesson later today,” Blaine said.

Roo looked up at him silently, considering this offer.

“You could work on the spindle box again, or do a leaf collage at the art table,” Blaine suggested.

“Okay,” Roo grumbled, but he began to put away the knobbed cylinders.

“Thank you, Roo,” Blaine said. He walked back to inspect Charlotte’s second attempt at the metal insets, still pondering Roo’s behavior.

\-------------------

It was nice to have Kurt and Roo over to his place in the evening for a change. They’d been playing the hosts far too much, and Blaine was glad to return the favor. The only downside was that, despite an hour and a half of Kurt’s halfhearted attempts to head home before Roo’s bedtime, their conversation had gone on so long that the little boy had fallen asleep on the couch. Blaine smiled fondly at him, curled up peacefully with his head on a throw pillow. He really was the most adorable child Blaine had ever seen. And that was saying something. Blaine saw a lot of children.

“I should wake him up and take him home,” Kurt said with a sigh.

At Kurt’s house, they often chatted for a few hours after Roo fell asleep. Despite the lack of a bed here, there was no reason they couldn’t still do that. Blaine still wanted to discuss Roo’s problematic behavior earlier that day at school, and now was as good a time as any.

“No use waking him up now as opposed to an hour from now,” he pointed out. “He looks comfortable there. I’ll get a blanket for him, and we can keep on talking.”

“There actually is something I wanted to talk to you about,” Kurt said.

“Oh?” Blaine moved some things around in the linen closet and found a brown and orange crocheted afghan. It was one his mother had made when he was a child, and Blaine had taken it as a keepsake when he helped her whittle down her belongings to move into a nursing home a few years before her death. He had so many memories of waking up on the couch in the living room of his childhood home, covered with this same cozy blanket. He draped the blanket over Roo, his heart full of a quiet and content nostalgia, before walking back to the kitchen table and sitting down across from Kurt again.

“Have you ever met any of your other soulmates?” Kurt asked.

Blaine was startled. This wasn’t a question he’d expected. “No,” he answered. “There wasn’t any point in looking for them, and I haven’t had any chance encounters with them. At least, not that I know of.”

“It turns out I know one of them.”

Blaine felt like his heart had stopped beating in his chest. Something about this seemed terrifying to him, but he didn’t quite know why.

“She’s an old friend of mine, someone I went to high school with. She lives here in New York, and we’re still good friends. She’s married to another high school friend of ours, and they have two kids a little bit older than Roo. We used to see each other all the time before I moved out here to Jersey. We’re very close, but she never told me that we had a soulmate in common. Not until today, when she found  out I was dating you.”

“Tina Cohen-Chang,” Blaine said softly, hardly even conscious of speaking.

“How did you know?” Kurt sounded bewildered.

“She’s the only one who’s a woman.”

“Oh.”

Blaine didn’t know what to say next, so he didn’t say anything. Kurt, sitting just inches from him at the table, seemed very far away.

“I swear I wasn’t hiding it from you, Blaine. I’ve known her forever, and we’re very close, but I only found out today.”

“It’s fine, I’m not mad. I’m just … surprised.” Blaine lifted up his coffee mug to take another sip, but discovered it was empty. “I’m going to get some more coffee,” he said absently, standing up and walking to the counter where the coffee pot was. Everything around him seemed oddly fragile, ready to crumble into dust around him. He placed his footsteps carefully, fearing that his shoes might crash through the floorboards.

“She, um, she and Mike offered to take Roo with them to Rachel’s wedding. He gets along great with them and their kids, so I think it’s a good plan.”

Blaine’s hands were shaking. He set the coffee mug down on the counter to prevent himself from dropping it. He didn’t even understand why he was so terrified. He didn’t know what to say. He looked down at the cup, his mind a confused whirl of emotions without thought.

Kurt was beside him, all of a sudden. He didn’t remember seeing Kurt get up from the table. “Blaine? Blaine? Blaine? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m …”

“I didn’t realize it would upset you so much to hear about Tina, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I …”

Blaine’s words trailed off as Kurt pulled him into a tight hug. “Shh, I’m right here, baby.” The words were whispered into Blaine’s ear, just for him, infinitely reassuring despite a lack of any real content.

“I don’t know why I’m upset,” Blaine mumbled into Kurt’s shoulder. “I don’t understand, I should be fine, there’s no problem. Most people don’t get upset like this, do they?”

“It’s just a shock, you’ll be fine when you’ve had time to adjust. You don’t have to meet her if you don’t want to. There’s no reason you have to.”

Blaine nodded, as much as he could with his head  pressed tight against Kurt’s shoulder. He took a shaky breath in and out and then stepped back, still in Kurt’s arms but far enough that they could look at each other again. “I swear, I am not usually an emotional basketcase.”

Kurt smiled fondly. “I know you, Blaine. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

It was true. Nobody had ever know Blaine like this before. Although he and Kurt had met only a little over a month ago, there was already a level of intuitive understanding that Blaine had never experienced with anyone, not even people he’d known well for years. It was deeply reassuring that someone knew him like that now. It was the most significant, most important thing in Blaine’s life.

Tina Cohen-Chang could have known him that well instead. In another world, another branching of the choices made by countless individuals, a different mixture of happenstance, Tina could have been the soulmate that he shared his life with. What would that life have been like? He would never know, but that didn’t stop the long-suppressed curiosity from elbowing its way into his imagination. Would it have been the same as this overwhelming need that he felt for Kurt, or would it have been something different entirely?

The horror of it, though, was that had he ended up with Tina as his soulmate, it would have prevented this connection with Kurt. How could that even be possible? Kurt was … magnetic. He was the one person in the world that Blaine couldn’t live without, not now, not after knowing what a life with him could be like. He’d spent half of his life cursing his years of loneliness, but now he was grateful for them, so grateful that he’d still been single when Kurt became free again, so grateful that he’d been given the opportunity to love Kurt. It was incredibly improbable that fate had led them both to that point, and he blanched at the idea that with a tiny twist of circumstances, he might have been married to another soulmate and never had the chance to join his life to Kurt’s.

Nobody could possibly have been as good for him as Kurt. That had to be true. There was no way there were four other people in the world who could offer him _this_. Because the alternative was that there were four other people who _were_ just as good, and that would make this thing with Kurt less special than it seemed, and … Blaine could almost laugh at himself for getting caught in these philosophical spirals. He’d spent years in college debating the meanings and mechanics of soulmates, both in the philosophy classes he’d so enjoyed and in fiercely passionate late-night discussions with friends. But everything seemed turned upside-down now; the positions he’d once stridently defended felt lacking in nuance when he held them up against the experience of knowing and loving his soulmate in real life.

He couldn’t lose Kurt. That was the only thing he knew for certain. He couldn’t bear to ever be alone again, now that he understood what loving a soulmate truly meant.

“Would you just hold me for a little while?” Blaine asked in a small voice.

“Of course,” Kurt said, pulling him back into a close embrace. They swayed together slightly. “I’m right here. Right here with you,” Kurt murmured in his ear.

Blaine hummed softly against Kurt’s skin. Kurt was right here with him. Right here, forever and always. He wasn’t alone. He would never have to be alone.

It wasn’t until an hour later, when Kurt was leaving the apartment with a sleepy child in his arms, that Blaine remembered he hadn’t talked to him about Roo’s unusual behavior at school that day. It was probably nothing, he told himself, walking to his bedroom. He’d bring it up some other time if it kept happening, otherwise no harm done.

\-------------------

Tina fell into bed, exhausted as usual. It had been a long day of dance practice in the studio, followed by several hours of teaching dance lessons to untalented but rich children, followed by the usual chaos of an evening with Mike and the kids at home. His long, lean form was stretched to its full length in the bed beside her. She cuddled in against his side and felt his body bend to envelop her as he always did. She smiled at the lingering aroma of soy sauce from dinner. It felt like home to her, and she nearly giggled, remembering how they’d fought about such things early in their relationship, before they’d grown into a compromise about their culture and their kids that suited them both. She couldn’t imagine her life without him. Honestly, she could hardly remember her life before they’d started dating at age fourteen.

“You won’t be jealous if I meet Blaine, will you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Of course not,” Mike said, stroking her hair. “I know you’re mine.”

She turned her head and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “No danger whatsoever,” she agreed. “It would be interesting, though. Just to meet him and see what he’s like.”

“I’d jump on the chance to meet another one of my soulmates. Completely fascinating.”

“I’m so happy for him, that he’s found Kurt. You know I always worried for him, never marrying, even though I had no idea who he was.”

Mike nodded and hummed in affirmation.

“I’m happy for Kurt, too,” Tina continued. “That whole thing with Rachel was …”

“Don’t judge. They had good reasons for their choice.”

“I know, I just … Anyway, I hope they’ll both be happy now. All three of them, I mean. Kurt, Blaine, and Rachel. And Aaron. And Roo…”

“I’m pretty sure that’s more than three,” Mike said, and Tina didn’t have to be able to see in the dark, she could hear the grin on his face.

She slapped playfully at his shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

“I hope they’ll be happy, too. I think they will be.”

Tina sat up to fluff her pillow, and then lay back down, picking up Mike’s hand and placing it exactly where she liked it across her waist. His kiss landed somewhere in the vicinity of her ear.

“I love you,” Mike whispered.

“I love you, too,” she whispered back, just before she let the day’s exhaustion relax into sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

_October 10, 2023_

Blaine shifted the large, covered cakepan he was holding so he could knock on the door of Kurt’s apartment. He heard loud, stomping footsteps from inside, then some muffled voices. Finally Roo’s voice called out, “Who is it?”

He grinned, knowing the eagerness and excitement Roo must be feeling today. “Birthday cake!” he called out.

More muffled voices, then the sound of the door being unlocked, before it swung wide open to reveal a bouncing, overjoyed little boy. Kurt stood a few feet behind him, hands on hips, a smirk on his face.

“Hi, birthday cake!” Roo said, giggling.

Blaine lowered his voice to what he imagined a chocolate cake would sound like if it could talk. “Hello! I heard there was a birthday boy here, so I had to come right over. I brought my friend Blaine with me.”

Roo collapsed in giggles. “You’re not birthday cake talking! You’re Mr. Blaine _holding_ a birthday cake!”

Blaine switched back to his normal voice. “You got me.” He walked in and set the cake down on the kitchen counter.

“He has not stopped talking about this – or bouncing, for that matter – since I picked him up nearly an hour ago,” Kurt said.

Blaine grinned. “I’m glad to make him happy.”

“Also, he wants you to come to his party this Saturday. It’s mostly going to be his school friends, and their parents will be there too, so I’m not sure how you feel about that.”

“Hmm, would that out our relationship to everyone? Would you be okay with that?” Neither of them had made a conscious effort to hide the fact that they were dating, but they hadn’t exactly made a big fuss about it, either. Most people probably hadn’t noticed at all.

“Well, it wouldn’t necessarily give things away,” Kurt said. “If anyone asks, we could just say that Roo wanted to invite his teacher. It’s kind of cute. Anyway, people probably won’t ask.”

Roo bounced his way into the kitchen. “Can we eat the cake yet?”

“Um, dinner first, maybe?” Kurt suggested.

_Bounce, bounce, bounce_. “No thank you! Just cake!”

Blaine laughed. “You sound like my ex.” He clamped his mouth shut right away. He hadn’t meant to bring up Adam around Kurt, let alone Roo. Fortunately, Kurt didn’t react and the meaning sailed straight over Roo’s head.

“You have your own X?” _Bounce, bounce, bounce_. “Do you have the whole alphabet? Why does the letter X like cake?”

“Nevermind, it’s not important.”

“Dinner is important,” Kurt said.

“I promise I will eat dinner after my cake,” Roo said.

“Forget it!” Kurt said. “You picked out chicken fingers for your birthday dinner, and everyone is going to eat at least three chicken fingers and one piece of broccoli before we even _think_ about cake.”

Roo stomped his feet. “You are no fun. I am never having another birthday _ever_ because you are _mean_.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to have any cake at all tonight?”

“I mean, I would love to have some chicken fingers and broccoli! Yum!”

“Kids,” Kurt muttered under his breath.

“It’ll be worth the wait, I promise,” Blaine told Roo.

Dinner was consumed more quickly than Blaine would have thought possible, and before he knew it, he was seated at the piano in Kurt’s living room, accompanying a rousing version of Happy Birthday To You with the lyrics reworked to be Happy Birthday To Roo. It seemed to be some sort of long-running family joke, and the results were truly adorable.

“You never told me you were such a piano virtuoso,” Kurt complimented him.

Blaine felt himself blushing. “It’s just Happy Birthday, it’s hardly even a real song.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice all those flourishes you added on the fly. You have some amazing talent hidden away there. Could you play us something else? Even just a little bit, while I serve the cake?”

“Well … if you insist …” Blaine ran his fingers across the keys, wondering what he should play. He watched Kurt bring the cake out to the dining table, Roo hot on his heels. They were so happy, both of them and Blaine was overjoyed to be here with them. The three of them together, practically a family … it was everything he’d always dreamed of having and thought he could never reach. He pressed some keys on the piano, a soft chord, another one following, into a slowed-down version of a song he’d loved ever since high school.

_You think I’m pretty without any makeup on_  
 _You think I’m funny when I tell the punchline wrong_  
 _I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down._

Kurt looked across the room at him, his eyes soft and sweet, and everything in that moment was absolute perfection for Blaine.

_Before you met me, I was alright_  
 _But things were kind of heavy, you brought me to light_  
 _Now every February, you’ll be my Valentine, Valentine._

Blaine saw Roo nudge Kurt’s elbow, and he turned back to cut a large slice of the gooey chocolate cake. By the time he met Blaine’s eyes again, he was on the chorus.

_You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream,_  
 _The way you turn me on_  
 _I can’t sleep, let’s run away_  
 _And don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back._

Blaine had sung this song a hundred times, but he felt the meaning of it now in a way he never had before in his life. Kurt was his dream. This thing between them was everything he had always wanted. It was Kurt’s dream too, even if he wasn’t quite ready to believe in it yet. He sang the next part as if he could put the feelings of it straight into Kurt’s heart and make him see.

_My heart stops when you look at me_  
 _Just one touch, now baby I believe_  
 _This is real, so take a chance_  
 _And don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back._

Roo greeted the end of the song with raucous applause that was completely incongruous to the mood between Blaine and Kurt. “You are a great piano singer, Mr. Blaine!”

“You really are,” Kurt said. “Is that your own arrangement?”

Blaine looked down at his hands, embarrassed but proud. “Just something I fool around with now and then.”

“It’s really lovely. I remember that song from back in high school, when it was on the radio all the time, but you’ve turned it into something so deep and emotional.”

Blaine mustered the courage to look up at Kurt and smile, but he couldn’t accept the compliment. Of course Kurt was just being polite.

Kurt walked over and sat down next to him on the piano bench. “Do you have any other songs that you’ve rearranged like that? Or anything else you want to play? I’d love to hear more.”

“I … I guess I could play something else …”

“Please do!”

Blaine played song after song, letting the cake lay forgotten on the table. A few more pop songs, then some older things like the Beatles and disco-era favorites. Kurt sat there beside him, eyes wide with admiration and pride, and Blaine’s confidence grew with every song he played. Finally, cautiously, he ventured into playing one of the songs he’d composed himself. He played the instrumental intro, but he lost his nerve and let the music fade away before the words would have started.

“What was that last one?” Kurt asked. “I didn’t recognize it.”

Blaine let his hands drop into his lap. “Oh, um … that was one of my own compositions. It’s nothing, really. Nothing important.”

“I’d love to hear it,” Kurt said, his eyes shining with excitement.

Blaine looked down, embarrassed. “I don’t know, I mean … I wrote them for the band, so … it’s not the same with just me and the piano …”

“But the band doesn’t perform, you told me. Has anyone else heard your songs?”

Blaine shook his head. “I’ve never played them for anyone else. I’m sure nobody would want to hear them. It’s just for fun, it’s not like I’m a professional musician or anything.”

“Maybe you should be.”

Blaine laughed it off. There was no way these songs were anything near professional quality. They were just things that he did in his spare time, to let off steam. Not anything he’d feel comfortable showing anyone who wasn’t a very close friend.

“Can I come hear your band play sometime? I’d love to sit through a rehearsal and just see what you guys are doing.”

Blaine looked up, startled. The idea made him nervous, but he didn’t want to keep Kurt out of any aspect of his life. “I guess so … I’ll run it by the guys and see what they think, but I wouldn’t mind having you there.”

Kurt smiled that smile that always reached straight into Blaine’s heart and made it skip a beat. “Fantastic,” he said.

“Great,” Blaine said in a hoarse whisper.

Everything was quiet for a moment. Maybe too quiet. In unison, their heads turned back toward the dinner table.

“Roo! Oh my god!” Kurt leapt up from the piano bench. “How much of that cake did you eat?”

\-------------------

_October 14, 2023_

“Longest day _ever_ ,” Kurt groaned.

Blaine could definitely relate, even though he wasn’t nearly as tired as Kurt seemed to be. “It’s funny, I teach those very same kids, five days a week, but set them loose in a warehouse full of bouncy castles and it’s a completely different story.”

Roo bounced on the cushion of the restaurant booth he and his dad were sharing. Blaine didn’t understand how he still had any energy left, after the amount he’d expended at his birthday party that morning. But Roo was not only bouncing, he was also talking nonstop. “Do they have hot dogs here? I want a hot dog for lunch. I could have a hamburger if they don’t have hot dogs, but it’s my birthday, actually my birthday _party_ day, not my _real_ birthday that was a few yesterdays ago, but we’re celebrating it today so it’s _like_ it’s my birthday even though it’s not really, and I want to have a hot dog for my birthday but not really, but I really do want a hot dog. Do they have hot dogs?”

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose as if in pain, so Blaine stepped in. “You’re in luck, Roo, because they do have hot dogs. See, it’s right here on the kids’ menu.”

“Yay! Can I have a hot dog, Dad? And lemonade?”

Kurt’s eyes snapped open. “No! No more sugar!”

“Hot dogs don’t have sugar, do they?” _Bounce, bounce, bounce_.

“Lemonade has sugar,” Kurt said. “You can have a hot dog, but only water to drink.”

“Aww, man!”

“I think your dad has a good point,” Blaine said to Roo. “We can’t have too many ‘sometimes foods’ in one day, and you already had that big piece of cake and a juice box.”

“Yes, whose idea was it to feed birthday cake to a bunch of preschoolers at 10 AM?” Kurt asked. “Oh wait, it was _my_ idea, because I was apparently out of my mind when I scheduled this birthday party.”

_Bounce, bounce, bounce_.“Why were you out of your mind? Where do you go when you go out of your mind? Are you usually inside your mind? That’s funny, because your mind is in your head, and your whole body can’t fit in your head!” _Bounce, bounce, bounce_.

Blaine laughed. “Are you called Roo because you jump up and down so much, like a kangaroo?”

Roo looked at him very seriously. “No, I am called Roo because it’s short for Reuben. That’s my full name.”

“I know that,” Blaine said. “But you also remind me of a kangaroo.”

“I’m a kangaroo who loves hot dogs!”

“My day keeps getting more and more surreal,” Kurt groaned.

“He’s just having fun. Come on, let’s flag down the waiter and order our lunch so we’re not late to band practice.”

“Yes, and the original question was, _why_ did we think it was a good idea to visit your band rehearsal on the same day as Roo’s birthday party?”

Blaine shrugged. “You said you wanted to come to the next rehearsal, now that you’ve canceled all your piano lessons and don’t have a schedule conflict.”

“I make poor life choices and should not be allowed to decide things for myself.”

“Hmm,” Blaine said, completely failing at hiding his grin. “Do you want me to order for you, then?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Absolutely not.”

Blaine grew increasingly more nervous as they ate, however. He wasn’t used to having visitors at band practice. The other guys’ wives had shown up once or twice, and of course Sam’s wife Michelle could always hear them from inside the house while they practiced in the garage. But nobody that Blaine cared about impressing had ever been there. Many of the songs they played were just for fun, but some of them came from deep within Blaine’s heart. He knew that the musical arrangements and the band’s performance of them were not very good, and it was hard to show that unfinished product off to anyone. None of this was ever intended for public consumption. Kurt wasn’t exactly the general public, but even so, it was scary to think about letting him into this very personal space Blaine had carved out for himself and his friends.

By the time they walked up to the door of Sam’s house, Blaine was petrified. Roo begged to be allowed to ring the doorbell, then bounced with joy when Kurt said he could.

Michelle answered the door with a bright smile. “Hi, Blaine! And you must be Kurt! It’s great to finally meet you! We’ve heard so much about you!”

“All good things, I hope,” Kurt joked, the expected response rolling easily off his tongue.

“You’re Blaine’s soulmate, so you must be amazing in every way.”

Footsteps thundered down the hallway and two kids appeared in the foyer. “Is that Roo?” the older one asked Michelle.

“Yup!” She answered cheerfully. “Come on in, everyone. Roo, these are my kids. Anakin is four, and Leia is almost two. We have lots of toys in the playroom, would you like to come in there and play with us, Roo?”

“I’m five,” Roo announced.

“I know! I heard it was your birthday. That’s so exciting! Did you get any good presents?”

“I don’t know!” Roo said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Daddy said I couldn’t open them until I got home, but we haven’t even got home because we went out to have lunch at a restaurant  with hot dogs and then we came here and they are all _still_ in the car and I don’t know when I’m _ever_ going to be able to open them, but there was cake! Daddy has it in case you want some!”

“Yes, we brought the leftovers,” Kurt said, hefting the disposable cake pan.

“Fantastic,” Michelle said. “Sam and the guys are already setting up in the garage, Blaine. You can head out there if you want, and I’ll send Kurt to join you once the kids are settled.”

Blaine hesitated, unwilling to leave Kurt with someone he’d just met. But Kurt patted him on the shoulder and smiled, and followed Michelle into the kitchen, so he reluctantly went to join the band in the garage.

Sam greeted him with a fist-bump, followed by a palms-up gesture of confusion. “Where’s Kurt? I thought you were bringing him today.”

“He’s with Michelle, getting the kids comfortable. He’ll be out soon.” Blaine sat down at the electric keyboard and fiddled with some of the settings. “Let’s get warmed up, okay? I want us to sound our best today.”

Archer smiled encouragingly. “I’m sure he’ll love you just as much, no matter how we sound.”

Blaine wondered if Kurt did love him at all, or ever would. He played a few quick chords on the piano, trying to shake off these gloomy thoughts. Of course Archer was right, even leaving love out of the equation. Kurt would feel just the same about him no matter how well or poorly they played today. It was ridiculous to worry that he wouldn’t. That wasn’t really what Blaine was worried about. Mainly he didn’t want to make a fool of himself. He didn’t want to disappoint Kurt or make him sit through a boring, bad performance.

More importantly, he didn’t want Kurt to tell him he was wasting his time and should give up the band. This was his only creative outlet, and he desperately needed that outlet in his life. Once upon a time he’d thought that his career would be in the music industry and that he’d be flexing these creative muscles professionally. But his life hadn’t gone in that direction, and setting up craft projects for the children in his class was not remotely the same thing. If Kurt thought his music was stupid, maybe that meant Blaine should give it up after all. And he didn’t know what he’d do with himself then.

Vlad strummed his guitar, and Blaine winced at the tuning. “Do you mind if I just …” Blaine let his voice trail off.

“Sure, you know I’m terrible at tuning. Have a crack at it.” Vlad handed the guitar to Blaine, and he tightened the strings until it was properly tuned.

“Okay everyone,” Blaine said. He handed back the guitar and took his seat at the piano. “Let’s run through that P!nk medley as a warm-up.”

Kurt slipped in to the garage through the kitchen door as they were nearing the end of the medley. He tried to make his way unobtrusively to the folding chair Blaine had set up for him, but Archer stopped singing entirely and shouted a friendly hello to him. Everyone else stopped playing after that, and it was five minutes of introductions and chatter before Blaine could pull everyone back to their places. At least Kurt seemed genuinely happy to meet his friends. That was something Blaine could use to center himself. He stepped up to the microphone stand and cleared his throat, trying to believe that he was ready for the lead vocals on the next song they were doing.

They were planning to sing Blaine’s original music later in the rehearsal, and the ones they’d been working on together were things that were very close to Blaine’s heart. But there were a few more covers they needed to get through before then. Blaine crooned his way through _Misery_ and _Silly Love Songs_ before stepping back to the piano for Vlad’s lead on _Raise Your Glass_. Everything seemed to go as well as usual, which was not particularly impressive, he knew. He was just thankful that there were no major mishaps.

But for some reason, Kurt looked more and more awkward every time Blaine glanced at him. He shifted in his chair, crossing and uncrossing his legs far more than there was any reason to. He ran a hand through his hair and scratched his cheek. He looked away whenever he caught anyone watching him, avoiding eye contact. Blaine felt uneasy.

“You can go, if you want,” Blaine told him during their five minute break. “I appreciate that you took the time to come and listen. You don’t have to stay for the whole rehearsal.”

Kurt’s smile might be called encouraging, but Blaine thought it seemed strained. “I want to hear your songs. You’re doing them next, right?”

“Yes …”

“No pressure. If you want me to leave, I’ll go back in with Michelle and the kids. But I really would like to hear what you’ve written.”

There was no way Blaine could ever deny a request when Kurt locked his crystal clear blue eyes on him. “Of course you can stay,” he said, his stomach tying itself in knots.

_Invisible_ was the first song Blaine had ever written. The lyrics were highly metaphorical, so that each listener might find meaning from their own lives in them. Blaine had never come straight out and told anyone what he’d written it about. He glanced up at Kurt as he sang, staring into his eyes, and wondered if he knew that it was about never meeting your soulmate. It was a kind of pain that Blaine had lived with his entire adult life, and he still didn’t know how to comprehend the fact that it was no longer true. Kurt didn’t look like he understood. His smile seemed fake and pasted on.

The band switched to the next original song in the set, _Who Could I Be?_ , and Kurt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Blaine’s heart sank. Did he hate the song? He forced himself to keep on singing nonetheless. They had to get through it. He had to hold himself together. They’d planned to play three of Blaine’s songs, and it would be even more embarrassing to cut the set short than to go through them all. This song was more upbeat than the last, and the lyrics weren’t ambiguous at all. It was a song about the youthful daydreams of imagining what your life would be like with each of your soulmates. This was a well-known genre of pop song, but Blaine hoped he had put his own personal spin on it. Kurt’s pained expression told him otherwise.

_Never Forever_ was a song that had come out of Blaine’s relationship with Adam. It was about being happy in the moment even when you knew it couldn’t last forever. He’d meant for it to be a joyful song, but no matter how he tweaked the lyrics and the melody, he couldn’t shake the longing for permanence out of the song. The result was a bittersweet tune, speaking of happiness but aching for something more than what was on the surface.

Blaine stole another glance at Kurt, who looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. Blaine began to feel that way, too, as he reached the final chord. He looked down at his hands resting atop the piano keys. He didn’t know what to do. If Kurt thought his songs were terrible, then everything he was doing here was a complete waste of time.

He looked up, a lump in his throat preventing him from speaking. Kurt gave him what was probably meant to be an encouraging smile, but Blaine couldn’t deal with being patronized right now. He fought back tears as he helped the guys put the equipment away. Vlad and Archer said their goodbyes, and Blaine followed Kurt and Sam back into the house.

“Hey there!” Michelle greeted them cheerfully. She gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek. “The kids are counting this huge jar of pennies. They can’t be more than halfway through. There’s no need to interrupt them, if you want to stay around and have a cup of coffee or something.”

“That sounds lovely,” Kurt said. He turned to Blaine. “Is it alright with you if we stay for a bit?”

Blaine would have much preferred to hide under a rock, but that wouldn’t be polite. “Of course,” he said. “I’d love some coffee. Thanks, Michelle.”

They all followed her into the kitchen, where Sam ended up being the one to set up the coffee machine. “So what did you think, Kurt? Blaine here has some serious talent, right?”

“Absolutely!” Kurt said enthusiastically. “I had no idea, Blaine. Your songs are incredible, and your voice is just … gorgeous is the only word to describe it, really. So much emotion.”

Blaine blinked in surprise. “You liked it? I was pretty sure you hated it. You looked like you’d rather hear fingernails being scratched across a blackboard.”

“Oh … um …” Kurt looked embarrassed. “I hate to say anything bad about your friends. Um … you and Sam are really talented. Those other two guys, though …”

Sam waved the tin of coffee at Blaine. “See? See? What do I keep telling you, Blaine?”

Blaine was nearly overwhelmed by a tidal wave of relief. Of course he felt bad for Vlad and Archer, but that was nothing compared to discovering that Kurt didn’t hate his music after all. He took a deep breath and collected himself before he started to explain. “This is a longstanding disagreement between me and Sam. My view is that the band should be for anyone who wants to participate. The two of them have been to every single rehearsal, and they’re so enthusiastic and have so much fun. We never had a goal of performing, so what is the harm in letting them jam with us?”

“The harm is to my eardrums,” Sam said. “They’re good guys, but honestly, it would be so much more fun to play in a band where half of the members weren’t constantly out of tune or off the beat.”

Kurt’s mouth twisted into a half-smile. “Maybe it’s none of my business, but I’m definitely on Sam’s side in this one. You’re much nicer than I would ever be about something like this, Blaine.”

Blaine blushed. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. We can’t have a band with just me and Sam, and it’s hard to recruit people to a band that doesn’t perform, so I’m happy to let them keep on being part of this.”

Sam shook his head in defeat. Kurt had an odd look on his face, but he didn’t press the subject any further.

\-------------------

It was only 5:30 when the babysitter showed up for date night, but Kurt was already beyond exhausted. He gave her some quick instructions about dinner, hugged Roo goodbye, and followed Blaine out the door. His breath of guilty relief at not having to deal with his overexcited kid for a few more hours was soon followed by a sigh at having to go out and do yet another activity today, even though he always enjoyed spending time with Blaine.

They paused where the sidewalk ended at the parking lot.

“Where should we go?” Blaine asked. “I didn’t think to plan anything…”

Kurt thought about it. “I don’t know. I’m kind of tired. I’m sorry, I don’t have any ideas.”

“Maybe catch a movie, then?”

That was about all Kurt had the energy for, really. Maybe not even that much. “I’m a little worried I might fall asleep in a dark theater.” He yawned before he could stop himself. “Sorry … today was exhausting for some reason, and I was up late last night trying to finish this custom-order jacket someone wanted on Etsy…”

Blaine looked sympathetic. “How about we go back to my place? We can watch a movie there … or maybe just take a nap. I’m pretty worn out myself.”

“A nap sounds fantastic,” Kurt said. Then he realized what he’d just said. “Oh god, I’m officially old. Date night and all I want to do is _nap_. Ugh, pathetic.”

Blaine smiled and tapped him on the nose. “You’re not old, you’re overworked. And I cannot think of a better way to spend date night than cuddling beside you in bed.”

“Mmm, when you put it that way…”

Twenty minutes later, Kurt was crawling fully-clothed into Blaine’s bed. It should have felt awkward. They’d made out here a few times, but they still hadn’t had sex or even explored much of each other’s bodies. They’d certainly never slept beside each other before. And yet, somehow it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Blaine slid under the covers from the other side of the bed and they lay on their sides, face to face. A few moments of adjustment and Kurt found a comfortable crook of Blaine’s arm to rest his head against. Blaine’s other arm was slung across Kurt’s shoulder, and Kurt’s arm around Blaine’s waist. Their feet touched lightly, the only skin-to-skin contact at the moment.

When Kurt saw Blaine smile at him, he automatically smiled back. This was perfect. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling at peace in a way that he had rarely felt before. They were the only two people in the world right now, floating atop a gently rocking ocean. The bed became a boat, tiny but comfortable and safe among the waves. Sailing away … sailing towards … no, just sailing, only this moment, no before or after. Only this perfection and this peace.

\-------------------

Blaine lay quietly and watched Kurt sleep. He knew how much Kurt needed this rest; he worked himself far too hard, day in and day out. He looked beautiful lying there with his eyes closed, bathed in the soft gold and pink light of sunset. Blaine wouldn’t mind seeing him like this every day. No, he wouldn’t mind it at all.

The blue light of evening was just beginning to take over when Kurt opened his eyes. “You should record your songs,” he said, his voice clouded with the remnants of sleep.

Blaine smiled indulgently at his soulmate. “I don’t need to record them. I’ll play them for you anytime you like.”

Kurt was more alert now, his eyes sharper and clearer. “Not for me, silly. You should record them professionally. To sell.”

Blaine’s heart raced, half in excitement at the idea and half in fear. “I … I’m not a performer, Kurt.”

“Why not?”

The question was simple, but the answer was not. Blaine paused, unsure where to begin.

“You went to school to become a performer,” Kurt said. The earnest look in his eyes stirred something in Blaine that he’d thought was long-dead. “What happened? Why did you stop?”

Too many answers, too many factors, too many details. “I couldn’t handle it.”

“Couldn’t handle what?”

Kurt was so innocent. How could someone who had come of age with a soulmate beside him ever understand?

Blaine fumbled for a good way to explain it to someone in Kurt’s position. “There was a … this isn’t the whole reason, it’s just one moment of many … there was a winter showcase performance at NYADA, and I sang one of my original songs there and … it went fine, I thought I did well, no mistakes, everyone applauded. I went to bed happy that night. The next morning there was a write-up in the school paper, a one-paragraph review of everyone who performed. They wrote that my lyrics were vapid and my performance lacked depth. I didn’t get out of bed for three days after that.”

“But those things aren’t true at all. They’re the complete opposite of the truth.” So much fucking honesty in his eyes, how was Blaine supposed to resist him? Blaine would do anything for him. It wasn’t for Kurt, though, this thing that he was being asked to do, and somehow that made it seem a thousand times harder.

“It doesn’t matter whether it’s true. I know it’s not. I know my songs are good, but I …” he let his voice trail off, because it was impossible to explain.

“You couldn’t keep on believing it without someone to support you,” Kurt finished for him.

“Yes! Exactly! That’s it exactly!” How did Kurt know? How could he understand so well, when he’d never been there himself?

Kurt lifted his hand from Blaine’s waist and brought it up to stroke his face. The overwhelming comfort of the tiny gesture almost made Blaine moan in pleasure.

“You have someone to support you now,” Kurt said softly, barely more than a whisper.

He felt lightheaded. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing added up. Except that it did, perfectly. It was dizzying. “I … you … that’s …”

Kurt’s voice was soothing and solid. “You are so talented, Blaine. It would be a shame if the world never knew.”

“Kurt …”

“It’s what you want, I know it is. You don’t need to be afraid.”

Blaine’s breath caught in his throat. He wanted to be a performer so very much. He’d hidden that desire from himself over the years, thinking of it as unrealistic and impossible. He’d pushed it down and chosen a different career path, and it was fulfilling enough, wasn’t it? He hadn’t realized that this drive to perform his music still lived so strongly inside of him.

“If you want to try this, I know some people in the music business. They can at least get you pointed in the right direction, to start.”

“I … Kurt, I …”

“Shh, baby, you don’t have to decide right now.”

“I want to. Yes. I want to try this.” Blaine’s heart raced with the thrill of confidence returning. New worlds stretched out before him in his imagination. New worlds with Kurt, which were unthinkable on his own. New life. New love. New Blaine.

Kurt shifted and propped himself up on one arm, leaning forward to kiss him. Blaine met him halfway, surging up and deepening the kiss, then letting himself fall back to the bed with Kurt atop him, their mouths moving together until everything else was forgotten.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several things to mention about this chapter! First of all, my beloved beta reader, klaineandbiscuits, asked me whether the TV show Faeded that Kurt is working on at the beginning of this chapter was inspired by The Sidhe. I'm embarrassed to say that I have not read that fic yet, though it has been on my list forever. So, any similarities to other fanfics are purely coincidental. I think we can all agree that Kurt would make an awesome elf of any kind, though. My vision of him on that show was partially inspired and definitely enhanced by this behind the scenes photo from a Glee scene that never aired: http://nadiacreek.tumblr.com/post/91909860830/brigittaromanov-chriscolfer-in-the-cut
> 
> I also want to say thank you to my awesome sister, who let me base a character on her and didn't disown me.
> 
> Finally, I'm kind of stunned to realize that with the publication of this chapter, Catalysis is now my longest fic ever (longer than Ready or Not), and yet we're still only about halfway through. Thank you all for coming along on this amazing ride with me!

_October 16, 2023_

Kurt had a fantastic acting job this week and next, reprising a role he’d previously played on an urban fantasy TV show called Faeded. His character was an elf-king from a neighboring province who was  being a thorn in the side of the protagonist in various petty ways, obnoxiously self-centered and judgmental of the other characters in ways that were lots of fun to act out. Not to mention that the urban-fantasy costumes were incredible, mainly constructed of black leather and gleaming metallic jewelry. Most importantly of all, though, were the other people who worked on the show. The actors were incredible at their jobs, the crew was dedicated and focused, and everyone got along with each other. It was one of those miraculous cases where the stars align and everything comes together perfectly to create a truly special working environment. Kurt had guest starred on enough shows to understand how rarely that was the case.

Jada, the hairstylist assigned to him, ran her fingers through his hair and then reached for some styling products on the shelf. “Will you sing to me while I do your hair? I haven’t forgotten how beautiful your voice is.”

Kurt laughed. She had overheard him humming on his way into the makeup trailer last time he’d been on the show and had ended up persuading him to give a full rendition of Defying Gravity. She was a nice girl, so he was happy to humor her. “What would you like me to sing?”

“Your choice,” she said, running a comb through his hair.

He thought for a moment, and then began softly.

_I don't know why I'm frightened_  
 _I know my way around here_  
 _The cardboard trees, the painted seas, the sound here_  
 _Yes, a world to rediscover_  
 _But I'm not in any hurry_  
 _And I need a moment_

Her hands slowed and then stilled as his voice flowed through ‘As If We Never Said Goodbye.’ It was one of his favorite songs, and he’d long ago put his own signature style on it for performances. But this time it felt different, in some amorphous way that was hard to identify. Was he singing about his return to this show? He’d only been here for a few days prior to this, many months ago. The attachment wasn’t nearly strong enough to trigger this feeling in him. There was something else, something he couldn’t name, but it took his breath away. His eyes slipped shut as he lost himself to the music.

_And this time will be bigger!_  
 _And brighter than we knew it_  
 _So watch me fly, we all know I can do it_  
 _Could I stop my hands from shaking?_  
 _Has there ever been a moment_  
 _With so much to live for?_

Images of Blaine flashed before his closed eyes. Blaine’s smile, Blaine’s soft touch, a squeeze of his hand. The way Blaine looked at him with that awe and admiration and, dare he even think it, love. Blaine laughing and joking with Roo, Blaine helping make dinner, Blaine stretched out beneath him as they kissed and kissed and kissed again.

This was insanity. It was new, still so very new, and the words were overly dramatic for the situation, and yet Kurt threw his whole heart into the performance of the song, because he was an actor, and he could latch on to an emotion and act it for all it was worth. Yes, that was the explanation for it. That was all it was.

_We taught the world new ways to dream._

The final note lingered and then faded from his lips. When he opened his eyes again, shaken by the turn of his thoughts, he was surprised to see Dahlia Grove standing beside Jada, staring at him with one hand covering her mouth in awe. Kurt felt an embarrassed blush heating his cheeks. She was the showrunner of this whole enterprise, and they’d only met in passing before. He hadn’t intended for a near-stranger to witness what had become such a private moment.

“I forgot what I came in here for,” she said.

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt stammered.

“Don’t be. You and I are having lunch today. Have the PA text me when you’re on break.” She turned and left the trailer without another word.

Kurt turned to Jada, in shock. “Do you have any idea what this is about?”

“I guess she liked your song.”

\-------------------

The trendy, upscale restaurant that Dahlia had chosen was only a block from the studio. Kurt walked in the door and immediately spotted her, just sitting down at a table and accepting a menu from the waiter. He walked past the hostess with a few explanatory hand gestures and joined her there.

She greeted him with a mischievous smile. “Good timing, Kurt. I didn’t even have time to get annoyed about being kept waiting.”

Kurt eyed her expression cautiously as he slid into the chair across from hers. He couldn’t tell whether she was teasing him or being uncomfortably honest, and that made him feel slightly off-kilter. He wasn’t sure how to react. He didn’t want to do anything that would annoy her, that was for certain. He’d heard the rumors. You never wanted to be on the bad side of Dahlia Grove. Being on her good side, though … that could lead to plenty of doors being opened.

“The salmon is excellent here,” she continued before he could get a word in edgewise. “Everything is good, of course, but I would say the salmon is particularly divine. Or anything with the lemon goat cheese on it. Are you a vegetarian? No? Good. Vegetarians can be so preachy, I always end up in a bad mood when I eat meat in front of them. How is filming going?”

Kurt paused a split second too long before answering, because he wasn’t sure whether Dahlia was actually going to let him speak this time. “It’s great,” he said quickly, trying to make up for the lost time. “It’s such an excellent production and I very much enjoy working with—”

“Yes, yes, all the platitudes. Tell me what you really think.” She laughed merrily. “You have quite an amusing ‘deer in the headlights’ stare, has anyone ever told you that? Oh, but I should be nice, because I want something from you. I’ll let you keep your secrets … for now.”

“No, I really do love—”

“Of course you do. But we’re not here to talk about Faeded. We’re here to talk about my next project, or rather, the one I was about to table until I walked into that makeup and hair trailer this morning. It’s called Sixth.” Dahlia’s eyes sparkled. “Future projects are so much more exciting than current ones, don’t you think? Everything is so perfect and beautiful in your mind. No messy real-life details like budgets and actors and network notes to muck everything up. Oh, but I shouldn’t say that. You’re an actor, aren’t you.”

“But not a messy one,” Kurt joked.

“True,” Dahlia said, pointing at him for emphasis. “You, my friend, are a dream come true.”

“Um … thank you.” Kurt had never been more bewildered in his life. Dahlia was a whirlwind. He felt like she was spinning him around in circles.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m a terrible negotiator, it’s why I’m always over budget. Never start off by telling someone they’re essential. Dammit, now I’m screwed.” She laughed again, completely unconcerned about her claimed lack of negotiating skills, and took a sip of her water.

Had Dahlia Grove just called him essential for her next project? This could not possibly be happening to him. “Can we back up a step or two?” Kurt asked. “I’m very confused about what’s going on right now.”

“Right! So, the show is about this mysterious guy named Joseph. Or maybe Ezra, I haven’t decided yet. Anyway, Joseph-slash-Ezra works as a singer in a piano bar, where most of the show is set. It’s all very minor key with a twinge of sadness in everything, right? A little bit noir and mysterious. He has the ability to make a sixth soulmate’s name appear on someone’s arm by singing to them. He’s very brooding and conflicted about his power and how he should use it. Sort of an Angel type, you know Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

“The Joss Whedon show from like thirty years ago?” Kurt had seen it in reruns sometimes, back in high school. He was glad to have something to comment on other than the fact that this sounded like simultaneously the most corny and the most bizarre idea for a TV show he had ever heard.

Dahlia placed a hand over her heart. “I _adore_ Joss Whedon. I want to be just like him when I grow up. Oh, I know, I’m grown up already, don’t remind me.”

“Didn’t most of his shows get cancelled after only a handful of episodes?”

Kurt resolved never to be on the receiving end of one of Dahlia’s side-eyes ever again.

“So basically,” she continued as if he had never spoken, “it’s a semi-dark, complicated take on the origin and meaning of soulmates. The actor who plays Joseph is going to make or break the whole thing, and I was about to shelve the project because I couldn’t think of anyone who could do it. He has to be otherworldly, you know? We’ve learned from Faeded that there are plenty of actors who can be made to _look_ otherworldly with the right makeup and wardrobe and lighting. But _sounding_ otherworldly is much harder, especially in singing. That’s absolutely crucial to the show. I had my sound guys experiment with some digital processing of voices, blending voices together, stuff like that. But they couldn’t get a mix I was really happy with, and if I’m going to do this show, I’m not going to do it half-assed.”

Kurt was starting to piece the information together in his head, but he wasn’t quite ready to make the leap to the conclusion he was starting to see. It was too outrageously impossible to even think of. He let Dahlia keep on talking.

“When I heard you singing this morning, that was it. That’s exactly the sound I want for Joseph, no alterations necessary. I honestly never knew a person could sound like that, but you do. It’s amazing. It’s like someone took the voice I heard in my head and magically implanted it into your vocal cords or something. If I’m going to make this show a reality, I need you on board. There’s nobody else who can do it.”

Kurt stared at Dahlia, trying to make sense of what she was saying, and more importantly, how he felt about it. This was exactly the kind of job he had been avoiding for the past five years. Not that showrunners had a habit of appearing out of nowhere to offer him lead roles, of course. No, this situation was wildly out of the ordinary, so much so that Kurt was still having trouble believing it was actually happening to him. But the fact was, after Roo was born, he hadn’t just given up on Broadway with its eight-shows-a-week schedule. He’d stopped auditioning for lead roles in film and TV, too. He chose to get by on shorter stints instead, doing guest roles on TV shows and small parts in movies. He didn’t want the demanding schedule of a series regular. It would take him away from his son. And with Rachel headlining one Broadway show after another, they certainly didn’t need the money.

Things were different now. Kurt’s income was enough for them to get by fairly comfortably, but even with the child support money from Rachel, it didn’t sustain him and Roo at anywhere near their former lifestyle. Kurt had been working more and more hours to fill in the gaps, but somehow the thought of auditioning for bigger roles instead of patching more small things together hadn’t crossed his mind. He was stuck in that mindset about his acting career, he supposed. Perhaps now was the time to shake out of it and try something bigger. It wasn’t every day that an opportunity like this magically fell into one’s lap.

Then again, how real was this opportunity? The project was about to be tabled, Dahlia had said. That didn’t sound like something that was ready to enter production anytime soon.

“What stage of development is this thing at?” Kurt asked.

Dahlia looked down and ran a finger around the rim of her water glass as she spoke, a big contrast from her open enthusiasm when discussing the content of the project. “There’s a script for the pilot. It was written by one of my best friends, we go way back, and he and I worked together on the concept. We’ve played around with it a lot, but I didn’t want to pitch it to the studios unless I knew I had all the elements to make it work.”

“So it’s nowhere near being made. You’re not actually casting yet.”

“Not officially, no.” Dahlia sighed. She looked younger like this, letting her worries show on her face. “I can’t ask you for a formal commitment, no matter how much I want to. But I can buy you a fancy lunch and a few glasses of wine and do my best to convince you to quote-unquote ‘audition’ if I can get someone to order the pilot. So what do you think?”

The premise was crazy and the job was unlikely to ever materialize, but Kurt was starting to like this woman quite a lot. He smiled conspiratorially at her. “Let’s say I’m intrigued. Tell me more?”

\-------------------

Blaine hummed a tune as he washed the dishes, trying to stop himself from getting too worried. Kurt had barely made it home in time for a late dinner, texting Blaine to come over as soon as the babysitter had been sent home. Now he was putting Roo to bed while Blaine boxed up the Chinese takeout and cleaned things up in the kitchen. Kurt had been in an odd mood all evening, quiet and seemingly lost in his own thoughts, but he hadn’t mentioned anything out of the ordinary. Probably he was just tired from the long day at work, Blaine thought. Most likely not anything to do with the two of them at all. By the time Kurt re-emerged from Roo’s bedroom, Blaine had two mugs of coffee ready to bring with them to the couch, where hopefully they could talk and things would start to seem better.

Kurt’s hands slid down his thighs as he took his seat. Blaine recognized it as one of Kurt’s nervous habits, and he froze for a moment before setting the cups down on the coffee table. 

“So, you’ll never believe what happened to me today,” Kurt said, and his tone was upbeat and conspiratorial. Blaine relaxed a bit.

“Something you can’t talk about in front of Roo, apparently.”

Kurt laughed, a hint of nervousness but more in amusement. “Nothing bad, just … hard to have a serious conversation in front of him. It’s … Dahlia Grove asked me to lunch. She has this pilot she’s trying to make and … Blaine, she wants me to star in it.”

Blaine’s fears vanished in an instant, and he listened with increasing excitement as Kurt explained the details of the show. He was overjoyed for Kurt, for this amazing opportunity that could make him a star overnight. His imagination came alive with the possibilities—Kurt on the red carpets, Kurt winning awards, Kurt finally being appreciated for the incredible genius that he was. Given a platform like this, he would be unstoppable.

“But it’s so ridiculous,” Kurt finished. “I can’t imagine a show like this actually getting bought and produced. Who would want to watch that kind of supernatural pop-philosophy thing? It’s completely bizarre. Even if it does get made, I don’t think I’d want to be known for that kind of role.”

“Are you kidding me? Why not? It sounds like a great idea for a show. Everyone loves their armchair philosophy about what soulmates really are. I went through a phase in college where I would debate these things all the time. Did Dahlia say whether the show is committed to one particular explanation? Oh wait … it’s not religious, is it?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, it’s not religious. She says that it draws from some Biblical names and metaphors because that’s a mythos that most people are familiar with, but there’s not one underlying worldview that drives the show. ‘It raises more questions than it answers,’ is how she put it.”

“What do you think?” Blaine asked.

“I think it’s nuts.”

“No, not about the show. What do you think about where soulmates come from?”

“You know I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Blaine felt his pulse quicken with the familiar excitement of a good debate. “Then how do you explain the basic fact that your name is written on my arm and my name is written on yours? _In our native language_. Are we supposed to believe that this is a random accident? Varying melatonin levels that happen to be in a pattern that look like someone’s name in cursive script, _and_ that match between all these pairs of people? There’s no way you can believe that it’s nothing more than a coincidence. The probabilities are mindboggling on an astronomical scale.”

“Don’t be deliberately obtuse. I’m sure you know the leading scientific theories as well as I do. Pheromone receptors under the skin of the left arm that slowly come into maturation, being affected by environmental factors along the way … at some point, your immature pheromones and mine happened to meet and react, or something like that. Just because they can’t explain every detail of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a scientific explanation.”

“So you do believe in soulmates,” Blaine said triumphantly.

“I’m not denying that paired names exist. I’m not an idiot, I can see that they do. What I’m denying is that it has any important meaning. Just because those names are there doesn’t mean they tell us any useful information about who we should marry or what choices we should make in our lives.”

Blaine shook his head. Kurt’s position was internally inconsistent. “Why did it evolve, then? If you’re going with the scientific explanation but you don’t think the pairs have any relevance, what’s the process that it came from? Something this complex wouldn’t have evolved by accident. I don’t see how it could be a byproduct of something else.”

“What’s your answer, then?” Kurt’s tone of voice was edging toward hostility. “Fate? God’s will? Reincarnation?”

“I didn’t say I was against the scientific explanation, just that if you’re going to go with science, you have to come up with some reason that soulmate markings are an evolutionary advantage.”

“Since when is the soul a scientific concept? They can explain things about consciousness and a sense of self-identity, but last I checked, ideas about the soul were firmly in religious territory.”

Blaine was getting energized now, to the point where Kurt’s annoyance hardly even registered to him. He could debate soulmate theory for hours, and in fact, he’d spent some all-nighters during college doing exactly that. “Sure, the word ‘soul’ and a lot of the concepts about it come culturally through religion. But if you want to take the strictly scientific perspective, there are plenty of reasons why paired names could be an evolutionary advantage. One is that in a tribal, hunter-gatherer society, finding your soulmate is an incentive to leave your family group and go to another, which prevents genetically-close sexual relationships from happening. Another is that they encourage lifelong, monogamous sexual relationships, which is the basis for a strong family that confers benefits on children.”

“Let’s ignore the fact that you’ve just insulted me—”

“What?” Blaine asked, startled. He didn’t recall saying anything insulting. He was just reciting the leading theories that geneticists and anthropologists had come up with.

“—and instead let me point out once again that the soulmate concept is nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy. People _think_ that soulmate relationships are better than others, so they invest more effort into making them work. Then, in the ones that _don’t_ actually work, people are too embarrassed or too brainwashed to leave. So yeah, the divorce rates for soulmate relationships are extremely low, but that doesn’t mean that people are happy. At the very least, it doesn’t mean that people are happier in those relationships than they would be in equivalent non-soulmate relationships.”

“That’s not true,” Blaine said, suddenly more quiet and still, but also more certain.

“How do you know?” Kurt threw back at him.

Blaine took a deep breath. “Have you ever dated someone who’s not your soulmate?”

Kurt shook his head. “I mean, just hook-ups, basically.”

“Do you think you could ever have just a hook-up with me?”

Kurt froze.

“I dated Adam for two years. I was really happy in that relationship with him. It was hard as hell when it ended. But let me tell you this, Kurt, it was nothing compared to what I feel when I’m with you, even though you and I have only been together for a month. It is qualitatively different. That relationship with Adam was the best one I’d ever had in my life, up to that point. But it is only the tiniest fraction of what I have with you.”

Kurt still didn’t move, and Blaine’s skin prickled with fear that he’d said too much. But it was true. “You feel it too, I know you do. You said you didn’t want a relationship, but you couldn’t stay away. If you don’t believe in soulmates, then it can’t be a self-fulfilling prophecy, not for you, because you never believed in the prophecy in the first place. It has to be something real, because it drew you to me even when you tried not to let it happen.”

Kurt was still silent, motionless on the couch. Blaine took another long breath, waiting for him to speak. Finally, just when Blaine was about to backpedal in a frantic apology for even bringing up the subject, a wry smile broke out on Kurt’s face.

“So I have hormones,” Kurt said. “Stop the presses, breaking news.”

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t offended Kurt, but his attempt at putting off the discussion with humor wasn’t much better.

“It’s not just hormones,” Blaine insisted.

“I thought you said it was!”

“I said the _mechanism_ of _creating_ the marks might be hormones, not that the entire compatibility of soulmates was based on that.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes skeptically. “You don’t really believe in the scientific explanation, do you?”

Blaine paused. “Not entirely …” he admitted.

“So we’re back to religious mumbo-jumbo? You and I were married in a past life? God created us as two halves of one whole? We’re connected by a cosmic force? Which is it? Nevermind, I don’t even care, they’re all bullshit.”

Blaine spoke slowly, sorting out his thoughts as he went. “I don’t know for sure, Kurt. This part is new to me. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. But I know what I feel. There’s a connection between us, something that was there from the very beginning, from the moment we met. Maybe even before that, the connection already existed and was lying dormant until we met. With you, I feel myself coming alive. So, I don’t know if that’s destiny, or if it’s puzzle pieces clicking together, or if it’s … I don’t know, the Holy Spirit which I don’t even believe in. It feels like … like a chemical reaction, like something has sparked a fire and now it’s uncontrollable, it’s just going to keep going and going until … until … I don’t know what.”

Kurt was watching him, his expression inscrutable. “Well, that’s not very precise,” he said at long last.

“I know you don’t believe in it,” Blaine said with a sigh.

“With Rachel, I felt …” Kurt’s voice trailed off and he stopped.

Blaine held his tongue. He’d pushed too much tonight already. He forced himself to remain silent, to let the pause linger and linger until Kurt spoke again, an eternity later.

“It’s different,” Kurt finally said. “It’s nothing like.”

Blaine would pay millions of dollars, if he had them, to know what was in Kurt’s thoughts right now. He would give everything he had to know how Kurt’s feelings for Rachel were different from Kurt’s feelings for him.

“Perhaps there are different kinds of soulmates,” was the only thing he let himself say.

“Perhaps,” said Kurt, more thoughtful than he’d been all night.

Silence stretched out again, seconds ticking by until they turned into minutes.

“Anyway,” Kurt said, shifting in his seat at long last, “the premise of the show is ridiculous. It’ll never get made.”

Blaine hummed an equivocal noise and scooted over to remove the few inches of space between himself and Kurt on the couch.

Kurt set down his coffee cup and leaned his head against Blaine’s shoulder.

Blaine stroked his hair gently, over and over again, for what may have been hours.

God, what he wouldn’t give to read Kurt’s mind.

\-------------------

_October 18, 2023_

There were two missed calls from Rachel on Kurt’s phone when he checked it during his lunch break at filming. He ate quickly and then headed back to his trailer to talk to her in private.

“I don’t understand this RSVP you sent for the wedding,” she told him once the call connected. “How is Roo coming if you’re not? And are you seriously expecting me to be able to take care of a child during all of this? It’s my _wedding_ , Kurt. I’m going to be busy and distracted and probably really really stressed out the whole time. I can’t be watching Roo at the same time. What am I supposed to do?”

Kurt flopped down on the uncomfortable couch. “You don’t have to take care of him. Tina and Mike are bringing him. They’ll look after him the whole weekend, along with their own kids. I mean, he’ll probably want to spend some time with you, if you can, but that would be true even if I was there with him.”

“Oh.” Rachel paused for a moment. “I guess … that sounds okay. But why aren’t you coming, Kurt? I want you to be there, you still mean so much to me …”

Kurt’s heart clenched. He wished everything between them didn’t have to be so difficult. “You mean so much to me, too, Rachel. I’m so happy for you, I honestly am. I just … I can’t be there. I’m sorry.”

There was silence on the other end of the line, and then the sound of a deep breath drawn in and let out. Then silence again.

“Rach? Are you okay?”

Her voice was thick with held-back emotion when she finally spoke. “Yes, I … yes. Kurt … thank you. For sending Roo to the wedding. I’m so glad my son can be there to see … I wish you could be, too, but I understand. I do.”

Kurt was accustomed to not telling Rachel things. He’d not spoken to her about his relationships with other men for the many years of their marriage. He’d hidden his disappointment over her hands-off approach to mothering. He’d gotten used to keeping his daily ups and downs mostly to himself, even long before their divorce. It should be easier by now, but lately he’d been masking his feelings behind anger, and when that anger fell away it took all his strength not to tell her that he loved her still. He didn’t have the words to explain it to her, though. How could he convince her that it was a love that would abide forever but nonetheless a love that would rejoice in her marriage to Aaron? It wasn’t the love of a brother or a parent or even a friend. He had no point of comparison, no model on which to give this feeling shape. He didn’t even know whether he wanted this love to continue, or whether he’d prefer if it could someday fade and die away.

“Congratulations, Rachel,” he said instead. “I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

“You too, Kurt,” was all she could say before they hung up. He wondered if she felt the same way about him. He wondered if he even wanted her to. He wondered, too, what Blaine would say if he knew, and whether he could ever understand.


	14. Chapter 14

_October 23, 2023_

Blaine looked around the classroom, spending a few moments observing each child quietly focusing on his or her individual work. The class was beautifully self-regulating today, and he breathed a sigh of happiness as he realized it. They came close to the Montessori ideal of independent, self-chosen work almost every single day, but moments of perfection like this, with no child wandering aimlessly or whining or more at play than at work—those were moments to be appreciated and cherished.

Roo was sitting at a table with the box of [sandpaper letters](http://www.infomontessori.com/language/written-language-sandpaper-letters.htm) open in front of him. He took out the letter L and traced it with two fingers, precisely as he was supposed to. Blaine could hear him quietly sounding out the letter to himself: “Luh. Luh.”

Blaine smiled fondly at the sight. He knew he wasn’t supposed to have favorites, but how could he avoid it? He was spending so much time with Roo outside of school. He and Roo’s father were soulmates, and hopefully one day Roo would be his stepson. Of course the little boy held a special place in his heart. It was only natural.

There was definitely something there on Roo’s side, too. He’d chosen the seat next to Blaine at circle time every day this week and last week. He made an effort to get Blaine to help him with his work, rather than one of the assistant teachers, whenever he needed help. He was always rushing to show Blaine his drawings and projects from the craft table, too. As Blaine thought about it, some of Roo’s past problematic behavior started to fit into this picture, and the puzzle pieces finally snapped into place. Roo wasn’t making trouble on purpose. He was seeking attention. Specifically, he was seeking _Blaine’s_ attention.

Roo looked up and Blaine wasn’t quick enough to turn away. He got up from the table, bringing the sandpaper L with him. “I don’t remember this sound, Mr. Blaine. Can you help me?”

“I heard you saying that sound to yourself just a moment ago,” Blaine said calmly.

Roo smiled widely, the smile of a young child who has no idea how to be duplicitous. “I thought it was ‘luh,’ but I’m not sure.”

“That’s right, Roo. You can go back to the table now and finish your work.”

Roo complied with his request, thankfully. Blaine bit his lip. He wasn’t sure of the best way to deal with this situation. Normally he’d try to kindly distance himself from a child who felt too attached to him, but in this case, things were different and that attachment might well be appropriate. He’d have to think about this one. Maybe it was time to finally talk to Kurt about the situation. The problem was, he didn’t know how Kurt would respond to the fact that Roo was getting attached to him.

\-------------------

“Mr. Blaine!” Roo called out from the couch as soon as Blaine entered the apartment. “Mr. Blaine! The floor is lava!”

“Oh no!” Blaine cried in dismay. He hopped from the tile floor of the foyer onto the throw rug. “Did I make it in time? Or did I melt?”

“You are okay, but Daddy is melting!” Roo pointed at his father, eyes wide with excitement.

“I told you, I am not playing. I’m busy.” Kurt sounded mildly annoyed, standing in the kitchen and holding a cookbook.

“But you’ll melt!” Roo whined.

“Yeah, Kurt, you’ll melt!” Blaine echoed playfully.

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“I’ll save him!” Blaine shouted. He dashed into the kitchen, threw his arms around Kurt’s waist, and lifted him up. Kurt flailed and shrieked, but Blaine managed to stagger back to the rug and set him down gently. Roo collapsed in giggles, hanging over the back of the couch.

Blaine dramatically wiped fake sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Whew! That was a close one!”

“You are ridiculous,” Kurt admonished him, but he was giggling too. “Now I am going to put on my invisible lava-proof boots and go make dinner for you crazy children.”

Blaine kissed him lightly on the cheek, mindful of Roo’s watchful eyes. “Thank you, I’m sure it will be delicious. What a relief that you have lava-proof boots!” He walked to the edge of the rug, then hopped onto a couch pillow Roo had placed there. “Hmm, this will be tough going.” He took a big step to Roo’s small, sturdy wooden playroom table, then launched himself over the back of the couch.

“Don’t break any furniture,” Kurt called from the kitchen. “Or bones,” he added a moment later.

“I am Captain Roo of the Lava Ocean Pirates, and you can be my first mate. Or the crocodile.”

“Arrrr!” Blaine growled happily.

\-------------------

Roo drifted off to sleep in the middle of his bedtime story. Kurt bent down to kiss him gently on the forehead, and then he and Blaine both got up and left the room as quietly as possible.

“Sorry you got stuck with so much childcare duty tonight,” Kurt said softly. They made their way down the hall and settled comfortably onto the couch.

“Oh, it’s not a problem at all. I love spending time with him. I think it’s good for him, actually.”

Kurt looked at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

Blaine took a deep breath and steeled his courage. “I haven’t brought this up before, because it wasn’t quite a big enough problem to trouble you with, and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from, but I think I’ve figured it out finally. Roo has been acting in certain ways at school … sometimes creating a little bit of trouble, sometimes pretending he doesn’t understand something when he does, things like that. I think that he’s doing it to get attention.”

Kurt looked worried. “What do you mean? Why does he want more attention?”

“It’s nothing you’re doing wrong,” Blaine said quickly. “You’re an amazing father, you really are. But you’re just one person. Roo is the only kid in his class who is living with a single parent. There’s only one other kid in the whole school, Josie. Her dad died of cancer when she was an infant, so she lives just with her mom. Kids do better with two parents, it’s been shown in study after study …” Blaine let his voice trail off. He wasn’t explaining this very well. He wished he’d taken more time to think about how to bring this up with Kurt.

“He has two parents.” Kurt’s eyes were narrow and suspicious.

“I know that, Kurt, but his mother lives so far away … He hasn’t seen her since school started, nearly two months ago. Talking on the phone isn’t the same.”

“So you’re telling me that my kid has become a troublemaker at school because his mother abandoned him?”

“No! Not at all!” Blaine sighed. “I’m not explaining this well, I’m sorry. No, he’s not a troublemaker. He does act out every now and then, but not more so than the other children. It’s age-appropriate and not a big problem, which is why I haven’t brought it up. It’s the kind of thing I’d usually address at the end-of-semester parent-teacher conference, not something I’d call home about before then.”

“What are you saying, then?”

“I’m saying that I am starting to see a pattern in his behavior, and the pattern is that he wants more attention from me specifically. There are times when he wants help with something, but he won’t let either of the assistant teachers do it. It has to be me. I think he feels closer to me, which makes sense, given how much time we spend together outside of school. And I’ve noticed that when I pay him that extra attention, his behavior at school improves and his focus on his activities improves. I wanted you to know that, because … I guess because I think it’s an important thing for Roo.”

“You’re telling me that Roo is becoming inappropriately attached to you?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Kurt’s question sounded hostile, but Blaine didn’t think this was something to be upset about. On the contrary, in fact. It seemed like a good thing for Roo, and for all three of them. “I don’t think it’s inappropriate, in these circumstances. I think Roo wants another adult in his daily life that he feels close to, and … well, here I am.”

Kurt shook his head. He didn’t look angry, exactly, but he was clearly unhappy. “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. This is why we set boundaries at the outset. No overnights, so you’re not here in the mornings. No discussing our relationship in front of him. That was supposed to keep something like this from happening.”

“It’s not a bad thing, Kurt. I think it’s a good thing. He seems happier. More stable.”

“For now, maybe. But what if we break up? First his mom disappears, and then you? That’s why I wanted to keep him from getting too close to you. We don’t know how long this is going to last between us. I don’t want him to have any more disruptions in his life.”

“Kurt…” Blaine felt almost heartbroken over this. He was only now beginning to realize how much his growing relationship with Roo meant to him. He felt a sudden flash of uncertainty. He had all these justifications in his head about why this would be good for Roo. Might they actually be rationalizations that he’d come up with to cover for how much he wanted children of his own? Maybe in part … but it must be good for Roo also. He knew that from both theory and practice—he’d read all the studies, and he’d seen the improvement in Roo’s behavior when he paid more attention to him at home and at school. Kurt’s reaction had thrown him off, but the worries were unfounded. The three of them were slowly but surely becoming a family. It was inevitable, and it needed to be put out in the open, even if that scared Kurt.

“You need to stop this,” Kurt pleaded.

“How?” Blaine asked, but he was unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Stopping this was impossible as long as their relationship continued, and he didn’t understand why Kurt couldn’t realize that. “Do you want me to stop spending the evenings with you? Switch Roo to another class at school? Which, by the way, would be a huge disruption to the friendships he’s started to make. Should I ignore him when he talks to me? What do you want me to do about it?”

“No, I … no.” Kurt chewed on his bottom lip. “I just …”

Blaine forced himself to cool off and take a more gentle approach. He set his hand on Kurt’s shoulder in reassurance. “I know you’re worried. I understand where you’re coming from, I really do. But I don’t think this is something we can or should try to stop. It’s pretty much inevitable, and I honestly think it’s a good thing for him.”

Kurt sighed. “Can we just … try not to encourage it?”

Blaine let his hand drop back to his lap. “Yeah, of course,” he said, trying not to show how hurt he felt. Kurt’s words stung more than they should. He told himself that it was ridiculous to feel upset about this, because when it came right down to it, nothing had changed. If Kurt wanted to wait, and to leave certain thinks unacknowledged, Blaine would find a way to be okay with that, just as he had always done.

\-------------------

_October 24, 2023_

Kurt hated to interrupt dinner by taking a phone call, but a glance at his phone’s screen revealed that it was Sandra, the grandmotherly old woman who took care of Roo on the rare occasions that Kurt’s work kept him out late at night. Like tomorrow’s all-night shoot for Faeded, for instance. With an apologetic glance at Blaine and Roo, Kurt picked up the phone, already feeling alarmed.

“Hi, Sandra. How are you doing?”

“Not well, I’m afraid,” she wheezed. Kurt closed his eyes, trying to stave off the panic that was creeping up on him. “I’ve got the flu, and I’m terribly sorry, but I won’t be able to—” she sneezed several times in succession. “Sorry about that. I won’t be able to babysit tomorrow night like we’d planned. I hate to back out at the last minute like this…”

“Please, don’t worry about it,” Kurt said as calmly as he could manage. He racked his brain for anyone else he could ask, reassuring her with words he wished he could believe. “I’m sure we can find someone else to babysit instead. You take care of yourself, feel better soon.”

He saw his worry reflected on Blaine’s face when he hung up the phone. “Sandra has the flu,” he explained. “I don’t know who I can get to take care of Roo all night. All of my other babysitters are teenagers, there’s no way they can stay until five in the morning or whenever I get back. Maybe I could ask one of his friends’ parents if he can spend the night at their house … but there’s nobody from school we know well enough yet … Mike and Tina are too far away for it to be convenient …”

“Kurt …” Blaine’s soft voice cut through his thoughts. “I could do it. If it’s okay with you … I’m right there at school anyway, and I spend almost every evening here, I don’t have any other plans … I could just bring him home from school and we can have our usual night except without you …”

The idea was so simple that Kurt wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before. The only problem was that it flew in the face of his worries about Blaine and Roo forming a close relationship. He hesitated and glanced at Roo, not wanting to talk about his son right in front of him.

“I’m going to draw a get well card for Sandra,” Roo piped up. “With butterflies because those are her favorites and also pandas and a cat.”

Thank goodness for kids and their dislike of boring grown-up conversations. Kurt was happy to send Roo away from the table so he and Blaine could talk this over. “That’s great, Roo. Why don’t you go start that right now, in the living room?” Roo hopped up, nearly toppling the chair as he left the room.

“I understand if you don’t want me to,” Blaine said. “What we talked about the other day, with me and Roo …”

Kurt sighed. “I don’t see any other solution. We don’t have any other babysitters who can do an overnight, and I’m not going to hire someone new for something like that, no matter how good her recommendations are. And there are no friends I can ask without it being a huge imposition. It wouldn’t be my first choice, but … it’s convenient, and Roo is comfortable with you, and I trust you, so …”

“I’m so happy to be your least bad option.” A statement like that would have been angry snark coming from Kurt, but Blaine’s smile turned it into bashful self-deprecation and took all the edge off. That didn’t stop him from feeling like the biggest dickwad on the planet, though.

“Oh, honey, I didn’t mean it like that. You know that, right? I’m lucky to have someone like you taking care of my son, I really am, and I shouldn’t forget it.”

Blaine smile held deep sadness behind it. “It’s just a one-time thing. I’m sure it won’t make much difference, in the grand scheme of things.”

Roo reappeared at the table, carrying a sheet of paper and two crayons. He walked right past Kurt without a glance and set the paper down beside Blaine’s plate. “I forget how to make a cat, Mr. Blaine. Can you do one like you drew at school two yesterdays ago before the weekend?”

“Sure thing,” Blaine said cheerfully, accepting the gray crayon that Roo held out to him.

Roo’s attention was laser-focused on Blaine’s sketch. He examined every detail of the simple line drawing, then stood at the table right beside Blaine’s chair and carefully colored it in with the same gray crayon that Blaine handed back to him.

Kurt sighed. Of course he could that having Blaine in their lives was a good thing for Roo. What worried him was the possibility of him and Blaine breaking up one day, and the effect that would have on a boy who had already been through so much turmoil in his life. That worry wasn’t going to go away, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was already too late to prevent that potential for pain. Even if they broke up tomorrow, it would be difficult for Roo. There was no point in trying to stop something that had already happened. All he could do was keep it from getting even worse.

He pushed down his feelings and focused on the logistical details instead. “We can put the extra carseat in your car tonight, and I’ll fill out the permission forms at the school office in the morning. Oh, and I’ll get you the spare key to the apartment, for tomorrow …”

The thought of Blaine having a key to his apartment was so odd, even just for one day. The level of intimacy seemed off the charts. But that was ridiculous. He’d given his keys to friends and even just neighbors before, in case of emergency, to water the plants while they were on vacation, and for babysitting just like this. The people he usually hired to take care of Roo in his home were near-strangers, people who had come recommended but who he’d met no more than a couple of times. There should be nothing weird about this. It was just a matter of friendship and convenience and child care.

Blaine’s smile was tight and pinched. Kurt wanted to curse at himself for turning Blaine’s generous offer into another way of hurting him. He wanted so desperately to be close to Kurt, and Kurt wished he could just let him. But the stakes were higher than Blaine could ever realize, and the ache of keeping some distance between them was nothing compared to the gaping knife wound of ending a relationship that went too far, too soon. It was better this way.

Still … Blaine looked so sad and hurt.

“Thank you,” Kurt said, giving it as much emotion as he could let himself express. “I really appreciate this. And I know Roo does, too.”

Blaine’s face softened, and his smile widened at the kind words. Kurt let himself relax just a little bit.

Roo looked up, surprised. “I don’t even know what that is. What’s ur-pre-shur-ate? When did I do that? I don’t remember doing any ur-pre-shur-ating. Did I do it by accident without even knowing?”

Kurt laughed. “It’s just another way of saying thank you, hon. We’re thanking Mr. Blaine because he’s going to take you home from school and babysit tomorrow night while I’m at work.”

Roo’s eyes lit up and he turned to look at Blaine. “Do you like TV? How many TV shows can we watch?”

“Hmm, I bet we can come up with something more fun than TV,” Blaine said, smiling down at Roo.

Roo rolled his eyes. “Don’t be silly, Mr. Blaine. Nothing is funner than TV.”

\-------------------

_October 26, 2023_

Night shoots were awful, no matter how much Kurt tried to shift his body clock in advance. The shoot itself had gone well, but getting home from work at five forty-five in the morning was always going to be miserable. He felt almost dizzy with the exhaustion. Roo’s day would start in about an hour, so there was no point in trying to get some sleep until after he dropped him off at school.

The first thing Kurt saw when he walked in the door was Blaine asleep on the couch, his face relaxed and peaceful. He looked so happy in his sleep that it made Kurt’s mood lighten right away. Kurt smiled as he sat gingerly on the edge of the couch beside him, taking the opportunity to stare at his face for a moment. With his eyes closed, there was none of the urgent intensity and concern that often made Kurt feel so nervous when Blaine looked at him. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through the soft curls of his hair, but instead he just placed a hand on his arm to wake him.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Kurt said softly.

Blaine stirred and then blinked his eyes open, a smile on his face immediately. He scooted into a sitting position and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Hi,” he said. “What time is it?”

“Almost six.”

Blaine greeted this news with a good-natured grumble. “Everything went great with Roo last night. He’s such a good kid. Ate all his dinner, and we wrote some stories together. They’re on the table, he wanted you to read them when you got home.”

“I’ll make sure to do that,” Kurt said. Roo’s stories were always hilarious in their creativity and lack of logical connections.

Blaine stood up and started to fold the blanket he’d put on the couch. Kurt got up too, to help him. “You could have slept in my bed, you know. I should have said something …”

Blaine paused for a moment. “I … it seemed like it would be an intrusion. I mean, we’ve never …”

“We’ve made out in your bed lots of times,” Kurt pointed out. “And we took a nap together there once.”

“I know, but … it seemed different. I don’t know. It’s silly, I guess.”

“Well, no matter. I hope the couch was comfortable enough.”

“It was fine. Great, actually. Really comfortable couch.” Blaine seemed flustered, but Kurt wasn’t quite sure why.

“Thank you again, for taking care of Roo tonight. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“No trouble at all. I had a great time.”

The pause in the conversation threatened to lengthen into awkwardness. Blaine stood there in his matching pinstripe pajamas set, watching Kurt gather up the sheets for the laundry.

“I could put on some coffee …” Kurt offered.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll just … change my clothes and then head home and shower and everything. I’ll … see you at school in a couple of hours.”

Kurt wanted to ask him to stay. He wanted to tell him not to be silly, to shower here instead and stay for breakfast and not go rushing from place to place just for all three of them to end up at the same place again. He wished that they’d spent the night together, curled up in bed in each other’s arms instead of Blaine on the couch and Kurt out at work. The longing for that was like a physical ache in his chest, and in his exhaustion, he didn’t understand why he wasn’t locked in an embrace with Blaine right now, their bodies warming and comforting each other in a solid and constant presence.

But he thought of Roo, and he remembered why. He hadn’t seen his son in nearly twenty-four hours, and it would be so weird to throw off the routine and re-connection by having Blaine here when Roo woke up. Kurt had things to do. He’d prepare a big breakfast, something fancy, since he had the time to pull it together this morning. They’d read Roo’s stories together at the breakfast table, and take their time getting ready for school, and then Kurt could come back home and sleep, and everything would make much more sense once he’d had some rest.

“Yeah … okay,” he said absently. “I’ll see you at school, then. And tonight, of course. Right?”

“Of course,” Blaine said, and Kurt began to wonder if the hint of sadness in his smile was a permanent feature.

An hour later, with the aroma of bacon and homemade waffles wafting through the air, Roo came bounding out of his room. “Daddy!” he squealed, jumping up into a big bear hug. Kurt didn’t even have time to put down the ladle of waffle batter, but he made sure that none dripped on Roo’s hair.

“Hey there, bright eyes and bushy tail!” Roo wiggled his butt at the mention of his tail, and Kurt laughed. He loved having a little bit of extra time in the morning, no matter how completely exhausted he was.

“Is Mr. Blaine still here?” Roo asked.

“No, he went home when I got here.” Roo’s shoulders drooped, so Kurt was quick to cheer him up and change the subject. “But you’ll see him at school soon. He told me you wrote some stories. Can we read them?”

Plates in hand, they walked to the table and sat down side by side. Several sheets of plain white printer paper had been stapled at the side into a book. Each story was written in Blaine’s handwriting, but illustrated by Roo.

“I tolded Mr. Blaine what to write for the stories,” Roo announced.

“Great! Let’s read the first one.” Kurt turned to the first page. “One time there was two squirrels and they lived in a tree.”

“See, there’s the squirrels and there’s the tree, and that’s their house in the tree.”

“Very nice,” Kurt said, admiring the nondescript stick figures. He flipped the page. “Should we read the next one? One time there was two bats and they lived in a cave. Hmm, I’m sensing a theme here.”

Roo grinned in happy obliviousness.

“One time there was two sharks and they lived in the ocean. Very nice. I like the boat here. Okay … one time there was two elephants and they lived in a … volcano? Interesting. Do elephants really live in volcanos?”

“Maybe. There’s only one more story left. Can you finish it?”

Kurt flipped to the last page. “One time there was two people and they lived in an apartment and they were sad because their Mommy was not there.”

Roo was still grinning proudly, apparently not sad at all. But Kurt’s heart sank.

“They had to not have a mommy because if they hadded one there would be three people in the apartment.”

“Why couldn’t they have three people in the apartment?” Kurt asked.

“That’s not how the story goes,” Roo said, as if this were completely obvious.

Exhaustion was taking over by the time Kurt got Roo ready for school and out the door. He didn’t want to drink coffee and ruin his chance at taking a nap the instant he got back home, so he left the car windows open and let the brisk autumn breeze keep his senses sharp. He waved hello to Blaine, kissed Roo on the cheek, and turned around to drive back the way he’d come.

He was ready to collapse into bed, but as he approached his bedroom door, he saw a hand-drawn sign taped to it.

MISTR BLAN  
<\-------------  
IS ON THA COWCH

He smiled to himself. Roo must have written the sign to remind himself that Kurt wasn’t home, in case he woke up in the night and needed a grown-up. Something about it seemed ridiculously sweet. He peeled the sign off the door carefully, so as not to ruin the paint, and folded the tape behind the paper. Then he went into his room and filed it away in the folder where he kept all of Roo’s best artwork.

With so many things weighing on his mind, he should have struggled to fall asleep. But he didn’t. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out.

\-------------------

Kurt slept until noon and then worked the whole afternoon, first on his Etsy orders, then running through the script of a voiceover he’d be recording for a movie next week. He was only halfway through that when he looked up at the clock and realized it was time to pick up Roo from school. He sighed and set the script aside. It would be another late night tonight, with much more work to do after dinner and Roo’s bedtime and hanging out with Blaine. As usual.

It was starting to feel ridiculous, picking up Roo from the playground, waving to Blaine through the window of the school, and then meeting Blaine at the door twenty minutes later. It was a waste of gas and a waste of time that he could have spent at home, finishing up that script practice. And for what?

Within an hour, Blaine was shaping the black bean mix into burger patties, entirely at home in Kurt’s kitchen. Kurt picked up the cutting board and slid the chopped cucumber into the bowl of salad he was putting together. Their evenings had become a routine, something they slipped into without conscious thought or planning, and it felt as natural as anything had ever been. All it needed was the smallest bit of adjustment for convenience.

“I was thinking,” Kurt said, and Blaine looked up at him. Kurt’s words caught in his throat, suddenly heavy with meaning as he looked into Blaine’s sparkling amber eyes.

He cleared his throat. “I was thinking,” he repeated. “It might make sense for you to bring Roo home from school every day. Since you’re there with him already, and you’re both coming here anyway. That way I wouldn’t have to rush around on days when I’m in the city, and I wouldn’t have to interrupt what I’m doing on days when I’m working from home. If you … I mean, if it’s not an imposition.”

Blaine’s hands stopped moving, a half-formed black bean burger pressed between his palms. His eyes glistened with tears, and he blinked. When he spoke, it sounded quiet and casual, as if this were no big deal. “I’d be happy to. It’s not an imposition at all.”

“Great,” Kurt said. He picked up a tomato and set it carefully down on the cutting board. Not a big deal at all. Of course not.


	15. Chapter 15

_October 28, 2023_

“Make sure to be on your best behavior, Roo,” Kurt instructed his son for the fourteen millionth time. He tried to keep his voice steady so as not to betray the nervousness of sending his child off to the other side of the country with people who were not even related to him. “Do everything Aunt Tina and Uncle Mike ask you, promise?”

Roo was practically bouncing with excitement. “I already promised like three times, Daddy.”

Kurt was always amused at how much a five-year-old could sound like a teenager. “Okay, hon. If you want to talk to me, you just tell Aunt Tina or Uncle Mike to call me. Any time of the day or night, it doesn’t matter, I promise it will be okay.”

“Okay, okay, can we go now?” Roo asked. He glanced at Gavin and Henry, who were arguing over which of them was Batman and which was Superman.

There was no use trying to have a heartfelt moment here. Kurt sighed and reached for his son. “One last hug, okay?” Roo wrapped his arms around his father and Kurt squeezed back as hard as he dared without hurting the little boy.

“Bye, dad! See you tomorrow night!” Roo hopped over to Gavin and Henry and announced that he was Officer JoJo.

“He’ll be fine,” Tina said, patting Kurt on the shoulder.

“Yes, but will I be?” Kurt asked.

She gave him a knowing smile. “Have fun with Blaine. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Kurt shook his head, amused. “What does that even mean?”

Tina shrugged. “Feels like the kind of thing I should say. Anyway, we’d better get going. Try not to worry, okay? Everything’s going to be great.”

Kurt nodded and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks again, Tina.”

Mike clapped him on the shoulder, and then the two of them headed to the security podium.

“Can I hold my own ticket? Hi, Mr. Airport Guy! I’m going on a trip without even my mom or my dad, just like a real grown-up!” Kurt blinked back his tears, listening to Roo echo back the way he’d been framing the trip.

“Here’s a letter signed by his father,” Mike told the TSA guy, presenting his identification and ticket as well. Kurt waved and smiled when the TSA guy glanced at him, and watched until they were through security.

He slipped his cell phone out of his pocket to check the time as he walked back toward the airport exit. He was supposed to meet Blaine for brunch in just twenty minutes. That wasn’t much time. _Probably running late_ , he texted. Then he ducked into the bathroom to collect himself before heading to the subway.

\-------------------

Blaine’s eggs benedict were divine, but he didn’t miss the fact that Kurt was mainly rearranging pieces of omelette on his plate rather than eating them.

“I hope Roo is behaving himself,” Kurt said distractedly.

“I’m sure he is,” Blaine assured him. He knew that Roo was not the main thing casting a gloom over Kurt’s mood today, though, and he hoped a distraction could help take his mind off everything that was going on. “I was thinking we could check out that new menswear boutique that got a write-up in the Style section last week. I could always use some new bowties.”

Kurt smiled fondly, but his thoughts still seemed very far away. “Sure, that sounds fine.” He poked at his fruit salad and speared a strawberry with his fork. “I hope Roo is behaving himself.”

“You said that thirty seconds ago,” Blaine reminded him as gently as he could.

“Did I?”

Blaine nodded at him sadly. He wished he could cheer Kurt up, but he had no idea what he could do or say that would help. All he could do, when it came down to it, was be as supportive as possible and wait through the darkness with Kurt.

Kurt set his fork down with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m terrible company today. I shouldn’t have suggested spending the day together at all.”

“Hey …” Blaine reached across the table and took his hand. “I don’t mind if it’s not the romantic weekend we were planning. I’m happy to spend time with you, no matter what.”

Kurt shook his head. “I should let you go home. I’m no fun to be around, and I’m sure you have better things to do than follow me around while I mope.”

“Forget it, you can’t get rid of me that easily. There’s no way I’d leave you on your own while Rachel is off getting married in Los Angeles. I’ll cheer you up or just hold your hand, whatever you need, but I’m right here with you, no matter what.”

Kurt smiled. “Blaine Anderson, you are the cheesiest person I’ve ever met.”

Blaine was cheered by the sight of that smile, fleeting though it was likely to be. He waggled his eyebrows at Kurt. “Don’t give me that. You love it.”

“I refuse to answer, on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.”

Blaine bopped him on the nose without a word.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Kurt said, appalled but grinning as he glanced around to make sure nobody else had seen what dorks they were being. He had a reputation to protect, after all.

“Look at that, I’ve cheered you up already,” Blaine said with a self-satisfied smirk.

As Blaine suspected, though, the lighter mood didn’t last. He could cheer Kurt up for only a few minutes at a time. They went shopping, in the hopes that one of Kurt’s favorite activities might put him in a better mood, but every time they drifted apart looking at merchandise in a boutique, Kurt would end up staring at something dejectedly, back in his funk until Blaine reappeared from around the other side of the rack.

And no wonder, Blaine thought. Everything in Manhattan must remind Kurt of Rachel. This had been their city. They’d left Lima together and made their home, together, in New York City. Since he’d moved to New Jersey when they divorced, Kurt had never had the chance to make a place in the city for himself. Commuting in for work just wasn’t the same thing.

Kurt’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out. He smiled faintly again, looking at the screen. “Tina says they made it to LA and Roo is having a great time. They’re going to try to get the kids to take a nap before tonight, since they’ll be up so late at the …”

Kurt stopped before he finished the sentence. His face fell and he looked slightly green. Blaine watched him with a heavy weight in his chest, wishing he could take away some of Kurt’s pain.

“Let’s go home,” Kurt said. “I’m not in the mood to shop anymore.”

“Okay,” Blaine said, slipping his arm around Kurt’s waist for support.

\---------------------------

Back at his apartment, Kurt was restless. They tried watching an old musical, but he had no stomach for romance, so he turned it off. They switched to a reality show marathon, but he was bored by the competitions and pettiness playing out onscreen. Blaine fooled around at the piano keyboard for a while, but Kurt felt twitchy and didn’t want to join in with any of his songs.

“Let’s cook,” Kurt suggested.

“But it’s too early for dinner,” Blaine said.

“I don’t care. We’ll keep on cooking until it’s dinner time.”

Kurt opened the pantry and stared at its contents for a moment. They had a plan for dinner, but it was too soon to get started on that. After a moment, he pulled out a packet of yeast and tore it open, letting the tiny granules gather at the bottom of a large mixing bowl. He added some water and a scoop of sugar, and all of a sudden a sharp, bread-like smell wafted out of the bowl. Kurt pulled the bag of flour out of the pantry and only then headed to the shelf where he kept his cookbooks. “We’ll make cookies, too,” he said. “Or maybe pie. I think pie.”

He found a pie recipe by the time the yeast was done proofing. “Blaine, start cutting up the pears while I get the bread ready for the first rise,” Kurt instructed.

Blaine moved obediently across the kitchen. By now he knew where everything was kept; he cooked more often here than at his own apartment. He pulled out a cutting board and a knife and sliced the first pear in half, scooping out the seeds as the scent of bread began to fill the room. He stole glances at Kurt, watching him stir the flour into a dough until it was firm enough, then take the ball of it into his hands to throw against the counter and knead.

It gnawed at Blaine that there was nothing he could do to heal Kurt. He knew he was doing the most he possibly could by being here in silent support. But it wasn’t enough. There was nothing in the world that could pull Kurt out of the mood he was in today. He watched Kurt’s shoulders rise and fall with each angry, powerful throw and press of the dough. Blaine set down his knife on the cutting board and walked to him. He slid his arms around Kurt’s waist and pressed a soft kiss to the back of his neck.

Kurt paused in his work, hands on the edge of the counter, and some of the tension seeped out of his muscles. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” Blaine said, barely more than a whisper.

Kurt took a deep breath and picked up the dough again. Blaine let his hands fall away, and went back to slicing pears. They were working separately, standing just as far apart as before, but he felt they were more connected now. Blaine glanced at Kurt again and saw a hint of a smile on his lips, and his heart was warmed.

After the baking was done, they made pesto from scratch, and then a salad with vegetables that they roasted in the toaster over because the real oven was occupied. Finally they sautéed the chicken breasts and boiled the pasta to go with the pesto.

They sat down to dinner, starting with the salad and the steaming hot bread freshly out of the oven. Blaine breathed in the scent of the bread, the basil, and the pie that was cooling on the counter. He smiled across the table at Kurt. It felt like home, more so than any moment he could remember since his childhood. Kurt smiled back, and it reached his eyes for the first time all day. Blaine wished he could capture this moment and save it forever.

Kurt looked down at his salad. His smile faded. “I’m not really hungry,” he said.

Blaine’s heart fell.

“You should eat, though,” Kurt urged him.

\-------------------

Kurt could see the shadow of his own pain reflected back at him whenever he met Blaine’s eyes and saw the kindness and concern there. Each glance brought a fresh stab of hurt, twisting its way in to mingle with the constant ache he carried inside him. So he looked elsewhere whenever he could—at the TV playing some old movie he couldn’t keep his mind on, at the bookshelf trying to make out title after title from across the room, or worst of all at the clock ticking the slowest seconds he had ever borne witness to.

At twenty-one seconds after 8:53, he lost his concentration and accidentally glanced at Blaine again. His wide, amber eyes were mournful and sympathetic, full of good intentions but lacking any solution.

Kurt sighed heavily. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Blaine told him, soft and gentle as he’d been all day.

“I’m sorry that you have to put up with me like this, though.”

“Hey … I’d rather be here with you than anywhere else, no matter what.” Blaine smiled at him and his eyes were soulful, still full of concern. Kurt managed a half-hearted smile in return.

Blaine stroked two fingers against the line of Kurt’s jaw and glanced noticeably at his lips. “If you want … I could try to take your mind off of it …”

Kurt shook his head sadly. It was a special kind of torture that their first decent opportunity to have sex was both created and ruined by his ex-wife’s wedding. “I wish … but I don’t want it to be like that between us. I want it to be just about the two of us, not a distraction from … other things.”

Blaine nodded. “You’re right. Of course.”

“I’m sorry, I know we’ve been waiting forever and—”

Blaine cut him off before he could say any more. “Don’t worry about it. Not for my sake. I’m here for you this weekend, for whatever you need.”

Kurt breathed a little more easily at that. He rested his head on Blaine’s shoulder, feeling the relief through his whole body. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“What do you need right now, Kurt? What can I do for you?”

Kurt thought a moment. “Just hold me, I think. Can we … is it okay if we go to bed and just …”

“Of course,” Blaine said.

Kurt closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, thankful for the presence of this incredible, selfless man beside him. This man that he didn’t deserve, and could never deserve, who was so gentle and strong and exactly what Kurt needed right now. Then, reluctantly, he pushed his hands down against the couch and brought himself to standing. “Come on then,” he said, inviting Blaine into the bedroom.

They went through their preparations in silence, each taking a turn in the bathroom, changing into pajama pants and t-shirts out of view from each other. Kurt curled up on his right side, facing the edge of the bed. He pillowed his right arm under his head and stretched his left arm out in front of his face. He stared at the names there. Rachel Berry at the top, right below his wrist. John Winters beneath her. Then a gap, where he could barely make out the faded names of Griffin Green and Alexei Nikolaev if he looked closely in good lighting. At the bottom of the list, squarely in the center of his forearm, Blaine Anderson.

Blaine came out of the bathroom and stood there looking at him for a moment. Kurt couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, so he continued to stare fixedly at his arm without moving. Blaine sighed, then walked around to the other side of the bed. He drew back the covers and slid in behind Kurt to spoon him. The warmth of his body filtered through to Kurt’s skin, and Kurt wanted to press back into him, but he remained still instead. He didn’t want to even blink. It would be less than an hour before Rachel’s name disappeared. She would speak her wedding vows tonight, and her name would vanish from his arm. He wanted to be looking at it when that happened.

“Why are you torturing yourself like this?” Blaine asked.

 _Because I’m a horrible person and I deserve it._ Kurt held his breath for a second as the thought popped into his mind. It wasn’t true, he knew. Not in a broad sense. But he was a horrible partner. He’d been unable to make Rachel happy in their marriage, even though she was his soulmate. What kind of person can’t make things work with their soulmate? He was a failure at one of the most important things in life. It would be cruel to inflict his own incompetence on a relationship with Blaine. He briefly considered the idea of ending their relationship right now, to spare Blaine the hurt later on, when Kurt would inevitably fail to measure up to even minimal competence. But no, he realized gloomily, he didn’t have the strength to walk away.

Surely Blaine would figure out how pathetic Kurt was at some point, and leave of his own accord.

“Kurt?” Blaine said, and Kurt realized he hadn’t answered the question out loud.

“What else is there to do?” His voice was flat with despair.

Blaine’s fingers stroked the hair at the nape of Kurt’s neck. It was soothing, and Kurt’s eyes flitted down from Rachel’s name to Blaine’s for a moment. Blaine’s name would remain, even when Rachel’s was gone.

“Maybe it will be better when her name isn’t on your arm anymore,” Blaine said thoughtfully. “Maybe without the constant reminder, you’ll feel more free to move on.”

“Don’t you think the absence of her name will be a more glaring reminder than the presence of it ever was?” Kurt asked.

Ten years of his life reduced to a blank. Gone as if they had never existed, with hardly a reminder of them left on his body. Ten years that he’d spent wedded to his soulmate, building a life with her, compromising his dreams to accommodate hers. Ten years of opportunities missed for an investment that turned out to be a dead end. Erased from his life. Erased from his body. But still haunting his soul.

Blaine’s arms wound tighter around him and he felt a kiss pressed to the back of his head. If he invested as much in this relationship as he had with Rachel, he wondered, would it turn out any better?

They lay there in silence for a long while.

“You’re not alone, you know,” Blaine said. The words seemed surprising and quite disconnected from the dark train of thought Kurt had spiraled into. “I’m right here with you. And you have still another soulmate left to find, if it doesn’t work out between us.”

Kurt’s eyes flitted to John Winters’s name, then down to Blaine’s, and then back up to Rachel’s.

“I don’t believe in soulmates,” Kurt said.

If that were true, though, why would he be so upset about his divorce from Rachel? If there had never been anything special between them in the first place, no more so than a non-soulmate marriage would have been, then why did he condemn himself so harshly for failing at it?

Not believing in soulmates was easier than admitting that he was pathetic enough that he couldn’t make a soulmate marriage work.

“I believe in you,” Blaine said.

Kurt tried to work this out in his head, but it didn’t quite connect. “What?” he asked, twisting his neck so he could sort of see Blaine out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re my soulmate. I believe in you.”

Kurt snorted. Blaine’s cheezy, over-the-top romantic cheerfulness would probably start to get on his nerves one of these days, once the novelty wore off, but for now he found it sweet and endearing.

“Kurt…” Blaine whispered, and his tone of voice had a mixture of awe and wariness that set Kurt on his guard again. “Your arm…”

Kurt looked down at his arm again. Rachel’s name had faded in the few seconds he’d looked away, now no more than a whisper of white on his pale skin. He’d missed the moment of its disappearance, despite his determination to watch it go. He sighed, staring at the unfamiliar blank place on his arm. Maybe it was for the best that he didn’t have to literally watch her leave him all over again. She was gone, and that was all there was to it.

At least he wasn’t left all alone this time. Blaine’s presence was comforting, somehow, even though there were no real words of comfort to be had. Kurt rolled over to his other side, bringing himself face to face with Blaine. “Thank you for staying with me tonight,” he said.

“I will never leave you,” Blaine said softly.

Of course he wouldn’t. He was desperate and he had no other options. Kurt chastised himself for the uncharitable thought, but at some level he knew it was true. Blaine was willing to overlook every fault in Kurt because he was so desperate to be with his soulmate. Even if the relationship ended up making them both unhappy as hell, Blaine would probably keep clinging desperately on.

“Never say never,” Kurt said, trying to make it into a joke.

Blaine kept staring at him with those eyes so soulful they were practically heart-shaped. “Never,” he repeated solemnly, and despite himself, Kurt’s heart pounded the tiniest bit faster.

\-------------------

Kurt dreamt that he was in a maze. It was pitch black, and he had to feel his way slowly along the walls. He was lost, and thought he might never get out. The corridors were narrow, but the dark was so intense that he felt he was in a wide open room, all alone. He would never find his way out. He would die alone in here, searching for the exit. He began to panic.

A soft white light suddenly appeared in the distance, and it felt welcoming and safe. He headed for it as soon as he saw it. Perhaps it was a flashlight or a candle. He could use it to see the walls and make his way through the twisting pathways more quickly. As he came closer, he saw that there was another person there. He hoped that whoever it was would share the light with him.

Closer and closer, and Kurt saw that it wasn’t a man holding a light, but a man who glowed of his own accord, light spilling from his body like an angel. He approached, they came face to face, and finally Kurt recognized him. It was Blaine.

“Are you looking for the way out?” Blaine asked. His voice was calm, and Kurt thought he must know the way home.

“Not anymore,” Kurt heard himself say.

\-------------------

_October 29, 2023_

Blaine was a light sleeper, so it wasn’t unusual that he found himself half-awake at two in the morning. Normally he would have rolled over and fallen back asleep almost immediately. This time, though—hopefully the first of many times—Kurt was in his arms. He sighed happily and snuggled in closer. The light of the full moon shone through the window and illuminated Kurt’s face, finally peaceful in sleep after the emotional anguish of last night. He hoped the sadness would be behind Kurt when he woke in the morning.

Kurt stirred in his arms and his eyes blinked open. Blaine smiled at him. He really was the most beautiful man Blaine had ever seen.

“I should have taken you up on that pity-fuck offer last night,” Kurt said with a wistful smile.

Blaine hated to hear Kurt cheat the emotions of what had happened last night. He couldn’t let this pass. He wouldn’t let Kurt joke about how much this relationship meant to both of them, nor about his own worth.

“Kurt…” Blaine reached out and cupped his cheek with one hand. “It could never be a pity-fuck. Do you know why?”

Kurt looked surprised and unsure, and still a bit sleepy. He shook his head.

“Because I don’t pity you,” Blaine said seriously. “I envy you. Even with everything you’ve been through. I know your life hasn’t been easy, but still, I would trade places with you in an instant. You’re working as an actor. You have an amazing kid. You spent years with your soulmate instead of pining away alone. But more importantly, I’m crazy about you. You’re so beautiful and so strong and so unbelievably perfect, sometimes I can’t even believe you’re real. So yes, Kurt, I want to sleep with you. But it would never, ever be a pity-fuck. The farthest thing from it.” He stroked Kurt’s cheek gently with his thumb, his heart pounding with this confession.

Kurt’s eyes searched Blaine’s face for a moment, and Blaine wondered what he saw there. Kurt’s expression changed in response. His self-deprecation fell away and was replaced with something much more honest and vulnerable.

“Can we?” Kurt asked hesitantly. “I want to.”

“Yes, Kurt, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.” Blaine surged forward and kissed Kurt, rolling them at the same time to place Kurt on his back. He leaned down, pressing kiss after kiss to Kurt’s soft lips. He felt dizzy with the rush of emotion and desire that hit him all at once in that instant.

Kurt’s hands were on Blaine’s back, under his shirt, pulling the fabric up toward his arms. Blaine reluctantly let him break the kiss to slide the shirt over his head, and took the opportunity to remove Kurt’s t-shirt as well. His pale skin seemed almost to glow with its own light in the darkness.

“So beautiful,” Blaine whispered. He leaned down and kissed Kurt’s chest, then traced his lips down and kissed lower, and lower again, and once more on his stomach before sliding back up and kissing his mouth.

“What do you want?” Blaine asked. “Anything you want, I …”

“I want you inside me,” Kurt said without hesitation.

Blaine blinked in surprise, more at Kurt’s certainty than his particular request. “Okay.”

Kurt smiled up at him with such absolute trust that Blaine felt his heart skip a beat. He was overwhelmed with his love for this man. He would do anything for Kurt. He would die for him, if it was asked. Kurt was his life and his everything, and he could not believe that they were about to share this together for the first time.

“There’s lube in the drawer,” Kurt said, and practicalities shoved aside Blaine’s romantic extravagances for the moment. He reached over and opened the drawer, fumbling around until he found the lube and a condom. He set them down on the bed and looked back at Kurt, and _god_ , he could not believe this was happening. He could not believe that he was with his soulmate, dating his soulmate, about to have sex with his soulmate for the first time, the first time ever in his life. He could not wait to feel this amazing connection that everyone talked about, the romantic fairy-tale ending that would be the beginning of his happily ever after.

Kurt was watching him with a little smile that made Blaine wonder if he could read his thoughts. He drew Blaine down into another soft, gentle kiss that deepened and intensified as it went on seemingly forever. Blaine’s heart ached so sharply that he wondered if it was possible that it could actually burst. How much love could one heart really hold? Certainly not as much as he felt for Kurt. There was no way anyone could have ever had this much love in their life before, was there?

Kurt’s hands were sliding under the waistband of Blaine’s underwear, cupping his ass and pulling him in. Blaine was fully hard by now, and little tingles of pleasure lit up as he rocked against Kurt’s body.

“Want you so bad,” Kurt gasped, and Blaine let Kurt’s hands push his underwear to his knees before he reached down and took them the rest of the way off himself.

Kurt was pulling off his own underwear now. Blaine’s mouth watered as he watched Kurt’s hard cock bob around while he settled himself back on the bed. “God, Kurt, you are so gorgeous,” he whispered, in awe.

Kurt threw his arms around the back of Blaine’s head and pulled him down into a deep kiss. Blaine rocked forward, rubbing his body against Kurt’s with no rhythm, just desperate need. He could get off from this alone, in seconds, but he stopped himself. That wasn’t what Kurt had asked for. Kurt wanted to be fucked, and Blaine resolved to control himself well enough to give Kurt everything he wanted.

“ _Please_ , Blaine,” Kurt said. His eyes were shut tight, his mouth falling open with desperate gasps as Blaine moved against him.

“Okay,” Blaine whispered. He squeezed some lube onto his fingers and moved into a better position to reach. Kurt spread his legs wide apart, eagerly, without a hint of shame. Blaine had never seen him so completely willing, with no sliver of hesitation or uncertainty at all. It was the most arousing thing he’d ever seen in his life.

Tentatively, Blaine pressed one finger against Kurt’s hole. Kurt moaned loudly, breaking the hush that had fallen over the room. “Please, Blaine. God yes, please.”

Blaine’s finger slid easily inside him, disappearing up to the second knuckle. Kurt pressed himself down onto Blaine’s hand, silently begging with his body for more, his eyes still shut tight. In answer, Blaine added a second finger. He worked them in and out slowly, Kurt writhing on the bed beneath him. Blaine had to close his eyes for a moment so he wouldn’t come just from watching.

“Please, Blaine, _please_. Want it so bad, _please_.”

“Let me stretch you out a little bit more, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It won’t hurt, I promise, _please_ , Blaine, I need you inside me.”

His soulmate’s desperate voice pleading for his cock was absolutely irresistible. Blaine drew his fingers out and tore open the condom packet with trembling hands. Kurt opened his eyes to watch Blaine roll the condom onto himself and spread some more lube over it. “Yes, baby, yes,” Kurt encouraged him as he settled into place between Kurt’s legs.

Kurt was right, he was stretched well enough and Blaine slid in easily. He went slowly, reveling in the sensation of entering, savoring and memorizing every little detail of the moment. A shuddering breath shook Kurt’s body, and Blaine looked up at his face. He was crying.

Blaine froze in an instant. “Does it hurt? I’ll stop, I don’t want to pull out too quickly and hurt you more, I’ll just—”

“No, don’t stop,” Kurt begged. “It doesn’t hurt, it’s perfect, please, _please_ keep going, _please_.”

Blaine wanted to caress his face, kiss him, hold him tight—anything to help him feel better. But he didn’t dare move an inch. “Kurt, you’re crying. Something’s wrong. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Kurt shook his head vehemently. “Nothing is wrong,” he gasped between shallow breaths, tears still flowing from his eyes. “It’s exactly right. I didn’t expect…”

“Didn’t expect what?” Blaine asked, desperate to understand more about what was going on in Kurt’s mind.

“I feel … so … much.” Kurt opened his mouth as if he wanted to say more, but he fumbled over words and shook his head. “Please,” was all he could manage.

“The sex doesn’t hurt?” Blaine asked. He needed to be sure. The thought of hurting Kurt in any way was unbearable to him.

Kurt shook his head again.

“You mean you feel so much … _here_?” Blaine put his hand over Kurt’s heart.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut tight again and nodded.

“ _Kurt_ ,” Blaine breathed out. “Look at me, sweetheart. Kurt, please, look at me.”

Kurt sniffled and opened his eyes again. Blaine locked his gaze on those perfect blue eyes, now shot through with red and clouded with tears.

“I need you to know this, Kurt. I love you. I love you beyond anything in the world, beyond anything I have ever known before in my life. I’m right here, and I’ll take care of you. Okay? Do you understand?”

Kurt nodded. He blinked and wiped some tears away with one hand, and then nodded again. “Okay,” he said, smiling through the tears.

Blaine let himself move again. He bent down and kissed Kurt on the lips, as gently as he could. “Love you, baby. Love you. Tell me if you need me to stop, okay? Promise.”

“I promise,” Kurt whispered. “Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

“Love you so much,” Blaine said, finally pressing deeper inside Kurt.

Kurt gripped Blaine’s shoulders as if his life depended on it, and his tears began to fall freely again. “Blaine,” he gasped. “So much.”

Kurt’s walls crumbled so thoroughly that Blaine could practically hear them crashing to the ground. For the first time, Blaine was certain that Kurt was in love with him. He hadn’t said so yet, but even without words, it was the surest thing in the world. Kurt was wrecked beneath him, gasping shallow breaths between moans and cries that were dramatically out of proportion to Blaine’s gentle rocking in and out of his body. Blaine cradled Kurt’s head in his hands and kissed him, over and over, until their bodies trembled together with the pleasure of their orgasms. And then Blaine held him even closer, and kissed him even longer, until Kurt fell asleep in his arms with a whisper of a smile on his lips, as peaceful as a child.

\-------------------

Kurt was overwhelmed with happiness when he awoke. He lay still, with his eyes closed, drinking in the warmth of Blaine’s body intertwined with his and the warmth of the sunshine streaming in through the window onto his face. The joy he felt was unbearable, and certainly it couldn’t last. It was only for a moment, and that was probably for the best, because in the long-term he knew a feeling like this could not be contained within his skin. It would burst out of him, surely, tearing his skin apart with its need to expand beyond what a single human being could feel. He’d enjoy it for a minute more, maybe two, here with his eyes closed and this impossibly wonderful man in his arms.

Last night had been overwhelming too, in a much more chaotic way. He’d never experienced anything like that before, and it shocked him all the way down to his core. It was hard to remember, actually. Now that he tried to sort through the feelings, he found that many of the details were gone. Certain images were sharp—Blaine’s eyes staring down at him with such sweet concern, Blaine’s hand over his heart, the words ‘I love you’ forming on Blaine’s lips. But the emotions were all blurry around the edges, one fading into the next before it could even be identified, creating a confusing mixture of pleasure and heartache that he couldn’t even begin to pull apart.

At least this morning’s emotional overload was a simple one. He blinked his eyes open and found Blaine already awake, smiling across the pillow at him, his eyes full of the exact same inconceivable joy that he was feeling himself.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Blaine’s eyes sparkled with fondness and familiarity, but there was a touch of worry in there, too.

“Blaine…” Kurt sighed happily. The act of speaking was like an outlet, letting some of the pressure buildup of emotion escape safely. He felt his equilibrium returning, the joy inside him settling to more manageable levels.

The worry in Blaine’s expression dissolved, too.

“This is the happiest you’ve ever looked,” Blaine said.

“This is the happiest I’ve ever felt,” Kurt answered. It was honestly true. He had never felt this way with Rachel, not once. Perhaps he’d been happy like this sometimes as a child, but that would have been an innocent, unaware happiness, without the depth of emotion and understanding that he had now. This was something completely new, a level of happiness so different from anything he’d felt before that it almost qualified as a completely different emotion.

Blaine found Kurt’s hand and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of it. “Now do you believe in soulmates?”

It was a gentle tease, and he didn’t seem to expect a serious answer from it. Kurt bit his lip, searching out an easy response, but there was none. He didn’t know what to believe any more. The connection between the two of them was real, and it was stronger than he’d ever imagined. But the soulmate mythos was stuffed so full of fantasy and contradiction that there was no way Kurt could ever buy into it completely. The answer had to be much more nuanced than Blaine realized. An attraction didn’t mean fate. A connection didn’t mean permanence.

“I love you,” Blaine said softly, almost an apology, and the intensity in his eyes was too much for Kurt to bear. He couldn’t answer with words, so he answered with a kiss instead, soft at first and then deepening. He wished he never had to speak again. It would be so much easier if he could tell Blaine everything he felt in kisses and touches instead of words—not least because he couldn’t find the words for the things he wanted to say.

“I will love you forever,” Blaine whispered when their lips moved apart.

Kurt sighed. This, at least, he could address. He had to. “You don’t know that. It’s not something you can predict or promise.”

“I do know it,” Blaine insisted. “I will never leave you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, Kurt.”

Why must Blaine see everything in black and white? The reality was so much more complicated, so much more uncertain. The pure happiness he’d woken up with was melting away, being rapidly replaced with his usual skepticism and hesitance. “It’s one thing to _want_ that. It’s another thing entirely to try to promise it. Neither of us knows what will happen. We’re both going to grow and change, meet different people, want different things. There’s no way to know whether we’ll still be compatible this time next month, let alone next year or in ten or twenty years.”

“Kurt…”

He shook his head, cutting Blaine off. “I wish I could give you what you want, sweetheart. I know that most people would jump right in, if they were in our situation. But most people are delusional optimists, and that’s not me. Not anymore. I _hope_ that we can spend many, many years together. But I can’t promise it. I can’t promise you forever, because I don’t know how to predict the future.”

Blaine’s eyes glistened with tears that threatened to fall. “What are you saying, then?”

He’d been too harsh. He didn’t want to hurt Blaine. He only wanted to warn him not to expect too much. He squeezed his hand and spoke more gently, trying to convey the comfort and optimism that he felt despite his skeptical nature. “I’m saying that I want to enjoy today with you. And then I want to enjoy tomorrow with you. And then the day after that, and the day after that. One day at a time, as long as it can last.”

Blaine paused to consider this. “And if it lasts forever?”

Kurt smiled. “Then I will consider myself extremely lucky.”

Blaine smiled back at him, and blinked, clearing his eyes. Kurt reached out and stroked his cheek, comforting and intimate. Blaine seemed so young, sometimes. So naive about love and relationships and what they entail. Still, Kurt couldn’t help wishing that he could make himself believe in happily ever after, because more than anything in the world, he wanted to live happily ever after with this man.


	16. Chapter 16

_October 29, 2023_

“Mommy’s dress was so beautiful, Daddy! It was all white and the bottom was poofy and the top wasn’t poofy it was like a shirt but with no sleeves so if you just look at her shoulders it was like she was naked except she’s not naked that would be silly, haha!, but the bottom part was all poofy like a tutu but way longer all the way to her feet!”

“We really need to work on your fashion vocabulary,” Kurt said with a distressed shake of his head. He held tight to Roo’s hand as they navigated the airport corridors, which were crowded with travelers even at this late hour.

“Mommy said I looked dashing, but that’s not true because dashing means like running or walking really fast, and I was standing still when she said that.”

He must have napped on the plane. There was no other way he could be this energetic at 11 PM. Kurt hoped that he’d be able to get back to sleep once they got home, at least. “Dashing is another word for handsome,” he explained.

“Am I handsome when I’m running fast? Aaron looked handsome too, he was wearing a tuxedo suit with a bowtie and a cucumber.”

“Cummerbund,” Kurt corrected automatically.

“It was purple!”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Purple? Seriously? That’s so last season.”

“Mommy says that Aaron is my daddy now.”

Kurt nearly tripped over his own feet.

“It will be lots of fun to have two daddies, don’t you think?”

Kurt looked at Roo. He was trotting along happily, oblivious to how his words stung. Kurt knew he shouldn’t be bitter. He shouldn’t make a nasty comment. He held back as much as he could.

“He’s not your dad. He’s your stepfather.” Well, at least he’d managed to limit himself to facts rather than colorful commentary.

“What’s a stepfather?” Roo asked.

“You only have one mom and one dad. When your mom marries another man—or if your dad marries another man, for that matter—that’s your stepdad.” They filed into the taxi line, which was mercifully short, and inched forward as the first person in line got into a cab.

“And if my mom or dad married another woman, that would be my stepmom?”

“Exactly,” Kurt said, relieved that the explanation was so quick and easy.

“Do you think you’ll ever marry another woman, so I would have a stepdad _and_ a stepmom?” Roo asked eagerly.

“I don’t think so, Roo,” Kurt said. They were at the front of the line now. He opened the door of the taxi that pulled up to the curb and gestured for Roo to get in.

Roo pouted. “You’re no fun at all. I am not getting in the taxi if I can’t have a stepmom.”

Kurt’s patience evaporated. “Oh for god’s sake, Roo, would you get in the cab?”

“I am NEVER getting in another taxi EVER!”

“I think it’s past your bedtime and you’ve had a very hard weekend and it’s time for us to get home and get you to bed.”

“No!!!!!”

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he picked up his son and scooted ungracefully into the taxi, dragging the boy with him.

\-------------------

_October 30, 2023_

_StarSoul Magazine Celebrity Dish_

_Candid photo: Divorcé Kurt Hummel Nose-Booped by Mystery Manhattan Man as Ex-Wife Rachel Berry Remarries in Lavish L.A. Ceremony. Exclusive wedding photos inside!_

Blaine arrived at Kurt’s apartment after school on Monday, waving the tabloid excitedly in his face. “I stopped at the gas station, and look what I found by the checkout stand! I’ve never been photographed by the paparazzi before! I think they captured my playful side perfectly. What do you think?”

Kurt groaned. He barely remembered Blaine tapping his nose at brunch two days ago. It felt like an eternity had passed since then. But more importantly, he was annoyed to discover that the paparazzi had taken an interest in him at all. He’d thought he was past that point in his career, with no celebrity spouse and no interest in becoming A-list himself.

“This is not fun,” he informed Blaine. “I don’t think you understand that this is not supposed to be fun. The paparazzi are vermin. They feed on scandal and unpleasantness.”

“There’s nothing unpleasant about this! We’re having fun and looking adorable!”

“And we’re about to have to answer a million questions,” Kurt said. “Our relationship is not a secret anymore, and we didn’t get to tell everyone on our own terms.”

“It was never a secret. Besides, I’m ‘Mystery Manhattan Man.’ Nobody will ever discover my true identity. I don’t even live in Manhattan. It’s completely foolproof.” Blaine waggled his eyebrows.

“Right,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “Nobody will figure it out from that picture, except for everyone who has ever met you and all the people they tell.”

“Who cares, Kurt? We’re dating and it’s not a secret. Most of our friends know already. You even told your stepmother. Anyway, they didn’t write anything bad about us. It’s five minutes of fame, and then done. I, personally, am going to bask in it.”

Kurt sighed dramatically, and crossed his arms across his chest. “Fine. Bask all you like. I’ll be over here when you’re finished.”

“Spoilsport,” Blaine teased him. “But you’re not too mad, are you? You’re just enjoying being curmudgeonly?”

“Mainly, yes. But I have a long history with the tabloids, and mostly it sucks. I guess it’s about over, though. I’m not famous enough for them to care, without Rachel around. Now that she’s remarried, they’ll lose interest in me.”

Blaine smiled. “That’s good, then. For me it’s a fun little taste of what my life might have been like if I’d been a Broadway star.”

Kurt hummed thoughtfully. “It’s true, the media attention can be really exciting at the beginning, when it’s fresh and new and there’s no scandal attached.”

Blaine kissed him lightly on the cheek. “No scandal here.”

Kurt blinked at him. “Really? You don’t see the scandal?”

Blaine looked back at the page for a minute. “No ….?”

“It doesn’t bother you at all that I’m divorced?”

Blaine looked hurt, almost offended. “No, of course not. I don’t believe in stereotypes like that.”

Kurt looked down, suddenly embarrassed. “It’s not all stereotypes. The fact is, I couldn’t make marriage work. I was with my soulmate, and it all … evaporated.”

“Hey …” Blaine stepped closer to him and put a hand under Kurt’s chin, tilting his face up again. “It wasn’t your fault. You and Rachel just weren’t meant to be together in that way.”

“She was my _soulmate_ ,” Kurt objected.

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t believe in soulmates, then.”

“I …” Kurt stopped. It was extremely disorienting to have his deepest fears echoed back at him in a fondly amused tone. Did Blaine know him this well already? Was he just a spectacularly good guesser? Or was it all a coincidence, joking around and happening to hit on Kurt’s worries about evading and lying to himself?

“But you believe in soulmates,” Kurt pointed out, trying to deflect the attention back to Blaine.

“Yes, I do,” Blaine said with a smile. He kissed Kurt quickly on the lips, which sent his head reeling even more. “And here I am, with my amazing soulmate, and no worries at all.”

“You are a ridiculous person,” Kurt stammered.

“Mmmm. And you’re the one dating me. What does that say about you?”

“I …”

“Roo!” Blaine turned away from Kurt and strode toward the living room. “Look! There are pictures of your mom in this magazine!”

Roo looked up from the paper he was coloring and inspected the photos in the tabloid without much interest. “I was there. I saw that already. Besides, my mom is always in magazines.”

“Ooh, burn!” Kurt said.

“So jaded at such a young age,” Blaine said, shaking his head. “I think you’re a bad influence on him, Kurt.”

“What are you talking about, I am an _excellent_ influence.” Kurt barely kept himself from giggling.

Blaine walked back to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Kurt from behind. He bent his head and kissed him lightly on the neck. “I love you,” he said softly.

His heart skipped a beat, hearing those words for the first time outside the bedroom. He couldn’t speak for a moment, but he nodded in acceptance. “Come on,” he said when he recovered himself. “The pasta’s almost done.”

Blaine let his arms slide away as Kurt stepped to the stove. Kurt stole a glance at him over his shoulder and smiled. Blaine smiled back, and deep inside, Kurt felt that somehow everything would be all right.

“We need to tell Roo,” Kurt said.

“Tell him what?”

“That we’re dating.”

Blaine looked startled. He glanced over the counter to Roo in the living room, and then back to Kurt. “He doesn’t know?”

“I assumed he would have figured it out by now, but apparently not. I guess he doesn’t have much context for that kind of thing. When he got back from Rachel’s wedding, he asked me if I was going to marry another woman so that he could have a stepmom.”

Blaine tilted his head. “He doesn’t know you’re gay?”

“He’s five years old. Most of his life I was married to his mother. What was I supposed to do, sit down with my three-year-old and explain that I love his mom very much but I only like to fuck guys? Or, how long after the divorce would that kind of information have been appropriate?”

“Okay, I see your point.”

“He doesn’t really have a grasp of sexual orientation at all, aside from the basic understanding that anyone can marry anyone else regardless of gender.”

“I said I see your point, you don’t have to belabor it.”

“Sorry, I’m just … a little nervous.”

“It will be fine,” Blaine said, placing a reassuring hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “Should we tell him tonight? Or would you rather talk to him alone, when I’m not here? Do you need more time to plan this out?”

“No, let’s … we can do it together. We should do it tonight, in case the other kids start asking him about that photo of us in the tabloid.”

Blaine nodded. “Okay. I’ll let you take the lead.”

“You’re sure you’re ready for this?” Kurt asked.

“I am, and you are too.”

“Stop reading my mind, it’s not nice.”

Blaine stole another kiss before telling Roo that dinner was ready.

It took a few minutes to get everyone seated at the table and the food served. The butterflies in Kurt’s stomach multiplied every couple of seconds until they felt more like a herd of elephants. He poked at his pasta with a fork, wondering if he could chicken out, but a brief glance up showed up Blaine looking expectantly back at him. He took a deep breath. “Roo? There’s something Blaine and I want to talk to you about.”

Roo looked back and forth between them.

“I … um …” Kurt cleared his throat. “Blaine and I are dating,” he finally blurted out.

“What’s dating?” Roo asked.

“Oh. Um. It means we spend a lot of time together, because we’re special friends.”

Roo rolled his eyes. “Well yeah, I know _that_. He comes here every day.”

Clearly the message was not getting through, but Kurt didn’t know how to give a better explanation to a five-year-old.

Blaine saved him. “What your dad means is that he and I are soulmates.”

Roo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Ohhhhh,” he said in a long, drawn-out drawl. “Does that mean you’re going to get married soon? Is Mr. Blaine going to come live at our house?”

“Whoa, wait just a minute,” Kurt said. “Nobody’s talking about getting married.”

“But that’s what always happens in fairytales and movies and stuff. The soulmates find each other and then they get married and live happily ever after. That’s what Mommy and Aaron did, too.”

Kurt opened his mouth to answer, but Blaine jumped in before he could say anything. “We’re taking it one day at a time, for right now.”

“Don’t you have to do everything one day at a time?” Roo asked, puzzled. “It would be silly to do two days at a time!”

“That’s absolutely right,” Kurt said.

“Which day is the wedding, then?” Roo asked.

Kurt silently reminded himself that everything is brand new to kids, and refrained from sighing in frustration. “What we’re trying to say is, it’s too soon to think about getting married. Soulmates don’t always marry each other, and ‘dating’ is what it’s called when people are getting to know each other better and figuring out whether they really like each other and get along.”

“How long does it take to figure that out?”

“I don’t know, hon. It’s always different.”

Roo considered this for a moment, then his eyes lit up again. “You know what? When you guys get married, then I’ll have _three dads_!”

“What part of ‘one day at a time’ is not coming across here?” Kurt asked nobody in particular. But he looked across the table and saw Blaine’s huge grin, and he had to smile a little bit, too.

\-------------------

_November 4, 2023_

Blaine could not believe how quickly his recording plans had come together. He hadn’t even needed to use the industry contacts Kurt had offered. He had plenty of friends and acquaintances of his own in the music business, after spending two years at NYADA. A simple, tentative e-mail to Adam had been enough to set off a firestorm of excitement among a crowd of NYADA grads who had never understood why Blaine dropped out in the first place.

Which was how he found himself here, just three weeks after Kurt initially floated the idea, standing awkwardly in a recording studio on a Saturday morning with a guitar in one hand, wondering what on earth he was supposed to do with himself while a tech sorted through an alarming number of microphones and stands.

Sam saved him, rushing through the door of the studio with his own guitar case. “Sorry I’m late! Overslept again. Michelle had to practically shove me out of bed. She’s still mad that she never managed to turn me into a morning person.”

Blaine set his guitar in a stand and threw his arms around Sam in a bear hug. “Oh man, I am so glad to see you. I have no idea what I’m doing here. Why am I here? Is this a terrible idea?”

A speaker clicked on. “Not a terrible idea,” said a disembodied voice. Blaine waved and smiled sheepishly through the plate glass window at Jane in the mixing booth. He’d forgotten that the microphones would let her overhear anything he said. Jane was an old NYADA friend who had left the performance side of the industry to become a music producer, and she’d volunteered to record a sample tape for Blaine at no cost. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He felt a little bit guilty about it, actually, since he was still unsure whether he wanted to pursue this for real or whether the whole project was just self-indulgent fantasy fulfillment on his part.

“You’re going to be amazing, Blaine,” Sam reassured him. “This is just the first step. Once everyone hears your voice and your songs, you’re going to be a huge star.”

“And so are you,” Blaine said with a pleading smile.

“How many times do I have to tell you, bro? I’m only in for the sample tape. You’re going to have to hire yourself a backup band. I’m not going along for the whole ride.”

“But _why_?” He really did not understand Sam’s reasoning. They worked so well together, and their voices blended beautifully. They would make an excellent professional duo. And it would be easier to face the idea if Blaine didn’t have to put himself out there alone.

Sam clapped him on the shoulder. “Because this is your dream, not mine. They’re your songs and your story, and you’re the one who needs to be front and center on them. It’s not music that’s made for duets … well, except for those couple of love songs, and I’m not the kind of person who can sell those with you. But the point is, I don’t want to be a rock star. I like music and performing and stuff, but I don’t want to make a career out of it. I have a career.”

Sam was immensely proud of owning his own business, a small gym and personal training service. Michelle helped him with the business side in her spare time, but all the decision-making and hands-on work was done by Sam alone. Blaine knew how much he enjoyed helping his clients sculpt their bodies into healthier and more attractive forms. He was great at it, and fantastically enthusiastic. The work suited him, and it was crazy to imagine that he’d ever leave it.

“You used to want to be a star.” Blaine knew he was grasping at straws.

“Oh come on, everyone dreams about that at one point or another. Fame is seductive, right? But I had a taste of it, when my photo was plastered on city buses all over the country. After that, I really didn’t have the fire in me anymore. Not like you do. I was lost until Michelle came along and pointed me in a different direction.”

Blaine turned away from him and walked to the piano, plopping himself down on the bench. Sam’s words were meant to be reassuring, but they made him question what he was doing here even more. Didn’t he also have a career that he loved? How could he even consider quitting his work as a teacher to do music full-time? Not that he expected to rocket to stardom or anything. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Still, when he thought about his goals for this recording project, everything drew him toward an effort to make performing his primary career if possible.

But he loved his job. A few months ago, he would have said he’d never leave it. He’d spent years getting degrees, first in early childhood education and then in an official Montessori training program to get his certification. Then he’d invested even more years in the classroom, working as an assistant teacher until finally becoming head teacher of the classroom after Brenda retired a year and a half ago. The work was fulfilling, and by all measures he was extremely successful at it.

Except that it was starting to seem a bit less fulfilling now, and less important to him. He used to spend his evenings and weekends thinking about the kids in his class and planning new craft projects or outdoor activities to do with the children. Now he spent most of that time thinking about his new passions instead: Kurt, Roo, and music. He felt like he was slacking off, not giving his students the attention they deserved. He still gave them all his focus in the classroom, but he often had to remind himself to do so. He enjoyed it while he was there, but his job wasn’t a thing that permeated his life and his thoughts anymore.

Blaine sighed. “Who even am I?”

Sam stood in front of him, holding out Blaine’s guitar. “You’re Blaine Anderson. And you’re going to be amazing.”

Blaine looked up at him and smiled. He took the guitar and placed the strap around his neck, hands finding their places on the instrument naturally. He strummed a chord, and then another, feeling the music take hold in his fingers and his mind and his body.

He stood up. “Let’s do this thing.”

The music flowed through him and filled him with light, even as they stopped and started again and perfected each phrase for the recording. Sam’s presence beside him was an anchor to hold on to, and he didn’t know how he would ever manage to do this alone, with strangers hired as backup. Maybe as he gained confidence. Maybe if Kurt was there watching him. Maybe with the promise of an album and a tour if he did well.

He wavered back and forth between the certainty he found every time he opened his mouth to sing, and the crippling doubt he felt every time the recorded music was played back for him. He felt himself on the brink, unsure which way he would turn. He was swept along, and held himself back, and then was swept along again.

By the time they called it a day, a little bit after noon, they’d recorded two songs to everyone’s satisfaction. But Blaine still didn’t know what he was doing there.

\-------------------

_November 7, 2023_

Logistics with Rachel always put Kurt in a bad mood, but finally they agreed that Roo would spend Thanksgiving with Kurt in New York, and two weeks over Christmas and New Years with Rachel in Los Angeles. Neither of them wanted to take a trip to Lima, so Rachel’s dads had agreed to spend Christmas in Los Angeles to see her and Roo, and Carole was going to take a trip to New York to visit him for Thanksgiving.

Figuring out all the details was exhausting in and of itself. But the thought of two full weeks without Roo was almost too much for Kurt to deal with. Rachel really needed the time with him, though, he could admit that. They’d hardly had a chance for any quality time at the wedding, so the last big chunk of time she’d spent with him had been in August. Little kids could change so much in four months, and he hated the idea of Roo and Rachel becoming so disconnected from each other, so he tried not to begrudge the time, no matter how hard it would be for him to be away from his son for so long.

Blaine had suggested a romantic vacation for the two of them, to take their minds off the separation from Roo and to have their alone time in a more exciting setting than their same old New York City apartments. But neither of them really had the spare cash to take a trip to any kind of desirable winter location during the Christmas season, when prices would be jacked up to take advantage of everyone’s time off work. So it looked like they would be spending Christmas at home. Which was not a bad thing, anyway. Two weeks with Blaine and no interruptions actually sounded fantastic. Even if they couldn’t afford a trip to the Bahamas or a ski lodge in Vermont or Blaine’s dream of visiting Paris.

Kurt’s phone buzzed with several text messages in succession, and he groaned, hoping it wasn’t more travel questions. He was done dealing with this today. But it wasn’t Rachel or Blaine at all.

**_Dahlia Grove -- > Kurt_ **

_Sending the script back to my writers for edits with you in mind!_

**_Dahlia Grove -- > Kurt_ **

_So psyched about this! Glad to have you on board!_

**_Dahlia Grove -- > Kurt_ **

_It’s okay for me to text you, isn’t it?_

He stared at the screen of his phone in disbelief. What was going on here? He hadn’t agreed to anything. He hadn’t heard from Dahlia at all since their lunch together several weeks ago, in fact. Was she seriously moving forward with this ridiculous project?

He had no idea what to say. What ever happened to the Hollywood cliché of “I’ll have my people call your people?” The last thing he’d ever expected was to hear directly from Dahlia, instead of through the chain of her assistant and his agent. And least of all via text message on his cell phone. What was she thinking?

Well, rule number one of Hollywood is don’t make anyone mad at you.

**_Kurt -- > Dahlia Grove_ **

_Of course! Looking forward to hearing more about it._

Noncommittal and positive. That was definitely the way to go. He hit send.

She responded back a few seconds later with a smiley face. He cracked up and set his phone back on the table without replying. He supposed that someone as famous and in-demand as Dahlia Grove could get away with a certain looseness around professionalism.

Anyway, no use worrying about it. This crazy pet project of hers was certainly not going anywhere. He just hoped she’d keep him in mind for more appearances on Faeded.

\-------------------

_November 2023_

Inside Blaine’s refrigerator was a container of Greek yogurt, a pint of blueberries, and nothing else. The cabinet beside it held a bag of granola, a bag of coffee beans, and three gallons of bottled water in case of emergency. All he ever did at his apartment anymore was sleep and eat breakfast. And, on Saturdays, make love with Kurt.

The nights were always lonely. Six days a week, he spent his evenings merrily at Kurt’s apartment, having dinner, playing with Roo, making out with Kurt on the couch after he fell asleep. It was fantastic, all of it. It was pretty much everything Blaine had dreamed of—a gorgeous husband, an adorable son, and a happy domestic life—except for the formalities.

Leaving Kurt’s place late each night was hard. The warm feelings of the time he spent there dissipated quickly, and by the time he stepped into his cold, empty apartment, he usually felt lonely again. He showered and washed the gel out of his hair, put on a pair of cozy pajamas, and curled up on one side of the too-large bed, wishing Kurt was there beside him.

Saturday nights were a different kind of torture, because “date night” had become “sex night.” They still went out, usually, but they always took advantage of their once-a-week opportunity to be alone at Blaine’s apartment. They got lost in each other’s bodies, the soulmate connection almost unbearably strong in those intimate moments together. It was never enough. He wanted to be with Kurt this way every day, and all night long, but Kurt wouldn’t budge on the child-at-home rule that looked increasingly silly each time Blaine thought about what married people with children must surely do.

But they were not married people, Kurt insisted, and Roo was not Blaine’s child. It was like a slap when he was reminded of it. Blaine wanted so much for those things to be true. And he couldn’t see how the distinction Kurt was making made any difference at all.

Saturday’s torture began when their time was up. They both got dressed again, because Blaine always walked Kurt to his car. They kissed a lingering goodbye, and Blaine tried to soak up the imprint of their last embrace in the hope that he could remember it all night long. Then he returned to his rumpled bed and rearranged the sheets and blankets. He never changed the sheets on Saturday nights, no matter how messy they’d become. He saved showering until the morning. He spread his body across as much of the space as he could, on those nights, and breathed in the scent of Kurt, imagining that they were lying in each other’s arms until morning.

* * *

Kurt kept his life in tidy little compartments. He enjoyed his time with Blaine every evening, absolutely. He was such a help with Roo, for one thing. But even for his own sake, he would readily admit that it was wonderful to have Blaine there to share a meal with, to talk about his day with, to make out on the couch with. It was comfortable and easy, casual while being absolutely not casual at all. It would be the simplest thing in the world for Kurt to tumble head over heels into believing in a lifetime with Blaine.

What he’d never admit to Blaine is that it was actually kind of a relief when he left at night. It was exhausting to keep his guard up, to make sure that head-over-heels fall didn’t happen by accident. Kurt was glad he could shut the door gently behind Blaine, turn around with the satisfying memory of a lingering goodbye kiss on his lips, and slip into bed alone to rebuild his defenses for the next day. Too much togetherness would make him vulnerable. Not enough would leave him longing. What they had was the perfect balance, and Kurt would do everything he could to avoid upsetting it.

Saturday nights were a different kind of relief. Saturday nights, he let himself tumble and fall, knowing without a doubt that Blaine would be there to catch him. Saturday nights, he dropped the boundaries and barriers and the tidy little compartments, and he felt Blaine’s strong arms around him, and he let himself pretend, for just a few hours, that there was such a thing as living happily ever after.

“Maybe we should think about living together,” Blaine ventured one evening over coffee at Kurt’s dining room table, and Kurt told him all the reasons that it wasn’t a good idea, except for not the actual reasons. Blaine nodded, and his smile was pinched, and he squeezed Kurt’s hand in acceptance and patience.

“Maybe we should think about living together,” Blaine whispered one night when they were naked and tangled together in his bed, and Kurt couldn’t remember any of the reasons, only that he was sure there were some, so he buried his face in the crook of Blaine’s neck and breathed him in and said nothing at all.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don't warn for specific sex acts, but I think I should note that this chapter includes barebacking.
> 
> More importantly, I'm sorry to say that I'm going to have to take a short break from the weekly updating schedule. I have two very busy real-life weeks coming up, and I don't have enough written in advance to feel safe about it, so what I'm going to do is skip next week, and then go back to the weekly publishing schedule starting on September 16. I'm really sorry about this, and I hope that you'll bear with me, and hopefully it will just be this one time.

_November 16, 2023_

Kurt was pleasantly surprised to see his agent’s name show up on the caller ID of his cell phone. He accepted the call right away. “Hi Teresa, what’s up? Did you find something great to submit me for, like we talked about?”

“Maybe … not exactly …” She sounded confused. “There’s a contract here for you to sign, but it’s not anything we’ve discussed. Have you been arranging things without talking to me?”

“I would never do something like that, Teresa. You’re my rock. What’s the show? Do you think it’s some kind of scam thing?”

“No, it’s a Dahlia Grove project, so it’s got to be legit. Something called ‘Sixth’? I’ve never heard of it before.”

“Oh lord … that woman is completely insane. She said the pilot was ages away from anything solid. How could she possibly have a contract for me?”

“It’s a retainer contract, Kurt. She wants to attach you to the project in case it ever gets made. And she’s putting up her own money on this. There’s no studio backing yet.”

Kurt blinked a few times, trying to process this information.

“Kurt? Are you still there?”

“Yeah … look, I’m in the city right now, but I’m in the middle of a fitting for this shoot I’m doing tomorrow. We should be done at three or so. Could I come by your office after that? This is kind of a long story, better in person.”

Teresa agreed, and Kurt hung up the phone feeling completely bewildered. He considered texting Dahlia to ask what on earth she was thinking, but he decided it would be best to wait and get Teresa’s opinion on the whole thing first. He shot off a text to Blaine instead, telling him that he’d be later getting home than he expected, but would still be there in plenty of time for dinner.

Teresa was thrilled when he told her the whole story later that afternoon. Probably too thrilled. “This show is never going to get made,” Kurt told her. “The premise is entirely ridiculous. Singing to someone to give them an extra soulmate? Who would even want to suspend disbelief for something that bizarre?”

“I don’t know, Kurt, I think some people would be very—”

“I mean, sure, this is a pet project of Dahlia’s, but I don’t see how she’s going to get anyone else to bite.”

“Well, apparently she thinks having your name on the pitch would help.”

“Which is also insane.” Kurt stood up from the chair in front of Teresa’s desk and started pacing back and forth across her office. He’d been full of nervous energy for hours, probably because he’d spent the whole day standing still and letting people pin clothes on him. “She is seriously misinformed about how famous I am.”

“I don’t think it’s about your name recognition, I think it’s about your unique ta—”

“How much is she offering, anyway?”

Teresa showed him the contract page, and Kurt’s eyes widened.

“Okay, she’s crazy, but if she’s willing to throw that much free money at me for doing absolutely nothing, I’ll sign my name to it right now.”

“It’s not nothing,” Teresa said. “If a network wants to make the pilot, you’ll be obligated to—”

“That will never happen. And if it does, it’s, what, two weeks of work? And I get paid extra for that, right?”

“Yes, but I think you’re underestimating the—”

“Just hand me a pen. I’m signing it right now.”

“Maybe you should read it over and then sleep on it …” She handed the pages to him reluctantly.

“I’m going to take this free money and I’m going to take my boyfriend on a romantic holiday trip to Paris, just like he’s always dreamed of, and I’m going to relax and enjoy myself and have an amazing time. Courtesy of Dahlia Grove, my completely batty fairy godmother.” He grabbed a pen from Teresa’s desk and signed the contract with a flourish. “Mail this back to her for me?”

Teresa shook her head in resignation. “I hope you’re right, Kurt.”

“Nobody is going to buy this show,” he insisted. “Have a great Thanksgiving, and I’ll send you a postcard from Paree.”

\-------------------

_November 22, 2023_

Carole scooped Roo up into her arms the minute she walked in the door. “Oh my goodness, look how _big_ you’re getting! I can barely lift you anymore!” She kissed her grandson on the cheek and set him back down before giving Kurt an equally enthusiastic hug. “It’s great to see you both!”

“How was your trip?” Kurt asked.

She brushed off the question with a wave of her hand. “Oh, you know, traveling the day before Thanksgiving is always a challenge. I wish I’d been able to take more days off from work. But no complaints! It’s worth anything to see my two boys! Though, shouldn’t it be three boys? Where’s Blaine?” She looked around the apartment expectantly.

“He’ll be over for dinner tonight, and of course again tomorrow,” Kurt told her.

She looked at him in confusion. “He doesn’t live with you?”

“We only met three months ago!”

“Three months is a long time!” Carole let Roo escape from her grasp and squeezed Kurt’s shoulder instead. “Kurt, honey, at your age, people know what they want. Your father and I got married within a month of meeting each other, and you know that’s not unusual. You and Blaine aren’t teenagers or college students trying to figure out what you want from life. If he wasn’t the one, you wouldn’t be wasting your time with him for this long. That means he must be it. Which leads us to the question – why aren’t you married yet, or at the very least, living together?”

“We’re just … taking it slow,” Kurt stammered.

“One day at a time,” Roo piped up.

Carole and Kurt both turned to him in surprise.

Roo blushed at the sudden attention and tried to hide halfway behind Kurt’s leg. “That’s what you said,” he said in a much softer voice. “You and Mr. Blaine are taking it one day at a time.”

Roo’s earnest parroting of the phrase he’d used made Kurt want to laugh, but he stifled it because he could see how embarrassed Roo was. “That’s true. I did say that,” he said, doing his best to keep a straight face.

“Hmm,” Carole said, and Kurt wished he could read her mind. She clearly disapproved, but Kurt couldn’t tell if it was out of some sort of grandmotherly wisdom or a simple desire to expand her family, the way mothers always pester their children for marriage and grandkids.

Not for the first time, Kurt wished his father were still alive. Burt always had a way of cutting right to the heart of a situation and making complicated things seem very clear. Kurt was sure his father would have liked Blaine, but he had no idea what advice he would give for their relationship. He supposed that was why Burt’s advice had always been so valuable—because it was always right, but never something Kurt could guess on his own.

_Some soulmates fit together more easily than others_ , he’d told Kurt on the eve of his wedding to Rachel, _but there’s a way to make every pair work. I know a lot of people have been sayin’ they think you and Rachel aren’t right for each other, but I don’t think there’s such a thing as one of your soulmates being wrong for you. But knowing you, and knowing her, nothing’s gonna come easy in this marriage. If you want to make things work between you two, and it seems like you do, then you’ve got to make sure you work for it every single day. Don’t think you don’t have to, otherwise it will all fall apart._

“That door there,” Roo was saying, and Kurt realized he’d missed hearing Carole ask where the bathroom was.

Carole and Roo played together for most of the afternoon, while Kurt worked on preparations for not only that night’s dinner, but also the big Thanksgiving meal the following day. Carole offered to help, but Kurt shooed her out of the kitchen, insisting that keeping Roo from being underfoot while he cooked was the most helpful thing she could possibly do. Which, aside from being the truth, also allowed him to avoid any more questions from her about his relationship with Blaine. She seemed oddly concerned about the two of them, no matter how much Kurt reassured her that they were fine.

She was perfectly polite and friendly, though, when Blaine finally arrived for dinner. Carole had a gift for making everyone feel like family right away, which Kurt could admire even though it was far from his own style. She and Blaine hit it off quite nicely, chatting about places in Columbus that they both knew from growing up there in different generations. Blaine’s mother, it turned out, had been one of Carole’s high school math teachers. Carole was initially stunned that Blaine’s parents were twenty years older than herself—or, that they would have been if they were still alive—but once she found out about Blaine’s much-older brother and his parents’ late start at having kids in the first place, compared to her early start, it made more sense.

Roo wandered away from the table when he finished eating, declaring the grown-ups “boring.” Kurt watched to make sure he didn’t flip on the TV or get into anything that would create a mess, but when the boy pulled out paper and the crayon box, he relaxed and turned back to the conversation.

“… amazed by soulmates who spend their entire lives together,” Carole was saying. “Your parents were so lucky that way, Blaine. But there’s something to be said for the opportunity to get to know yourself with more than one soulmate, too. And I know this is an unpopular opinion, but getting to know who you are on your own, without any soulmate at all, has tremendous value. Most people don’t understand that.”

“How long were you alone, between Christopher and Burt?” Blaine asked.

“Fifteen years,” Carole said. “Christopher died when Finn was a baby, and I met Burt when Finn had just turned sixteen.”

Blaine let out a breath that was almost a whistle. “That’s about as long as I … well, it was thirteen years from when I got my soulmate marks to when I met Kurt, but about ten years from when the last one disappeared, when I thought I would spend my whole life alone.”

Carole set her hand atop Blaine’s on the table and squeezed it gently. “Being alone … I know how hard it is. But those fifteen years are what made me into a person who could love Burt. When I married Christopher, I was a naive little girl who wanted a hero to rescue me. Christopher was that knight in shining armor. Burt never would have been that guy. He’s a hero, too, maybe even more so than Christopher, but in much more subtle ways. He’s not a sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of man. I spent those fifteen years learning to stand on my own two feet, and it was hard as hell, but it made me ready for a soulmate who was a companion instead of a champion. Burt would never have wanted to marry that clingy little girl that I was, but he did want to marry the strong, independent, single mother that I grew into. Do you see?”

Blaine nodded, and Kurt saw the deep thoughtfulness in his expression.

Kurt had only ever seen his father’s aloneness through a child’s eyes. By the time he was old enough to really understand soulmate relationships and the lack of a soulmate, Burt and Carole were having their whirlwind romance and marriage.

_Finding my second soulmate made me understand who I truly am._ His father had told him that a few months into his marriage to Carole. The message he was trying to convey flew right over the head of sixteen-year-old Kurt, sick with jealousy of his new stepbrother and their shared soulmate.

“Finding my second soulmate made me understand who I truly am,” Carole said, and Kurt’s eyes opened wide at hearing his father’s words in Carole’s voice.

“The parts of you that are the same with one soulmate and the other, and when you’re on your own.” Kurt didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud until he saw Carole and Blaine turn to look at him. He blushed at the attention, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut.

“Not just that,” Carole said. “It’s knowing the many facets of yourself, and knowing that all of those are you. It’s empowering, in a way, to realize that you can control who you are, who you become, by who you choose to be with. You’re not _only_ the parts of you that stay the same. You’re all of you, and the journey of it, and the choices.”

The room fell silent, and Kurt struggled for something to say. He felt like he’d never had an opportunity to make a choice. All of the events in his love life had been forced upon him from outside. Rachel had chosen Finn until circumstances thrust them together without any conscious planning from either of them. Then Rachel had chosen to leave him. Then Blaine had shown up, and the only thing Kurt could do to stop himself from falling into that unchosen whirlpool again was to throw on the brakes as much as possible and slow everything down. How was it a choice, when everything felt like an uncontrollable chain reaction that threatened to consume him entirely?

He looked at Blaine, and the panic that was building inside him dissipated like a wave on a gently sloped beach. Blaine, who was so solid and sure, and who looked at him with love palpable in his eyes. Blaine, who was showing him day by day how well their lives could fit together.

Roo trotted back to the table, a piece of paper in his hand. “I drew a picture of us all together.” He pointed to the stick figures one by one. “That’s me, and that’s Grandma Carole, and that’s Daddy, and that’s Mr. Blaine. And this is a turkey, because it’s Thanksgiving. Can I put it on the affridgerator?”

“Sure, honey.” Kurt was grateful for the interruption, just when things were getting a little bit too intense to handle. He stood up and affixed it to the fridge with a magnet. “There we go. Perfect.”

“Roo, how would you like to have a sleepover party with just you and me?”

Kurt spun around. This was the first he’d heard of any such plan. “What are you talking about, Carole?”

Roo hopped up and down. “Ooh, can we? Can we please? Can we have s’mores and stay up all night and watch movies in our pajamas?”

“No, you certainly may not!” Kurt said.

“Please, Daddy? Please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease with cherries and sprinkles and sugar and whipped cream on top?”

“Where on earth did you even learn that? Carole, what do you …?”

Carole patted him on the shoulder conspiratorially, and spoke in a low voice. “Blaine never stays the night here, does he? I didn’t see any of his things in the bathroom, not even a toothbrush. Do you two ever get a night out? Go over to his place, I’ll take care of Roo for until tomorrow.”

“But …”

“Don’t worry, I won’t feed him too many sweets, and I still remember how to put a rambunctious little boy to bed. Go. Have a good time.”

Kurt hesitated, and glanced up at Blaine, who was slack-jawed in surprise. At least he hadn’t been in on this little plot. It was all Carole.

“Maybe we could just go for a few hours and I could come home before …”

Carole shook her head firmly. “Do not let me see you back here before ten in the morning, young man.”

“What is this, some kind of reverse curfew?” Kurt protested. As wonderful as a night with Blaine sounded, he was worried about spending the night away from his son.

“What is your favorite movie, Grandma? I have monster ones, and princess ones, and … there’s one about fish, it doesn’t have monsters or princesses but it does have sharks and a dentist.”

Kurt knelt down to be at eye level with Roo. “Honey, are you sure you’ll be okay if I spend the night at Mr. Blaine’s house instead of here? Grandma will stay with you, but I’ll be—”

“Yay! Bye, Dad!”

Carole laughed. “It’s always harder for the parents than the kids.”

“Very true,” Blaine said sagely, his words infused with years of experience watching parents drop off their kids at his classroom.

Kurt sighed, one last show of being grumpy before he went into the bedroom to eagerly pack his overnight bag. This was actually a really nice thing Carole was doing for them, though he wished she would have run it by him before announcing it out loud to Roo. He hadn’t spent a full night with Blaine since the weekend of Rachel’s wedding. Their Saturday date nights usually ended (sometimes started, he remembered with a smirk) with the two of them naked in Blaine’s bed, but Kurt always had to get dressed and come home at the end of the night. It would be a treat to fall asleep in Blaine’s arms once again. As long as he remembered that this was something unusual and special, not to become a habit.

Blaine was the perfect gentleman, as he had been all night, holding the car door open for Kurt before walking around to the driver’s side. He was chatting happily about how nice Carole was and how delicious the food had been, but Kurt couldn’t bring himself to come up with comments any longer than a word or two. His thoughts kept returning to what Carole had said about soulmates. He wondered if his father would have agreed with everything she said, or if he had a different opinion about some of it.

Kurt didn’t know if his relationship with Blaine was changing him. He’d been keeping a close watch on himself, one might say navel-gazing, to try to be aware of any big shifts in his personality or his thoughts or feelings. But aside from growing ever more attached to Blaine, he didn’t see any differences from who he’d been a few months or a few years ago. Would an outside observer have a different opinion? Were the changes too gradual to notice? Or was he not changing at all?

Had Blaine changed? Kurt turned his head and watched Blaine silently driving the car down the road. He’d given up on conversation, probably because of Kurt’s lack of response, but he didn’t seem troubled by it. He must have learned by now that Kurt sometimes needed to be alone with his thoughts. Kurt was grateful that Blaine was willing to give him that space and that quiet when he wanted it, without pestering him for interaction. He wondered how Blaine felt about it, though, and whether Blaine tried to guess at what Kurt was thinking about.

Blaine smiled at Kurt in the darkness as he turned off the car’s engine in the parking lot. Kurt smiled back and opened his door, hefting his overnight bag over his shoulder in one smooth motion as he got out of the car. Blaine was at his side instantly, and their hands found each other and intertwined naturally. Everything felt so sweet and soft in this moment, heading to this private retreat for the two of them.

Kurt set his bag down inside the door and turned to face Blaine. He hadn’t known when this moment would come, exactly, but right here and now, he knew it was time.

“I love you,” he told his soulmate. Blaine’s eyes widened, and the love there shone even more strongly than usual. “I should have told you sooner,” Kurt continued, stumbling over his words a little. “I’ve known for a while now … I guess I was … scared to say it out loud.”

Blaine placed his hands softly on Kurt’s arms. “You didn’t have to say it, Kurt. I understood, when you told me without words.”

Kurt smiled, but he couldn’t ignore his lingering guilt any longer. Blaine was the most patient and selfless person he had ever met. It was too easy for Kurt to ignore his needs in favor of his own, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. “I feel like … sometimes I worry that I’m not giving you enough, in this relationship. I want you to be happy, Blaine. I want to make you happy.”

Blaine reached out and cupped his face with one hand, caressing Kurt’s cheek lovingly with his thumb. “You do make me happy, Kurt. I’ve never been happier in my life. Honestly, I never imagined that I would have anything like this, and I’m so grateful for everything. Being with you has … god, I know this sounds cliché, but it’s true. You’ve changed my life.”

“You make me so happy too, but … Blaine, if there’s anything you need from me, anything that you feel like is … important to you, I want …” Kurt couldn’t finish the sentence. He wanted Blaine to be happy, but he also didn’t want to promise anything he might not be able to deliver.

“I know that you’re giving everything you can,” Blaine said, his voice soothing and patient. “And it’s enough for me. It is. I would never ask for anything more from you.” His eyes flickered down, just for a second, but it was long enough for Kurt to read the tiny thread of wistfulness there.

Kurt pulled him in for a kiss, their lips soft and gentle against each other. “I want to make you happy,” he said softly.

“I just told you, Kurt, you do make me happy.”

Kurt smiled, just a hint of mischievousness in the quirk of his lip. “I mean, I want to make you _happy_. Right now.”

Blaine’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh, you mean _that_ kind of happy. Okay, yes, I could definitely … um … go for that.”

They had all the time in the world, tonight, and Kurt planned to make good use of it. He placed his hands on Blaine’s shoulders and kissed him, this time with certainty and intent. Blaine responded eagerly, hands clutching at Kurt’s waist as he deepened the kiss.

Kurt tore his lips away from Blaine’s and moved to whisper in his ear. “I’m going to take you to bed, and I am going to make you feel _amazing_.”

“Okay,” Blaine whispered back, a desperate, eager gasp of a word.

Kurt led him into the bedroom, hands pressing gently on his shoulders to guide him exactly where he wanted him. Positioned beside the bed, he turned him around so they were facing each other again, and then slid his hands down from Blaine’s shoulders, appreciating the shape of his biceps along the way. God, he was attractive. It was still a marvel to Kurt, that he was with someone who he loved and found sexy at the same time, and it felt like a miracle every time they were together.

Blaine started to unbutton his shirt, but Kurt reached out to stop him. “Let me,” he said, gently moving Blaine’s hand away. He placed a soft kiss to the side of his neck, then unfastened the top button and placed another kiss on the skin revealed there. Another button and another kiss, down and down and down again, and then he dropped to his knees to reach the lowest buttons, kisses on the soft cushion of Blaine’s stomach that hid the strong abs he knew were underneath.

Feeling Blaine’s fingers clinging in his hair, and Kurt pressed his face to his crotch, breathing in deeply but catching nothing more than the starchy denim of the jeans Blaine was wearing. “Need to get these off of you,” he said, thumbing at the button. He looked up and found Blaine’s eyes dark and wide with desire, so he continued, holding his gaze steady as he unfastened his pants and pulled them down, leaving him in nothing but a pair of gray boxer briefs.

“Lie down on the bed, baby.” Blaine rushed to comply, lying on top of the comforter with his head on the pillow.

Kurt walked over to the bed slowly, taking in the picture of Blaine nearly naked, waiting for him.  “So gorgeous, Blaine … sometimes I can’t even believe how lucky I am to be with you.”

“I love you,” Blaine said, almost a plea, one hand reaching out to beacon Kurt closer.

Kurt climbed up on the bed, hands and knees, and crawled forward until he was holding himself above Blaine, carefully not touching him at all. “I love you, too,” he said, before leaning down to kiss him, their lips the only point of contact of their bodies.

“I want you so bad …”

Kurt giggled. “Shhh, I’m just getting started.”

Blaine groaned, but Kurt kissed his neck again and the sound turned into something more like a moan. Kurt smiled to himself, relishing the way he could turn Blaine to putty beneath his touch. He kissed lower again, down to his collarbone and his chest, then licking a circle around his nipple and making Blaine gasp.

He didn’t mean to tease. He really didn’t, it was just that Blaine’s body was so luscious and he wanted to kiss and touch every inch of skin on it. He couldn’t bear to move on until every part of him had been given the attention it was due—his shoulders and his arms, his stomach and the ticklish patches on his sides, his muscular thighs and the sensitive places behind his knees, and even the arches of his feet.

“Kurt,” Blaine gasped again and again, and each time Kurt looked up to see his face. Eyes screwed shut and mouth gaping open, Blaine was lost in a firestorm of pleasure, and Kurt bent his head to kiss him again and again, thrilled to be the one to give him this love.

Kurt was lavishing so much attention on Blaine’s body that he hadn’t even begun to undress himself. But he didn’t care, all he wanted was to give Blaine pleasure and to watch him enjoy it. He slipped his fingers inside the waistband of Blaine’s underwear and tugged gently on it, the fabric stretching around the outline of his hard cock. Blaine moaned and lifted his hips, letting Kurt slide the underwear down and then off his body.

He didn’t give any warning, and he didn’t tease. He just sunk his mouth down on it, taking as much as he could. Blaine made a surprised noise that sounded like it was meant to be words, but it was rendered completely incomprehensible. His hips bucked up automatically and Kurt nearly gagged, but he relaxed and rolled with it, and then finally grinned around him, reveling in the knowledge of everything that Blaine must be feeling right now.

“God, Kurt …”

He glanced up at Blaine and saw him craning his neck to watch, one arm stretched out toward him. He reached up and squeezed his hand, then refocused his attention toward giving the best damn blowjob he possibly could.

“Kurt, oh god, if you don’t stop I’m gonna come.”

If that was meant to actually get Kurt to stop, it had the opposite of its intended effect. He sucked harder, cheeks hollowing as he tried to draw Blaine’s orgasm out of him.

“Kurt, no, I want to … please, I want you to fuck me.”

_Oh_. Kurt pulled off with a gloriously obscene-sounding noise. He’d ignored his own needs until now, but he was achingly hard after all his indulgences with Blaine’s body. And he was still fully dressed.

“Okay,” he said, his voice scratchy and hoarse.

“God, Kurt, you’re … fuck …” Blaine pulled him close and kissed him, hard and open-mouthed.

“Let me just get out of these clothes,” Kurt said when they broke apart. He sat up and practically tore his shirt off, then wriggled his way out of his skinny jeans and underwear in an extremely undignified and rushed fashion, his hard cock bobbing crazily around with his movements. He opened the drawer in the nightstand beside the bed, and pulled out lube and a condom.

“Kurt, can we … not …” Kurt looked at him, confused. He’d just asked for this, hadn’t he?

Blaine took the condom packet out of Kurt’s hand. “Could we … with nothing between us?”

Kurt’s heart pounded. He’d never done this, never been with another man without using a condom. The idea of it was so intimate he could hardly think straight. It wasn’t something he spent much time fantasizing about in general, but now that Blaine had brought it up, it suddenly became the thing he wanted most in the world. He hardly knew what to say. “God, Blaine, I …”

They’d been tested early in their relationship, just to be certain, but they’d never discussed this. Kurt tried to imagine what it would feel like, his naked cock inside Blaine—or, oh god, the other way around—their bodies together so intimately, with no barriers. He swallowed hard, trying not to come from the very idea of it alone.

“We don’t have to,” Blaine said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I …”

Kurt launched himself back onto the bed, catching Blaine’s mouth in a deep, intense kiss. He felt tears threatening to well up in his eyes, and he wished Blaine wouldn’t always be so hesitant about the things he wanted. Especially when Kurt wanted them too. Slowly, deliberately, Kurt took the condom packet back from Blaine and then dropped it onto the floor.

“Kurt…”

He said nothing, just squeezed some lube onto his fingers.

“Kurt, are you sure?”

He looked straight into Blaine’s eyes. “So very sure. I love you.”

A smile lit up Blaine’s face. “I love you t—ahhhhhh!” Blaine’s words cut off into a gasp as Kurt slid two fingers inside him unexpectedly.

Kurt watched with satisfaction as Blaine writhed beneath him. A drop of precome glistened at the tip of his cock, and it was all he could do not to stop what he was doing to lick it off. He angled his fingers instead, moving and stretching Blaine out, going nearly crazy with anticipation of what they were about to do.

“Please, Kurt … I need you,” Blaine begged.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

Blaine’s eyes rolled back in his head. “More than ready, _please_.”

Kurt drew his fingers out slowly and moved himself into a better position. Blaine’s legs were spread wide, his hips tilted, waiting for him. Slowly, carefully, Kurt lined himself up and touched the tip of his cock to Blaine’s hole. His entire body quivered with anticipation and nerves. Blaine was watching his face, eyes wide and wanting. “Need you, Kurt. I love you.”

He pressed in slowly, enthralled at the way Blaine’s body opened up for him. The warm heat enveloped his body, and it seemed to enter even into his soul as well. He’d never felt so close, so connected to another person before. All the way in, and he leaned down to kiss Blaine on the lips. “I love you so much.”

“I’m yours, Kurt. Always yours, always.”

“Love you, baby. Love you so much. I’ve got you.”

Blaine’s contented smile was the only thing Kurt needed to see, for the rest of his life.

\-------------------

Blaine lay in Kurt’s arms, breathing deeply. He should be perfectly content. He’d just had the most amazing sex of his life, with his soulmate, who he loved and who loved him back. Their relationship admittedly wasn’t quite perfect yet, but it was still new and it was definitely moving in the right direction, and fairly quickly, too. If he could just be patient for a little while longer, everything would fall into place. Before they knew it, they would be living together, married, maybe even thinking about having more children together. Absolutely nothing was wrong. Blaine had no complaints.

Except … it still didn’t feel like the romantic fairy tale he’d always expected. His relationship with Kurt was wonderful, but it didn’t match the stories he’d heard from all his friends about meeting their soulmates, or the stories in the movies and in literature. It was much more … pedestrian.

But he shouldn’t complain. Nothing tangible was wrong. Everything he could think of was absolutely right. He needed to stop chasing fantasies and be content with the near-perfection that was right in front of him.

“You seem sad,” Kurt said.

Damn him and his ability to sense Blaine’s mood. “Not sad … just thoughtful, I guess.”

“Penny for your thoughts, then?” Kurt snuggled in closer beside him and kissed his shoulder.

Blaine sighed. “I don’t want this to sound like a complaint, because honestly, everything is wonderful.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “So something _is_ wrong.”

“Not wrong, exactly, no. Just … different from advertised, maybe. Look, I really don’t want you to think that anything is wrong between us, because it’s not. It’s perfect and lovely and you are a dream come true, and not to mention I’ve just had the best sex in the history of the universe.”

Kurt smiled at him. “Okay, so nothing is wrong. What is it that’s troubling you, then.”

“I didn’t have a _moment_ ,” he blurted out. “That magical moment with your soulmate that everyone describes, when it’s like the universe realigns and you just _know_ that this is the one person for you. People say it’s like a lightning bolt or a spiritual connection or an out-of-body experience … but everyone claims to have had that experience with their soulmate at some point, and I just … I don’t understand why I didn’t get one.”

“Blaine…” Kurt sounded faintly amused.

“I watched you have your moment, the first time we had sex. You completely fell apart with the power of it, and it looked so … beautiful is maybe not the right word. Awe-inspiring. I’ve been waiting and waiting to have that moment myself, but … it never came. And … I’m not saying I don’t think we’re meant to be together, of course not. I know we are. I know that you’re perfect for me, and I’m … I’m trying to be perfect for you, I … I love you, Kurt, and I always want to be with you. I’m just … god, now I feel like such a jerk for complaining that you’re not _more perfect_ when you’re already completely perfect.”

He could tell that Kurt was stifling a laugh, and he felt horribly embarrassed, but Kurt’s words were reassuring and calm. “Sweetie, sweetie, _no_. Sweetie, calm down, it’s … you _did_ have a moment like that.”

Blaine eyed him suspiciously. “I think I would have remembered something like that if it happened, so …”

“Do you remember our first kiss?” Kurt asked. “It was after our first date, we were in the parking lot. I was about to go home, but I asked if I could kiss you goodnight, and I did, and then …”

Everything else vanished as Blaine relived the glorious memory. “God, it was incredible. It was like you were part of me, like we were two halves of the same whole, like every bit of love I had ever known or wished for in my life came back into existence all at once, and … oh.”

“You never had any walls to break down, Blaine. You never held anything back. You were all in, from the very start. That’s one thing I … I wish I could be more like you in that way. You’re so open to love, it was easy for you to fall head over heels and never look back. But I …”

“You took longer,” Blaine finished the sentence for him as the understanding dawned on him. “You fell harder, and fell apart, because you’d been holding back so much.”

Kurt nodded. “I was so scared. I still am, honestly. There’s so much that could go wrong, and it terrifies me, but you …”

“I love you.” The simple certainty of it would carry them through everything.

“That’s not enough,” Kurt insisted.

“We are meant for each other.” It was a little bit of a shock to realize that he’d had his fairy tale moment after all, and had nearly missed the meaning of it. But it was incredible to realize that they both felt it—that they had each recognized the other as their perfect, soul-chosen partner.

Kurt sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

Blaine just smiled and shook his head. “I love you, Kurt. I will love you for the rest of my life.”

“You don’t know that. Nobody can predict the future.”

“I love you, and I will never, ever leave you.”

“Blaine …”

“I love you.”

Kurt sighed. “I love you, too.”

“See? Perfection.”

Blaine loved that he could make Kurt smiled despite himself. He wrapped his arms around his soulmate and pulled him in close, because this night together … this was absolutely what Blaine wanted for the rest of his life.

\-------------------

_November 23, 2023_

Carole smiled brightly at Blaine across the corner of dinner table. “This is the smallest Thanksgiving dinner I’ve been to in years. Usually all four of my sisters and I get together in Lima, with all their husbands and kids and grandkids. It’s a zoo! This way is much calmer, but I have to say, I do miss the excitement and bustle a little bit.”

Blaine smiled politely and nodded, but their little party of four actually constituted a major Thanksgiving celebration for him. Last year he’d eaten turkey sandwiches and pumpkin pie with Adam, who was mildly bemused by this exotic American holiday. For several years before that, he’d spent the day all alone and trying to forget that it wasn’t a normal weekend. He’d done a few Orphan Thanksgiving parties with friends, but it wasn’t the same as sitting down at a table with your soulmate and three generations of his family. This was pretty much paradise.

“Who’s ready to eat?” Kurt asked, picking up the carving knife.

“Wait, wait,” Carole said excitedly. “We have to go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. It’s a tradition.”

Kurt set the knife back down with a frustrated sigh.

“Roo, why don’t you go first?” Carole prompted.

“I am thankful for pumpkin pie. Also pumpkin bread and pumpkin cookies and pumpkin cake. Also jack-o-lanterns even though that is not for this holiday. Is that enough?”

“That’s perfect, Roo,” Carole said with an indulgent smile. “I am also thankful for the food. More specifically, for this mouthwatering meal that I didn’t have to cook myself. So, thank you for that, Kurt.”

Kurt smiled in recognition. “Blaine?” he prompted.

“I …” Blaine looked around the table, taking everything in. He still couldn’t believe he was here at all. His eyes rested on Kurt, this incredible man who he loved and who was welcoming him into his life. Kurt was everything, and he was the only thing Blaine could possibly talk about. “I’m thankful for my soulmate. I never thought I would meet someone so wonderful and creative and kind-hearted, who would be the perfect match for me. Kurt, you …” He paused, noticing the blush rising on Kurt’s cheeks, but there was more he wanted to say. “You are changing my life in so many ways, all of them for the better. I was lost, and I didn’t even know how lost I was. But now here I am, loving you, working on an album, finally happy for the first time in my life, and I just … I’m so incredibly thankful.”

Kurt pressed his lips together, the way he did when the emotions became too much, and Blaine offered him an apologetic smile. He hoped what he said hadn’t been over the top. He knew he could come on too strong sometimes, when he spoke from the heart like that.

Kurt was silent for a few moments, composing his thoughts. He looked at Roo to his left, then to Carole across the table, and then his eyes lingered on Blaine to his right. When he spoke, it was in a quiet, slow voice. “I’m thankful for my family. I remember so many different Thanksgivings … the ones when I was a child, with my father, and I have some faint memories of my mother at Thanksgiving, too. For many years it was just me and Dad, but then later, you came into our lives, Carole, and Finn did too. Then there were the years with Rachel, and Roo came along, but now … now so many of those people are gone, or far away.” He paused, and then looked at Blaine. “But new people come into our lives too, and this is … you three are my family now. As a wise little creature once said, ‘This is my family. It’s little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good.’”

Kurt looked like he was about to say more, but Roo piped up and interrupted him. “You got it wrong, Daddy. Stitch says ‘I found it myself’ before he says ‘it’s little and broken.’”

Kurt’s serious expression lightened into a smile. “My apologies, Roo. I should pay more attention to your movies, you’re right.” He took a deep breath. “Let’s carve the turkey now, shall we?”

Blaine’s heart was full of joy and, more than ever before, hope. Kurt loved him, and was willing to say it out loud. Kurt thought of him as family. It was more than he could have imagined back when they first met, when Kurt had been so closed-off and hesitant.

It was time, Blaine decided. He would ask Kurt to marry him. Kurt would say yes, he was sure of it. He’d choose a ring, plan out the words to say, and find the perfect moment, and then he would ask Kurt to spend the rest of their lives together. Soon, yes, everything would be as it should be.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, I know I said I was going to skip this week, but I couldn't stay away. This isn't a real chapter, but it's a one-shot in the verse that works nicely as some added context at this point in the story, so I decided this would be a great place to slip it in.
> 
> There's no Klaine in this chapter. It's a Wemma story. And ... I don't want to say whether it's happy or sad, really. It depends on your perspective. I'm not actually not at all sure whether Wemma shippers or non-shippers will like or hate it. Insert giant flashing IT'S COMPLICATED sign here.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all like it as context for the broader verse, and I'd love to hear your comments about this chapter in particular, just because it's something so different from usual. We'll be back to a regular Klaine chapter next week, I promise. Thanks for bearing with me!

_February 14, 2013_

Emma Pillsbury was transfixed by her reflection in the full-length mirror. She had dreamed of her wedding day for so long and now, finally, here it was. Every last detail was meticulously perfect, and she shone with the excitement befitting a bride, in her strapless, lace-sleeved gown, the veil clipped to her hair but not yet lowered.

The white elbow-length gloves that she habitually wore complemented her outfit perfectly, but of course she had to remove them for the ceremony. She peeled off the right glove, then the left, and smiled at the name of her fiancé there. But were her eyes deceiving her? It seemed a lighter shade of gray than the other names on her arm … she squinted her eyes, and in a moment, the name of Wilhelm Schuester was all but invisible, faded away on her arm.

Her knees gave way and she tumbled to the floor, hyperventilating. How could this be happening to her? What had happened? Was he dead? Had her beloved Will suffered a heart attack as he waited for her at the altar? It was unimaginable. The chaos that must be going on downstairs …

She had to go. She had to see. She couldn’t be cloistered away in her dressing room while this tragedy unraveled her life. She picked herself up off the floor and rushed out of the room and down the stairs.

The quiet roar of a hundred amiable conversations floated out from the sanctuary, punctuated by laughter and underscored by the pleasant background music of the string quartet. Emma froze in her tracks in the hallway. Nothing seemed amiss. The guests must not be aware of what had befallen Will. Had he collapsed somewhere else? In his own dressing room, perhaps, or the bathroom? She had to find him. She had to.

As quietly as she could, taking care not to be seen, she crept to the door of the sanctuary. Will stood by the altar, straight and tall in his tuxedo, waiting for her to walk down the aisle to him.

She darted away from the door and stood, back against the wall, eyes wide in shock. He wasn’t dead at all. And apparently he wasn’t married, either. Which could mean only one thing. He wasn’t really her soulmate.

Her soulmate, Wilhelm Schuester, had either died or gotten married a few minutes ago, and this other man, this Will Schuester that she’d fallen in love with at first sight and spent two years figuring out how to build a life with, this man was not her soulmate at all.

It was too much to comprehend. It was too much to process. She could not go in that room and marry that man, not now. She didn’t even know who he was.

She pivoted on the balls of her feet and ran as fast as she could out of the church, hopped into a waiting taxi, and told the driver to take her as far away from here as possible.

\------------------------

_March 1, 2013_

William Schuester had poured his heart out in the letter he wrote to his runaway bride. He’d told her he still loved her, would always love her. He’d told her that whatever was the matter, he wanted to talk about it, and if she would let him, to work through it together, side by side. He’d told her that he didn’t want to go through life without her, without his soulmate and the love of his life. And this was the answer he’d received, hand-delivered through her parents and with no return address. This one-line note, devoid of any explanation or details or path forward.

_We’re not soulmates._

What made Emma think that? He couldn’t fathom it. True, they’d never actually seen their names on each other’s arms—her mental illness made her very uncomfortable with physical touches, so they hadn’t ever removed clothing around each other—but the spark of attraction between them had been immediate, and the recognition when they’d introduced themselves, Will Schuester and Emma Pillsbury, was clear for both of them. She was the Emmeline Pillsbury whose name was inscribed on his arm. She must be. How could she not be?

After his disastrous marriage to Terri Del Monico, Will had been ecstatic to find a soulmate who was as gentle and kind as Emma was. Terri was a manipulative and cold person, but he’d been fascinated with her despite it—or perhaps because of it. His teenage love was something of an obsession, and she saw it and used it and turned him into a person he barely recognized. He was someone who settled for less than he was worth, someone who didn’t follow through on his passions, someone who found himself frequently out of his depth, and over time the relationship had taken on some scarily abusive aspects. When he found out she was faking a pregnancy to continue manipulating him, that was the end. He couldn’t take it anymore. He filed for divorce.

It was quite a scandal. He’d nearly lost his job due to parental fears that he would be a bad influence on their impressionable teenagers. But for once, he’d stood up and fought for what was important to him, and Principal Figgins had agreed to keep him on in exchange for a ten percent pay cut, which was possibly not Will’s finest negotiating moment, but, well, at least it worked.

And thank God it did, because that was the moment that Emma Pillsbury walked into McKinley High School and into his life. She was beautiful and kind, just as damaged as he was and exactly the opposite of everything that Terri Del Monico had ever been. He fell in love with her instantaneously, and the discovery that she was his soulmate only intensified that.

Except, if she could be believed, she wasn’t his soulmate.

He had to know more. He staked out her parents’ house, waited until they left on an errand, and then broke in through a window.

\------------------------

“What are you doing here?” Emma shrieked.

“I’ve come to win you back,” Will said. It was overdramatic, he knew, but that was kind of the point. He was her soulmate, a knight in shining armor come to set everything straight. “Emmeline Pillsbury, you are my soulmate and I am yours, and our love can last a lifetime if you only give it the chance.”

“Except I’m not Emmeline Pillsbury,” she said. “I’m just plain Emma Pillsbury. And I’m guessing that your name’s not Wilhelm Schuester either.”

His planned speech flew out the window. In fact, all ability to speak flew out of his head entirely. He stood there stunned, mouth open like some kind of idiot, not the romantic hero he envisioned himself at all.

Emma pulled off her left glove and pointed to a spot on her arm. “Wilhelm Schuester. I thought it was you, I really did, but it disappeared … just minutes before our wedding, and I didn’t know what to do, Will, I was so scared, and I just … ran.”

“Emma, I …”

She sat down on the bed, facing away from him, and began to cry.

It took another moment for Will to gather his wits back to himself. Slowly, gently, he walked to the bed and sat beside her. She didn’t object, so he put one hand on her back and rubbed in a small, comforting circle. He didn’t know what to say.

“The worst part is,” Emma said, sniffling, “I still love you. It’s so stupid, of course, because I know I shouldn’t, since you’re not my soulmate. And of course you’ll never want to marry me now, so it’s all a waste of—”

“I do,” Will said, surprising himself and Emma in equal measures.

“What?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I do still want to marry you,” he said, slow and deliberate.

She shook her head. “You don’t. It hasn’t sunk in yet, what it means that we’re not soulmates. When you’ve thought about it more, you’ll see that it’s certain to be a terrible idea. It would never work out.”

“Maybe … but you know what? I love you. I think that we go really well together. I … there are some ways that it’s better not to be with your soulmate.” Will was making this up as he went along, but the words he was saying rang true to him.

“I know you had a bad experience with Terri, but that doesn’t mean your other soulmates—”

“I don’t want my other soulmates. I want _you_ , Emma. I like who I am when I’m with you.”

She blinked a few times, studying his face.

He continued quickly. “If you don’t want to marry me, because I’m not your soulmate, I understand. I won’t stand in your way if you want to go looking for one of the others. But don’t end our relationship on my account. I still want this, between us.”

“I think …” her voice faltered. “I think … maybe. We can give it a try.”

“Yes?” Will felt hope welling up inside him, for the first time in the two weeks since Sue Sylvester had told him that Emma was not going to walk down that aisle to meet him.

“I’m not sure … I don’t know whether it will work … but yes. We can try. Dating first, no wedding yet, but … maybe someday.”

“That’s all I could possibly ask for, Emma. I love you so much.”

“I … I love you too.”

\------------------------

_May 31, 2013_

Emma smiled at her reflection in the mirror of the McKinley High faculty bathroom. Her dress was simpler this time, a short sleeved white cocktail dress covered in decorative lace. There was no veil, no tiara, no train, only a small bouquet of white flowers for adornment. But without the trappings of a fairy tale, she felt beautiful. She felt like herself. She felt whole.

William Schuester was a good man. He didn’t always understand her, but he was starting to break the habit of assuming that he did, and was getting better at asking her to tell him instead. She wondered what it was like, that soulmate connection that allowed you to know someone so intimately that words were sometimes unnecessary. She wondered … but she didn’t crave it. She preferred to hold her secrets close, and share only the parts that she wanted to share. What she shared with Will was enough for her.

A soulmate marriage didn’t guarantee happiness. Will’s experience with Terri proved that, and the years of misery he’d suffered through were something she never wanted to bring upon herself. Happiness comes from within, from fulfilling one’s own goals, and from companionship. Emma felt that she was on the right path—a growing self-understanding, a career she enjoyed, and a man who was good at heart and devoted to her.

Was she settling? Perhaps. She didn’t know what would happen if one of her soulmates came along one day. Would she be swept off her feet? Would she be tempted to leave Will? Or would she turn her back on other possibilities and be content in the life that she had chosen for herself?

It was impossible to tell. What mattered was that at this moment, and as far in the future as she could confidently predict, this was the path that would bring her the most happiness. So with joy in her heart, she walked to the choir room, to her wedding ceremony, and bound her life together with Will’s.


	19. Chapter 19

_December 22, 2023_

Kurt had been to Paris several times before—with Rachel for a summer getaway a year or two into their marriage, a few visits to film festivals, a couple of promotional tours—but this trip was like no other. Strolling hand in hand with Blaine on the banks of the Seine, around decorative gardens still green even in the winter chill, through museums and cathedrals, Paris felt romantic in a way he’d never understood before.

The weather was just cold enough to provide a fabulous opportunity for scarves, and both of them had acquired a few new ones in the shops on the Champs Elysees today, relaxed and enjoying the people-watching amongst the near-panicked rush of Christmas shoppers. Ready for a rest, they stacked their shopping bags on a metal, rounded-back chair in a quaint little coffee shop, and Kurt ordered cappuccinos and éclairs for both of him in his practiced French.

Sitting back at the table, he took of sip of the luscious coffee and sighed happily. The rich flavor was better than anything available in the United States, where he always ordered coffee drinks mixed with lots of milk and sugar and chocolate. No need for that here. He turned his head to look at Blaine, who had taken the chair beside his so that they could both face the window and watch passers-by on the busy street.

“I feel young,” Kurt mused.

“You are young,” Blaine said with a little laugh.

“No, I mean _really_ young, not thirty-isn’t-old young. I feel almost like I’m eighteen, never married, no responsibilities, no kids to worry about. I feel _free_ for once—out seeing the world with my amazing, gorgeous boyfriend and not a care in the world.”

Blaine smiled and squeezed his hand. “Do you ever wonder about that? I mean, about what would have happened if we’d met in high school. It’s not that far-fetched, we grew up just a few towns away from each other.”

“I do … I’ve thought about it.” Kurt bit his lip. “I honestly don’t know what would have happened.”

Blaine’s tone was still light and whimsical. “You told me once that you were a romantic when you were younger. Don’t you think we would have fallen in love and run away together, something very whirlwind and fairytale?”

“Maybe … I could definitely see that happening. But I can imagine the opposite, too. I was a very different person back then. You and I are compatible _now_ , with the way we’ve grown up and been changed by our experiences, but it seems possible that we could have decided back then that we weren’t right for each other at all.”

Blaine’s incredulous look nearly caused Kurt to choke on his coffee. He cleared his throat before he continued, trying to explain what he meant.

“You’ve told me that you always knew you wanted to have kids. I never really considered that as something I was interested in, until it happened by accident. Roo wasn’t planned … I am so glad he came along, I would never go back and undo that choice, but I don’t think I would have actively made the decision to have a child. If you’d asked me about it when I was eighteen, I probably would have said I didn’t want kids … or at least, not until I was much older, like in my late thirties or forties. Is that something eighteen-year-old you would have been happy about?”

“I don’t know,” Blaine said, finally thoughtful.

“Maybe you would have decided you were fine with not having kids. Or maybe you would have convinced me to come around to your point of view. I don’t know. Maybe we would have worked it out, this and other differences … or maybe we would have parted ways, each of us deciding to look for another soulmate that was more in line with our life goals. I have no idea.”

Blaine picked up his coffee cup, raised it to his lips, and then put it down again. “That’s … I’d never thought about it that way. That’s … interesting. To think that maybe those years we spent apart were actually useful … that they made us fit together better than we would have at first.”

“I’m not saying that’s necessarily the case. Just that it’s possible. And …” Kurt looked down at the table before looking up to meet Blaine’s eyes again. “Honestly, if I’d met you … if I’d had any inkling of what a connection like this could feel like … I never would have married Rachel.”

Wordlessly, his eyes wide with sympathy, Blaine reached out and squeezed Kurt’s shoulder comfortingly.

“I love you, Blaine. I’m really glad that we found each other, and that we’re together now.”

“Me too,” Blaine said, his eyes soft and full of love.

\-------------------

_December 24, 2023_

The perfect, romantic moment was upon them. Blaine had planned this night down to the last detail, telling Kurt only that he had arranged a special dinner for Christmas Eve. What Kurt didn’t know was that Blaine had chosen the restaurant not just for its exquisite food and romantic atmosphere, but also because the walk back to their hotel would take them right by the Eiffel Tower.

And here they were, holding hands as they strolled past the base of the iconic building in the moonlight, alone but for a few other tourists enjoying their Christmas in Paris. Blaine let Kurt’s hand drop from his, and reached into his pocket to take out the ring box hidden there. Kurt turned around to see why Blaine had stopped, and there he was, ready for him, down on one knee with the box opened and held out for his soulmate.

His speech was painstakingly prepared and memorized down to the last detail, because this moment was going to be a moment they would remember for the rest of their lives. He opened his mouth to speak … but Kurt was shaking his head and beginning to cry.

“Don’t, Blaine,” he gasped, almost a sob. “Please don’t do this.”

He was stunned beyond the ability to think or move. He’d been so certain that Kurt was ready for this. Their lives were completely intertwined, everything in their relationship was lovely, this romantic vacation had created the perfect mood. He hadn’t even seriously considered that Kurt would say no. Not anymore. Not after Thanksgiving, when Kurt had told him he loved him and declared him family.

“But I love you,” Blaine said, feeling stupid and dull even as the words were in his mouth.

Kurt shook his head again. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. “If you love me, then I’m begging you, don’t spring this trap on me. Please don’t ask me this question, because there is no answer I can give.”

Blaine was still frozen, staring up at the anguished face of his soulmate. He didn’t understand how this moment, which should have been beautiful and joyous, had turned on a dime and become a tragedy. But he had to do what Kurt asked. There was no other choice. He willed the muscles in his hand to move, and the snap of the ring box falling shut was the sound of Blaine’s heart breaking. He couldn’t put the ring back in his pocket, it felt like it would burn a hole through his clothes and his flesh if it were near him, so he let the box drop to the ground instead.

Kurt let out a breath that sounded like a gasp and a sigh and a sob all at once. Then he turned and sank down onto a park bench, wiping at his eyes and trying to regulate his breath.

This couldn’t be happening. This was supposed to be the moment that they agreed to spend the rest of their lives together. It wasn’t supposed to be a knife wound to both of them. It wasn’t supposed to tear them apart.

Blaine wanted to collapse onto the ground, but Kurt was hurting, so he forced himself up instead. He stood and walked, his brain somehow managing to put his feet one in front of the other until he arrived at the bench and sat down beside Kurt, not touching him, not yet, not without permission, but being a silent presence beside him. Supportive. Apologetic. Healing. Whatever Kurt needed, as soon as Kurt told him what he needed.

Kurt didn’t look at him. He stayed silent for a few moments, deep breaths audibly trembling in and out of his body as he slowly composed himself.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine ventured, quietly. “I never should have tried to ask. I never should have pushed you.”

“I don’t know how to promise you forever.” Kurt turned to look at Blaine for the first time since they sat down. His eyes were bloodshot and his expression was … terrified, Blaine suddenly realized. Kurt was scared. But of what?

“Okay,” Blaine said, because he didn’t know what to say.

“That’s why I can’t say yes. Because I don’t know how to promise forever. It’s not because of anything you did wrong, you are … god, Blaine, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you and I need you, and you are absolutely perfect, there is nobody I want to be with except you.” Tears were welling up in Kurt’s eyes again, and Blaine reached out and took both his hands, holding them gently. “But I can’t say yes, because I just do not know how to make that promise at all.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine whispered. “I understand.” But he didn’t understand, not really. He didn’t understand why Kurt would deny himself what he wanted, what they both wanted, the one thing that would bring them both happiness.

“But I can’t say no either, Blaine, because if I said no I might lose you.”

Blaine’s eyes widened, and he squeezed Kurt’s hands more tightly. “You’ll never lose me, Kurt. I am yours, whether there are rings on our fingers or not, I am always yours and I will never, ever leave you.”

“You can’t promise that,” Kurt said, the tears beginning to fall again.

“Yes I can, and I do. I am promising that always, whether you believe it or not, I don’t care, I am here with you for as long as you want me. I can’t lose you, Kurt, I can’t.”

They collapsed into an embrace, arms tight around each other. Kurt buried his face against Blaine’s shoulder, but he couldn’t hide the fact that he was crying again, because his breath came in ragged sobs and gasps that Blaine felt along with his own.

“God, we are such idiots,” Kurt said after a moment, smiling a little bit through his tears. “Look at what we’re saying. ‘I love you, I need you, you’re perfect, I’ll never leave you.’ Any sane people would get engaged when they felt this way. Why am I insane? What is wrong with me?”

Was it a bitter laugh that escaped Blaine’s lips, or a fond one? He couldn’t tell. But he smiled at Kurt even through the sadness that overwhelmed his heart. “You’re perfect just the way you are, my love. Let’s … let’s go back to the hotel, okay? I need to … I just … I’m tired.”

Kurt caressed his cheek. “I’m so sorry, love.”

“I know. I just … I know.”

They walked side by side, mostly in silence, shoulders brushing against each other occasionally. Blaine felt defeated, almost hollow inside. Back in their room, their movements were almost a choreographed dance, requiring little communication as they traded off turns in the bathroom, changed their clothes, put everything in its place, and climbed into bed.

Side by side, face to face, lying in each other’s arms, they found that there was nothing to say. A few soft kisses, meant to be reassuring, but this was not a thing that could be healed in one night. They both needed time and quiet and rest.

Kurt’s eyes misted over again. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Blaine stroked the side of his face. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I love you, too.”

Kurt smiled sadly, then closed his eyes. Blaine watched him, still stroking his thumb back and forth against soft skin, watching carefully as Kurt’s breathing slowed into the telltale signs of sleep.

_The ring_ , he remembered, all of a sudden. He hadn’t picked it up off the ground. It was still out there, lying abandoned on the pavement. Or—he glanced at the clock. It had been hours since they came in. Surely it had been stolen by now. Valuable jewelry left in a clearly identifiable ring box in the middle of a tourist mecca … there was no way he would ever get that ring back.

The monetary loss was significant, but it was nothing compared to the punch in the gut of the emotional symbolism. He’d lost his chance at marriage. He’d tried for it too soon, foolhardy and heedless of Kurt’s needs, greedily asking for more when Kurt had already given all that he could. And now it was gone, lost, an impossible dream that would never come true.

He felt the despair hitting him like a freight train, and he didn’t want to wake Kurt, so he crawled carefully out of bed and threw himself down in the armchair across the room before the sobs possessed his body. He curled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them, making himself as small as possible, convulsing with tears and gasping for breath. He would be alone forever. Kurt was a brief respite, not willing to be with him for the rest of his life. He was alone, a tiny, insignificant spec of a person in the dark black of night.

Suddenly there were someone else’s hands on his knees, pressing his legs down to the floor, exposing his tear-streaked face. He looked up and there was Kurt, sweet, loving, savior Kurt, with his strong, warm arms wrapping around Blaine and pushing him to the side. Kurt’s body sliding beside him in the chair, and then under him, and he was cradled in Kurt’s lap, Kurt holding him safe and steady and close as his body shook with more and more and more tears.

“I’m so sorry, so sorry love,” Kurt was saying, over and over again. “I’m so sorry that I can’t give you what you want. I’m so sorry that I’m broken and I’m not strong enough to be what you need, so sorry that I’m not good enough for you. I’m so sorry I can’t make your wishes come true. I’m so sorry that I keep on hurting you just by being who I am. I don’t want to, I never want to, and it kills me every time I see it happen. I love you, I love you, and I am so sorry.”

Blaine looked up at his face and saw that Kurt was crying now, too. “It’s not your fault, love. I shouldn’t ask for so much, I shouldn’t ask for more when you’ve already given me everything you can.”

“Don’t you dare apologize, Blaine. Don’t you dare turn this around so that you’re the one taking care of me, like you always do. Let me take care of you. Because god knows, you deserve it. You deserve everything, Blaine. You deserve for your dreams to come true, and it fucking kills me that I can’t do that for you. God, Blaine, I love you so goddamn much, fuck.”

Blaine smiled through his tears. “I know you’re doing everything you can.”

“Stop it.”

“I …” The urge to minimize, to apologize, to deny his own pain, was so ingrained in Blaine that he couldn’t ignore it.

“Stop.”

“I love you.”

“More,” Kurt demanded.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” This was nothing Kurt didn’t know, but it was still hard for Blaine to voice his needs out loud. “I want to get married, I want to live together, I want us to be soulmates, Kurt, bonded soulmates. I want us to raise a family together, I want to be with you every single day and to know for certain that we’ll always be together. I want it so badly that it hurts. I feel my heart aching with it, god, Kurt, I would give up everything else if I could have this.”

Kurt breathed a deep sigh and kissed him softly on the forehead. “I love you with all my heart and soul, Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine pressed his face against Kurt’s shoulder and let all the tears flow out of him, Kurt’s arms wrapped tight against his back in comfort.

He let himself really cry, for the first time in years. He cried and cried, letting all of the shattered dreams and hopeless thoughts find their physical expression in his body while he lay curled up in Kurt’s arms. He cried for this intractable puzzle they found themselves in, because neither of them had the power to be quite what the other wanted. He cried because, for the very first time, he wondered whether Kurt might be right, that being soulmates didn’t mean there was a way for everything to work out.

He cried for himself, and also for Kurt, who felt solid and safe but was not, underneath the surface, not really. He cried until there were no more tears left in his body, cried until his soul felt emptied of its fears and its sorrows. He cried until there was nothing left for him to let go of.

With a long, shuddering breath, finally, he lifted his face away from Kurt’s tear-soaked sleeve. When he looked up at Kurt’s face again, he found eyes full of patience and sorrow, but also hope.

“We’re going to get through this,” Kurt said, calm and sure. “We will find a way, I swear it to you. We’ll get back to New York, and we’ll talk it out, as long as it takes, as many times as it takes. We’ll talk about living together … a serious talk about it this time. We can try different things … it might take a while to figure out what works, but we _will_ make it work. We _will_ find a way that we can both be happy together.”

“You always make me happy, Kurt.”

Gently, ever so gently, Kurt wiped a tear from Blaine’s cheek. He didn’t need words to call out that lie.

“Go wash your face, love, and I’ll change into something dry, and then we can go back to bed.”

“Okay,” Blaine whispered. Slowly, he brought himself to his feet, and offered a hand to help Kurt up from the chair. Kurt took it, smiling, and placed a kiss there after he stood.

The water from the faucet was cool and refreshing. He splashed it on his face again and again, washing himself clean in a way that felt almost like a ritual. He grabbed a hand towel from the rack and wiped himself dry, then took a deep breath. Things would be okay. They would find a way. They were both committed to making this work, and they would figure it out. It would be okay.

He tossed the towel onto the counter beside the sink, too exhausted to bother folding it. That was when he noticed it—the small black ring box that he’d offered to Kurt was sitting beside the sink, right next to where the towel had fallen. His mouth dropped open and he picked it up carefully, half-expecting his fingers to slip right through it like a hologram. But it was real. He opened it, just to be sure. The ring was still inside.

Kurt must have rescued it. Kurt must have picked it up from the pavement out there, slipped it into a pocket and brought it safely home. Kurt must have left it here for Blaine to retrieve and stash away for … later? never? someday? Or did it mean nothing at all, just a kind gesture of saving it from theft? Blaine’s heart pounded, but his brain was too tired to work this out right now. Slowly, quietly, with two hands to prevent it from snapping loudly, he shut the box, then tucked it into the bottom of his toiletries bag.

Kurt was sitting on the bed, waiting for him. He held out a hand, and Blaine took it, letting himself be drawn down as Kurt lay back onto the pillows. He settled himself on top of Kurt, head on his chest, relaxing into the warm cocoon of Kurt’s hands on his back and his hair.

“Love you so much,” Kurt whispered.

“I love you, too.”


	20. Chapter 20

_January 2, 2024_

Blaine was having a hell of a day. Returning to school after Christmas vacation was always difficult, what with trying to settle thirty excited, travel-addled pre-schoolers back into their daily routine of quiet, independent work after two weeks away. To make things worse, Roo had been ridiculously clingy. He’d gotten back from Los Angeles only the night before, which hadn’t left him much time to spend with Kurt before bed, and he hadn’t seen Blaine at all until they both arrived at school that morning. Nothing particularly bad had happened, exactly, it was just that Blaine was completely exhausted by the time he brought Roo back to Kurt’s apartment at the end of the day. After stopping to pick up take-out from the middle eastern place on the way home. Because Kurt was having a “long day” and of course Blaine didn’t mind, no problem.

And then it was two hours of catering to Roo’s every whim, because Kurt missed him so much after two weeks apart and needed to hear every detail of his vacation and catch up on all the quality time they hadn’t had. Which was sweet, it really was, but also completely exhausting.

So perhaps Blaine wasn’t in the most receptive and patient mood when Kurt closed the door to Roo’s bedroom at eight thirty and pulled out a pen and a notebook with multi-colored post-it flags sticking out of the side before coming to join Blaine on the couch.

“What’s all this?” Blaine asked.

“Things to discuss about living together!” Kurt’s voice was excited, but his smile seemed forced. “I’ve made a list of all the questions we need to answer—or at least, all the ones I could think of. You can of course add more if there’s anything I’ve left out. I’ve divided them into categories. Green is for logistics, so for example, should we live here or find a new apartment together, what furniture and kitchen things should we keep and sell or give away, closet space requirements, et cetera. Pink is financial, how to divide rent and bills and other expenses, discussing debt and credit and budgets and things like that. Yellow is household chores and childcare. Orange is—”

Blaine had to put a stop to this madness. “Kurt … this is very, um, detailed, but I’m not sure it’s the right approach.”

“What do you mean? You’re the one who wanted this. You’ve been talking about us living together for more than a month now, and I promised that we would discuss it, so here we are, discussing it. And now you don’t want to?”

“No, honey, that’s not what I meant. All these details are … important, certainly. But the real issues that we need to resolve aren’t about logistics and budgeting. They’re about our relationship.”

There was a flash of terror in Kurt’s eyes, quickly suppressed. “These questions _are_ about our relationship. They’re about how to organize our relationship so that there aren’t any unpleasant surprises once we start living together.”

“I know, Kurt, but … these details, these are things that I’m sure we can work out one way or another. Of course I have preferences on these things, but the particular answers aren’t that important to me. What’s important is how we’re thinking about our relationship.”

Kurt waved his notebook in the air. “This _is_ thinking about our relationship. It’s about our relationship, and it’s thinking. I don’t understand why you’re suddenly not on board with this.”

“No, Kurt, I _am_ on board.” Blaine placed his hand on Kurt’s knee, trying to calm him and reassure him. “It’s just … what I want to answer first are things like, what are we hoping for in the future? Taking things day by day works fine for a while, but where do we see ourselves a year from now, or five years from now, or ten years from now? How do we want my relationship with Roo to develop? If I really do sign with a label and make an album, what will that career change mean for our relationship? Things like that.”

Kurt looked down for a long moment, his eyes fixed on where Blaine’s hand was resting on his leg. Finally, he met Blaine’s eyes again, and his voice was quieter, more uncertain. “I don’t have answers to any of those questions.”

Blaine squeezed his leg reassuringly. “That’s okay, hon. I don’t have answers either. What I’m asking is that we talk about them, openly and honestly. It might take a while, and that’s fine with me. I just want us to stop ignoring them.”

“This is a lot harder than the stuff I wrote down in my notebook.”

“It is,” Blaine agreed.

“I’ll try,” Kurt said. He took a deep breath. “Can I … spend some time thinking, and maybe we can start this tomorrow instead of tonight?”

“Of course,” Blaine said with a fond smile.

“Until then, we can make out.”

“I am one hundred percent on board with this plan.”

\-------------------

_January 3, 2024_

Kurt was slightly concerned when he saw his agent’s name pop up on his caller ID. He hoped there wasn’t a problem with the commercial he was supposed to be shooting tomorrow. “Hey, Teresa, what’s up?”

“So, remember that contract I advised you not to sign back in November? The one for Sixth?”

“Uh-oh.” This could not be good.

“NBC ordered the pilot. You start filming on the 22nd.”

Kurt was silent for a moment, completely baffled, before he started ranting. “Are they insane? Did Dahlia Grove blackmail them or something? Do they have no taste whatsoever?”

“You don’t sound as mad as I expected,” Teresa joked.

He took a deep breath and composed himself, taking a moment to think this through. “I guess it’s not really that big of a deal. It’s still never going to get picked up. It’ll be two weeks of work and then done. I suppose we’ll have to move some things around on my schedule. Have you got the full list of what I’m committed for during that time?”

“Yeah, not a big deal. There’s some voiceover work which we can probably move up a week, and a couple of photoshoots that we might have to cancel if we can’t find a way to reschedule, but I’ll start calling people and figuring that out right away. But Kurt? There’s one more thing that I think you don’t realize.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re about to give me some very bad news?”

“It’s shooting in L.A.”

“Fuck.” This was more than a minor inconvenience. This was a huge problem.

“This is why you should read contracts before signing them, Kurt.”

“Why isn’t it in New York? Faeded shoots in New York, I assumed all of Dahlia’s projects were here.”

“Faeded is in New York because that show constantly has location shoots that need an urban setting. Sixth is going to be shot mostly on sets. Dahlia flies back and forth a lot, but she’s based in L.A. and there’s no reason to do the show anywhere else.”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Kurt couldn’t even begin to think about what the logistics for this would require. “Am I fully committed to this? There’s no backing out?”

“The contract is airtight … and Kurt, they never would have sold this pilot without you onboard. The entire pitch was built around you in the lead role. If you so much as _think_ about backing out, they will sue your ass back into the stone age.”

“I’m not sure that metaphor make sense. I don’t think they had lawyers in the stone age.”

“Whatever. You need to be in L.A. in two and a half weeks, and that’s the end of the story.”

There was no need to panic, Kurt told himself. He could make this work, especially if they were so committed to having him and no one else in the lead role. “Okay, here’s the deal. If they’ve decided I’m their diva, at least I can act the part. Whatever dollar amount is on that contract they sent you, tell them I need fifteen percent more to cover a fucking full-time nanny and tutor and other miscellaneous costs for my son, who will be traveling with me. And tell them I need them to book me a suite to stay in, with two bedrooms and a kitchenette. Jesus Fucking Christ, what a goddamn nightmare this is going to be.”

“I’m sure you’ll work it out,” Teresa assured him good-naturedly.

“I have to go call Rachel now and see if she can help with the childcare.”

Kurt hung up the phone. But instead of calling Rachel right away, he set the phone on the table and hung his head, palms pressed over his eyes. He felt defeated. It had been a stupid mistake to sign that contract, and he should have known it at the time. How could he have let himself do something so childish and idiotic? Now he was stuck carting a reluctant five-year-old across the country to live out of a hotel room for two weeks. He’d have to pull him out of school for that time, too. Thank goodness pre-school wasn’t mandatory, or they’d have a whole lot of red tape to jump through. He would have to be more careful in the future.

With a sigh, he picked up the phone again and found Rachel’s name in his contacts list. She sounded surprised when she answered the phone.

“Hey Rachel,” he greeted her, trying to sound casual. “So, I was just wondering what you’re up to these days.”

“Um … I saw you at the airport the day before yesterday, when I dropped Roo off. You didn’t seem too interested in my life at that point.”

“I’m always interested in your life, Rachel. It was just a busy moment, and I hadn’t seen Roo in weeks, so …”

“Drop it, Kurt, I can see right through you. Why are you calling?”

So much for a friendly intro. “I actually wanted to see if you have any plans the week of January 22nd, and the week after that, through February 2nd or so.”

“I’m shooting those weeks! My second film for Aaron starts filming on the 16th and goes through February. It’s here in LA, but I’ll be very busy. I’m playing the romantic lead, of course, so I have to be on set most days.”

Kurt groaned out loud, he couldn’t help himself.

“What’s wrong? Do you need something?” To her credit, she did sound genuinely concerned.

“I’m going to be in LA,” he told her. “I got cast in this pilot, it’s filming for those two weeks, and I was hoping you could take care of Roo while I’m busy with that, but I guess not.”

“Kurt! That’s amazing! Congratulations! Tell me all about it! What’s the show? Who’s the showrunner on it, is it someone I know? What part are you playing? Is it a big one? If they need you for the full two weeks it’s got to be more than a bit part, right?”

“It’s the lead, but Rachel, the important thing is—”

Her ear-splitting scream forced him to move the phone several inches away from his ear. “Kurt!!!!! Oh my _god_ , how did you not start with that information?! Are you jumping up and down? I am jumping up and down for you, oh my god, Kurt, this is _amazing_ , I am so proud of you!”

Kurt felt a blush rising on his cheeks, and a smile unexpectedly spread across his face. He hadn’t even taken a moment to feel happy for himself, and Rachel’s excitement reminded him that he should. “Thank you,” he said bashfully. “It’s not a big deal, though, it’s a ridiculous show and I got cast in it basically by accident, and it’s never going to get picked up to series.”

“Stop being so self-deprecating, Kurt. You’re an amazing actor and I’m sure the role is a great one and you’ll do a fantastic job with it.”

“I appreciate your confidence,” he said, laughing a little at how far off the mark she was about the show’s merits. But it wasn’t worth correcting her and starting a useless argument. “The point is, I guess I’m going to have to hire someone in LA to take care of Roo full-time. Maybe two people, for different shifts. The filming hours are sure to be long and unpredictable, and I’ll probably need to be away from him for like sixteen hours a day, maybe more … oh god, this is going to be so hard.”

“Why don’t you just leave him in New York with Blaine?” Rachel suggested.

Kurt did a double-take. “I can’t just _leave_ my son in a completely different city with someone who’s not even related to him!”

“Why not? Blaine is practically family by now. And it would be so much less disruptive for Roo. Sleeping in his own bedroom, going to school every day with his friends, being cared for by someone he already knows … it sounds a lot nicer than being handed over to a nanny he’s never even met before, in a strange city, and living out of a suitcase.”

“He can’t be away from _both_ his parents for two whole weeks,” Kurt insisted.

“It’s not like you’d be abandoning him. I’m sure you’ll call him every day. And I’ll call just like I usually do. He’ll be with Blaine, who you completely trust, instead of some nanny you only know through professional references. Think it over, Kurt. It sounds like a better solution to me, by far.”

She had a point, but he still wasn’t sure. “I’ll think about it … and Rachel, congratulations to you, too. On the movie.”

“Thank you …” She sounded a little bit flustered. “Look, I’m late meeting someone for lunch. Let’s talk more later, okay?”

\-------------------

Blaine could see at a glance that Kurt was extremely stressed out about something. He shut his laptop quickly, but his entire body was tense as he stood to greet Blaine and Roo when they walked in the door after school. His jaw was set, and he let out a little grunt of pain from sore back and neck muscles as he lifted Roo into a bear hug.

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked in a low voice after Kurt set the boy back down. “Is it about … the stuff we were talking about yesterday? Living together?”

Kurt shook his head. “It’s nothing to do with you. I’ll tell you once Roo is in bed.”

“Okay,” Blaine agreed reluctantly. Kurt looked so unhappy, he wanted to do something to ease whatever stress he was feeling, but it was hard to imagine what would help without knowing the source of the problem.

Touch, he realized. Touch always helped.

“Come here,” he said, pulling Kurt into a hug. He saw a flash of surprise on Kurt’s face before it was hidden from view by their body positions, but he wrapped his arms snugly around Kurt’s waist, and Kurt’s arms found a home around Blaine’s shoulders. He felt Kurt take a breath in and out, and then tilt his head sideways so it rested against Blaine’s.

He didn’t let go. He held tight, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in again, and with each breath he felt Kurt relax the slightest bit. “I’m here,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered back, and finally pulled away. He looked a little softer now, not so on edge. He looked like he could face the hours of being a good parent and pleasant company until bedtime.

Blaine smiled encouragingly. “Of course,” he said. “Can I help with dinner? What needs to be done?”

They talked and even laughed their way through making chicken and rice and broccoli, through reading some picture books, through Blaine and Roo building a Lego creation while Kurt sewed together a shirt that one of his Etsy customers had ordered. Whatever was bothering Kurt was locked tight in that closed laptop that sat pushed to the side of the dinner table. It wasn’t until he shut the door to Roo’s bedroom and came back to accept a mug of coffee from Blaine that Kurt brought it up again.

“They’re making the pilot for Sixth.”

Blaine was elated. He knew Kurt was destined to be a star, and he was so happy to see these dreams finally coming true. Even if it was clear from Kurt’s demeanor that he wasn’t equally thrilled.

“That’s great, Kurt,” he said, tamping down his enthusiasm until he could figure out what was troubling Kurt so much.

“It shoots in LA.” Kurt sat on the couch and leaned back against the armrest with a sigh.

 _Oh_. “Oh,” Blaine said. He set his coffee down on the side table and sat beside Kurt, close but not touching.

“I don’t know what to do. I mean, I have to go, I’m under contract … and it’s soon, it’s at the end of this month and things are going to be crazy, there’s so much I have to finish up before then. But I don’t know who’s going to take care of Roo. I’ll be filming and it’s going to be long hours, so I need to find a nanny for him out there who’s available practically 24/7, and I guess I’ll have to interview them over the phone, and it’s hard to find someone who’s even interested in that kind of work for just two weeks … god, this is such a nightmare.”

 _Let me_ , Blaine wanted to say, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew that any offer would be met with resistance, even if it was clearly the best solution. The idea couldn’t come from him. It had to come from Kurt or not at all.

“I’m sure we can work this out,” he said instead. “Maybe Rachel has someone she can recommend.”

Kurt shook his head. “Rachel’s filming for a movie at the same time, so she can’t take care of him herself. I didn’t want to ask for a recommendation from her, because she’s never needed a nanny so anyone she recommends would be a friend of a friend of a friend or something, and that’s no better than random chance. I’ve been looking at nanny agencies online, but … I don’t know how to find someone I _trust_ , you know?”

“Okay. Who do you trust? What kind of people.”

“You,” Kurt said with a sigh. He picked up his coffee and took a sip.

Blaine smiled. He hadn’t expected the conversation to turn in this direction so quickly. “If I could walk away from my job and come to Los Angeles with you to take care of Roo for two weeks, I absolutely would. Sadly, though, I have to pay the bills.”

Kurt mumbled so that Blaine could barely make out the next words he said. “Rachel says I should leave him here with you.”

Rachel had said that? Blaine was stunned into silence. He’d never met her in person. They saw each other over Skype once or twice a week, Blaine half-listening to her conversations with Roo and snarky interchanges with Kurt, occasionally exchanging a hello and some pleasantries. But they’d never had a real conversation, even one as basic as cocktail party small talk. He couldn’t believe that she had been the one to suggest that he should be Roo’s sole caretaker for two full weeks.

He had to say something. Kurt was sipping his coffee and looking down and waiting, and if Blaine didn’t shake off this nervousness and say something quickly, Kurt would play the whole thing off as a joke and the chance would be missed entirely.

He had to say something. _Don’t push. Let it be Kurt’s idea._ “That’s interesting. What do you think about that?”

“I don’t want to burden you,” Kurt said, still looking down at his coffee.

Blaine reached out and put a hand on his knee, and Kurt looked up, meeting his eyes. “It’s not a burden, Kurt. I would be happy to. I just said that I’d follow you to LA if I could. Taking care of Roo here in New Jersey would be simple compared to that.”

“It’s not easy,” Kurt said. “I’ve been a single parent, and it is _hard_ , working all day and coming home and being the only adult in charge, and then waking up the next day and doing it all over again … it’s two weeks. It’s a long time.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“What?” Kurt looked surprised.

“We’ve never been apart, since we started dating. We’ve spent time together every single day since the end of September. More than three months now.”

“Really?” Kurt cocked his head to one side. “I guess that’s true. Wow … I’ve been away from Roo, when he’s visiting Rachel, but you …”

Kurt fell silent, thoughtful, and Blaine thought about it too. The days they’d spent together, each one bringing more comfort and familiarity. The three of them together as a family, Blaine growing into a role that was almost as much of a parent to Roo as Kurt was, and the joy that brought to all of them. The late nights after Roo was asleep, spending hours talking and cuddling and making out on the couch with Kurt. The Saturday nights at Blaine’s apartment …

Kurt stood up without warning, and placed a finger over his lips, signaling Blaine to be quiet. He crept to Roo’s bedroom door and turned the doorknob slowly, inching the door open to peek inside before he closed it just as slowly and quietly. He turned back to face the living room and beckoned silently, and when Blaine met him in the hallway, he took his hand and led him to the master bedroom, closing the door silently behind them and turning the lock.

He kissed Blaine with clear intent. This wasn’t a simple makeout session that would end in the quiet, unacknowledged frustration of soft little kisses. This was for real, and if the kiss wasn’t enough confirmation of that, Kurt’s hands frantically tearing away at the buttons on Blaine’s shirt certainly were. He let himself be undressed and pushed naked to the bed, and he watched Kurt strip to his underwear as well. He let himself be kissed and touched, and he kissed back and touched back, until Kurt warned him with a firm “shhh” and slid down to put his head between Blaine’s legs.

Blaine threw his head back on the pillows, neck arched and eyes fixed on the ceiling as he desperately tried to keep his gasps from turning into noisy moans of pleasure. His hands twisted the sheets beneath him and he bit the inside of his lip, trying to keep control of his pleasure, forcing himself to keep silent. He looked down as Kurt looked up at him, eyes gleaming as if he were grinning even with his lips wrapped around Blaine’s cock. The game and the challenge of it was too exciting, and Blaine couldn’t take it any longer. There was no word of warning, no sound, but he came hard and fast, closing his eyes so as not to scream.

Then Kurt was there beside him, nudging at his ear, teasing and poking and asking with playful, silent gestures for his turn, so Blaine ripped himself out of his afterglow and kissed his way down Kurt’s body to switch places. He sunk his mouth over the tip of Kurt’s cock and Kurt groaned loudly, then hissed “fuck” and quickly covered his face with a pillow. Blaine chuckled and kept going, pleased by the muffled sounds coming from above.

He only wished that he knew what was going on in Kurt’s head. They’d never done this before—having sex when they didn’t have the house entirely to themselves—and while Blaine certainly wasn’t going to complain, he had no idea what had prompted Kurt to unilaterally change the rules. One moment they were discussing work schedules and childcare arrangements and Kurt was closed off and hesitant, and then the next thing Blaine knew, they were teasing pleasure out of each other’s naked bodies in Kurt’s bed. What had happened between, in Kurt’s thoughts, in that silence? What brought him from point A to point B?

A muffled sound that could have been his name, and Blaine tasted the bitterness of Kurt’s come in his mouth. He swallowed it down eagerly, licking around the head of Kurt’s softening cock before crawling his way back up the bed. He moved the pillow away to reveal Kurt’s face with a goofy, blissed-out smile on it, and planted a kiss there before settling at his side.

Their cuddling was as quiet as their lovemaking had been, peaceful and without any need to talk. It was lovely to be here in Kurt’s arms, on a weeknight—scandalous!—and as much as Blaine wanted to know the reason why, he didn’t want to risk spoiling it by asking. The minutes ticked by on the clock and Blaine felt himself in danger of drifting off to sleep, so finally, with a sigh, he excused himself to the bathroom.

\-------------------

Kurt watched Blaine walk away across the bedroom into the attached bathroom. He didn’t understand how Blaine had become so important in his life, so quietly that he’d hardly even noticed. He didn’t understand how spending two weeks away from him could seem harder than spending two weeks away from his own son. He didn’t understand how leaving his five-year-old in the long-term care of his boyfriend had started to sound like something reasonable instead of the intro to a horror story on a trashy daytime talk show. And he especially didn’t understand the unfairness of the fact that right when he was beginning to work these ideas out, when he desperately needed time and peace and routine to think through them and talk through them, right then the time was taken away from him by a crush of last-minute to-do items and then a two-week separation.

He sighed in frustration, then got to work smoothing out the sheets and the duvet and arranging himself under them instead of on top. He kept to one side of the bed, leaving space for Blaine to crawl in and snuggle some more.

But Blaine picked up his underwear from the floor and put them on when he emerged from the bathroom. “It’s late,” he said apologetically, reaching for his shirt.

Kurt propped himself up on one elbow and reached out his other hand across the bed toward where Blaine was standing. He didn’t know what he was doing, but Blaine smiled and sat on the far edge of the bed, leaned in and squeezed his hand.

Kurt knew the words that were about to come out of his mouth, but he didn’t know why he was saying them. He felt entirely vulnerable, all the way down to his core, laying his heart open for Blaine to see and know and judge …

“Will you stay the night?”

Blaine’s eyes widened and they looked misty, and then Blaine’s mouth was on his, he was pushed back to the pillows and Blaine was kissing him and kissing him and his hand was cupped around the back of Kurt’s neck and they were kissing some more.

It was hard to fall asleep, though they’d slept together before. He couldn’t decide where he wanted to touch Blaine—gripping tight to his shoulder, or squeezing close around his back, or casually nesting his hand on the curve of his waist. There was too much, all at once, too much joy bubbling in his heart, and tiny kisses pressed over and over again on foreheads, cheeks, necks, lips, until finally they fell asleep side by side, face to face, noses touching, hands combed through each other’s hair.

They were up early, giddy and joyful. Kurt brushed off Blaine’s offer to leave before Roo woke up, though he felt a pang of guilt that Blaine felt the need to suggest it. Kurt dressed Blaine up in the most teachery clothes he could find in his wardrobe, rolling the cuffs of his jeans almost twice as high as usual, laughing at Blaine’s lament over not being able to find a single sweater vest in Kurt’s closet. There were pancakes cooking on the stove by the time Roo padded out in his pajamas, and Kurt nervously watched his eyes widen as he saw Blaine there.

“Why is Mr. Blaine here in the morning?” Roo asked sleepily.

“I thought you and I should show him how everything works around here in the mornings,” Kurt said, “since he’s going to be staying with you while I go on a work trip soon.”

Blaine buried his nose in Kurt’s hair, and the “I love you” he whispered sounded like thanks and relief, because, Kurt realized, they hadn’t verbally agreed to it before now.

“Okay,” Roo said, sliding into a chair at the dining table. “Make sure he knows how to make scrambled eggs, those are my favorite.”

Kurt laughed. Why had he built this up to be such a difficult thing? What had he feared? The reality seemed unbelievably simple.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to communitmanaged for helping me with some behind-the-scenes info about TV filming for a scene that I ended up cutting from this chapter ... maybe it will make it into a later part, but I appreciate the help nonetheless!

_January 8, 2024_

Time was rushing by far too quickly. Kurt didn’t know how he could possibly get everything done in the two weeks before he left for Los Angeles. Teresa had done an excellent job of rescheduling things so that he didn’t have to back out of any jobs he was committed for, but that meant he was spending six of the ten weekdays between now and his departure working in the city. The unexpected arrival of two new Etsy orders had reminded him that he should temporarily close his shop until filming for Sixth was over, but he was determined to fulfill all the orders that had been placed before then. The new designs he’d been working on for his spring collection would have to be delayed as well. He’d been planning to post them in early February, but with so much on his plate in that time frame, he’d be lucky to get them online by the beginning of March.

And then, of course, he had to learn his lines and practice his songs for the pilot episode, and there were endless phone meetings with Dahlia and some of the other actors and crew for Sixth. He supposed he should be grateful that they were accommodating him long-distance instead of requiring him to be out there an extra week for pre-production business.

But what it all added up to was that he had no down time, and no time to focus on his relationship with Blaine. They agreed to postpone the promised discussions until February, when Kurt returned from Los Angeles. He knew it was a disappointment to Blaine, but in all honesty, it wouldn’t do either of them any good to try to talk about such serious and important things when Kurt’s brain was frazzled and his attention was everywhere else. It would be far better for them to approach everything with clear heads when they had all the time they needed. Blaine understood. Of course he did.

In any case, things were better between them already, even without any focused discussion. Blaine stayed over sometimes—not every night, but on the few nights that Kurt didn’t need to stay up until all hours getting work done. It was blissful to fall asleep beside him, and it was lovely to have him there in the morning. Kurt was starting to be able to imagine having him there all the time, and though he wasn’t quite ready to take that leap, he felt very close. Blaine was right, they only needed to talk it through and things would be fine. In a month or so he would be back from filming and he’d have the mental energy to face those things, and hopefully he would find a way to finally rid himself of all those nagging doubts.

Plus, the decision to put off serious discussions left time for them to spend their evenings playfully when they got a chance, like tonight, with Blaine helping Kurt practice his lines from the script.

“Well, Solomon, looks like you’ll fit right in here. You’re hired. Glad to have you on board.” Blaine looked up from the page after reciting the bar owner’s lines in a stilted, unnatural cadence.

“Thanks. Glad to be here,” Kurt said from memory, holding out his hand to shake. He was still annoyed that Dahlia had changed the name of his character from Ezra to Solomon in the latest draft of the script. She couldn’t make up her mind about anything.

Blaine shook his hand with a ridiculous character-breaking grin. “So you moved here all on your own? Still unmarried, at your age?”

“Guess I’m just a loner.”

“In my experience, there’s no such thing.”

Blaine cracked up. “Oh my god, Kurt, you look ridiculous. What is that expression supposed to be? Gas pains?”

“That’s my ‘mysterious and brooding’ look,” Kurt said, offended. “Anyway, you’re not one to talk. You’re breaking character all over the place.”

“I’m just a musician! You’re the one who’s supposed to know how to act. Can’t you be more … acty? But, you know, in a natural way. For this character.”

Kurt flopped down on the couch. “Thanks for the notes. That’s extremely helpful advice. Have you ever considered a career as an acting coach?”

Blaine set the script down on the coffee table and sat beside Kurt, still giggling a little bit. “I’m sorry, hon. I wish I could be more helpful. You should run lines with someone who knows what they’re doing, though. I don’t know what to say other than that it doesn’t seem quite right.”

Kurt smiled fondly at him. “It’s okay. You’ve been so helpful with rehearsing the songs. Anyway, it’s not your fault. This script is garbage. There’s not much I can do with it.”

“You keep saying that, but I’m not so sure. I see a good story in here, if you and the other actors can figure out how to tell it.”

Kurt refrained from the snappy comeback that Blaine had walked right into—that he’d already established he had no idea what he was talking about. That would be unkind, and there was no reason for it. “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” he said instead.

“What does Dahlia say about it?” Blaine asked.

“That it’s ‘groundbreaking’ and ‘has never been done on TV,’” Kurt said, making air quotes with his hands. “Because she’s totally unbiased, obviously.”

“Let’s do the songs again,” Blaine said excitedly. “That part is fun.”

“Roo is sleeping,” Kurt reminded him. Blaine was right, though, the songs were incredibly fun. He had two of them, or three, depending on how you counted. There was a rendition of _You’re Still the One_ , by Sheryl Crow, that was done in a flashback scene to show how Solomon had first discovered his powers while singing to his non-soulmate grandparents at their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Then, in the present timeline of the show, he would sing _Accidentally in Love_ by The Counting Crows. (Dahlia claimed that the two ‘crow’ names were a coincidence, not a theme, but the noise she made when Kurt pointed it out made him worry that it could _become_ a theme if he wasn’t careful.) _Accidentally in Love_ would be recorded two ways: a straight pop cover that was almost identical to the original, and then a slowed-down acoustic version. The two would be spliced together and filmed to show Kurt singing the pop cover on stage in the club where he worked, while only a single woman in the audience—the woman who was receiving a new soulmate through the song’s performance—heard the slow, emotional version instead. He and Blaine and Roo had spent hours singing the songs over the weekend, with Roo particularly excited that his dad might be on TV singing “the song from Shrek.”

“Tomorrow, then,” Blaine said. “I have a new idea for one of the harmonies on the acoustic version that I want to show you. I think it will draw out the clarity in your tone without taking the notes up higher.”

Kurt leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “What would I do without you?”

Blaine smiled in response, and kissed him back.

“Are you staying tonight?” Kurt asked.

“Sure, I could,” Blaine said with a false casualness. He’d never once said no to Kurt’s invitation, and Kurt would be stunned if he ever did.

“Perfect.”

\-------------------

_January 21, 2024_

The month had felt long and lonely to Blaine, even though he was more integral to Kurt and Roo’s lives than ever. Kurt was so busy getting everything finished and ready before his trip to Los Angeles that his few scraps of free time were almost entirely devoted to Roo, not to Blaine. But that was okay. He understood that Kurt was going through a difficult, busy period, and wasn’t intentionally distancing himself. The time that they managed to find for each other was always wonderful, and when they spent the night together, everything felt as perfect and magical as always.

Blaine took it upon himself to quietly fill in the gaps in Kurt’s harried life. He packed Roo’s lunchbox each night before he went home, leaving it in the fridge for the two of them to grab on their way out in the morning. He dropped off Kurt’s clothes at the dry cleaner’s, and picked them back up again. He made or brought dinner almost every night, and baked brownies once or twice, too, when everyone needed to indulge in a treat. This is what partners do, he knew, and he was happy to do it for Kurt. He knew that Kurt saw and appreciated it, and that Kurt would do the same for him one day when their roles happened to be reversed.

But standing here at the airport, saying goodbye to Kurt, he already missed him. They were closer than they’d ever been … but their lack of communication recently left Blaine wondering whether they were on the same page at all. Well, he reminded himself, he only needed to get through a couple more weeks before Kurt would be back home and things would start to improve.

Kurt picked Roo up in a giant bear hug and squeezed him tight. “You be good for Mr. Blaine, okay? Promise me.”

“I promise, Dad. I’ll be extra super special good, like superhero good, like SuperRoo!”

Kurt laughed. “I’ll miss you so much, RooRoo.”

“I’ll miss you too, Dad, but don’t worry, I can call you on Skype.”

“Good plan,” Kurt said, giving him one last squeeze before setting him down. He turned to Blaine and pulled him into a hug.

Blaine held him close and hummed softly, trying to make the moment last as long as possible. “I love you,” he said softly into Kurt’s ear.

“I love you too,” Kurt said, his voice sweet and tender. He let his arms drop and stepped back, ending the hug, but he held on to Blaine’s hands and looked wistfully into his eyes. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Me too,” Blaine said, a lump forming in his throat.

“I want to give you a ton of last minute instructions, but I know you know all of it already. Some of it better than me.”

Blaine laughed. “Roo and I will be just fine. Call whenever you can, okay? I know you’ll be busy but … it will mean a lot to hear from you. For both of us.”

“Of course I will,” Kurt promised. “Oh! One last thing, I almost forgot. Rachel invited me for dinner on Tuesday. I’m in the recording studio that day and it’s the only time I’m sure I’ll have the evening off, and by coincidence she doesn’t need to be on set at all that day, so it was a good opportunity … that’s okay with you, isn’t it? I wanted to run it by you before I said yes.”

“Sure,” Blaine said quickly. He didn’t know exactly how he felt about Kurt and Rachel spending time together, but the situation demanded a quick answer and he couldn’t think of any reason to object. After all, they talked to each other on the phone all the time, about Roo. “Her husband will be there, right?”

“I assume so,” Kurt said. “Anyway, it’s not a big deal, she just wants to congratulate me on getting the job or some nonsense like that.”

Blaine smiled, his lips pressed together tightly. “Have fun, then. Don’t work too hard and get burned out.”

Kurt barked a laugh. “It’s Hollywood. Of course I’m going to work too hard and get burned out. That’s kind of the way it goes.”

Blaine kissed him on the cheek. “Well, I’ll be right here waiting to rejuvenate you when you get back.”

“Mmm, I can’t wait for that,” Kurt said with a wink. One last wave, and he turned toward the security line and away from the two of them.

Roo reached up and held Blaine’s hand. “He’s not really going to catch on fire, is he?”

“What? Oh! No, that’s not what ‘burned out’ means at all.”

\-------------------

_January 23, 2024_

Kurt drove up to the gate of Rachel and Aaron’s Beverly Hills home and drew in a deep breath. Roo had hardly been exaggerating when he’d compared the place to a castle. It was huge. Of course Kurt knew that Aaron was loaded, but he still hadn’t expected this. He let his breath out slowly, then rolled down the window of his rental car and pushed the call button. Rachel’s greeting was inaudible over the static of the speaker, but a beep sounded and the gate swung slowly open for him to pass.

By the time he made it down the long drive and parked in the roundabout by the giant front door, Rachel had come outside to meet him. He smiled at the sight of her, radiant in the Los Angeles sunset, more stylishly dressed than she ever had been in New York City.

California looked good on her, Kurt thought. She seemed more relaxed than he’d ever seen her. He almost hugged her, realizing only at the last second that it would be inappropriate. He settled for a smile and a wave instead, and she returned his awkward movements with a gloriously friendly smile and invited him in.

“Where’s Aaron?” he asked, glancing around the living room she led him to.

“At work! I’m not filming any scenes today, but he’s the director, he’s got to be there for everything, of course. It’s funny, I always feel like actors work so hard, but the crew works twice as hard, and longer hours. I don’t know how they manage.”

Kurt nodded in agreement, but he felt mildly alarmed. The two of them hadn’t been alone together since before their divorce, and it felt weird. He still didn’t understand why she’d invited him over, and the fact that they were alone seemed to raise the stakes quite a lot.

“Oh,” Rachel said, her eyes widening. “Were you counting on him being here as a chaperone? I know it’s not usually done, being alone with one of your other soulmates when you’re in a relationship, but I thought … you and I … we’ve known each other since we were little kids …”

“It’s fine. You’re right. I don’t think there’s any chance of inappropriate behavior between us.” Kurt delivered the last words with an amused smirk.

Rachel laughed out loud. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but as I told Aaron, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with you ever again.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Kurt said, and they giggled together. Their sex life hadn’t been nonexistent during their marriage, but it had been infrequent and never satisfying. His feelings for Rachel were complicated and deep, even now, but they were not sexual or romantic in the least.

“Can I give you a hug, then?” Rachel asked shyly.

Kurt opened his arms and embraced her. The awkwardness fell away and was replaced with comfort. He’d missed this, the way they could play on the edge of insults, the complete honesty that came from feeling secure in a lifelong friendship.

He missed her friendship, he suddenly realized. The half-year since their divorce had been filled with tension and fighting between them. He missed the ease they’d had with each other during their marriage, and even more so, before their relationship had turned romantic at all.

“I’ve missed you,” he admitted as they stepped away from each other. He took a seat on the couch, and Rachel sat in the armchair placed at a corner angle to it. “But it looks like the Hollywood life is treating you well. A movie under your belt, premiering soon, and another filming now … I’m so impressed with everything you’ve accomplished.”

She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “Oh, it’s not all that impressive,” she mumbled.

That reaction was troubling to Kurt. When had Rachel ever downplayed her own accomplishments? “You mean because they’re both Aaron’s movies? I’m sure he wouldn’t have cast you if he didn’t think you were the best for the part.”

She sighed, and Kurt raised an eyebrow. “What is it? You can tell me.”

“He thinks I’m perfect,” Rachel complained.

“Aren’t you?” Kurt asked, faintly amused.

“No! At least, not when he’s telling me from the start that I am.” She sat up straighter, becoming more animated and talking with her hands. “I need to be _challenged_ to be my best. I need someone to compete against, or someone to point out the flaws that they see, so I can compete against myself. You know that I’m terrible at critiquing myself, seeing my own flaws. I need someone to point them out to me, and then I become a vicious attack badger and everyone gets mad at me, but at least I get _better_ out of the deal. But Aaron won’t tell me any of that. I think he doesn’t even see it. He looks at me like I’m a goddess _all the time_. I do one take of a scene and he tells me it’s perfect and I shouldn’t change a thing, but Kurt, I _know_ that it’s not my best and it drives me _crazy_ that I’m going to appear in these films doing less than my best.”

“Well, that escalated quickly,” Kurt quipped.

“Come on, Kurt, I’m being serious!”

“I know, I know,” he said, forcing himself to take a more serious tone amidst her drama. He knew that it all felt very real and very tragic to her, and he could certainly respect the attitude of wanting to be at her best. “I’m sorry. So what you’re saying is that you need someone to tell you that you’re not a special snowflake, so that you can make yourself into one?”

“Exactly!” Rachel said triumphantly. “You were always that person for me, Kurt. You never fell for any of my tricks. You always pointed out _exactly_ what was wrong with my performances and how I could improve. Sometimes I hated you for it, but I always loved you for it.”

“Oh, Rachel, how I have missed you,” Kurt chuckled. “Please, feel free to call me any time and ask me to point out what you’re doing wrong.”

“How about right now?” Rachel asked. Kurt hardly had time to react before she was hopping up, pulling a remote control out of a drawer, and pushing buttons that caused a large projector screen to drop from the ceiling and the lights in the room to lower. “These are the dailies from a scene we shot last week, and we have to redo it because there was a lighting problem, I don’t even understand what exactly, but we’re doing it over again tomorrow and I just … looking at it, I know I didn’t do it as well as I can, but I can’t figure out how to change it.”

“You realize I have absolutely no experience directing, right?” Kurt asked.

“Shut up, you’ve never had a problem pointing out my flaws before.”

“What flaws?” Kurt asked, batting his eyes.

Rachel smacked him on the shoulder and hit the play button on her remote.

The takes weren’t bad at all. Rachel’s performance was perfectly acceptable, nothing to be embarrassed about. But the flaws were obvious, and Kurt talked his way easily through them. “You’re overacting there. It’s stage acting, but this is a movie. Your face is going to be right there, huge on the big screen. Be more subtle with your expressions … Right there, pause a little more before going into the next line, it will increase the tension. And … the way you’re playing with your hair, that’s a Rachel gesture, the general audience won’t notice but it’s distracting to anyone who follows you as a fan. Choose a different fidget for the character … Rewind. Let me see the whole thing again.”

After four times through, Kurt ran out of comments. Rachel looked downcast. “I knew it was terrible.”

“It’s not terrible, not by a longshot. You’re fantastic, Rachel. Just like you said, though, you can be _more_ fantastic. I know you will be.”

“Can you come over and do this for every scene? Can I run all my lines with you in advance?” She looked wistful, understanding that it was logistically impossible but wishing for it anyway.

Kurt laughed. “I wish I could, hon.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Kurt,” she said with a smile.

“You’re lucky, though,” he reassured her. “You get this fantastic material to work with. Aaron is a masterful storyteller, and he picks excellent subject matter for his projects. Not like this stupid show I got stuck with.”

Rachel shook her head. “Sixth isn’t as bad as you think it is.”

“Oh, trust me, it’s as bad as I think it is.”

“No it isn’t,” she insisted. “I read the script for the pilot, and I think it has a lot of potential.”

“You … what? How did you get your hands on the script?”

“Hollywood connections,” she said mysteriously, waggling her fingers. “But that show is really going to be whatever you all make of it. Read the dialog one way and it’s campy and ridiculous, I completely agree with you. But read it another way, and it’s got depth and mystery and all kinds of intrigue.”

Kurt snorted. “I don’t see any depth in it, personally. And trust me, I’ve tried. I don’t want to blow this project off, not when they’re counting on me so much, but it’s just _such_ a ridiculous concept and I don’t understand why anyone—”

“What is a soulmate?” Rachel asked.

The question caught Kurt off guard, so he responded with his pat answer. “I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever, but Solomon _does_. So, what does Solomon think a soulmate is?”

“I don’t know…”

“How are you planning to play a character whose main trait is brooding over his power to create soulmates, if you don’t know what he thinks a soulmate is?”

“That’s up to the writers …”

“Eventually, yes. But until they put it down on paper, it’s up to you to put hints of it into the character. That’s the key to the whole thing. So tell me, what does Solomon think a soulmate is?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt babbled helplessly. “Someone you love, I guess.”

“Surely you can do better than that.”

“Two people who have a special connection with each other, then.”

Rachel rolled her eyes, and Kurt felt his skin heat up in embarrassment.

He took another stab at it. “Two people who … provide something unique for each other. Something nobody else can give them. And … maybe it’s not always clear whether you want that thing from them or not.”

Rachel bounced triumphantly in her seat. “Now _there_ is a thought-provoking answer. _That’s_ something that can make a good TV show.”

“I don’t really think that’s true,” Kurt said quickly.

“Yes it is! If you infuse Solomon’s thoughts with that concept, this show could become a huge cultural phenomenon.”

“No, not about the TV show. I don’t think that’s what soulmates really are. In real life.”

“Yeah, well, the show isn’t real life, and nobody cares what you think,” Rachel said with a smirk. “Except maybe Blaine.”

It took Kurt a full minute to remember how to breathe.

\-------------------

_January 25, 2024_

Roo took a giant bite of pizza. “Mr. Blaine, can I tell you a secret?” he said with his mouth full.

“Sure, but maybe you should wait until you’re done chewing first.”

He chewed deliberately for several long seconds, then swallowed. “Aaron calls me Ben.”

This was the secret? Blaine couldn’t tell from Roo’s tone of voice how he felt about that. “Hmm,” he said, interested but noncommittal. “Why does he call you that?”

“He says it sounds more growed up than Roo. It’s the other half of my name, get it? Roo-Ben. Mom sometimes calls me my whole name instead of just Roo, too.”

“Hmm,” Blaine said again. “What do you like to be called?”

The little boy looked down at his slice of pizza. “I don’t know.”

Blaine waited. He knew that sometimes children needed a little bit more time than adults to figure out what they wanted to say. He was proven right when Roo looked back up at him after a moment.

“I think I like having one name for Dad and you and another name for Mom and Aaron,” he said shyly.

Blaine thought about this for a second, searching for a way to validate Roo’s feelings and also help him find words for what he was feeling, but without pushing for any particular resolution. “Sometimes it’s nice to try out different things, and you don’t have to make a decision right away. Does that sound like how you’re feeling?”

Roo nodded.

“You know, everyone grows and changes all the time, little by little. You’re five now, and you don’t like all the same things as when you were four or three, right?” Roo nodded again, so Blaine continued. “But you didn’t change what you liked all at once. Things like sorting shapes and colors are fun for little kids, but when you get really good at it, it’s less interesting and you want to spend time doing more challenging things, like building with Legos or reading books. It happens over a long time, so that sometimes you hardly realize that you’re changing at all. That’s how growing up works.”

“I am _very_ growed up. I’m five and a half, almost. And I do lots of growned-up things, like going on airplanes lots and lots of times and staying without my mom or my dad but with Aunt Tina and Uncle Mike instead.”

“That’s true, those are very grown-up things,” Blaine agreed.

Roo took another bite of pizza and chewed it thoughtfully. “You know what, Mr. Blaine? Staying with you isn’t like staying with Aunt Tina and Uncle Mike.”

“Is that because we’re staying at your regular house and you get to sleep in your own room and go to school just like usual?”

“No,” Roo said matter-of-factly. “It’s because sometimes I like to pretend that you’re really my dad.”

Blaine’s heart melted. He didn’t know what Kurt would think of this—and he wasn’t about to tell him—but it was the best thing anyone had ever said to him, aside from the first time Kurt told him he loved him. “Aww, sweetie, I’m so happy you feel that way. You’re very special to me, too.”

“Mr. Blaine? Are you all done growing up?”

Blaine laughed. “Yes, despite the fact that I’m on the short side, I’m all grown up.”

Roo looked puzzled. “I don’t think you’re short. You’re way taller than me!”

“That’s true,” Blaine said. From a child’s perspective, a few inches short of average probably didn’t make much difference.

“But what I mean is, do you change what things you like, or do you always like the same things after you’re a grown-up?”

“Oh! I guess I still change the things I like, sometimes. Maybe more slowly than kids do, but everyone is always changing a little bit. Even grown-ups are always finding new things that they want to try, and new people that they want to be friends with, and things like that.”

“Like when you met my dad and me?” Roo asked.

“Yes, just exactly like that.” Blaine smiled. Kurt and Roo had changed his life more than a child could possibly understand, but that didn’t matter. He knew in his heart how true it was.

“I’m glad you turned out to be my new teacher this year,” Roo said.

“Me too, hon. Me too.”

\-------------------

_January 28, 2024_

Lazy Sunday mornings apparently did not exist when you lived with a five-year-old, Blaine discovered. He was worn out from a full week of single-parenting, but his plans to sleep in had been completely foiled by Roo jumping on his bed at seven in the morning with a request for pancakes. He was impressed that Kurt had managed to do this for so long without having a complete breakdown.

Kurt hadn’t been doing it all alone, though. At least, not for the past several months, since he and Blaine started dating. He handled the mornings by himself, usually, but Blaine was always around in the evenings, and for most of the day on weekends. Things were so much easier when it was the two of them together, trading off responsibilities and offering each other adult conversation in between kid duties. Like a family. Almost like a family.

It felt harder, Blaine thought as he mixed the pancake batter together, because Kurt felt so distant these days. To be fair, he _was_ distant, literally. He was thousands of miles away, with a three-time-zone difference that made it difficult to schedule phone or Skype conversations, and a busy work schedule that made everything even harder. He made a point of at least texting Blaine every day, but he’d only Skyped with them twice during the week he’d been gone—most of the attention on those calls devoted to Roo—and talked on the phone with Blaine one other time after Roo had gone to bed. Blaine missed him desperately. Their physical distance seemed to translate into emotional distance. Or maybe it was just that Kurt was so busy and distracted. He didn’t know, and though he tried to be understanding about it, the whole thing was putting him in a funk.

Roo was babbling on about something to do with how fast cheetahs could run, but Blaine could not follow the details in his bleary morning state. He took a sip of too-hot coffee that he’d just poured from the coffee pot and had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from swearing when he burnt his tongue. The caffeine did start working in his veins, though, and by the time they finished eating their pancakes, he felt ready to face the day, if not any happier.

A knock on the door surprised him. He looked at Roo, and Roo looked back at him, just as surprised. “Maybe it’s a package!”

“Usually they don’t deliver on Sundays,” Blaine said. He walked to the door and looked through the peephole. A smile lit up his face right away, and he flung the door open. “Sam! What are you guys doing here?”

Sam had brought his whole family—Michelle and the two kids, all bundled up in coats and mittens and scarves. “We thought you all needed to get out of the house. Come on! Get your coats! Snowball fight at the park in five minutes!”

Roo screeched with joy and started bouncing up and down. It was more like fifteen minutes until they’d dressed properly and made it outside, but once the snowballs started flying, nobody minded at all.

“Thank you for this,” Blaine said to Sam when the adults stopped for a breather. “We really needed to a change of pace, and it’s so good to see friends.”

Sam punched him in the shoulder. “Pro parenting tip, bro—kids are easier in groups.”

“I should know that,” Blaine said with a laugh. “They really are easier to entertain in class than one-on-one.”

“They entertain each other. Can I let you in on a secret? We’re trying to have another one.”

Blaine’s eyes lit up. “Wow, Sam, that’s great! I wish … someday, I …”

“You think you and Kurt will adopt one together or something?”

Blaine sighed. “I don’t know, I … I want to so badly, but I don’t know if he’d ever agree to it.”

“Why not?”

“He just … he doesn’t like to plan for the future. I don’t know if he’ll ever agree to marry me, let alone have more kids.”

Sam looked at him quizzically. “This is really getting you down, isn’t it?”

“It … I guess it means a lot to me. Much more than it does to him.”

“What will you do if he won’t marry you? Stay with him anyway?”

A lump formed in Blaine’s throat. This was the real question, and he had no answer to it. He’d barely begun to face that it was a question at all. He’d always assumed that Kurt would be ready to marry him someday, if he was just patient enough. It wasn’t until his failed marriage proposal at Christmas that he’d even considered the possibility that they might not ever marry, and still he could hardly wrap his mind around it.

He was silent for long enough that Sam spoke up again. “Does Kurt know how important this is to you?”

Blaine nodded glumly.

“And he hasn’t done anything about it?”

“He’s been busy,” Blaine said, but the apology sounded lame even in his own ears.

Sam shook his head sadly. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. Except, don’t sell yourself short. Know what you want, and know what you can live with as a second-best, and I guess just … make it your choice, what you want to do. Don’t let anyone else make the decision for you. Even Kurt.”

Blaine turned his attention back to where the kids were playing. Michelle was instructing them on engineering logistics for a snow fort, and all three of the children were fully engrossed in the construction of it.

“What would you do?” Blaine asked. “If you couldn’t be with Michelle.”

“I don’t know, man,” Sam said with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know.”

\-------------------

_February 2, 2024_

These two weeks had been the most grueling work weeks of Kurt’s life, down to the very last minute. They’d told him he’d be done filming at ten in the morning, which should have allowed him to get on a noon flight and get home in time to at least kiss his son goodnight at bedtime. But then they’d held him over on set for several more hours, forcing him to change his ticket and get on standby for a 3 pm flight, where he’d been stuck in a middle seat for the five hour haul, arriving home at 11 pm New York time. His body was on California time, though, which made it impossible to nap on the plane despite his physical and emotional exhaustion from the two weeks of constant work while living out of a suitcase and being separated from his boyfriend and his son. All he wanted was to get home, collapse in bed in Blaine’s arms, and wake up in the morning ready to start recuperating.

Blaine must have heard his key turning in the lock, because he was on his feet and walking towards the door when Kurt entered the apartment. His eyes shone with joy, and Kurt felt a wave of relief at seeing him again. They met with a kiss, and Kurt started to melt with Blaine’s arms around him.

Blaine was talking, stepping back from Kurt’s arms and saying something about how well the two weeks had gone, how they’d missed Kurt but done fine without him, Roo was well-behaved, ate his vegetables (what?), did well at school, and Blaine had rearranged the shelf of children’s books in Roo’s room to make it easier to find what he wanted, and he’d put away some of the toys that were too young for him into storage, and … why was he going on and on about this? Why had he taken it upon himself to rearrange their stuff in the first place? Kurt just wanted to change his clothes and go to sleep.

“I also filled out his school re-enrollment forms,” Blaine went on. “They’re due on Friday, and I figured you had enough on your mind, so I went ahead and filled out all the basic information. All it needs is your signature, and he’ll be all set for next year at the Montessori school.”

Kurt’s mouth gaped open. The re-enrollment forms for fall were due already? It was only … oh crap, it was February, and the private schools always required early re-enrollment so they knew how many spots were available for new students before they started their spring recruiting push. How could that have slipped his mind?

“Shoot, this coming Friday? I meant to do some research about the local public school. Now that Roo is five, he could go to a regular kindergarten in the fall, but that doesn’t give me much time to …”

“Kurt, you can’t pull him out of Montessori!” Blaine looked and sounded shocked. “The three-year primary cycle is crucial to the child’s development. The five-year-old year is when they are the leaders of the classroom. It gives them confidence in their own capabilities, and their presence also provides role models for the younger children who are still getting to know the Montessori environment—”

“But public school is free,” Kurt said wearily, not willing to listen to Blaine’s recitation of the Montessori talking points right now.

“This is Roo’s education we’re talking about here! A quality school program is priceless. You can’t just pull him out of a place where he’s doing well and learning more than he ever could in—”

Things were escalating out of control. Kurt could feel the heat rising in his blood, but he was too tired to keep control of himself and back off from the ridiculous argument they’d somehow found themselves in. He didn’t understand why Blaine felt so personally invested. It was inappropriate—he was Roo’s teacher, and of course he wanted to keep Roo in his classroom, but Kurt was Roo’s father and the educational decisions were his to make alone.

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with your school or your classroom.” The words were conciliatory, but Kurt couldn’t stop his tone from sounding like he was making an accusation. “I’m just saying that I want to look at other options and see what I think is best.”

“Montessori education is best,” Blaine insisted. “It’s best for Roo, and you’re doing him a disservice if you choose anything less than the best for him.”

The words burst out of Kurt without thought. “For god’s sake, Blaine, this is my decision to make, not yours. You are not his father, and you never will be.”

Blaine took a quick step backwards, as if he’d been physically struck, his face pale and ashen. Silence fell, and nobody moved for a long, horrifying moment.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Blaine’s voice was a hoarse whisper.

“Blaine, I …” Kurt took a step toward him, hand out to touch his shoulder, but Blaine moved away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Yes you did,” Blaine said. “You did.”

Kurt couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. Blaine wasn’t wrong.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Blaine said again, loudly and with more firmness. He walked to the door, slipped on his shoes, took his coat from the hook on the wall.

Kurt began to quietly panic. “What do you mean? Where are you going? Are you breaking up with me?”

Blaine turned around, back to the door, to face Kurt. “I guess I am.”

“But you said you would never leave me!” The panic spoke through Kurt. The world was spinning around him, it was all wrong, all going sideways and backwards and _wrong_.

“I guess you were right, then,” Blaine said. “I guess that’s an impossible promise to make.”

He opened the door, and he slipped outside, and he closed it quietly behind him. And then he was gone.

Kurt wanted to run after him, but his legs wouldn’t move. His mouth didn’t know the words to say. And anyway, he couldn’t go. He was trapped here, with his son asleep in the bedroom, so he couldn’t go after Blaine even if he wanted to.

He sank to his knees, sat back on his heels, placed his hands softly on his thighs. For perhaps the first time in his life, he didn’t have any idea what to do.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Brief suicidal thought in this chapter.

_February 3, 2024_

It was clear to Blaine within a few hours that he was going to go back to Kurt.

That was the only thing that was clear. Everything else was a thick fog of confusion and indecision. He didn’t know when or how he would go back. He didn’t know what he would say, what he would apologize for, what he would stand his ground on. He didn’t know if he was in the right or in the wrong or somewhere in between. He didn’t know what he wanted or what he needed or what he could live without, except for Kurt—he knew he couldn’t live without having Kurt in his life in one way or another. He didn’t know whether he would come out of this with any shred of dignity left at all, or whether he would end up crawling back on his hands and knees, pleading desperately to be let back in to his life. But he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would go back.

He imagined it every possible way, lying awake in bed, tears leaking from his eyes intermittently, hour after hour in the black of the pre-dawn morning. Gloomy. Desperate. Wretched.

It felt pathetic, knowing he would go back regardless of what the terms were. But Blaine knew he couldn’t live his life alone. Not anymore. Now that he understood what the love of a soulmate was, the one thing he knew was that he couldn’t go back to life without it unless there was absolutely nothing else to do. The cold, hard, fact of the matter was that he had no other options. A single glance at his arm could tell him that, with Kurt Hummel’s name in bold black script and the other names all but unreadable. He had no choice.

He wondered what he would do if Kurt refused to take him back. His blood ran cold at the thought, and the idea of suicide started to creep through the edges of his consciousness. His mouth went dry at that, and he suddenly realized what should have been obvious. He was on the brink of depression, if not in it already. Right then and there, he made a promise to himself that if Kurt wouldn’t get back together with him, he’d start seeing a therapist and get on medications right away. No flailing around in the dark for months before seeking help, as he’d done when he was a teenager first facing life without a soulmate.

But Kurt wouldn’t refuse, Blaine thought, and the shades of darkness in his mind lightened a shade or two. Kurt still loved him, he still wanted to be with him, he just didn’t want all the same things that Blaine did. Blaine wouldn’t have to spend his life alone. Not if he didn’t choose to.

He should call someone. Not Kurt, it was too soon for that. He had to take the time to work through his emotions and figure out what to say. But he should call a friend. Sam … or maybe Adam … He couldn’t reach the phone from where he was lying in bed, though, and getting up seemed like too much of a struggle.

He didn’t really feel like talking to anyone anyway.

\-------------------

Kurt had no interest in getting out of bed. He would have much preferred to spend the day alternating between feeling sorry for himself and berating himself for letting the best thing in his life slip away, eating ice cream and cold pizza (could you order it already cold?) while watching enough sad movies to use up his entire supply of Kleenex.

But that was not to be. He came slowly out of a restless sleep, and the first sensation he was aware of was a pain in his upper arm. He groaned and the pain disappeared, and then returned, disappeared and returned again. He gradually realized that it was caused by Roo, who was standing next to the bed and jabbing at his arm with one finger.

“Cut it out,” Kurt grumbled, and then immediately felt guilty about it. What a way to greet your son after a two-week absence. Top-notch parenting right there.

He dragged himself into a sitting position, and sighed at Roo’s forlorn face. “I’m sorry, hon. I was still dreaming, I didn’t realize it was you. Can you give me a hug? I’m so happy to see you again.”

Roo climbed up on the bed and hugged him, a smile returning immediately. “I missed you a lot, but I had fun with Mr. Blaine. How come he’s not here now?”

“Oh …” Kurt flailed around. He’d spent his sleepless hours feeling miserable for himself, and hadn’t yet thought about what to tell Roo. Best to put it off until he could come up with a coherent and gentle way to explain it, rather than fumbling his way through it unplanned. “He went home.”

“What time is he coming over today?”

“Um … I don’t think he’s coming over today.”

Roo looked at him like he was a complete simpleton who didn’t understand the most basic facts about the order of the universe. “Don’t be silly, Dad. Mr. Blaine comes over every day.” He hopped off the bed, jarring Kurt’s legs painfully. “Can you make French toast? I don’t like the way Mr. Blaine does it, but his pancakes are better than yours, they have blueberries in them. Can you put blueberries in French toast? I can cut little circles in the bread and you can stick the blueberries in there. Or strawberries. I think strawberries would need to have bigger holes than blueberries. Ooh, bananas would need really big huge holes! Which is bigger, a banana slice or a strawberry slice? Do we have any bananas? I don’t know if Mr. Blaine bought them at the store when we wented to the store two days ago or maybe three days ago. I was there but I wasn’t watching about bananas. How do you keep the blueberries from falling all the way through the holes in the bread and coming out the other side?”

Kurt swung his legs over the side of the bed and forced himself to stand. “How about we make regular French toast and then put blueberries on top of it?”

“But it’s not as much fun that way,” Roo complained.

“It will keep the berries from falling out of the bread, though. And they won’t get burnt.”

“Fine,” Roo huffed with a heavy sigh that made it sound like this was the most inhumane burden he had ever been forced to shoulder. “But when Mr. Blaine made blueberry pancakes, he put the blueberries right inside the pancakes.”

This was going to continue all weekend, Kurt realized with a start. Every time the words ‘Mr. Blaine’ came out of Roo’s mouth, it rubbed salt in Kurt’s wounds. And of course Roo was going to be a chatterbox all weekend, telling Kurt about all the things the two of them had done together during his absence. If he didn’t tell Roo about their fight, things would go on like this, but with increasingly persistent questions about when Blaine was going to come visit. If he did tell Roo … well, the questions he would have to answer would be much harder.

_Why doesn’t Mommy live here anymore?_

He’d thought that answering that question (over and over and over again) had been the most difficult thing he would ever have to do as a parent. But he could see already that answering the similar questions about Blaine would be much harder. The easy answers had vanished. _She fell in love with another one of her soulmates. She still loves you very much, and she’ll always be your mom, and she’ll still visit you whenever she can._

And then—Rachel had left for California very soon after their breakup. Blaine wasn’t going anywhere, and Roo was still … oh god, Roo was still in his class at school. How could they possibly manage that? He only had until Monday to figure it out, unless he wanted to pull him out of school … and then what?

Complicating things further, there was the possibility that he and Blaine could get back together. At least, he hoped so. He would try his best to make it happen, that was for damn sure. As soon as he could, he would sit down and think clearly about what had gone wrong between them, about how best to apologize and exactly what he could promise Blaine. He needed to make sure he did this right, but in the meantime, how was he supposed to talk to Roo about it? How was he supposed to manage the interactions between Roo and Blaine before then? The entire problem seemed so intractable.

He thought coffee might help, but it didn’t. Nor did the French toast smothered in blueberries and way too much maple syrup, with a dusting of powdered sugar for good measure. The problems still seemed as impossible as ever, and Roo’s incessant chatter about the books he’d read with Mr. Blaine and the pictures they’d drawn together and the night when Mr. Blaine had taken him out for ice skating and dinner at a restaurant _on a weeknight, Daddy!_ was all pounding into his brain and interrupting his train of thought and _what time is Mr. Blaine coming over today, Dad?_

The only place he could escape was in the shower, while Roo was engrossed in Toy Story on the living room TV. He turned the water nearly scalding hot and stood under the showerhead, letting the pounding of water on his skin and the swirling of steam around him calm his mind and engulf his body in sensory stimulation. What he wouldn’t give to be sharing this with Blaine, his warm body cocooned around Kurt’s own, strong arms holding him close as the water poured down around them both. That’s what he’d imagined their reunion would be like, in daydreams during all those quick showers at the end of long days in Los Angeles. What had gone wrong? How had he ended up here, alone, in torment and with Blaine surely suffering as much or more? Why were they angry and sad and in separate places right now, instead of planning their lives together as they’d wanted?

 _I can’t do this anymore_ , Blaine had said. But they hadn’t even had a chance to start! The discussions of their relationship had been postponed, not canceled, and Blaine couldn’t have expected to jump right in to them without a moment’s rest when Kurt got off the plane. How could he have given up so soon, before Kurt even started trying? What could he have reasonably been expecting, that Kurt hadn’t offered in those few minutes after he walked in the door?

He sighed and turned off the water. He had to somehow convince Blaine that he was serious about them joining their lives together. Which meant that he was going to have to think through all those questions about their relationship—questions that he’d hoped they could discuss and decide together—and figure out, on his own, what was the absolute maximum that he could offer to Blaine. Because he knew that Blaine wanted everything.

He toweled himself off and dressed, then joined Roo on the couch. Buzz and Woody were arguing about something on the screen. Roo’s screen time was usually a way for Kurt to get things done without being constantly pestered for attention. He couldn’t even remember the last time they’d cuddled up on the couch and watched something together just for fun. He sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the story unfold and remembering how entertaining this whole movie series was.

He turned to Roo and smiled. “Have you ever heard of a movie marathon?”

“Is that when you watch a movie and run around at the same time?” Roo asked.

“No … actually, it’s pretty much the opposite of that.”

\-------------------

_February 4, 2024_

“Is Mr. Blaine coming over today?” Roo peeked out into the living room from the hallway, still dressed in his pajamas.

Kurt had woken up early, unable to sleep, and took the opportunity to inventory the seemingly random food items in his fridge and pantry and figure out what he could cook from them. He had no idea what recipes Blaine had had in mind when he went shopping. He couldn’t think of a single one of his standard set of dinner items that they had all the ingredients on hand for.

“I don’t think so, hon,” Kurt said sadly.

Roo padded into the kitchen, the rubberized soles of his pajama feet making sticky noises on the floor. “He always comes over, Dad. Why didn’t he come yesterday?”

“I …” Kurt hesitated. He knew he should tell Roo the truth, but he still didn’t want to say it out loud.

“Maybe he got lost.” Roo sounded worried. “Maybe he slipped and fell down in the snow and broke his leg and nobody can find him.”

“Oh, honey, no, that didn’t happen. I’m sure Blaine is okay.” He knelt down and gave Roo a big hug. “I promise he’s all right. He just decided he needed to spend a little time by himself.”

“Why? Doesn’t he miss us? Especially you, he hasn’t seen you in a lot of days even though he saw me.”

 _Fuck_. When Roo had asked this about Rachel, in the early days after their divorce, Kurt would always reassure him that Rachel loved him and would always love him and miss him, and that she would visit whenever she could. But Blaine wasn’t Roo’s father and he had no right to visit, and if their breakup turned out to be permanent, his relationship with Roo would vanish. That was the entire reason that Kurt had been hesitant about the two of them becoming too close in the first place. He hadn’t been cautious enough on the front end, and here he was now, dealing with the mess that whole situation had made.

“Well, you’ll see him at school tomorrow,” Kurt said, and then he immediately began to wonder if it was the wrong answer. What if Blaine took the day off so that he wouldn’t have to see Roo and potentially see Kurt at drop-off and pick-up? Roo would be distraught if he showed up at school and found out Blaine wasn’t there. And on the other side of it, did Kurt even want to bring Roo to school to spend the whole day with Blaine? It was an incredibly awkward situation. He had a few days open on his calendar before any work was scheduled. Maybe it would be best to keep Roo home. But that would mean more questions from him, and if Blaine did go to work, he might think Kurt was keeping Roo away intentionally to hurt him, which wasn’t the case at all.

He closed his eyes. The more he thought about everything, the more of a disaster it became.

“But what about _you_?” Roo asked again. “Doesn’t he miss you?”

“I ... yes, I guess he probably does.”

“Then why doesn’t he come back?”

Kurt just shook his head sadly.

“Maybe you should call and ask him.”

“I wish I could do that, but I can’t.” He wished Roo would drop the goddamn line of questioning already.

“Why not?”

“I’m just not ready to.”

Roo wrinkled his forehead and nose. “What do you have to do to get ready for a phone call? You don’t even have to wear clothes. I saw you answer your phone once when you weren’t wearing any pants.”

“No, I just … I don’t think he wants to talk to me right now. Like I said, he wants to be alone for a little while.”

Roo looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know what, Dad? One time Max told me he wasn’t my friend and never wanted to play with me ever again.”

“Really?” Kurt said, somewhat concerned.

“Yeah, and you know what happened the next day? We played monsters together on the playground just like all the before days.”

“That’s an interesting story,” Kurt said noncommittally.

“But another time I told Oliver I didn’t want to be friends with him ever again and we’re still not friends.”

“I think you just spoiled the moral of your own story,” Kurt laughed.

“What?”

\-------------------

The things he wanted, Blaine came to realize halfway through his second day of feeling sorry for himself, were things that he couldn’t demand. He didn’t just want to be in Kurt’s life. He had that already, and it wasn’t enough. He wanted Kurt to _want_ him there. No … that wasn’t quite it either. Kurt wanted him there, or else he wouldn’t have gotten this close to him in the first place. What he really wanted was for Kurt to appreciate and recognize his importance in Kurt’s life and in Roo’s life.

But how do you demand that as a condition of a relationship? “I’ll come back to you if you acknowledge that I’m practically your husband already.” It was an arrogant and presumptuous thing to say, and that wasn’t even getting to the part about his relationship with Kurt’s son yet. He could talk about it with gentler words maybe—“I want you to appreciate the things I do for you. I don’t want you to take me for granted or to deny how important I am in your life.” What would that really accomplish, though? A few weeks of making a good effort, and then a slow slide back into being taken for granted, probably. The change had to come from within Kurt, motivated by his own desires and understanding, or else it wouldn’t be real.

Blaine sighed, rolling his head back on the couch pillows in frustration. He pulled the crocheted throw blanket higher over his chest and shoulders. It was a poor substitute for Kurt’s warm body cuddling against him.

He felt incomplete without Kurt beside him now. He wasn’t the same person he had been six months ago, before they’d met. Kurt made him stronger in some ways. The demo tape of his own music that he’d finished recording just a few weeks ago, that was proof. He never would have had the courage to try anything like that without Kurt. Finding his confidence as a parent, too—he’d considered adopting a child on his own, but he’d always been scared to take that step when it came down to it. Now, parenting felt like something he was good at.

But not alone. Not without Kurt. And that made him feel weaker as a person, not stronger. If he and Kurt didn’t get back together, he knew that he would never be able to send that demo tape out to be heard. He’d never have the courage to perform on stage in front of an audience, even at something as simple as a coffeehouse open mike night. And he’d probably never adopt a child on his own, either.

Well, maybe one day. If he got his depression under control.

In some ways, Blaine didn’t even know who he was right now, at this point in his life. He felt like he was halfway through a journey. Once he’d been happy enough to be alone. He’d been satisfied and fulfilled in his career as a Montessori teacher, and felt at most romantically wistful about his dream of being a performer. His relationship with Adam had made him happy, and in retrospect it seemed so much easier than this hungry longing for permanence with Kurt.

Could he go back to a life like that? It felt impossible, but maybe he could, over time, if he had to. It would be hard, though, and not just because now had tangible knowledge of what was missing. It would be hard because he was no longer the same person who had lived and loved that life, and he would have to find a way to change himself back into that person again.

But he didn’t want to be that person anymore. He wanted to be the person he was with Kurt … but fully, and all the time, not this halfway stage all clouded with uncertainty. He wanted all of it.

All or nothing was the wrong approach, though. He shouldn’t have put it all on the line the way he had, because partway was certainly better than nothing, and if he pushed Kurt, he would end up with nothing. He was going to have to settle for partway, but he didn’t know how to set the parameters for that or how to be content with it.

He was kind of glad there was no alcohol in the house right now. He picked up his phone and started to search the internet to see if there was any place nearby that would deliver a container of raw cookie dough.

\-------------------

“I’m going to write Mr. Blaine a letter,” Roo announced.

Kurt’s eyes widened. This idea made him nervous, but you don’t really say no to something like that. “Okay,” he said, as calmly as he could.

Roo brought out a piece of yellow construction paper and a pencil, and sat down at the little play table in the living room. He’d outgrown it, Kurt noticed for the first time. He sat in the small chair with his knees to the side, because they wouldn’t fit under the table anymore. It was probably time to get him a real desk, but there was no place to put one in the living room. Maybe he could start suggesting that Roo do his writing and art projects at the dinner table until he figured out a better solution. He wasn’t sure he wanted to move that clutter and mess into the dining area, though. He decided to think about it for a while, and maybe come up with a better way to rearrange their living space.

Kurt started to sit on the couch where he could see what Roo was doing and offer a helping hand. Roo usually asked for spelling help, and often got frustrated after writing just a couple of words, though his attempts were improving quickly.

“Go away, Daddy. It’s a secret letter.”

“Oh. Um, okay.” Kurt stood back up and went into the kitchen. He busied himself with wiping down the counters, even though they were already clean. Roo held the pencil in a tight grip, concentrating hard, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth. For half an hour.

Half an hour! Kurt had never seen Roo concentrate on a single task for so long. He knew that the Montessori classroom was set up to facilitate and lengthen a child’s attention span, and he’d heard claims that the children would work on an activity for up to an hour at times, but he’d always thought it was an exaggeration. But no, Roo was writing so intently that he didn’t seem to notice the time passing, his lips moving silently as he sounded out the syllables he was figuring his way through. Kurt wished he could read what the note said, but he knew he couldn’t get close enough without Roo noticing what he was doing.

Finally, Roo set down his pencil with a satisfied grunt. “I need an envelope,” he said. Kurt retrieved one from his desk, and Roo folded the letter into a messy half, then half again, then found that it wouldn’t fit into the envelope, then unfolded it and folded it back and forth like a fan, then in half in the other direction, before jamming it into the envelope. Kurt held back his laughter. He had to. As a last step, Roo turned over the envelope and wrote MISTR BLAN on the front of it, before bringing it to the kitchen and putting it in the outside pocket of his lunchbox. “That way I won’t forget it tomorrow,” he told his father.

“Great plan,” Kurt said. He hadn’t really made up his mind about whether it was a good idea to send Roo to school tomorrow, but since he was looking forward to it, he couldn’t really keep him home without massive discussions that he didn’t want to get into. He supposed it would be all right. He trusted Blaine to act with propriety and compassion. There was no question of him doing anything that would upset Roo or put him in the middle of the conflict or anything like that. To be honest, Blaine would probably handle everything better than Kurt could, and if he felt like he couldn’t, he’d stay home rather than risk it. He really had no worries about sending Roo to school, other than how he himself would be able to handle walking into that building where he might see Blaine, and talking to Roo about his day after school.

It took every fiber of his being not to ask Roo what the letter said, but he refrained.

He missed Blaine every moment of that day. He missed having him around through the afternoon, exchanging amused glances whenever Roo said something particularly cute, giggling together as they made dinner in the small kitchen of Kurt’s apartment. He missed relaxing together on the couch, each of them reading separate magazines but taking enjoyment in each other’s quiet presence. He missed singing Roo a bedtime duet, as they sometimes did, and most of all, he missed the reconnection over a cup of coffee after Roo fell asleep, taking a deep breath at the end of a long day and remembering how much they loved each other.

Because he did love Blaine, so very much. His chest ached sometimes from that love alone, and so much more now that they were apart and he didn’t know how to fix things. It had been two days now, and he wanted to cry with frustration at how much he wanted Blaine to be here, even just to hold his hand, because if they could touch, the worries in Kurt’s head would quiet down and he would know that everything was going to be all right, somehow. The two of them belonged together. Kurt could feel it with every fiber of his being when they touched. Even sometimes when they didn’t. Like right now.

There was nothing he wouldn’t give to bring Blaine back to him. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to make Blaine happy again, to see him feel safe and wanted and loved. The way Blaine looked at him, fearless and loving with his whole heart, Kurt wanted that again, and he wanted to be worthy of Blaine’s trust. He wanted to look at Blaine that way, too, and let him see how much he loved him and cherished him and needed him.

This weekend without him had been so hard in every way. Kurt’s anguish at Blaine leaving him was only the top layer of difficulty. Even just getting through the bits and pieces of everyday life was hard to do without Blaine’s quiet but palpable joy at being by his side. Roo’s questions were impossible to answer, and even the ones that weren’t about Blaine seemed harder, somehow. Blaine always knew the right thing to say to him, and sometimes Kurt felt like he couldn’t possibly manage to raise a kid alone, without a partner like Blaine to help him through it, even though he’d done without a partner like Blaine for the first five years of Roo’s life.

Curiosity about the content of Roo’s letter caught up to him again, and now that he was asleep, Kurt decided to sneak the note out of the envelope and read it. Roo would never know the difference. He unfolded it carefully, making sure he remembered how to fold it back the same way so his snooping wouldn’t be apparent. Quietly, he sounded out the misspellings, making sense of one syllable at a time.

DEER MISTR BLAN I MIS YOO MY DAD MIS YOO TOO DID YOO HAV A FITE PLEZ COM HOM SOON I FINK MY DAD WANTS TOO SAY SOREE I LOV YOO LOV ROO SEE YOO AT SKOOL

Kurt’s hands shook once he made out the meaning, and he had to set the note down on the table for fear of accidentally ripping it or getting it wet with tears.

_Please come home soon._

_Home._

_I love you._

He picked up his phone and started calling babysitters until he found one who could come over tonight, immediately, for he didn’t know exactly how long.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a day early this week. I couldn't resist!

The doorbell rang, and Blaine looked up from the containers of Chinese food he was opening. Had the delivery guy returned? It looked like everything he’d ordered was here. Maybe he’d miscounted the money he’d given the guy? That would be mortifying. He walked quickly to the door and opened it without looking through the peephole.

It was the last person in the world he had expected to see. It was Kurt.

Blaine’s jaw dropped, and his hand fell from the doorknob so that the door swung slowly the rest of the way open until it bumped against the doorjamb on the wall with a soft thud. Every reunion scenario Blaine had played out in his head began with Blaine seeking Kurt out. He hadn’t dared to imagine it the other way around. For a horrifying moment, Blaine wondered if Kurt was here to return the personal items he’d left at his apartment, but no, he didn’t have a box with him, or even the suitcase of clothes Blaine had left there after his two-week stay.

Kurt’s eyes were bloodshot, that was the first thing Blaine noticed. His hair wasn’t styled, and he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt under his unbuttoned coat, not an accessory in sight and way fewer layers than would have been comfortable for the cold night. It was the least put-together outfit he’d ever seen Kurt wear, which was confusing but made Blaine feel slightly better about the fact that he was wearing ratty sweatpants and a t-shirt himself.

Kurt wasn’t saying anything, just standing there across the threshold, his gazed fixed intently on Blaine’s face. Blaine wasn’t ready for this, and he hadn’t yet figured out what to say, so he stood mutely as well, frantically searching for words of apology that might have a chance at being good enough.

But then Kurt reached out with his left hand and took Blaine’s left hand, clasping them together at chest-level, and, trembling, spoke words that rang out with the magical clarity of his voice. “Hand to hand. Heart to heart. Soul to soul. I choose you, my soulmate, Blaine Anderson. Forever.”

The world before Blaine’s eyes went white for a dizzying moment, and he thought he might collapse. He gripped Kurt’s hand like a lifeline, using it to steady and center himself. These were words he thought he would never hear, least of all now, today, like this. They were the words of the traditional marriage vow, and if Blaine repeated them back to Kurt, they would be married. It wasn’t a betrothal or a promise for the future. Right now, this very moment, this was their wedding ceremony.

Blaine had ached for this as long as he could remember. His childhood fantasies had been built on it, the impossibility of it had been the tragedy of his young adulthood, and his entire relationship with Kurt had been clouded by the hunger for marriage that couldn’t be satisfied by the close-but-not-quite arrangement that they grew into.

Kurt had never wanted this the way Blaine had. Kurt had never been sure whether he wanted it at all. But somehow, impossibly, here was Kurt now, offering it to him with no explanation, no preamble, and for no apparent reason other than to make amends for their fight. No matter how much Blaine wanted to seize this while he had the opportunity, he wouldn’t let Kurt make the choice to marry him out of desperation, in a way that he might regret later. He nearly froze in the terror that Kurt might back away if he had the chance, but Blaine had to offer it anyway. “You don’t have to do this,” he said softly, his heart pounding with the danger and the truth of his words. “I’ll come back to you even without being married.”

“I want to,” Kurt said. Blaine could see tears welling up in his eyes. “I want my life to be with you. I love you, Blaine, and I need you, and … Roo needs you, too. I want you to be his father. I was wrong, Blaine, you’re like a father to him already, and I want you to be, I want you to help me raise him. I want you to be my husband and I want to be yours … please, Blaine, I don’t know what to do without you.”

Blaine could not believe this was happening. Had he fallen asleep? Was he dreaming? He couldn’t comprehend it. “It’s not a fair compromise. You’re giving me everything I want and you’re not asking for anything from me …”

“But you give me everything, Blaine. You always have.”

Kurt’s eyes shone like the sun glistening on raindrops. Blaine couldn’t stop staring at him. He was lit from within, because for the first time in his life he wasn’t holding anything back. His outfit was thrown together and his hair was a mess, but he had never looked more beautiful.

“Please, Blaine,” Kurt begged. “Please, just say the words.”

Blaine’s vow rushed out of him in a single breath, so quickly that it was amazing he didn’t trip over his own tongue. “Handtohandhearttoheartsoultosoul IchooseyoumysoulmateKurtHummel foreverforeverfor—” His words cut off in a sharp gasp, matched by one from Kurt in the same instant, as their names burned momentarily red hot on each other’s arms, sealing their marriage.

Then Kurt was on him, crossing the threshold into his apartment, their hands unclasping only so they could fit their bodies together more closely. Blaine felt his knees give out, and Kurt wasn’t any stronger at the moment, so they tumbled to the floor together, clinging to each other in the cramped entry hall.

\-------------------

Kurt couldn’t stop kissing him. His heart pounded with adrenaline and relief, because _thank god_ , Blaine was in his arms, Blaine was his and he was Blaine’s, and everything in the world was right again. They were barely inside the apartment, right at the doorway where they’d fallen together. Blaine was sitting back on his heels and Kurt was straddling his lap, gripping his face with both hands, planting kiss after kiss on his mouth as Blaine’s hands clutched the fabric of his shirt beneath the coat that still hung loosely from his arms.

“I love you,” Blaine gasped. “Love you so much, love you, love you,” and between kisses, Kurt answered him with the same words until they couldn’t tell whose voice was speaking when.

As he surged forward for a deeper kiss, his cock dragged against the bulge in Blaine’s pants. He hadn’t even been thinking of sex before then, he’d been too overwhelmed by the cascade of love and emotional relief, but the contact brought his focus there at last, to what he had been missing during his weeks on the opposite side of the country. “Want you,” he panted. “Been so long …”

A song rang out from the vicinity of Kurt’s pocket, two voices in a type of climactic harmony that was very different from the one he’d just begun to think about.

_Like a comet pulled from orbit (Like a ship blown from its mooring)_   
_As it passes a sun (By a wind off the sea)_   
_Like a stream that meets a boulder (Like a seed dropped by a bird)_   
_Halfway through the wood (In the wood)_

“Rachel has absolutely the world’s worst timing,” he grumbled, fishing the phone out of the pocket. He hit the dismiss call button, tossed the phone carelessly on the floor, and dove back in to Blaine’s mouth, ignoring his mildly puzzled expression. But the phone buzzed with a voicemail notification, and then beeped with a text message notification, followed by several more text message beeps in an insistent frequency that threatened to ruin the moment entirely.

“I should just turn the damn thing off,” Kurt said. He climbed off Blaine’s lap to reach the phone, but a glance at the lit-up screen showed him the messages anyway.

_Rachel to Kurt: OH MY GOD KURT ANSWER YOUR PHONE_

_Rachel to Kurt: I’m going to be so mad if you had a secret wedding and didn’t invite me._

_Rachel to Kurt: Kurt?_

_Rachel to Kurt: Kurt, please answer your phone. I’m starting to get worried._

_Rachel to Kurt: Just please tell me you’re married and not dead._

He glanced up at Blaine in apology. “I just need to tell her I’m not dead.”

Blaine nodded. “It’s fine, I know what it’s like to not know … when a soulmate’s name disappears …”

_Kurt to Rachel: Not dead. Kind of busy right now. Talk later._

Before he could decide whether to turn off his phone or not, it beeped with her reply.

_Rachel to Kurt: OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Have fantastic sex! And tell me the whole story tomorrow!_

_Rachel to Kurt: Not the sex part of the story, though._

_Rachel to Kurt: Unless you want to._

Kurt held the phone up for Blaine to read the screen, and without warning, they both collapsed into uncontrollable laughter. This evening—this whole weekend really—had been such a crazy whirlwind of emotions that Kurt felt like he couldn’t react to anything like a sane and normal person anymore. So here he was, sitting with his legs out in a wide V-shape in the entry hall of Blaine’s apartment, laughing so hard he couldn’t catch his breath. And Blaine was laughing alongside him, his head planted on Kurt’s shoulder except for when he arched his whole body back to draw in a long breath before collapsing forward in deep, body-immobilizing spasms of laughter again. The world was spun around, the world was topsy-turvy insanity that could never be met with seriousness again, but above all, the world was a glorious, incredible, joyous place to live and Kurt was going to drink in every minute of it.

“Oh my god, Kurt,” Blaine gasped when he finally control his breath well enough to speak. He wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes and sniffled a little bit. “I was about to jump you right here, but Kurt, I just realized _the door is still open_.”

Kurt turned his head to look behind him, and in horror, he realized that it was true. This entire thing had happened with the front door wide open to the hallway of Blaine’s building. It was impossible to know how many people had walked past and seen them making out and laughing and crying together—probably not many, given that it was nearly midnight on a Sunday, but there was absolutely no way to tell. And if Rachel hadn’t called … they might have been half-naked and coming their brains out right there in full view of any passers-by.

He started cackling with laughter again, and the sound of it set Blaine off, too, the two of them leaning against each other with tears streaming down their faces, nearly hyperventilating as they tried to breathe through it.

“What. The fuck. Is wrong with us?” Kurt gasped between breaths.

Blaine just shook his head, snorting with laughter, still unable to direct air through his vocal chords.

It felt like hours, but they finally managed to pull themselves back together and get up from the floor. Slow, deep yoga breathing, Kurt directed himself silently. In and out. In and out. His side ached, maybe he had pulled a muscle. But a giggle escaped and he had to start the calming process all over again. Slow, deep breaths. In and out. Beside him, he heard Blaine doing the same thing, and he smiled.

“Come on, husband. Let’s go home.”

Blaine’s eyes shone with a joy Kurt had never seen before in his life. “Home,” he repeated. “Yes, husband, I would love to go home.”

\-------------------

If this was a fairy tale come to life, Kurt wondered, lowering Blaine onto the bed that was now theirs together, which role was he playing? Was he the brave and noble prince, come to rescue Blaine from the cold, lonely tower where he’d been locked away never to meet his true love? He leaned over Blaine, kissing his lips, a classic prince greeting his long-lost soulmate.

Or was he the princess, saved from the torture of his demons by the charming Prince Blaine’s love? Not content with the slow romance of his movements, Blaine pulled Kurt down to him, rolled their bodies over, and pressed Kurt down into the mattress with a hungry kiss, his tongue pressing in and owning him.

Love was anything but a fairy tale, he knew, and yet this felt like one. They’d saved no firsts for this moment. There was nothing they hadn’t done with each other, no emotion that they hadn’t felt for each other before. But even so, it felt magically new, as if he were discovering this unbelievably perfect man for the first time.

Why had it been so hard to accept this love? Why had he kept himself living in tortured imperfection for so long, when this glorious life had been available to him the whole time? He clutched it tight, held it close in his heart. He would never, ever let go of this, now that he had found it.

“Blaine,” he gasped out. “My love, my husband, my soulmate.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in soulmates,” Blaine teased.

Kurt looked up at him and offered every last drop of the love he held in his heart. “I believe in you.”

\-------------------

_February 5, 2024_

Could emotional calm be a substitute for physical rest? Blaine had slept only a few hours, but he felt completely refreshed. The fears that he had carried with him for so long—some of them for his entire adult life—had vanished in the blink of an eye, and in their absence he felt a peaceful stillness that was wonderful but quite foreign to him. Habitual worries fluttered around him like a breeze, and he wondered for a moment if last night had all been a dream. But no, Kurt’s arms were warm and solid around his body. They were together again. They were married. It was all true.

A grin spread across his face before he even opened his eyes, and when he did, he was greeted with the sight of Kurt watching him with an expression of wonder and awe.

“No regrets?” Blaine asked happily, already certain of the answer.

“Only that we didn’t do this sooner.” Kurt kissed him lightly, relaxed and content, not necessarily leading up to anything. There was no urgency, after all. They had the rest of their lives to spend together.

“Can I ask you something?” Blaine had so many questions about what was going on in Kurt’s mind, but one of them stood out in particular.

“Of course,” Kurt replied.

“You always said you couldn’t promise me forever. But … you did. I’m just wondering … I’m not sure exactly … what changed? What does it mean to you, that you said forever in the vow?”

Kurt let out a long breath, slow and thoughtful. “I think …” He paused, reaching out to tuck a lock of Blaine’s hair behind his ear, a comforting little touch. “There are things I can’t control, and there are things I can control. I can’t promise the results of anything. I can’t promise that our marriage will work, and I can’t even promise for certain that I’ll always love you, because I just don’t know the future. But I can always control the way I act, and what I put in to this relationship. So when I say that I choose you forever, what I mean is that every day of my life, no matter what, I will do everything I can to make sure this thing works between us. I will do everything I can to make you happy and to be the husband that you want and deserve. Is that … I hope that’s enough, because it’s the most that I can find a way to give you.”

He looked so worried, as if it were possible that Blaine could reject this heartfelt declaration as not being good enough. Kurt had come so very far since they’d met. His heart was open and he was willing and eager to share his life with Blaine, and he was so brave in the face of these lingering, ridiculous fears.

“I think,” Blaine said with a sly, teasing smile, “that your head hasn’t quite caught up to your heart.”

That threw Kurt for a loop. “What do you mean by that?” he asked, bewildered.

“What you said is … well, first of all, yes, it is more than enough, you do not need to worry about that at all.” He felt Kurt relax beside him. “But hon, it doesn’t make much sense. You promise that you’ll do everything to make our relationship work, even if we stop loving each other? What is the point in that? If we ever did stop loving each other—hypothetically, because that is never going to happen—why would you keep on putting in that effort for no benefit?”

“Because I promised to,” Kurt said simply.

Was that what had happened in Kurt’s marriage to Rachel? Had they stopped loving each other but continued working at saving their marriage nonetheless? Kurt talked about her so rarely … at least, aside from the logistics of their co-parenting situation. He almost never talked about what their marriage had been like, or how he felt about her now. But Blaine remembered the new song Kurt had chosen for Rachel’s ringtone, and how he’d taken the time to reassure her in the middle of everything that had gone on last night, and things didn’t quite seem to add up.

In any case, Kurt’s interpretation of his ‘forever’ promise explained so much about why he’d been reluctant to get married. If he felt that his commitment was binding regardless of how his feelings might change, it made sense that he wouldn’t want to make that commitment if he couldn’t be sure that his feelings were permanent. And after what had happened between him and Rachel, of course he would have trouble believing that any feelings could ever be permanent. It all began to make sense in Blaine’s mind, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

And … if Kurt _still_ wasn’t sure that he would love Blaine forever, but he was willing to make that lifelong commitment to him nonetheless … oh god, there was no greater gift one person could give to another.

His eyes clouded with tears. “You’re too good to me, Kurt. I love you so very much, words can’t even say, I love you, I will love you forever … and Kurt, I think you love me even more.”

“Shh, baby, I love you. You’ll never have to be alone again.”

Blaine might have started crying for real, except that Roo chose that moment to burst into the room.

“Daddy! It’s a school day! Is it time to wake up yet? I want to go see … Mr. Blaine! You’re here! Daddy, Mr. Blaine is here!”

“I noticed,” Kurt said wryly, rolling over onto his back.

Roo leapt onto the bed, squirreled his way between the two of them, and threw his arms around Blaine in a giant hug. Laughing, and extremely glad that Kurt had insisted that they both put on pajamas before falling asleep, Blaine hugged him back. “I missed you,” they both said at the same time.

“Jinx!” Roo added. He found his way under the blanket and cuddled in snug between them, his head resting on Blaine’s shoulder. Kurt turned on his side again, facing them, and threw his arm across Roo’s shoulder, hand resting on Blaine’s chest.

Blaine met Kurt’s gaze over the top of Roo’s head. Kurt was smiling indulgently, his eyes sparkling with joy. Blaine grinned back at him and breathed a deep, contented sigh. This was bliss. Absolute, heavenly, dream-come-true bliss.

“Never go away again, Mr. Blaine. Promise.”

“I promise, my little Roo.” He looked back at Kurt, and found not a trace of disapproval whatsoever. When he spoke again, it was for both of them. “I will be here with you always.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for waiting an extra week. I needed the extra time to make things perfect, because I discovered as I was writing it that this is the final chapter. I have some extra thank yous and comments that I'll post in the notes at the end, but before you read, please be aware that (1) Finn is discussed in this chapter, and (2) you really should click on the link to see the picture they're talking about in the last scene (and just imagine that the extra people's feet aren't there, okay?).

_February 14, 2024_

Being married was so simple. Kurt was surprised by it at every turn. There was almost no adjustment necessary on his part. Blaine was there, and he had come into Kurt’s life so easily and gradually that it seemed as if he had always been there.

Some details changed, of course. Blaine’s clothes filled half of their closet now, and some of his photos and art were arranged among Kurt’s throughout the apartment. His higher-quality stereo speakers had replaced Kurt’s, and a cedar chest from his apartment now lived at the foot of their bed. There was no second apartment to go to now, and each day began and ended with the two of them in each other’s arms.

The endless logistical questions that had worked Kurt into a tizzy resolved themselves with hardly a whisper of difficulty. It was as if they didn’t even exist, because the answers were so obvious and agreed upon whenever they arose. Bank accounts were combined, schedules remained the same as they had always been, and it turned out that Roo needed hardly any explanation of anything at all.

Things were so simple and natural, in fact, that Kurt sometimes entirely forgot that he’d gotten married. The fact of it would pop back into his mind every once in a while, and each time he remembered, his heart soared with joy.

This morning, though, he couldn’t possibly forget. This morning, on a Wednesday of all days, he and Blaine and Roo were all playing hooky and heading down to City Hall to get their marriage registered by a Justice of the Peace. He’d thought they would need to wait longer to get an appointment, but by some miracle there was a place open on the schedule for the morning of Valentine’s Day, and there was no way he could pass up such a romantic opportunity. Even if it wasn’t their actual wedding, just a pro forma governmental procedure for the marriage to be officially recognized, it was still nice to do it on this special day.

Their footsteps slowed as they approached the City Hall building. Kurt turned to his husband and smiled, then reached out to adjust his striped bow tie. Anyone else would have looked ridiculous in a bright yellow suit—and he was sure the same could be said about the turquoise one he was wearing—but it looked fabulous on Blaine. He was glad they’d decided to forego boring traditionality and were instead celebrating the joy they felt with a bold rainbow of color. It was unique and unforgettable, and that was just how he wanted his wedding to be, even if this ceremony was much smaller than what he’d always imagined. He’d done the big wedding thing once, though, with Rachel, and this time he felt that things should be much smaller and more personal. Blaine hadn’t wanted to invite any guests at all, and Carole had sent her regrets, which left only…

Rachel waved at them from the end of the block and walked quickly, with long strides, to catch up to them, dragging Aaron behind her. She was wearing dark sunglasses and a huge floppy hat, which were probably meant to hide her identity but were conspicuous enough to easily catch the attention of anyone who might happen to be walking by, especially when combined with the colorful outfits he and Blaine were wearing.

“Get inside,” Kurt hissed in Blaine’s ear. “Before she catches up, quick!” He grabbed Roo’s hand and made a mad dash up the steps of the building to the door.

Roo giggled uncontrollably the whole way. “Why are we running? Is Mommy ‘it’? Is this freeze tag or regular tag?”

“I just wanted to see how fast we could go up the stairs,” Kurt said, panting. It was unlikely that any paparazzi were hanging out at a local city hall in New Jersey, or that anyone would care about his marriage to Blaine, but you could never be too careful. The last thing he wanted was for his personal life to be plastered all over the tabloids again.

The door swung open and Blaine appeared, followed a moment later by Rachel and Aaron. “That wasn’t nice,” Rachel said, tucking her sunglasses into her purse. “You invited me to this thing, and now you’re running away?”

“Just avoiding  the paps, Rachel,” Kurt said. He stepped forward and hugged her. “It’s really good to see you again. Though for the record, I didn’t invite you. You insisted on coming, and I reluctantly agreed that it was okay.”

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away,” she teased. “Besides, even if it’s not a real honeymoon, you shouldn’t have to spend your wedding night with a kid in the house.”

“Hey!” Roo objected.

Rachel scooped him up in a huge hug. “We are going to have a pajama party,” she told him. “We’ll have ice cream and pizza, and you can stay up as late as you want. And then after that, you get to sleep in a big, giant hotel bed all by yourself!”

Kurt had to say, he definitely appreciated this ‘wedding present’ Rachel had arranged for him. Even if they had managed perfectly well without it after their actual wedding.

Setting Roo down, Rachel turned to Blaine and hugged him, too. “It is so great to finally meet you in person, Blaine! I am so happy for you and Kurt. Really, I want you to know, I am beyond thrilled that Kurt found you and that you’re such an amazing and wonderful person. You’re just absolutely everything I’ve ever wanted for him. And don’t worry now—Kurt hasn’t been telling me all your secrets, I promise. I just know you must be wonderful because Kurt is such a special person that all his soulmates must be special, too. Right, Kurt?”

Blaine looked hopelessly bewildered. Kurt was used to dealing with Rachel’s dizzying array of emotional outbursts, but Blaine was pretty much new to this.

Aaron laughed, interrupting Kurt’s chance at reassuring Blaine. “Go easy on him, Rachel. It’s his wedding day.”

“It’s great to meet you, too,” Blaine managed, his unfailing politeness returning to him once he’d had a chance to catch his breath. “It means so much to us that you wanted to be here for our wedding. Really, it’s very kind of you to come all this way. And you as well, Aaron.” He held out his hand and shook Aaron’s in a friendly greeting.

“I’m pleased to meet you as well,” Kurt said, shaking Aaron’s hand, too. Then he remembered that they had technically met before. In extremely compromising circumstances. He felt a hot blush rising in his cheeks, despite the fact that Aaron was the one who should be embarrassed, not him. “Um. I mean, again. And, um, no hard feelings. I mean … shit.”

“Let’s just say that the situation has worked out to everyone’s benefit,” Rachel said, rescuing all of them from what could have been a tremendously awkward moment.

“Agreed,” the three men said in unison.

“What are we even talking about?” Roo piped up. “Who’s It now? I can’t tell after all that handshaking you guys did.”

“Tag is over, hon,” Kurt said, grateful for the save. “It’s almost time for us to go in and do the wedding ceremony.”

“I thought you gotted married already.”

“We did, but this is just so everything is official for like taxes and stuff.”

“What’s taxes?”

“That’s when the government comes and takes some of your hard-earned money to spend on things _they_ decide are important.”

“Kurt…” Rachel said in a warning tone.

“Sorry, my dad’s time in Congress turned me into something of a cynic.”

“Hummel-Anderson?” a clerk called out.

“Right! That’s us!” Kurt breathed a sigh of relief as their group was ushered into what looked like a small conference room.

An elderly man wearing a dark suit and an annoyed scowl on his face was seated at the head of the large table, with a much younger man shuffling many stacks of paperwork beside him.

The elderly man looked up as they entered the room. “My clerk, Clark, tells me this isn’t even a real wedding,” he barked out in their general direction. “Bothering me for a romantic Valentine’s Day ceremony when you’re already married? Pesky kids, who do you even think you are? I’ll tell you who you are. Couple-a hormonal teenagers, can’t even wait to get married properly in front of witnesses like civilized people, that’s who. Back in my day, people did things right. What’s this world coming to, Clark the Clerk? What is it even coming to.”

“I don’t know, Your Honor,” Clark the Clerk mumbled absentmindedly, paying little attention to the older man. He pulled a folder out from near the bottom of the stack he was combing through.

“You there. Pesky teenagers. What are your names?”

This was not what Kurt had expected in the least. “Um, I’m Kurt Hummel, and I’m thirty years old.”

“Thirty, thirteen, doesn’t make much difference when you’re a hundred and seventy like me.”

“Dad, is that man really a hundred and seventy years old?” Roo asked, wide-eyed.

“No, honey, he’s not really. People don’t live that long.”

The Justice of the Peace squinted through his bifocals. “I may be a hundred and seventy years old and nearly blind as a bat, but my hearing is perfect. So please do tell me how a pesky teenager like you, with a same-sex soulmate, has a small child calling you Dad. No, wait. On second thought, don’t explain it. I don’t want to know.”

“Daddy, I don’t like this man,” Roo whispered.

“That’s all right, pesky teenager’s child. I find that when people don’t like me, life is much simpler. Now. Shall we get on with it? I have a long line of annoying lovebirds waiting to get married after this farce of a brou-ha-ha you two are putting me through. Is the paperwork all in order?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” Clark the Clerk said, handing the folder to the Justice of the Peace. “They also provided the optional Non-Bonded Soulmate form as extra proof, notarized and signed by one Tina Cohen-Chang, who states that Blaine Anderson’s name faded from her arm sometime during the night of February fourth through fifth of this year.”

“And I have one too,” Rachel piped up, fishing a paper out of her purse. “I didn’t have time to get it notarized in advance, but they said if I signed it here in front of you, Your Honor, it would be valid.”

“Wasting my time…” the Justice of the Peace mumbled.

Clark the Clerk took the form from her and looked it over.  “Rachel Berry certifies that Kurt Hummel’s name faded from her arm around eleven pm eastern time on February 4 of this year. Is this correct, Ms. Berry?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Sign here.” Rachel took the pen and signed with a flourish, drawing her signature star after it. The Justice of the Peace rolled his eyes.

The whole thing was so formal and cold. Kurt was beginning to regret not going with a more personal, intimate ceremony. They could have chosen an officiant who was enthusiastic and cheerful, invited some more of their family and friends … He sighed. There was no use. They just needed to get this done.

None of the ridiculousness around them could stop the beauty of the moment, though. He and Blaine clasped each other’s hands just as they had done a week and a half ago, and repeated their vows in front of their official witnesses. No physical change happened this time, since they were already bonded. But their signatures on the marriage certificate were just as valid as in any other marriage, and the happy tears in Rachel’s eyes meant far more to him than he would have guessed.

He and Blaine walked hand in hand out of the conference room when they were done, Roo hopping excitedly behind them, seemingly tripping over everyone’s heels at once.

“Well, that was certainly a thing to remember,” Blaine said, more than a hint of amusement in his voice.

“I can’t believe we managed to have _two_ completely absurd weddings,” Kurt said, laughing. “First in the middle of the night in the hallway of your apartment building, and now this grumpy old Justice of the Peace … oh my god.”

“I guess that explains why there was a timeslot available on Valentine’s day,” Aaron piped up. “He must have quite the reputation.”

“I think it’s a good sign,” Rachel said. “None of the official stuff matters, and you both know it. What matters is what’s in your hearts.”

Kurt looked over at Blaine, who gazed back at him with exaggerated, ridiculous heart-eyes. It was all he could do to keep from cracking up completely. He kissed Blaine instead, a light peck on the lips. There would be more later, he knew, in an entirely different mood.

Aaron clapped them both on the shoulders from behind. “Come on, gentlemen. Rachel and I are treating you to lunch before we abscond with the child.”

“What does ‘abscond’ mean?” Roo asked.

“We’re stealing you away, little man,” Aaron said, his eyes sparkling. “For an afternoon of skipping school and having all the fun in the world.”

“We are such bad influences,” Rachel laughed.

“We’re the fun ones. Kurt and Blaine have to do all the work.”

“Hush, don’t give him any ideas!” Kurt joked.

“I am so confused,” Roo announced. “Could someone _please_ explain what you’re talking about me?”

Rachel took the little boy’s hand and swung their arms back and forth as they walked together. “We’re just being silly, Roo, because we’re all having a happy day. Don’t pay the grown-ups any attention at all.”

Sometimes the simple explanations for children are the best ones, Kurt thought. It certainly was a happy day. He smiled at Blaine and they began to swing their arms too, forward and back, just as Rachel and Roo were doing. Aaron took Roo’s other hand and he and Rachel swung him up into the air, squealing with joy.

A happy day, indeed. Kurt couldn’t think of anything at all that could improve on it.

\-------------------

_February 23, 2024_

Light flakes of snow were falling in the dark night outside, but inside, the wine bar and coffee shop was filled with warmth and light and music. Blaine fiddled with the tuning pegs on his guitar, keeping silent until his turn on the stage. It would be his first public performance since college, and to say he was nervous would be an understatement. It took all of his will power to prevent himself from walking right out the door and abandoning this whole enterprise.

He took a sip of his ice water, drawing his focus to the sharp coldness of it in his throat. He hadn’t been able to make up his mind between the adrenaline rush that espresso would provide and the calming power of red wine, so he’d gone with just plain water, answering the barista’s grimace with an apologetic five-dollar bill in the tip jar.

The girl singing now couldn’t be older than twenty. She was dressed in black leggings and a loose black tunic with flowing sleeves, bedecked in silver jewelry. Her makeup was dark and sharp, but her long, shiny blonde hair was natural and gave her a streak of innocent sweetness in contrast. Her reedy voice would have been at home with folk songs, but she was forcing it into an angry tone that didn’t play to her strengths. Blaine tried to listen politely, but he was consumed with his own fears and kept losing track of the lyrics. He looked around the room at the other patrons in the shop. About a dozen people were seated in front of the stage, listening attentively. Others were at tables around the edges of the room, chatting quietly with friends and glancing only occasionally at the performances.

He could hardly have chosen a more laid-back venue for his first public performance. He’d just walked in and signed up for the open mic performance list. Nobody had come here to see him in particular. Nobody but Kurt knew he was here at all, and no matter how much he’d begged, Blaine had flatly refused to let him come along. There was no way he would be able to make it through a performance with Kurt’s eyes on him. He had to be anonymous here, for now, when he was just starting out.

Anyway, none of the singers here were of professional quality, though they were generally pleasant to listen to. It wasn’t a terribly high standard to live up to. Blaine was sure he would do fine. At least, the rational part of his brain told him so. His fight-or-flight reflex was a different matter. But he thought of Kurt’s eyes shining bright with excitement and faith in him, and Kurt’s strength and certainty when he hugged him at the door to their apartment before he drove out here an hour ago, and he knew that he could do this.

The girl in black finished her song and gave a tearful ‘thank you’ in answer to the light applause before stepping off the slightly raised stage. The host pointed to Blaine. “You’re up next. Guitar? You need a chair?”

The two of them hastily rearranged the setup together, dragging a chair to center stage and lowering the microphone to a seated level. Blaine took a moment to tune his guitar properly and then cleared his throat. “Hi everyone,” he said with a shy, awkward wave. “My name’s Blaine and … I’ve never done this before, so please be kind. No heckling, okay?” The audience tittered with polite laughter.

Blaine looked down at the guitar in his hands. It was comforting and familiar even if the stage, the venue, and the audience weren’t. He played a chord, then another, and eased into his first song.

The arrangements were different than what he’d recorded on his sample tape in the studio. Everything here had to be acoustic and set for a single musician, himself singing and playing the guitar. So things were simpler, more honest and raw than he was used to. The hours of playback were reduced to a single live voice, roughness and mistakes and all, but suffused with more emotion than was possible in a recording.

The audience … seemed to be liking it. He tried not to pay too much attention to their reactions while he was singing, but when he looked out at them after his first song, he saw that most of them were staring in rapt attention. He went into his second song with a little more confidence, losing himself in the lyrics again, and then adjusted the tuning of his guitar and went right into the third.

Performing can feel something like a trance, sometimes, and so it was for Blaine when he lost himself in his music. He relived the emotions and experiences as he sang them until it seemed that he _became_ the music, and the coffee shop blurred and disappeared around him. He sang of loneliness, of being lost, and of finding himself in his soulmates eyes for the first time. He sang of despair and of comfort and of joy. If he had the time, he thought, perhaps he could sing his whole life in one song after another.

The final note of his third song faded away, and with the sound of the applause, Blaine was almost surprised to find himself still seated on that stage. He had the attention of everyone, even those at the farthest-back tables, and all of them were clapping. A girl seated all the way at one end of the first row wiped a tear from her eye, and when he sent a sympathetic smile her way, she put a hand over her heart and smiled back.

“Thank you all for listening,” Blaine said, still a little bit dazed as he stood up to leave the stage.

“That was amazing, man,” the host said as he stepped down, clapping Blaine on the back. “Was that seriously your first time performing? You should go pro. People will be lining up to buy tickets.”

Blaine felt himself blushing, suddenly self-conscious even though that had been his wish and his plan for so long. He put his guitar away and stayed to watch a few more singers perform, because it was the polite thing to do, but all he wanted was to run back home and tell Kurt how well everything had gone.

The apartment was quiet when he returned, with Roo asleep and Kurt already in bed, reading a book while waiting for him to come home. It made Blaine smile to see Kurt so relaxed, wearing an old t-shirt he’d never be caught dead wearing in public, with a pair of reading glasses unfashionably balanced on his nose.

Kurt grinned broadly, setting his book on the bedside table. “Is this your triumphant return? Please tell me it is.”

“It is,” Blaine admitted, unable to prevent himself from grinning in return. “It was amazing, Kurt, I couldn’t believe it but everyone … it looked like everyone loved it. I can’t believe I played my own music in front of other people and they loved it. Is this the real world?”

“Last I checked, husband, this is the real world.” Kurt knew how much he loved to be teasingly called ‘husband,’ reminding him of everything wonderful that existed between them. “And next time, I am definitely coming with you. You can’t keep me away forever.”

“I think … I think I’d like that.” Blaine lay down on the bed beside him, still fully dressed, and cuddled in to Kurt’s arms.

It was blissful, being married. In some ways, nothing had changed. Their daily lives, their feelings for each other, and the way they interacted was almost exactly the same as it had been before they were married. But the feeling of it was completely different, at least for Blaine. He felt secure in a way that he never had before. There was a strength and a pride that had come with being successful in his life alone. But now there was a sense of safety that made Blaine feel he could stretch his wings and take risks for the first time. Because he knew that if he ever fell, Kurt would be there to catch him.

“I love you,” Blaine whispered into his husband’s ear.

“I love you, too,” Kurt whispered back.

\-------------------

_March 15, 2024_

It had been more than a month, but still Kurt had moments when he could not believe how wonderful his life was now. He looked around the dinner table at his husband and son, their table full of home-cooked food, and their richly decorated apartment, and breathed a sigh of contentment. Everything was as it should be.

There had been times in his life before when he’d been reasonably happy. Growing up in Ohio, most of the time, when the bullying wasn’t too bad and he and his father were close. The early years of his marriage to Rachel, when the grief over Finn’s loss had begun to fade and they had all of New York at their fingertips. The beginning of his relationship with Blaine, too, when things were new and sparkly and he’d foolishly thought he didn’t want things to become too serious.

But there had been nothing like this deep contentment in his life ever before, and he was so tremendously grateful for it that sometimes he couldn’t even breathe. There was more to look forward to in the future, as well—his spring fashion line was almost ready to go up on Etsy, Blaine’s sample tape had been sent out to music producers, and the three of them were talking about the possibility of moving to a bigger apartment or maybe even a house.

“I don’t think we need more space,” Blaine said, bringing Kurt out of his reverie and back to the discussion. “We fit perfectly well in a two-bedroom home, and it’s not like either of us has tons of people who want to visit and stay with us all the time. But it would be nicer to have something a bit more upscale, since we can afford it. There are some really nice apartment buildings within walking distance of the school, which would also save on gas money and time.”

Combining their finances had created a surprising amount of room in their family budget. They weren’t wasting money on a second apartment for Blaine, first of all, and Roo was now getting a sixty percent tuition deduction for being the son of a teacher. That meant the child support money from Rachel went a lot farther in their budget—clothes, toys, food, health insurance, and all the other ways that kids end up costing a fortune. As an actor, Kurt’s income had never been predictable or regular, and Blaine’s bi-weekly paychecks were a huge stress-reliever even though it was a fairly small dollar amount. Taking the overall picture together, things were just much cheaper and easier with the two of them together than they were separately.

“What’s the difference between space like in rooms and space like outer space?” Roo asked, moving mashed potatoes around on his plate.

Kurt fumbled for an answer. Roo’s questions were surprisingly difficult to answer accurately these days. “Space means like empty places, so if you have bigger rooms there’s more space to put your things in. And in outer space, there’s lots of empty places between the planets, so that’s why it’s called space.” Kurt glanced at Blaine to see if he’d answered correctly, but Blaine just shrugged. Teachers didn’t know everything, apparently.

“Walking distance to school would be nice for you two,” Kurt said, turning back to the previous discussion. “But I don’t know, having a house is somehow very appealing. A little yard, we could learn how to garden, maybe a separate playroom so Roo’s toys aren’t all over the living room …”

“I need a dungeon room,” Roo announced.

Kurt looked at him, unsure of how to respond to this.

“I will keep all the bad guys there, and monsters, and pirates, and space aliens because if we have a house with lots of space there might be aliens in the space. And then I will lock them up in the dungeon jail and I will fight them with my swords!” He glanced defiantly at Blaine, probably wondering whether the school rules against violent fighting games would be enforced at home.

“Hmm,” Blaine said.

Kurt’s phone rang, the basic ringtone for unidentified calls, but he ignored it. They tried not to interrupt dinner, and if it was important, they could leave a message.

“There won’t be any bad guys in our house, Roo,” Kurt reassured him. “But a room for your toys might be nice. A special room just for playing in? And our own backyard, so you could play outside without having to go out to the park?”

“But who would I play with in the backyard all by myself?”

“That’s a good point,” Kurt said. “Me and Blaine, I guess. And the neighbor kids.”

There was no reason they had to decide this right now. The lease on their apartment didn’t run out until July, and they could continue on a shorter lease term if they wanted to, so the discussion had been taking meandering turns for the past few weeks and would probably continue to do so for some time. Kurt was just happy to be discussing it, because everything about planning his future with Blaine and Roo made him happy.

After they finished eating, Roo dragged Blaine off to a newly-invented game of “zombies vs. space alien pirate dogs,” and Kurt  was left alone to clear the dishes and ponder whether Roo’s new interest in violent play was age-appropriate or problematic. As long as he wasn’t actually violent, Kurt supposed it was probably okay. But this seemed like a new phase of development, which meant it was time to get out the parenting books again and start formulating a strategy. Hadn’t he heard somewhere that five and a half was a difficult age to deal with? Who had told him that? Tina and Mike? One of the other parents at school? He couldn’t remember.

He picked up his phone after he set down the first batch of dishes on the kitchen counter and looked at the missed call notification. It was Dahlia Grove, and she’d left a message. He hadn’t been expecting to hear from her. He wondered if there was a problem with post-production. Maybe they needed him to re-record some audio. He hoped he didn’t have to fly back to Los Angeles for it, that would be a hassle.

The recording of Dahlia’s overly excited voice screeched into his ear. “Kurt! Fantastic news! I wish I could tell you this in person and hear your reaction, but I’m about to get on a plane for Cabo and I don’t want to make you wait until tomorrow to hear this. You’ll never believe it! NBC picked up Sixth! They’ve ordered thirteen episodes and they’re super enthusiastic about it, so I think it’s very likely that we’ll end up with a full twenty-two episode season when all is said and done. You’re going to be a star, Kurt! Filming will start sometime in early June, so you need to get your butt in gear and move out here before then. I cannot wait to talk to you! You can try to catch me in my lounge chair on the beach tomorrow, or wait until I’m back in the office on Monday, but we have _so_ much to talk about! Love you, love working with you, DO NOT CLOSE THE BOARDING DOOR I AM RIGHT HERE FOR GOD’S SAKE, HERE IS MY TICKET YOU INCOMPETENT NINCOMPOOP, okay, bye Kurt, mwah, and congratulations!”

The phone fell from Kurt’s hands and clattered on the floor. Horror and shock coursed through his head, and he stood there in the kitchen, shaking. This was a disaster. It was the end of everything, and what’s worse, he’d been completely blindsided by it. He’d never seen it coming, never expected that anyone would want to put this show on the air, never thought that it would be any more of an obligation on his time than it already had been.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t move to Los Angeles. He was a married man now, and there was no way he could pull up roots and move all the way across the country. It was impossible to even consider. Which meant he would have to back out of the show, and that meant breaking his contract, and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what kind of penalties there would be for that. They’d take all his money, of course … and maybe Blaine’s too, since they were married and it was joint property, oh god. He’d probably get blacklisted from ever working as an actor again. His agent would drop him, and he’d … what would he do? Expand his clothing business, maybe? But if he owned a business, Dahlia and NBC could probably take all the profits from that, too. He’d be impoverished and unemployed forever, and he was dragging Blaine and Roo down into this hell with him. He was a horrible person who made stupid, stupid mistakes and shouldn’t be allowed to be responsible for other people at all. Marriage was not simple, he’d been deceiving himself. Marriage was complicated and torturous and awful.

“Kurt, what is the matter? Did someone die?” Blaine’s arms were around him, somehow, and usually that made everything feel so much better, but this time it didn’t. Because Kurt knew that his very existence was about to become a burden to Blaine.

“NBC picked up Sixth,” he managed to say, mumbling and staring at the ground. “They want me to move to L.A. I’m so fucked. We are all so fucked.”

“But … that’s great news, Kurt. I don’t understand …”

“Because I can’t do it! I can’t ask you to uproot your life and move to L.A. You have a job and a career and a whole life here, and I can’t ask you to go, and I can’t leave you, and I’m just completely and totally screwed.”

“But Kurt …” Blaine’s voice was so soft and gentle. “Of course I’ll go with you. I always thought … from the first time you brought up the idea of the show, I always just assumed that if it became a reality, we’d move to Los Angeles together. Is that not … did you not …?”

“We weren’t even married then.” Kurt looked up at him, wide-eyed.

“I always would have followed you, marriage or not. I will happily move to Los Angeles with you now.”

Had Blaine been so committed to him even then, all those months ago? But no, Blaine had always been willing to sacrifice his own happiness to be with Kurt, and Kurt couldn’t let that become their way of interacting again. That wasn’t what he wanted for their marriage.

Kurt shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that. Your _job_ … you’ve worked so hard to build a career for yourself at that school …”

“I’m … Kurt, that’s not where my heart is anymore. Not even the career part of my heart. I enjoy it, it’s a nice place to be, but … my dreams are with my music career now. And I can do that in Los Angeles just as easily as here. Maybe more easily. Anyway, in the meantime, there are plenty of Montessori schools in California. I’m sure I can find one to hire me. There is no reason for me to stay here. This is your opportunity, and you’re going to seize it, and I will be thrilled to support you in every single way.”

“You … I …” Blaine was a constant amazement to Kurt. He always had this certainty about the way things should be between the two of them, while Kurt was constantly struggling to grasp these concepts that came so easily to Blaine. But he was right. The initial panic was subsiding, and he was beginning to see that his fears had no foundation at all.

“You’re going to be a star, Kurt Hummel. Beyond your wildest dreams. And I’m going to be right there beside you.”

“You’ll be a star too, love, once those songs take off.”

Roo swooped into the kitchen, out of nowhere. “Oh no! Space alien pirate zombies turned Dad and Dad into stars! Now you are burning up and lighting all the planets! Zap! Boom! Woosh! But only in the daytimes, because at night the sun turns into stars and there are lots and lots of them and they are very little.”

“We really need to work on his science education.”

\-------------------

_May 31, 2024_

Blaine looked around the kitchen with a satisfied sigh. Everything was in boxes except for a small stack of paper plates and plastic utensils on the counter, which they would use for dinner tonight and breakfast tomorrow before the movers came. The apartment had only been his home for a short time, but as he prepared to leave, he was he was hit by a wave of nostalgia for this place where his life had gone through so much change.

He was excited about Los Angeles, though. They were renting a cute little house, not far from Rachel and Aaron’s but in a much more modest neighborhood. They’d found an excellent Montessori school for Roo to attend, and that school plus several others had scheduled interviews with Blaine in response to the resumes he’d sent out. Kurt had been back and forth to California several times on pre-production business for Sixth, and even though he would be working all kinds of crazy hours once they moved out there, they were both relieved that at least he would be home every night again instead of flying cross-country every other week.

Blaine looked around for another task that needed to be done, and realized that Kurt had been missing for quite a while. He’d gone to clear out the miscellaneous items from the back of the bedroom closet, but that shouldn’t have taken as long as the kitchen. Blaine headed down the hall and peeked into Roo’s room. Roo was alone in there, carefully arranging and rearranging his stuffed animals in a box, talking quietly to them about the huge truck they would ride to California in. Blaine tiptoed past and went into the master bedroom.

Kurt was sitting on the floor just outside the closet, staring at a scrapbook that Blaine had never seen before. He looked up when Blaine entered the room, his eyes red-rimmed but a smile on his lips.

“I will love you forever,” Kurt said.

Blaine’s heart fluttered at these words, more for Kurt’s new revelation than for any assurance he had needed himself. He padded across the carpet and sat on the floor beside his husband. “I know that. But what made you finally realize it now?”

Kurt looked back at the scrapbook, and Blaine followed his gaze to the page that was open there. [It was a picture of Kurt, Rachel, and another man he didn’t recognize.](http://nadiacreek.tumblr.com/post/91314751635) Or perhaps he should say boy, not man. All three of them looked almost comically young, compared to the Kurt and Rachel he knew today. It must have been taken when they were teenagers. The three of them were posed in a lounging position on the ground, all of them leaning on each other and laughing happily. Blaine didn’t understand how this picture could have made Kurt think of his love for Blaine, but somehow it must have.

“I don’t know if you’re going to like the answer to that question.” Kurt looked up at Blaine again, his eyes pleading and scared.

Blaine took Kurt’s hand, squeezing it gently. “I will always love you. No matter what. And you will always love me. Whatever it is, I think we’re going to make it through.”

Kurt took a deep breath, and then spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully. “I’ve spent the whole past year trying to stop loving Rachel. I wanted to be done with her. I thought that I needed to get her out of my life, out of my heart, so that I could start over again with you. But that’s not how it works. It’s not possible. She is part of who I am, and she always will be.”

Blaine nodded slowly, encouraging Kurt to go on.

“I realized that I will always love her. And that means … that means I didn’t break my promise to her. She is my soulmate forever. And so are you.”

Blaine needed a moment to process this. He began to get nervous. “What are you saying, exactly?”

“This picture.” Kurt pointed to the scrapbook. “I haven’t looked at it in years and years, but it’s … this is how it’s supposed to be.”

Blaine nearly froze with the fear that Kurt was proposing an open relationship. “I don’t understand. Who is that with you and Rachel?”

“That’s Finn. My stepbrother.”

“Rachel’s soulmate…” The pieces were still all jumbled in Blaine’s head.

“He always understood,” Kurt said, his voice thick with grief. “Most people would have been jealous of their soulmate being so close to another soulmate, especially before they were married, but Finn never was. He knew … he knew that what Rachel and I had was so important to us, but that it wasn’t supposed to be a marriage. If he’d lived, it would have always been … it wouldn’t have been complicated the way it is now, but no matter what, Rachel and I were always going to be part of each other’s lives.”

“What do you want with her? You and Rachel … what is it supposed to be?” Blaine tried desperately to prevent his imagination from running away with him.

“Just exactly what we have now,” Kurt said. “Friends … the closest friends … shared parenting … nothing more. I just need to accept … I finally am accepting … that I love her, and that I always have, and I always will. For a little while I misinterpreted it as a different kind of love, but that was the only mistake. Loving her in the first place wasn’t.”

“You don’t want to … be with her?”

Kurt’s eyes lost their faraway cast, and he looked at Blaine with a new awareness. “Oh no, Blaine, no, of course not. My life is with you, now and forever. You’re my soulmate and the love of my life. You’re the one I am meant to be with, and the one I choose, for now and always.”

“So … nothing changes,” Blaine said slowly. His pulse began to return to its normal rate.

Kurt smiled, reassurance mixed with wry amusement dancing at the corners of his mouth. “Everything changes, Blaine. All the time. We never stop growing. We never stop the process of becoming who we are.”

“And who are we?” The question was almost rhetorical, surely unanswerable except through the experience of living it. But Blaine’s heart soared with the endless possibilities. Whoever he was, whoever Kurt was, whatever came next—it couldn’t possibly be known, but it didn’t matter. Their lives were inextricably bound together, and whoever they became in the future, each day they spent together could only make them more in love and more perfect for each other.

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand, and his eyes shone with joy and certainty.

“We are soulmates.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many people to thank. This has been a labor of love, and at this point I have been working on it for a little more than a year. I could not have done it without the incredible help of klaineandbiscuits, who beta-read each chapter of this story even as she was going through all kinds of upheaval in her own life. I’d also like to thank luckyjak, innypocket, and the-multicorn, who commented on some of the drafts of early chapters and helped encourage me before I started publishing, and damnpene who got into long discussions about the concept of soulmates with me as the story was going on, and was then pressed into labor as an extra beta-reader for the final chapter. And of course, thank you to hopelesslydevotedgleek for the awesome cover art, and to thisdoesnotsuck for letting me use one of her previously-existing drawings in chapter two. Most importantly, thank you to all of you readers who have been along for the ride, chapter by chapter, and who have given me motivation and encouragement through all your lovely comments. I love you all, thank you so much for being here with me.
> 
> If you loved this story, please share it! There is a Tumblr post to reblog here: http://nadiacreek.tumblr.com/post/101261719705/catalysis-complete
> 
> I'm going to miss playing in this little world I've created, so if you have any questions or comments about the story or the universe or really anything, please do come and ask me, either here or on my tumblr, nadiacreek.tumblr.com. Thanks again!


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